Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I don't wanna grow up and you can't make me!!

stomps foot petulantly

Spousehole and I were riding in the mommyvan one evening and he had a paperback book that he was reading sitting on the dash in front of him. He took a corner at such an angle and speed that the book spun across the dash to the passenger side and slid gracefully into my lap. It was almost elegant, the way it moved. I said, doing my best little kid imitation “Ooooo - that was way cool! Do it again! Do it again!” punctuated with a little clap.

Spousehole, who had seemed to be in a good mood (for him) up to this point, was not amused.

“You are 40 years old now! When are you going to grow up?” I was shocked. Not by what he said, but that he had changed it from “You're somebody's mother now! When are you going to grow up?” which I've heard regularly for the last 7 years. Once again, I was reduced to explaining that it was just a goof, me trying to be funny, make light of a silly situation, and on and on.

Apparently, as Spousehole sees it, 40-year-old parents are to be “grown-ups” and are not allowed to have fun. Joking, laughing, lightening a mood – all for the immature and child-free. And God forbid I make a double entendre or any other statement that might be construed as risque. Definite evidence right there of my immaturity and lack of fitness to be a parent.

“Why do you have to be so bloody serious all the time?” I respond when Spousehole is intent on quashing my fun. “Life is serious and responsible adults are serious” is his reply.

Fuck that. An occasional joke, some well-placed laughter, a goofy exchange – none of these preclude my being a responsible parent and adult. It's not as though I'm constantly making jokes to avoid my responsibilities or duck out on my duties. Is it so wrong to want to raise my children in a home with laughter and happiness instead of doom and gloom? So long as the kids are clean, fed, and not dead, would it be so bad if they were also happy and relaxed? And Mom too? (He also thinks my playing with the children is a waste of my time. That's a whole other post right there.)

Ironically, one of the things that supposedly made Spousehole interested in me, way back when, was my sense of humor, my ability to keep the mood in my department light in spite of the fact that we dealt with extremely unhappy people all day (our governmental unit enforced child support and visitation orders in divorce, paternity, and neglect/abuse cases). I made him laugh and he liked that. Now it's just something else he wants to extinguish in me. Except when we're out with friends or at a dinner party or with his family or something - then my humor and wit are prized qualities once again.

I'd like your thoughts.

Do you have to give up humor to be a grown-up?


sandy shoes said...

Of course you don't have to give up humor to be a grown-up. Spousehole has a pole up his ass.

A pole with spikes.

A rotating pole with spikes.

D said...

i sure hope not. i have a warped sense of humor. sometimes it warps to the funny, light hearted side. sometimes to the dark side. but it is part of who i am. even my kids accept it. in fact, my 7-year old asked me the other if i was feeling ok. i asked why she thought i wasn't feeling well and she replied "because you haven't tried to be funny all day". from the mouths of babes. and then there are the things that come from other parts of "grown ups".

you keep your sense of humor and don't let anyone take it away.

Trueself said...

OMG, if I had to give up humor to be a grown up I'd just as soon not be a grown up! I mean, you have to know when to be serious and when it's okay to poke fun or make a joke, but to be serious all the time? That is just wrong on so many levels.

Truly I do not know how you stand to stay with Spousehole. I really don't.

Sue said...

No. You do not have to give up humor to be an adult.

And OMG, I so hate that shit. Really. I think even worse sometimes is that he can joke and mess around with me, yet I cannot.

For instance, the phone. He was on the phone with his mom last night (3rd time they called since Friday, but I refused to answer the phone...his parents, his call, he also refused to answer...long story).

Anyhow, he was on the phone and Alex (my oldest) was talking to me in the kitchen. Paul went dashing into our bedroom and slammed the door, but not before giving me that face. You know, the one that says, "Shut the fuck up!"

Now, just a month ago I was on the phone with my mom while cooking dinner. He just kept talking TO ME and interrupting the call. Yep. Standing 2 feet away, clearly seeing I'm on the phone and asking me questions, putting his hand directly where I was cutting veggies, etc.

What? Was he taunting me? I actually did end up telling him that I had a knife and to go away.

He didn't.

But could you imagine if I'd have done the same thing to him?

Anonymous said...

I think you need humor to be a human, and you need much more humor to be a parent.

But, as an old friend of mine used to say, "Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck."


Anonymous said... must have humor.

Especially playful humor between spouses about sex.

When it comes to serious things, yes, but you still have to have fun.

ATLLG said...

wow this dude wouldn't last one day with me....I'm definately still a kid and due to sports and aquatics I'm around them all the time. They help keep ME younger than post of my peers my age I think. Some people are just made to grow old and alone I suppose.
Not me. Gotta go get the bike ready for the next ride.

