Oh No, It's Another Meme!

This one is pretty cool! Created by Gospel Bob and assigned to me (via tag) by the beautiful and only slightly insane crse.

Four first names of crushes I've had:

1. Chip
2. Sam
3. Matthew
4. Jeff

Four pieces of clothing I wish I still owned:

1. Girl Scout uniform (this is actually several pieces of clothing - so sue me)
2. size 0 jeans from sophomore year in college
3. navy blue Brooks Brothers suit
4. London Fog trench coat (I loved that coat - sob!)

Four names I've been called at one time or another:

1. Bunny (really and truly, not just made up for the blog
2. Lindy
3. Mommy
4. Dr. Medillicuddy Quack

Four professions I secretly want to try:

1. Personal chef (dinner parties of 12 or fewer, cooked by me in your home!)
2. Stripper (if I had my 22 year old body back)
3. High-class call girl (again, with the 22 year old body)
4. Buyer for a gourmet food market

Four musicians I'd most want to go on a date with:

1. Melissa Etheridge
2. Eric Clapton
3. Brian "Dexter" Holland
4. Johnny Cash

Four foods I'd rather throw than eat:

1. Mushrooms (mushrooms are fungus; jock itch and athlete's foot are fungi - you do the math)
2. Coconut
3.Brussels sprouts
4. Liver (calf, chicken, veal, human - doesn't matter, I'm not eating an organ designed to filter waste products)

Four Things I Like to Sniff:

1. Clothes fresh from the dryer
2. Babies (clean ones, natch)
3. Lilies
4. Fresh baked bread.

Four People to Tag:
I'm thinking, I'm thinking . . .

An Interview by Soccer Dad!

I took up Soccer Dad on his invitation to be interviewed. Here are his five (5) questions for me and my answers:

1) Which TV family would you best fit in with and why?

The Simpsons, probably, or the family on Malcolm in the Middle. They are dysfunctional on the surface (teasing, fighting, etc.) but in the end they always have each other's backs. That's me exactly - if you are family (bio or emotional), I will tease you mercilessly, be horribly sarcastic, fight you tooth and nail over stupid things, but if you are in trouble or someone else is giving you crap, I will have your back. Woe to the fool who goes after my loved ones.

2) Do you have someone you miss more than anyone else in life?

Yes. A close friend from high school, Kathi, suddenly turned her back on me at the beginning of our senior year. She never really gave me a reason, but I think "social climbing" had a lot to do with it, as well as the fact that I had been very obviously depressed and withdrawn that summer (got down to 75 pounds, at 5'2") and she wasn't prepared to deal with that. I understand why she needed to pull away, but I can't really get over the way she did it. I miss her and our friendship to this day. I've seen her at reunions and it is always awkward. I can't talk to her for long because the pain comes rushing back. I've forgiven her, but I can't trust her again. As SAHMs, we'd probably have more in common than ever, but I just don't dare chance having my heart broken like that again. In fact, the only close female friend I have to this day is someone I was friends with before Kathi. I'm wary of getting too close to friends because of how much it hurt when Kathi and I stopped being friends. It hurt more than any break-up with a boyfriend, before or since.

3) What part of your body can someone touch and make you melt?

My neck. Stroke or lightly kiss my neck, from right behind the ear and down, and I'm all yours, baby.

4) Is there intelligent life on other planets? What about Canada?

Other planets, I think so. As huge as the universe is, I find it hard to believe we're the only ones out here.

Canada? Why wouldn't there be, eh? Only a stupid hoser would ask a question like that . . . probably wears a Anaheim Ducks toque, the loser. Yeah, I bet he doesn't even watch Calliou or Big Comfy Couch; and definitely drinks Coors or some other American piss beer. Toss me another Molson, wouldja eh?

5) Bath or Shower?

Shower, hands down. I get bored taking a bath, unless someone else is with me (and I don't mean my kids!) Plus sitting in water polluted by my own filth and soap scum doesn't seem terribly conducive to being clean, kwim?

Now it is your turn. If you would enjoy being grilled by Bunny, the Randi Rabbit, then:
1. Leave me a comment saying “Interview me.” (and your email addy, if necessary)
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Thanks Soccer Dad! This was fun!

HNT!

My six year old has become a camera nut. He takes pictures all day, every day. I gave him my old 2 megapixel camera and he just loves it. Here is one of his pictures of me, at a weird angle because he loves strange angles. Mon petit artiste.

Why do we get half-nekkid? Want to join the fun? See Os at

Sex and the Children

Yes, I know the former is generally required to create the latter. That's not what this is about.

My kids are only 6 and 2, so sex education hasn't formally begun in our household. Sure, we've covered "good touches, bad touches" and the like. But that's not what I am talking about either. I'm talking about how we, as parents, address sex and sexuality with our children.

I grew up in a home where sex was not a taboo subject. No, my parents weren't graphic about discussing their exploits or anything, but they were open and honest with us about sex. We knew what it was from a fairly early age and were encouraged to ask any questions that occurred to us. My parents were foster parents, mainly for teenage girls - some of whom were in foster care because they were pregnant. (That was an unspoken lesson on the lack of joy in teen pregnancy - worked for me!) My mom, especially, made sure we girls knew how everything functioned and, as we approached our teen years, about STDs and pregnancy. We knew how each could be prevented, should we choose to not follow Mom's advice and encouragement about waiting to become sexually active until we were adults and in love. Mom didn't really hold out much hope of us waiting until our wedding nights to have sex, as she herself did not really want to wait until marriage. (She did, reluctantly; she wanted to have sex once she and Dad were engaged. He refused, not out of any sense of morality, but out of fear of my grandfather's firearms collection.)

