Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Random Bites

My new favorite fake band name: Dick Durbin and the Smoking Tweets

LOL funny: Tiger's Magical Mistress Tour

Upon hearing about this awful tragedy, my first thought was prayers for the victims and their families. My second thought: there are nightclubs in Siberia?

It's good to know research time and money are being well spent: Study shows it's more painful to rip off a Band-Aid slowly.

Literacy backed as Charleston schools' top job: since this is a new policy, what was their emphasis before?

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Monday, November 30, 2009

Back home and back to the same-old, same-old

The long Thanksgiving weekend was relatively uneventful, having been spent mostly in the Mommyvan driving to and from Michigan. 32 hours in the car over 4 days, plus potty and food breaks, is a little too much togetherness. Spousehole and I were each on the verge of homocide by Sunday night. Kids, each other - we were willing to take out anyone necessary to obtain the peace we sought.

If I never set foot in another McDonald's, I will be a happy, happy woman. I know the kids love it, but I'm willing to sacrifice their happiness.

We're back to 'kids go to school, I hang out at the library, Spousehole talks to potential employers on the phone.' New week, same old thing.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Easing back in . . .

I get to go home for Thanksgiving! I'm very excited. We didn't make it home for Turkey Day last year and didn't expect to this year, but now we're going! Spousehole has an interview in an adjoining Midwestern state the day before Thanksgiving, so the whole family is going along and heading to Grandma's for turkey, stuffing, etc. My mom is actually not so thrilled. She was thinking she wouldn't cook and she and my dad would just take my nephew and my sister (if she doesn't have to work) out to eat. But with all of us coming, it makes more sense to stay home. I have offered to cook, just using her food, kitchen, etc. but I don't know if she can handle that. If she watches me cook, she'll just feel I'm doing it all "wrong" and try to take over.

I haven't sprung on them that coming home for Thanksgiving means we may not make it for Christmas ($ and all), but I don't really want to think about that either. I've NEVER spent Christmas anywhere but with my family. I realize I'm 42 years old and should really be ready to make some new traditions with my own kids, but wah!, I don't wanna!

In other news, I can't believe I forgot to mention the "procedure" I had done back in September. I had NovaSure done. It's a type of endometrial ablation. It's supposed to reduce heavy periods and between period bleeding. My periods were so heavy that I became anemic and experienced "flooding" sometimes. I also had bleeding every time I had sex. But since the procedure (outpatient surgery) I haven't had any bleeding; none whatsoever. No periods, no nothing. Of course, I haven't had sex to try that out yet*, but I have high hopes. They say that my periods may come back eventually, but will be MUCH, MUCH lighter than ever before. Keep your fingers crossed!!

*Any volunteers to help with that? For purely scientific purposes, of course :-)



To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Friday, November 13, 2009

Not Dead Yet

Though there are days . . .

I'll try to sum up the last 6 months or so.

Marriage back to sucking. Not in a good way. And getting worse because -

18 months after moving down here for this job, that they recruited him for (he didn't go looking), they laid him off in October. Budget cuts were ordered, big ones, and his position and many others were eliminated. So he is home all. the. damn. time and we are driving each other crazy. Way too many opportunities to pick stupid fights and get on each other's nerves. This was made worse when -

we all had the H1N1 virus in October. Not pretty and we still haven't shaken the coughs. Spousehole's is the worst and he probably should see a doctor, but -

we have no health insurance. We can't afford COBRA, since after having paid for two houses for almost a year we had very little savings. Some good news (there's not much of it, so pay attention) is -

the house is finally rented out!!! The rent payments just cover our mortgage, taxes, and insurance, but at least that much is covered. What wasn't covered, however, was the problem that led our tenants to call us on Spousehole's last day of work: the furnace died. So on his first day of unemployment, we had to put a new furnace in! (We got two opinions on whether replacement was necessary or if repair was possible. My dad got us the absolute best price from "his guy." Thank God. The other places wanted to charge WAY, WAY more for the same stupid furnace and installation.)

No good segue here. Sorry.

Boy is finally settled in school and is rocking the second grade. He made honor roll for the first quarter. It's like night and day. So he's good with school and school is good with him, but otherwise things aren't so wonderful at the school because -

4 educators were arrested recently regarding allegations of abuse of autistic students at Boy's school. Boy was not one of them, though he was close to the teacher and aide who are accused. It's a mess. But I won't get into that mess. In other school news -

Girl is rocking 4-yr-old preschool. She got into a great school and got a fabulous teacher. All is good there. Well, except that we weren't going to be able to afford it after Spousehole's layoff and were preparing to apply for a scholarship to try to keep her there, but the in-laws' came to the rescue and are paying her tuition. They're not always my favorite people, but they'll do almost anything for our kids. So, in this one instance, they rock too.