George said...

I think if you were to be an adult you should give up spousehole ... that way you can smile, laugh and goof off anytime you want to.

Does he ever, actually, smile?

He a bloody hypocrite don't you think? Where was I when you and Sue were looking?

Vixen said...

Fuck that is RIGHT. That is ridiculous!

Just bc you are parents, does not mean you are not people as well. Adults who laugh and joke and try to make light of situations.... Adults who have FUN.

AND I think children who have parents that participate in that type of 'fun' are much more rounded, healthy children.

Spousehole depresses me and I only read about him. HE is the one in the wrong on this. He is taking life *much* too seriously and I think he is missing out. Boo on him. Bunny you keep right up being the fun-hearted person you are!

TUG said...

Hell no! Don't ever give it up. You stay true to who you hear me?

To be honest, I sometimes snap at my Other for stupid things. I think it has to do with the situation I'm in, about how I feel...ya know? There really isn't a need for it and I feel bad afterwards.

Chelle said...

OMGGGGG you have NO idea ow much this sounds like what I live with!! I'm a lot like to laugh and be goofy and just generally have fun. He is mr. serious. Yep...funny how the things that he sooo loved in me when we met and got married are the things he calls immature and embarrassing in me now. I know how you feel girl. I so do. :(

Dates Bubbas said...

Absolutely not!! Where the Flip did he get that idea? Are his parents sticks in the mud? Do they not play with your kids at all? Spousehole needs to get over himself already.

wisdomstuff said...

Holy crap, he'd HATE me. I am constantly told how "fun" I am and I don't think you can be fun if you have no humor. I survive by humor.

Enyo said...

You want to know something really weird? (I'll tell ya anyways...and if you don't want to know...don't read on...) I am kinda...sorta....seeing the other side of the coin on this one. When I first met my ex...I adored how he could make me laugh...I love to laugh...I think it's so important in a relationship and in life...but at some point along the way I grew increasingly annoyed with him for his humor...he could do something and it would piss me off and annoy me to no end. I just couldn't take any situation lightly when he was around (and honestly I still can't when I'm around him). That's not to say you shouldn't maintain your sense of humor and your positive outlook...for _me_ it was a sign that our relationship was beyond over and I just needed to wake up and smell the coffee (which I really wish I'd done earlier).

Real Live Lesbian said...

I grew up in that no-fun house. Tell 'em the kids will grow up queer. Happened to me.

My best friend's house was totally fun all the time. I would have ditched my parental units in a heartbeat to go live there!

Freddy said...

Growing old is compulsory

growing up is optional

terry said...

i guess i still don't really consider myself a grown-up. i still think farts are funny.

no humor?? no point in living, i say!

Lady in red said...

don't ever give up your sense of humour

as freddy says growing old is compulsory but growing up is optional

yes I can be serious.....too much so sometimes but I wouldn't be me without my sense of humour.

I don't think I will ever be fully grown up

Kitty said...

One of my problems with my hubby and marriage is I AM SO LIKE SPOUSEHOLE! I tend to take life WAY TOO serious ALL THE TIME.

I have been working so very hard to see humor when my hubby and son do. Though I get irritated at times when they are being humorous and I feel its not the rite time (notice the " I feel". What gives me the right, hugh) I have gotten better, but still need more improvement.

Two days ago we were in the car, I had a hectic day and all I wanted was peace and quiet. They started singing along to a ditty on the radio. Hubby noticed I wasnt singing with them. He told me to sing. I told him I ddidnt feel like singing. He poked his finger at my heart and said, "You need music in your heart to make you happy, now sing with us"

I didnt realize I was being such a lump on a log, and began to sing with them, it made me feel better too.

Life should be enjoyed... your hubby still likes that quality in you bunny, he just dont want to admit it, I guarantee it! You keep singing and being goofey.

bikertigger said...

I would rather take a salt covered razor blade and drive it into my eye than follow his definition of growing up. That is not growing up, that is growing OLD. Humour is life.

da Missus and I discussed something similar to this just last night and I came to a realization about myself. When we had da Twinsies (Born January 2003), yes a lot of my irresponsible ways did change, but that did not mean I had to quit living, or quit having fun.


crse said...

OH HELLLL No. In fact the healthiest grown ups are the ones who are not afraid to act like little kids! (this coming from the 37 year old on the kickball team)

Cali Girl said...

no way!

I'm never growing up!

What is the point in living life if we don't have some fun with it? We only get one shot at this, make the best of it!

You can still be responsible and not grow up...

ZigZagMan said...

Just my 2 cents.......but life without death before the grave.

Dating said...

Humor is a power!