My parents taught us that masturbation was a normal part of life and an excellent alternative to teen sex; just keep it private. We were taught that sex and sexuality were not bad things and could be discussed with them without judgement. The message was that sex was a gift from God, to be shared with someone you love and who loves you.

Spousehole, on the other hand, grew up in a household where sex was never discussed. Ever. Well, that's not true. It was never, ever, discussed POSITIVELY. He is 40 years old and his parents have yet to have "the talk" with him. When he was a preschooler, he showed his mom how he could make his penis "talk." She freaked out and told him that he should never, ever touch his penis except to clean it and should never, ever show it to anyone. When he reached puberty, they told him that sex and masturbation were bad, sick and disgusting. They told him that looking at pornography meant he was sick and perverted, he was not a Christian, and he would go to Hell. End of discussion. The message was "sex is bad."

So now we need to merge these two life experiences into some sort of guidance for our our children. Spousehole is still pissed at his parents for screwing him up regarding sex, so he sees that their way is not the way we should go. But he thinks my parents were a bit too permissive. (Believe me, they were not permissive. When my high school boyfriend and I were caught kissing laying on a bed, there was heck to pay. Feet had to remain on the floor and doors left open. They didn't hand me a box of condoms and say "Have fun and be careful!")

We plan to be fairly open with our kids. They will know the mechanics as soon as they are mature enough to handle it. We will encourage them to not become sexually active until they are mature and in a loving, trusting, committed relationship. We will tell them that masturbation is not sick or perverted, but is something that you do privately. And that they can talk to us about any and everything. I think it is less about specifically talking about sex as it is about treating sexuality as a normal, healthy part of life.

This is a great plan as far as Girl is concerned. She will be encouraged to wait, but that if she does not she will know about birth control and disease-prevention. She will get the Gardasil vaccination, because even if she is not sexually active before marriage, her future spouse may have been. (Or she could be infected with HPV in a non-consensual manner.) Girl will know all her options and we will have to trust that we've raised her with the values to make the right decisions.

Boy is a harder case. He is autistic. He'll probably understand the mechanics just fine. But how do we teach him the emotional nuances? Will he understand that while masturbation is not a bad thing, we don't do it in class and we don't discuss it with people we meet on the bus? Autistic people don't have that innate ability to determine what is appropriate in a social situation and what is not that most of us develop. That part of their brain just doesn't operate like yours and mine. At 6, he understands that other people should not touch his private parts. But he doesn't yet understand that he should not touch other people's. He is unable to recognize that other people have feelings, emotions, and thoughts, just like he does. He cannot relate that way to others. Developmentally, most children hit a point where they just innately recognize that others are like them, having feelings like them, and have thoughts just like them. This is when empathy develops. Autistic kids seem to skip this stage developmentally, never really understanding how another person feels. You can explain it intellectually, but they'll never really feel it. How do you teach about sexuality to someone like that?

I know there are books out there on teaching about sexuality to people on the spectrum and I'll be looking into that. I just needed to put these thoughts out there to help me work through them myself.

Edit @ 1:43 P.M.: It appears that sex education will be unnecessary for my children, as I will be killing them long before they ever need it. Holy shee-oot, who are these monsters and what have they done with my offspring? Screaming, hitting, dumping an entire can of baking powder on the floor, pouring soy milk on the floor (living room!), biting me when disciplined . . . and that's just the little one. The other is throwing things, pooping his pants (he's 6!), shutting doors on his sister, shoving her around . . . you get the picture. Total freaking chaos today. School starts Tuesday, at least then one will be gone most of the day.

TMI Tuesday!! #98

1. What is the best relationship advice you've ever received?

Treat your partner as you wish to be treated. If you want compliments, compliment your partner. If you want to be thanked for everyday things, thank him/her for everyday things. And so on and so forth. It doesn't make him treat me better, but I feel like a better person for making the effort.

2. How many people have you dated at once? How many people do you think
it is acceptable to date at once?

Three. That's really all I could handle. I think two or three is okay, but more than that is just unmanageable, don't you think?

3. What made your worst kiss so bad?

OMG, where to begin? I didn't really like him that much anyway, he just jammed his tongue in my mouth, his tongue was really thick and gross, and my mom was watching from the living room window. If he had had bad breath, it would have been the ultimate bad kiss. But you must, must go read this: Best bad kiss story. Ever.

4. Can a relationship last if the sex is bad?

Apparently. I'm still married, aren't I?

5. What one thing would you like your partner to do every time you have
sex with them?

Besides the obvious (make me come), compliment me in some way. Make me feel that you actually like something about me. Anything, dammit.

Bonus (as in optional): What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?

I'm easy. Works every time.

Does it make me gay . . . ?

I was asked the question recently "Does it make me gay that I want things in my ass?"

The answer: No.