The big school fear for us is that it is looking like we will be moving again, so the kids will have to transition to new schools. Girl will be okay, probably, but Boy doesn't transition well. Last year was pretty much a lost year for him as he transitioned to his new school. He's doing so well, we are very distressed about possibly having to move him. Spousehole is interviewing some locally, but the jobs in his particular specialty aren't local. If he takes a local job, he would have to leave his area of specialization. His specialty is in demand, just not here. He would prefer to stay in his specialty and that would be the better move career-wise, but it means moving and that sucks. What also sucks is -

My Mom is on Facebook! Seriously, this is not good. I had to "friend" her, but now I feel like I have to censor what I say. Oh, and my mother-in-law is also on Facebook and I had to "Friend" her too. I really need to figure out the privacy settings on there that allow you to group people and then have only certain groups see certain postings. Ah well. BTW, if you want to be my Facebook friend, shoot me an email (I'm actually checking it again!). If I feel comfortable enough with you (generally if we have had some sort of email correspondence or something), I'll send you my info or you can send me yours. But since my family is on there now, I'm really apprehensive that this blog not be connected to my Facebook (ie, REAL) identity. 'k?

Kids and I spent most of July back home. It was really freaking cold. Not just compared to the South, but compared to normal summers there. I had to go to garage sales and buy the kids coats to wear. It never occurred to me that we would need more than long pants and long-sleeved shirts in JULY. My bad.

My health is better, except for the damn H1N1 after-effects. Blood sugar, blood pressure, and cholesterol all WAY down. I got 90 day refills on insulin and meds before the insurance ended, so I'm good for awhile. Hopefully until Spousehole finds a new position. :-)

That pretty much sums it up.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Mullet With Headlights

These literal videos are so. darn. funny.

This is Total Eclipse of the Heart: Literal Video Version. Try to not laugh - I dare you.



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Thursday, May 28, 2009

Still easily amused . . . all FAIL edition

fail owned pwned pictures
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fail owned pwned pictures
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fail owned pwned pictures
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fail owned pwned pictures
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fail owned pwned pictures
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fail-owned pwned pictures
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Monday, May 25, 2009

Hey now . . .

This can't possibly be directed at me . . . I'm from Michigan!

Go Back to Ohio


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Thursday, May 21, 2009

Random Bites

A question for all you sutherners out there: where do the lizards go? That is, when "winter" comes, where do the lizards go? Do they hibernate? Do they hunker down somewhere and lay low until temps go up again? Do they lay eggs and then die, so the lizards that reappear in summer are the offspring of last year's lizards? Do they migrate somewhere? I honestly don't know much at all about lizards. We just didn't have them in Michigan. All I know is that when we moved into this house in September, there were lizards every-freakin'-where and by December there were none. Covering my screen porch, then nuthin'. I assume they'll be back, but I've been wondering where they go. Thanks in advance for the help. :-)

orlando bloom
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The kids and I will be spending most of July in Michigan. That's how I'm choosing to deal with the South Carolina summer heat and humidity.

bill gates
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We celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary at the beginning of the month. My in-laws stayed with the kids and we were able to spend a night kid-free. We couldn't spend the whole weekend, as we had initially planned, because my in-laws arrived on Friday afternoon and needed to leave by noon on Saturday as they intended to be in Maine by Sunday night. There was dinner, there was ice cream, there was a movie, and there was even nookie! That's twice in a year - woo hoo.


.disappearing ingenue by melissa pritchard totally looks like the virgin suicides by jeffrey eugenides
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My health is improving. Blood pressure is WAY down and blood sugar is back in a better range. The miracle of modern pharmaceuticals. Better living through chemistry.



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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Things I May Never Be Accustomed To In The South

Full-grown adult men with jobs, families, and a mortgage who go by the diminutive form of their name. That is, Billy, Bobby, Timmy, Tommy, Johnny, Jimmy, Davey, etc.

The accents. Especially when emanating from a disciple in an otherwise very professional and well-executed church play. Imagine Larry the Cable Guy as Simon Peter asking "Is it I, Lawd?" It's hard to not giggle. It's like someone from a Tennessee Williams play reading the wrong script.

A "rough" winter having temps that never dip below double digits.

A "rough" winter not involving any snowfall whatsoever.

Gum. What is it with gum down here? Everybody seems to chew gum - all the time, in all places. Men and women, in church, in Wal-Mart, at the symphony. Every. Damn. Where. Not just quiet, unobtrusive chewing either. Big, open-mouth chawing.

Folks who move slow as molasses. O.M.G. Walking, driving - doesn't matter. Tons of people just not in any sort of rush to get any where. Stopping to smell the roses is great and all, but when there are flowers everywhere perhaps bypassing some of is okay, know what I mean?

Full-grown adult non-senior-citizen men wearing seersucker suits. Not in a retro-hipster way, but for real.

The God-awful humidity (and it's only April!)

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Friday, April 3, 2009

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Smile

funny pictures of dogs with captions
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david hasselhoff
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barack obama
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fail owned pwned pictures
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engrish-funny-shiskaboob
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Condolences

My heart is breaking for another blogger today. The Silent Male's wife passed away Tuesday. She was very young (I don't think 40 yet). Although she had suffered from many health problems, this is a big shock. They are in the process of buying a house and had so much to which to look forward. She leaves her husband, teen daughter and stepson (both 14), and young son (9) to celebrate her memory.

Part of SM's message:

She had been battling illness for years and went peacefully. I want to thank everyone in advance for thoughts and prayers. I won't be available very much over the next few days to say Thank You. She believed in Jesus and I believe she has gone to heaven to meet him in person.

If you are the praying type, please say a prayer for SM and his family. I know he would appreciate it.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

TMI Tuesday



1. Have you ever sent or recieved a sext message?

Yes and yes. :) Want my cell #?

2. Have you ever made or recieved a booty call?

Yes and yes, though it's been 7 or 8 months. Care to assist me with this problem?

3. Have you ever added or edited a word/entry to Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary or any other online reference?

Nope, though I've considered it re Wikipedia.

4. At what age did you have your first consensual sexual experience?

14 (not intercourse)

5. What has been the greatest age difference between you a consensual sexual partner?

20 years, he was older. Though I've seen some hottie college kids and/or military man-boys around here lately that could make me go all cougar . . .

Bonus (as in optional): Why do you blog?

That's an excellent question. When I figure it out, I'll let you know.


To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Monday, March 30, 2009

Mute Monday - Happy B-day to Secretariat and ABoxer (It is still Monday, right?)



Happy Birthday, Big Red!




Happy Birthday, Boxer!!

Some birthday azaleas, because we're overwhelmed by azaleas around here right now:


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Thursday, March 26, 2009

Almost-dead cat and cow bacon?

Thomas (orange, left) and Max (right)

Amongst my family's woes of late has been the attempted murder of my beloved cat, Max, by my evil children. Max is 13 - I have had him longer than I've had my husband and much longer than the demon children. Max is a good cat - busy and nosy, but sweet. His main flaw is that he tolerates much of the abuse the children heap on him: playing doctor and bandaging the kitty's legs up, putting him in drawers or boxes or cabinets, etc. Unfortunately he learned when they were babies that he shouldn't bite or scratch them, so now when they deserve to be bitten or scratched, he does nothing.

One afternoon not long ago, the children were playing outside. I didn't realize it, but they had the garage open (we usually keep it locked). When my husband came home from work, he found Max locked in a cat carrier in the garage. He let Max out and noticed that the cat seemed wet, but didn't think much about it. A while later I saw the cat on the porch, looking wet and distressed. I picked him up and smelled a strong chemical odor, so I ran straight to the bathroom and began rinsing the cat in the bathtub (he loved that). In response to my yelling, Spousehole went to the garage and found a bottle of Spray-n-Wash and the children admitted to spraying the cat through the holes in the cat carrier with the Spray-n-Wash. Spousehole sent the children to their rooms while I continued rinsing the cat, much to the cat's displeasure.

I dried the cat with a towel and let him loose. He threw up, but then otherwise seemed okay, except for having endured the bath. We had dinner and then I thought I would try blow-drying the cat. After a bit of searching, I found him laying on his side, breathing shallowly and looking miserable. He was barely responsive, limp, and would occasionally moan.

We called poison control and they said "we don't do pets." We called the emergency vet. They wanted us to call the animal poison control line. I called that line and $60.00 later (yep, that's what they charge; you have to give the ASPCA your credit card number before they'll even talk to you) they gave us some "well duh!" advice and sent us on the to emergency vet. The $60.00 fee also includes their consultation with the emergency vet, which I hope was more helpful than their advice to me (it was, apparently).