And to ward off any future questions:

Does it make you gay when you -

- eat quiche? NO

- want to touch my ass? NO

- want me to touch your ass? NO

- want to lick my ass? NO

- want me to lick your ass? NO

- want to put your fingers in my ass? NO

- want me to put my fingers in your ass? NO

- want to put your cock in my ass? NO

- want me to put toys in your ass? NO

- like wearing a pink shirt? NO

- how about a purple shirt? NO

- chartreuse shirt? maybe, but only because you said "chartreuse" and not green

None of these things make you gay. Want to know what makes a man gay? Here it is, once and for all:

It makes you gay if you are a man who prefers sex with men over sex with women and would choose a man for a life partner over a woman. That's it. That's what makes you gay. Notice I didn't say that you are gay if you enjoy sex with men. That's not it. It's PREFERRING sex with men over sex with women and PREFERRING a male life partner over a female life partner.

And what the fuck would be wrong with being gay anyway?

Okay, I'm done ranting now. Thank you for listening. Or reading. Or whatever.

Tagged! By Kiki!

Here for Mute Monday? It's down one post!

I was tagged for this meme by Kiki ~sorry to take so long in getting to it. Want to know Who's That Kiki? Go check her out!

*What side of the heart do you draw first?

The right side.

*Can you dive without plugging your nose?

Yes, I learned early to blow out my nose when diving to prevent water in sinus cavities. Yeeouch!

*What color is your phone?
My home phones are grey and almost brand new. My cell is gray and 6 years old (I know, I am so lame.) Difference between gray and grey? Beats the heck out of me!

Oh yeah, I forgot the corded phone in the kitchen - white, with an 8 ft cord.

*Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?

A friend I will call NG, so we could talk and talk and talk and get to know one another better. Maybe then I wouldn't like him so much and could get him off my mind.

*Where are you right now?

At home, in the dining room, where we keep the computers.

*How do you feel about carrots?

I'm a Bunny, so I love carrots!! Seriously, I like them just about every which way. Raw, candied, in soups or stews. A fairly innocuous vegetable (though, as a diabetic, it counts as a carb for me. Bummer.)

*How many chairs at the dining room table?

Six, four Windors and two captain's chairs. The cherry table and chairs were built in 1931 and I am the second owner. The original owners received them as a wedding gift to be used in their summer home (they were wealthy). The table is gorgeous, but we have come to hate the chairs. I hate to break up a set, but I may have to invest in new(!) chairs in the near future. If so, all six chairs will match because I can't stand the captain's chairs!

*Who is the best Spice Girl?

Posh, because she has been the smartest at media manipulation. I couldn't stand their alleged music. Though Scary is claiming Eddie Murphy as her baby daddy, so she could take Posh's crown in that arena.

*Do you know what time it is?

2:49 p.m., Eastern Daylight Time (GMT -4 hrs)

*What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?

Start freaking out a little, as I inherited my father's claustrophobia. Press the alarm button and the little emergency phone button until someone tells me it is going to be ok. If stuck for a long time, I would probably end up having sex with whoever is stuck in there with me (assuming they are an adult), as sex would take my mind off the claustrophobia.

*What's your favorite kind of gum?

Not a big gum fan (I had braces as a teen and dropped the gum habit back then) but probably anything with a strong peppermint flavor, like Altoids gum.

*T or F: All is fair in love and war?

False, sometimes the end doesn't justify the means. (I'm keeping Kiki's answer, which was AR's answer, who kept WO's answer)

*Do you use words that you don't know the meaning to?

Generally no. I have a pretty good command of the English language and have been called a walking thesaurus, so I usually know the meaning of words.

*Do you like to sleep?

Yes, but I rarely get enough. Between wiggly kids in my bed and worrying endlessly about every little teeny tiny thing, I don't sleep much.

*Do you know which US states don't use Daylight Savings?

Arizona, Hawaii, and parts of Indiana.

*Do you know the song Sugar We're Goin' Down?

No. Apparently I'm too old.

*Do you want a bright yellow '06 mustang?

No, I want the green one. My first car was a green (sautern gold, actually) 1967 Mustang and I love how the new Mustangs reflect the classic ones.

*What's something you've always wanted?

A happy, healthy, busy sex life. Alas, it doesn't look too likely.


*Do you wear a lot of black?
Pants and skirts, but not tops. I am pretty pale and black just makes me look ill.

*Describe your hair.

Shoulder length, maybe a little longer. Auburn in color, although it would be more red but I have it colored more brown in the summer because the sun makes the natural red too harsh. Naturally wavy to downright curly, but today I straightened with a flatiron because we're having a family portrait taken.

*Are you an adult?

Physically? Yes, I am less than 2 weeks from turning 40 years old. Mentally? Debatable.

*Who is/are your best friends?

Chick, who has been my BFF for 29 years, since I was in sixth grade and she was in eighth grade.

*Do you have a tan?

Somewhat. I have stripes where my watch and sandals cover my skin, so I guess so.

*Are you a television addict?

Used to be, but having kids broke me of that. I have just a few shows that I record or watch: House, 24, Prison Break, The Closer.

*Do you enjoy spending time with your mom?

Sometimes. Lately she has been pissing me off though, so I am avoiding her. She can't stop herself from criticizing me and ragging on my autistic son. But she'll probably buy me something to get back in my good graces soon. That usually works.

*Are you a sugar freak?

Yes, which is very, very hard for a near-lifelong diabetic!

*What is your favorite movie?

The Princess Bride.

*What's your sign?

Virgo, the Virgin - of course! (Wait, why are you laughing? Stop laughing!)

*Where do you wish you were right now?

In my husband's arms, making love slowly and sweetly. Oh, you mean a defined place? Oh, okay, um, New York City, with a wallet full o' cash to buy a whole new wardrobe!

*Who did you copy this from?

Kiki of Who's that Kiki?

*How do you know them?

The blogosphere.

*Would you have sex with them?

I just might, you never know. (Okay, probably not, since I prefer guys and she seems to prefer guys, but give us a little tequila and you never know . . . .)

*What brand of shirt are you wearing?

Cherokee v-neck tee from Target. Nothing special.

*Have you ever smoked anything?

Nope. Serious pink lung fetish - I don't breathe in anything toxic if I can help it. Never smoked tobacco, cloves, marijuana, crack, heroin, meth ~ nuthin'.
I may die with a green fatty liver, but my lungs will be pretty and pink!

Oh, who to tag? Whoever to tag? . . . I tag Neely, The Girl, and Zig, to try to lure him back to posting again!

Mute Monday - The City

Cities that have played an important part in my life.
Hint: Click each pic for more info!

Why Do People Cheat?

Interesting article by Dr. Laura Berman on why people cheat. It's a somewhat simplistic analysis, though that makes for a nice short article. She suggests that cheaters fall under one or more of the following categories: those feeling unappreciated by their partner, those seeking revenge on a cheating partner, and those bent on self-destruction because they cannot accept a good relationship.

I guess I fall under her first category, those who feel a need for appreciation. For a short time, I feel wanted, desired, and desirable when I am with PiC. He appreciates me and what I can do for him. I appreciate him and what he does for me. My husband, on the other hand, appreciates nothing I do. An example: Since having a second child, I have been washing and ironing his shirts at home, to save the money spent having them laundered. I hate it. Hate it. But his shirts need to be clean and pressed, so I do it. Yesterday I ironed seven shirts in the basement laundry room and carried them up to the living room on the main floor. Spousehole was sitting on the couch, watching the first Harry Potter movie for the umpteenth time. I handed him his shirts to take to the second floor and hang in our closet. He stared at me, initially refusing to take the shirts. He finally grabbed them, stomped upstairs, and yelled "What a lazy-ass bitch. You can't just carry them up one flight of stairs and hang them in the closet. Shit." No "Thanks honey for ironing my shirts for me, today and week in, week out, all year." Just bitching because I wanted him to carry them upstairs and hang them up.

Fuck him.

But I also see myself in her last category, those bent on self-destruction. I also seem to destroy the good things in my life. Maybe unconsciously I am looking to destroy my family. I sure hope not, but I could use some of the "love, praise, and affection" Dr. Berman suggests partners of a self-destructive person offer.

Her other category is revenge cheaters. There may be a little of that for me. Although he probably didn't complete the act, he wanted to and, I believe, intended to cheat on me. That's enough to spur me to revenge, I suppose.

If you have cheated, or have contemplated cheating, which category do you fall under? Or do your reasons not fit into Dr. Berman's simple framework?

Less Angst Today, Thank You

Feeling much better today. Worried as heck about my friend mentioned in the previous post, as he is taking a huge step in his life today - it's a necessary step, but still extremely difficult. But enough about him - this is all about me, right? And I am feeling better.

I was able to see PiC yesterday. His family was gone to the local(ish) amusement park (about an hour away). However, just when he picked me up (I usually park at a megastore and he picks me up so his neighbors don't see a strange vehicle at his house) it began raining. We didn't know if it was raining at the park, but it was likely so his family might bail out and come home at any time. As a result, he felt this was our riskiest encounter yet. I disagree. I think having sex in his basement rec room with his two youngest children sleeping on the second floor was much riskier, as exemplified by the 9 year old's question the next day "Who were you kissing goodbye last night Daddy?" (PiC is as accomplished a liar as me, apparently, replying by asking the boy if maybe he was dreaming about saying goodbye to his Mommy earlier that day and the boy answered "Yeah, that was it." Whew.)

I don't know if he read the blog before we got together or what, but I got almost exactly what I wrote I wanted. Except we added some really hot "cowgirl" action that I hadn't included but definitely enjoyed. :) Damn. You have no idea how much I needed that. What's great is that we had a fabulous time, we cleaned up quick and got out of there before his wife and kids came home, he dropped me at my car, and we're good. If we don't talk to/hear from one another for a while, it's totally cool. We don't really miss each other, we're not moping around each wondering what the other is doing -- we just go on with our lives. There really is not an emotional connection beyond friendship. So much easier than the alternative.

And we probably won't be together for a while. School starts again soon and our lives return to normal schedules (i.e., not summer where we both have more free time). We'll see.

Friday Morning Musings

A lot of things, diverse things, on my mind this dreary, cloudy Friday morning.

George commented the other day that, to paraphrase, anal is the new oral. That is, oral used to be considered "out there," very risque, not something "nice" people did. Now it is pretty mainstream (except to my husband). George suggests that anal sex (which I would expand to assplay generally) is currently where oral used to be. Something that is gaining more acceptance, but is still considered something that "wild" people do, not "nice" people. I need to give this more thought, perhaps generate an essay exploring this proposition.

In the checkout line at the grocery store, I had a lot of time to peruse the covers of the myriad tabloids. Am I the only one who doesn't particularly give a shit who has custody of Britney's kids or about Nicole's baby or how skinny Angelina's gotten? Am I the only one who doesn't have a clue who some of the people featured on these covers are? LC? Vanessa? Not a single clue.

I've been thinking about my upcoming birthday. 40 years. A long damn time to be on this earth. I posted previously about my apparent midlife crisis. It's just not waning. I'm restless and dissatisfied with my life. Pathetic. Birthday is less than 2 weeks away now. Looming. So long as the in-laws can take the kids, Spousehole has agreed to take me to Cedar Point for my birthday. So at least I'll get some roller coaster action, if not some "other" action.