At the emergency vet they took Max from me as soon as we walked through the door. They gave him another bath and assessed his vital signs. His body temp was down to 88 degrees (F). It should be around 100 degrees (F). His respiratory rate was low. He was disoriented and ataxic. They consulted with the ASPCA poison control vet. They also ran blood tests.

It turned out that the main thing in the Spray-n-Wash that affected my poor baby was alcohol. It was absorbed through his skin, mainly, and he probably ingested some in licking himself. He had acute alcohol poisoning and a little eye irritation. They put him on an IV to rehydrate him and stabilize his blood sugar and they had him wrapped in warming blankets. He was already looking more like himself when I finally got to see him. He responded to my voice and wiggled out of the blankets. Keeping him the in the warming blankets was an effort all night, I later learned.

He spent the night at the hospital and I brought him home the next day. By morning the vets had gotten him to eat a little and drink a little. He had had an elevated white count that we determined was likely from a bad tooth, so he had some antibiotics to take. He also had an ointment for his eyes. He was looking better, but was still not himself.

I started to wonder if I brought him home too soon. He remained weak and didn't want to eat for a couple days. I tried to entice him with canned food (a once-a-year or so treat), but all he did was lick the juice. I even resorted to giving him water with a syringe because he wasn't drinking. I wasn't sure he was going to make it.

After several days of lethargy and no appetite, Max finally came around. Now, a few weeks later, he is back to himself. He finished the antibiotics and his white cell count is back to normal. The funky tooth got scraped, but not pulled. He needs a full teeth cleaning, but we want to make sure he gains back the weight and is at close to 100% before having him put under for the teeth cleaning.

Initially the children were very sorry for hurting Max, but now they are back to wanting to play doctor with him, hold him against his will, etc. I remind them how badly they hurt him, then they leave him alone again; for a while. Poor kitty.
__

We like bacon in this family. Every weekend I cook some bacon to include in our breakfast. We lurve the bacon very much. Now I've seen and had all kinds of bacon: regular, thick-sliced, no-sugar, brown-sugar, peppered, reduced-sodium; even fakin' bacon like turkey bacon or soy bacon. But I recently saw one I'd never, ever seen before: beef bacon. WTH? Is this a southern thing? Has anyone tried this? It just seems wrong. I love me some dead cow, understand, but bacon?




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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I couldn't resist . . .

political pictures for your blog
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the burger king totally looks like mel gibson
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song chart memes
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song chart memes
see more Funny Graphs Seriously, we have 5 seasons worth and watch them over and over and over. Could you count that as a home-schooling science curriculum?

fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures (My 4-year-old saw this and said "Look Mommy! A heart!"

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Tuesday, March 24, 2009

TMI Tuesday



1. Ever Googled a date, a potential date or an ex?

Duh. Yes, yes, and oh yes!

2. Do you gossip?

Not anymore - I don't know enough people in S.C., or enough about them, to gossip.

3. How many people do you completely trust?

None.

4. Have you ever had sex in car?

I was a teenager, so YES.

5. What is your best flirting technique: innuendo, telling a dirty joke, talking about sex life, or physical contact?

Physical contact is the best, I think, along with prolonged eye contact and being open and clear about what I want.

Bonus (as in optional): How many times is the most you have ever had sex in a 24 hour period?

There was a weekend in college . . . probably 5 or 6. That was an amazing weekend. Yes, it was just one guy - it's incredible what a college-age guy can do when left alone with his girlfriend for days on end :)

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Monday, March 23, 2009

Not Dead Yet . . . and some lols

The rumours of my death are greatly exaggerated . . . well, exaggerated at least. I am alive, if not always well.

I've been lurking, reading blogs, but not commenting much and not writing on here at all.

Why?

So many reasons, I don't quite know where to start.

Depression probably ranks first.

I've been quite lonely since moving. I miss my family and friends in Michigan and haven't really found any new friends here in S.C. I have some SAHM acquaintences in the neighborhood and an "assigned" friend at church, but I just don't feel like I fit in yet. So I should turn to my online friends, right? But no - my response is to withdraw further into myself. Contradictory, but that's just how I am.

Also depressed about things with my husband. In some ways we've been closer, since not knowing anyone forces us to be social with one another. But money remains an issue (we still haven't sold the Michigan house and just finally listed it for rent with a property manager), though we haven't fallen into debt - we just don't have a dime to spare paying for two houses. Sex remains even bigger issue. He says he can't address the sex issue until our money issues are resolved - "take care of the basics first," he says. I say sex IS a basic in a marriage! I've tried invoking 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, but he just ignored that, says it doesn't really apply in our situation. Huh???