Been thinking a lot of about the nature of relationships - platonic, emotionally intense/romantic, and physical relationships and how they intertwine. Or don't. My relationship with my husband can be any of these, or all of these, from day to day. My relationship with PiC is both platonic and sexual, but not emotional beyond friendship. Another relationship in my life is more complicated. I care for this person a great deal. I have a strong emotional attachment to him, even though I have never met him in person. I can't stop thinking about him. I want desperately to meet him in person, but am terrified of actually doing so. If I do, I will want to kiss him, hold him, touch him, make love to him. I will want to give myself to him completely. But I can't do that, not long-term at least. My heart is not mine to give away. I've given it my husband. It is his, no longer mine. I am not what this other person needs right now. He is in a vulnerable place and I don't want to take advantage of that. I would be bad for him. Very bad. He's a good person and I am most decidedly NOT a good person. He needs and deserves better.

But I can't stop thinking about him.

I really, really need to get laid. That would take my mind off him, at least for a little while. PiC may call me later, if things work out. I hope so. I need a diversion. I need to feel his hands on my body, his mouth on my breasts. I want him to fill my mouth with his gorgeous thick cock, his hand gently brushing the hair away from my face so he can see me licking and sucking him. I want to hear him sigh as I caress his balls, hear him moan as I stroke his sensitive rosebud first with a finger, then, eliciting a deeper, more primal moan, my tongue. I need his fingers inside me, as his tongue dances over my sex, working its magic until I'm lost in the feeling, all other thoughts banished as he coaxes an explosive orgasm from my willing body. I want him to tell me again how weak I leave him after I've sucked every last drop from him and kissed him deeply, sharing with him his own taste. I want him to hold me tight as our breathing returns to normal, as we return to the real world from the fantasy one we create together.

Okay, that's not helping either.

We did finally get more information on Boy's school change. They decided he needed to be in a classroom with higher functioning kids, so that's why he was moved. It is a good thing for him, since all his classmates will be high-functioning like Boy. They are verbal and most will spend at least some time in general ed, like Boy. It's the type of classroom I was advocating for all along. It's a good move; they just should have contacted me about it. Apparently, TPTB made this decision in JUNE, but this is the first I'm hearing of it. That is frustrating. Especially frustrating was when a secretary, who couldn't tell me why the change was made replied to my concern about not having been contacted by saying "Well, we did contact you. You got the letter that prompted you to call, didn't you?" Bitch.

My son was walking around the house yesterday in a firefighter's jacket and no pants/underpants. Now if I can only get his Daddy to wear that outfit. ;)

I guess I'm just restless today. I need a distraction, something to pull me from inside my own head. I'll go read all your blogs. Maybe that will help.

HNT - Vampire Bite

This is one of my vampire bites from last week. These pokes got nuthin', but left interesting evidence of the attempt.

Why do we get half-nekkid? Want to join the fun? See Os at

We Michiganians are a wacky bunch! If you are going to cheat on your spouse, make sure he or she isn't a forensic scientist! Or at least wash your undies IMMEDIATELY

Wet Wednesday

Wet Wednesday - play along!

1. I (Lola) was looking at the responses to a question on popsugar.com, where 90% of women had never had a one-night stand. Have you ever had a one-night stand? Did you see that person again?

My first time was a one-night-stand. I saw him around school, but never spoke to him again.

Then there was guy I slept with on a dare. That was one time, though he wanted a repeat performance. I had gotten him out of my system with the one time, so there was no repeat. We talked often over the next three years, if only because we had several classes together every semester.

There were some others, usually friends that I slept with and then regretted because I didn't want to lose the friendship. We talked plenty afterwards, because I chose the friendship over the sexual relationship.

2. What is the strangest or most non-traditional place you've had sex?

Golf course, swimming pool after dark, Lake Michigan with people all around, nothing terribly interesting.

3. is there something non-traditional (spanking, bukkake, bondage, midget porn, foot fetish, etc.) that turns you on? what is it, and have you had anyone freak out on you due to the fact that it turned you on?

I used to be really into restraints, but no one has ever freaked on me because of it. I'm the one who sometimes freaks now. I have to really trust a person to go there now.

I was in a relationship that was based on D/s and denial and it really turned me on in that relationship, but it's not something that I've sought out since.

Now where I have had someone freak on me was on the issue of being watched. I told someone that I really got off on being watched and asked if he would be ok with it and he totally freaked. Said no way, no how. I never told him that we had already been watched several times (I would never be so dishonest now). The being watched thing doesn't really work for me anymore. Guess I'm getting old and boring.

Then there is my bizarro marriage, where my husband thinks of oral (giving or receiving) as non-traditional and freaks out a little when I bring it up. Sigh.

If You Can't Understand It, Just Shut the Fuck Up!

****WARNING****
Much bitching and moaning ahead. NOT about Spousehole. For once.
Lots of swearing too. As usual.

Matricide.
That's the crime that's going to land me in prison for the rest of my life. Or maybe not, as no true jury of my peers could possibly find it was anything but justifiable homicide.

My mother has never been good at hiding the fact that she favors the other grandchildren over Boy. Bam Bam was the first grandchild and Girl is the only female over which to fawn. That leaves Boy at the bottom of Grandma's list. She says she accepts his disability and understands it, then does everything possible to show that she does not.