Here's any example of how things go: I put the kids to bed, crawling in with boy to cuddle him to sleep because he had a rough day. Spousehole stays up to "play on the internet" (i.e., surf porn). After 30 minutes boy is asleep, so I go to my room, noting that Spousehole is still on the computer, quickly turning off the monitor when I come out of boy's room so I won't know he's looking at porn (because yeah, I'm that stupid). Instead of going to bed, I go in my bathroom and brush my teeth, comb my hair, and otherwise "freshen up." I go to the living room and Spousehole quickly shuts off the monitor and pulls his hand out of his sweatpants. I sit down next to him and make it very clear that I am interested in helping him out with the "situation" in his pants. We cuddle a bit, I kiss his neck some, and after a few minutes, he asks if I want to go to our room. We do and he promptly goes to sleep. WTF?? The next morning I tell him that he really hurt my feelings and he says that he just wasn't in the mood. A: why not tell me that at the time? and B: so why the erection if he "wasn't in the mood?" I thought generally that an erection indicated that one was in the right mood. I guess, since he wouldn't talk any more, that he was in the mood for sexual activity, just not with me. Great. That makes me feel SO much better. That'll help with the depression.

Facebook

Then there's the Facebook thing. Yes, even I have fallen into the Facebook fad. I have two profiles - one under my real name and one under my blog name. I spent 99% of my time on my real profile, so y'all probably don't see me on there much. If you would want to be my "Facebook friend" under my real name, email me and I'll add you if I know you well enough to trust that you won't "out" me, since my husband is also my Facebook friend. I'm going to delete my profile under my blog name since I never use it, so if you are my "facebook friend" under randirabbit you'll be getting a "friend request" under my real name. Confusing enough?

My health

Turns out if you ignore your health, it really will go away! Not the problems, the health itself. I've been playing fast and loose with my diabetes since the move; not sure why. Depression is part of that too, I suppose, and getting out of my long-established routine. I've been eating poorly and not tracking my carb intake. I've been taking my insulin, but blindly - that is, not taking regular blood sugar readings and just going with a base level of regular and nph insulins. In fact, my electronic logbook built into my meter showed that I didn't take a reading from late September until January of this year. Turns out that while I was ignoring my blood glucose levels, they were climbing. High. Very high, even. Averaging over 500. That's what's known in the diabetes world as a serious fuck-up. A kidney-threatening, blindness-threatening fuck-up. So getting my bg back under control has been a major project. My kidneys seem to have come through okay, but my vision has been affected. Fortunately it isn't retinal damage, just blurriness from glucose in my aqueous humor (eyeball fluid). That can take a while to go away, even after the blood glucose is back in control. So I'm bouncing along with my blurry vision and trying to get myself half-way healthy again. And still trying to find the right doctor down here to help me get there. Argh.

So, without further adieu (or whining . . . ), here are some lols:


funny pictures of cats with captions
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fail owned pwned pictures
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fail owned pwned pictures
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burger king
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pauley perrette
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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

TMI Tuesday!



1. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that you were sure in advance you would hate (or never try) and then discovered to your surprise you loved?

Anal. I thought no way, no how would I ever even do that, much less like it. Never say never, I guess! It helped that we worked up to over a few weeks, starting with anal play (both ways).

2. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that proved a lot less interesting in practice than you thought it would be beforehand?

Many - lol - for instace: Him standing up and holding me up with my legs wrapped around him (back when I was young and small and this was more feasible) looked hot, but was logistically a pain. Thinking more about not falling down than about it feeling good. :(

3. How do you let your significant other know you're in the mood? How do you let a new person in your life know?

I kiss him, caress him, and if that doesn't get the point acress I just tell him. He's not always good at reading signals and I'm not patient enough to wait around for him to catch on.

4. How does your significant other let you know he/she is in the mood?

If he ever is, I'll let you know! Though sometimes I wake up in the night and he's pressing his erection against me or drying humping my leg or something - that's a pretty good indication he's in the mood.

5. Is there one that got away - a sexual opportunity you didn't realise was one at the time, or weren't ready for and regret missing ever since?

A few, but I don't dwell on them.

Monday, February 16, 2009

LOL

Barack Obama
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To blog is a self-invasion of privacy


Bill Clinton
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fail owned pwned pictures
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Apparently my husband got hold of some of this stuff!:
engrish-funny-remove-horny
see funny english mistakes

Pierce Brosnan Keely Shaye-Smith
more lol celebs!

Barbara Billingsley
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Sean John Combs Puff Daddy
more lol celebs!