Boy opened the back door today and accidentally let the cat out. Happens all the damn time, all three grandkids do it, as do adults. It just happened to be Boy this time. Mom saw the open door and Boy standing in front of it and asked him if the cat went out. Being autistic and all, he responded by saying "Can a cat be a firefighter? Nooooo."

Mom got all pissed at him, retrieved her escaped cat, and that seemed to be the end. Later she starts complaining about Boy, bitching about how his echolalia drives her nuts (join the fucking club; you see him once a week, trying living with it), and then saying "When I asked him if the cat went out, he could have just said yes or no." My Dad and I started in at the same time, but I was much more shrill. "No, Mom, he couldn't have. He can't. He just can't. He's autistic! Or did no one tell you?" Dad: "Goddamn it, name deleted, no he can't. He's doing the best he can. Shit." And Dad went outside, slamming the door for effect.

It may not sound like much, but she pulls this shit all the time. Treats him like he's stupid or willfully obstinate, when he's responding the way his miswired little brain tells him to. She treats him as less than the other kids, then expects him to behave like the NT kids. (NT = neurotypical, i.e., normal). She can't have it both ways. She refuses to get it. That she needs to love him like the other kids, but perhaps have different expectations in some areas as a result of his disability.

Then there's the fucking school district. In the spring I visited schools with an autism program coordinator and selected a school for Boy for this year. It's a big fucking deal, because autistic kids don't handle change well. I was happy and comfortable with the teacher and program at A. Elementary. I took Boy to A. Elementary's playground all summer to help familiarize him with his surroundings. I've been telling him that his school would be A. Elementary and his new teacher would be Miss Mindy. When I got home tonight, there were two letters from the school district in the mail. I opened one and it said "Welcome to the N.P. Elementary family!" I thought we just got on a wrong list somewhere. I opened the second letter, from the autism program. It said that Boy was going to be at N.P. Elementary, with teacher Miss Anita. WTF?? The whole point of visiting schools last spring was to find a place where Boy would fit. He would fit with the teacher and the average disability level at A. Elementary. So now he's been assigned to N.P. Elementary (which is hell and gone from where we live - he'll be riding the goddamn bus for over 2 hours each day)??? And there's not a damn thing I can do about it tonight. Shitfuckdamn.

Add to all this shit my sister being a two-faced bitch about something stupid (we'll get past that, it's really not a big deal, but anyway . . . ), Boy being violent toward his sister to the point that he may need to take medication for his anxiety, a friend I care a great deal about going through shit after his blog was discovered by a person in his real life, and my general tendency to be pissed at the world, and I am not having a good day. I really, really need a drink.

Shitfuckdamn.

P.S. My mom also resents Boy for something totally beyond his control - my near-death experience in giving birth to him. She forgets that that wasn't his fault and that he suffered too. No pulse, no heartbeat, no respiration, limp as wet spaghetti. Initial Apgar of 0. WTF does she want from the kid - an apology? We both survived.

TMI Tuesday!!

It's TMI Tuesday! Click the "I kiss and tell" icon to come play with us!!

1. What’s the deal with blue balls?

I have no idea, but it sounds painful.

2. What is the hottest vehicular sex scenes in a movie ever?

The train scene in Risky Business was pretty hot and the only other one I can think of is in the car in the hull of the Titanic and that wasn't as hot to me.

This scene with Scarlett Johansson from A Love Song for Bobby Long is pretty hot but I have never seen the whole movie. Check it out!!

3. Strap-on? yes, no, give, receive?

Haven't, willing to try giving.

4. What is the average penis length?

In my experience, 5.5 to 6 inches. I've seen, up close and personal, everything from about 3.5 inches and no bigger around than my pinky finger (my one and only "is it in? It is? Are you sure?" experience) and about 10 inches and as thick as a salami (frightening, but he knew what he was packing and was gentle). But most have been in the 5-7 inch range, so I'm going to say that's where you'll find average.

5. How do you stimulate his prostate? Guys, do you like it?

A finger or two currently, working up to toys. I'm not a guy, but I'd say they like it, so long as the fingernails are trimmed!

Bonus (as in optional): Confession Tuesday... tell me a secret!

I tried anal sex a few weeks ago . . . and I liked it! I really didn't expect to like it as much as I did. Wouldn't want to do it every time or anything, but it was a nice way change things up a little. His verdict was similar. Y'all won't tell anyone, right?

We Survived Camping . . . Just Barely

We got wet, we got dirty, and the kids had a fricking blast. They think camping is the greatest thing that ever happened to them. Mom and Dad - eh, not so much. But, c'est la vie.

When we arrived early Friday afternoon, I wanted to set up camp right away; Spousehole did not. We muttered loving things such as "Bitch" and "fucking asshole" under our breath at one another and we set up camp. Boy helped. He's such a good little helper when he wants to be:The rain held off until Saturday late afternoon. Then it poured pretty much constantly until we left around noon on Sunday. Fun, fun, fun. The kids thought playing in the rain was wonderful. Sleeping in the leaky tent, less wonderful. Imagine how much less wonderful, had they been deprived of an air mattress, like I was. Both nights. And I have the sore hip bones to prove it. You'd think my fat would be a sufficient cushion against the hard ground, but you would be wrong. Very wrong.

Then there was the time around the big campfire when my friend C asked loudly, "Hey, how come neither of you guys are wearing your wedding rings?" with about 25 people sitting around us. That was fun. Real fun.

I later confided to a friend about my extramarital adventures as we sat in the rain watching our kids play. That didn't really turn out well. She ended up trying to determine from our astrological signs whether I should be with Spousehole or PiC. I tried to explain that that was stupid and pointless because (a) astrology is stupid and pointless and (b) I plan to spend my life with Spousehole. PiC is a momentary diversion, nothing more. She thinks I'm deluding myself if I think 2 people can have sex and be friends and not have something more develop. That's exactly what I think, so whatever. She also wants me to talk to her psychic. Remember folks: we were having this conversation at church camp. I have the weirdest freaking friends. A Christian who believes in astrology, tarot cards, and psychics (she goes to two different psychics. Second opinion, I guess). Then again, I was discussing my adultery at church camp. We're all going to Hell (which is right outside Ann Arbor, in case you didn't know).

So the kids had a great time, but Mom and Dad feel like we've been rode hard and put up wet.¹ Normally I like feeling like I've been rode hard, but no one wants to be put up wet, you know?

¹This phrase refers to riding your horse until he is exhausted, then putting him up in his stall without brushing him or cooling him down. It's horse mistreatment. I was just alerted to fact that not everyone is familiar with this phrase. Sorry, it was a staple around my house growing up.

Mute Monday - Food & Beverages

;

The Weekend

I know most of y'all aren't around on the weekends much and I won't be either this weekend ~ we're going camping! We go every August with a group from church. It's supposed to rain on Saturday and Sunday, so I don't know how many good pictures I'll get. Hopefully we'll get some good "frolicking in Lake Michigan" shots in on Friday night or Saturday morning before the rain comes. We'll see. Otherwise you'll be treated to "huddling in tent with family" pictures and I can promise those won't be pretty.

"We" this weekend includes my 7-year-old nephew, Bam Bam. So we'll have him, our 6-year-old (Boy), and our 2-year-old (Girl), plus Spousehole and me. My sister was supposed to come also, but is bailing out in order to enjoy some quiet time at home (she's a single mom). All of us in one tent. I'd rather drive a railroad spike into my head than deal with this crew sometimes, so pray for me. Pray for me to survive and to not kill anyone. It's church camp, so I can't even drink. Not supposed to swear either. Or run through the camp naked. Sheez. Girl Scout camp was way more fun than this :) Just kidding. We usually have a great time. And I haven't killed anyone yet (that can be proven, at least).

Since it's private land with no hunting, we usually see lots of critters. Fox, deer, raccoon - if it lives in the woods of west lower Michigan, we've seen it up there. Except bear. We've seen the aftermath of a bear visit, but haven't seen an actual bear. Hopefully I'll have my camera ready when the wildlife make their appearances this year.

Wish me luck.

HNT!

I just love the color of this new bra and thought I'd share.

Why do we get half-nekkid? Want to join the fun? See Os at

Soundtrack to My Life

Do you get songs stuck in your head? I don't mean for a few minutes or even a few hours, but days on end. I do. And it can suck. They are not always songs I like, often they are songs that I heard just a little bit of and wham! it's stuck in my head. A while back, it was "Father Figure" by George Michael, after watching a hot video that used that song. That lasted almost a week. Now it is (you're going to laugh) "Private Eyes" by Hall and Oates. I know! See, it's all the fault of some guy on NPR. This weekend, this guy was on NPR talking about how he embarassed himself as a kid by responding to the question "what is your favorite song?" with "Private Eyes." NPR had to play a clip, of course. It's been in my head ever since. Driving me freaking insane.

I've tried listening to other things - Queen, Styx, Alan Jackson, Toby Keith, Dixie Chicks, Alison Krauss, Fall Out Boy, Eminem, Sawyer Brown, Jackson Browne, AC/DC, GNR, Raffi (yes, at this point I'd rather have Raffi stuck in my head) . . . and still I hear "Private eyes, they're watching you, they see your every move . . ."

Help me, please! I'm in Hall & Oates HELL!!

Ok, Now He Took Me Out to Eat

. . . without me having to hint, hint, HINT big time or just outright suggest it. Perhaps me being soaked in sweat, holding a mop in one hand and a bucket in the other when he arrived home helped. :) Whatever it was, he took me out to eat. Just splitting a P'zone at Pizza Hut - no big. Cheap Ass My darling spouse got us one (1) drink to split too - "it's free refills" he says. Grand total: just over $8. He spoils me. The Pizza Hut delivery vehicle outside had this bumper sticker: Tee hee.

Then we went to the boat store - woo hoo! Big excitement! I looked at clothes while he talked paint - topside and below the water line - with the boat store dude. I did buy Girl some new deck shoes. She's outgrown the old ones and these were on sale. Found out I can get Sperrys and Sebagos there pretty cheap too. Cheaper than the regular shoe store. Good to know.

Spousehole seems to be better. Claims his problem was drinking a Fuze too fast, made him feel sick yesterday. Uh huh. I so don't believe that was it, but whatever. Maybe he's been back with his "emotional affair" chick (it's an email thing, I KNOW they haven't seen each other) and something happened between them. I'm not even going to hack into his email accounts to find out. If that's it, I just don't want to know.

TMI Tuesday!!

It's TMI Tuesday! Click the "I kiss and tell" icon to come play with us!!


1. Define "infidelity" as it relates to a relationship. Have you ever been guilty of infidelity? Have you ever been the victim of infidelity? Have you ever been a participant in someone else's infidelity?

Infidelity is a repudiation of the exclusivity terms of a relationship, whether that be an exclusive physical relationship, an exclusive emotional relationship, or, most commonly, both.

I am guilty of sexual infidelity, most recently on Sunday night. I was faithful for 9 years before embarking on a NSA sexual affair this summer. I was possibly cheated on last summer by my husband. I participate in PiC's infidelity as he participates in mine. I have been with two other married men when I was single, though one I didn't know was married until after we had been together.

2. What is the last thing you stole?

It was an accident actually - my daughter grabbed candy in the checkout line at the store and I didn't realize it. Neither did the cashier. We got to the car and I had unloaded all the groceries and both kids when I realized she had a candy bar in her hand. I know I should have taken it back in and paid for it, but I didn't want to unload the kids again. So I owe the grocery store $.75.

3. Name one place in your country that you have never been but would like to visit and why.

Alaska. It looks beautiful in pictures and I would love to be out in that wilderness, so removed from "civilization."

4. What movies can you watch over and over again?

The Princess Bride, all the Star Wars movies, A Christmas Story, and almost anything from Disney/Pixar.

5. Who is the last person you saw naked?

My husband, this morning, as he dressed for work.

Bonus (as in optional): In honor of the 237 reasons we have sex study. Tell us at least five but not more than ten reason you have had sex.

1. Because I was really, really horny
2. To demonstrate love for the other person
3. For physical closeness
4. To get to sleep
5. Adventure/excitement
6. To relieve stress
7. On a dare
8. Nothing on TV
9. To celebrate a special occasion
10. It feels good - duh!

A New Situation

A new situation has arisen and I'm not quite sure what to do with it or about it. Spousehole isn't angry, but he seems depressed.

When I came home Sunday night, after an impromptu rendezvous with PiC, Spousehole seemed really, really down. I thought perhaps he had some inkling of where I had been. But he doesn't usually hold that type of thing in. If he suspected something, he would confront me. That's his M.O.

This morning he seemed down before he went to work. He was also surprised to see me awake and dressed before 7:00 - I had to have some blood drawn and they required fasting so I wanted it done first thing in order to be able to eat. Anyway, he just seemed out of it, not himself. Not angry, just down.

I went out for lunch this afternoon and when I came home he was here and in bed - at 2:30 in the afternoon. I asked if he was okay and he said that he felt light-headed, dizzy. He wasn't terribly convincing. He seemed more like he just wanted to hide under the covers and not come out. I know that feeling, I've been there way, way too often.

He stayed in bed all afternoon, only emerging when I asked if he wanted dinner. Once dinner was ready, I asked again if he was okay, explaining that he seemed more depressed than usual. He shrugged his shoulders. I told him I was worried about him, because I love him. He smiled and continued serving himself. After dinner he seemed better, going to the boat store for some gel coat for the cat. He didn't want me to go with him, but he also didn't give me a list of things he'd like to see accomplished in his absence. Highly unusual.

I know this is a pointless post, but it's for me, not you all. Some people think aloud, I think here.

Edit: He got the gel coat and seems much happier outside working on the cat. I swear that damn boat makes him happier than I ever did. But the weirdness continues: I needed money to go get more dishwasher detergent (God forbid that I should wash those dishes by hand!) and he handed over the cash without complaint or grumbling. That's not like him at all. I reminded him that I love him before I left for the store and he smiled and said "I know you do." What does that mean? Or does it mean anything? Maybe I'm just overanalyzing this whole thing.

Mute Monday - Just Say NO!

I hate vampires!

Seriously, I hate them. I had to have a boatload of blood tests this morning (routine stuff, just a bunch of them). They needed a green tube, two lavender tubes, a gold tube, and red tube. That's a lot of fracking blood. I'm not an easy draw either - the veins dive and roll, disappear, dry up for no apparent reason, etc. It took 30 minutes for them to get the needed blood. I look like a pin cushion with a bleeding disorder. Lots of little holes, lots of leaky blood (aka bruising). It's lovely. They got the most blood from a vein they found in the first knuckle of the left hand. The KNUCKLE! Do you have any idea how much that hurts? Should be a cool bruise though.

At least the monkeys are gone. The in-laws called on Friday because no one was visiting them for the weekend and they were bored and lonely. Their solution to bored and lonely was to kidnap my children. I had no problem with this and promptly surrendered the children upon request. They won't come home until Wednesday - woo hoo!

You might think this would mean some special time with Spousehole, but you'd be wrong. Unless you consider him playing Halo while I go to the movies alone special. I did get a last minute, quite unexpected booty-call, so I had a special time Sunday night. Spousehole just wasn't part of that equation.

__________________________________

Movies this weekend:

I finally saw Knocked Up this weekend, at the local second-run theater (all shows $3.50!!). It was funny; not hysterical, pee-your-pants, can't-catch-your-breath funny, but funny. I'm glad I didn't pay full price, however.
"Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever."

Apparently my husband has been taking marriage advice from the sister in Knocked Up, talking about training spouses: " You criticize them so much, they get down on themselves, and then they're forced to change!" Guess what honey? It's not working - it just pisses me off.

Netflix sent Thank You for Smoking. This movie was hysterical, pee-your-pants, can't-catch-your-breath funny in places, but made you think as well. Never thought I would be rooting for the cigarette industry lobbyist!
"The great state of Vermont will not apologize for its cheese!"

HNT!

Ring-free, but still bound

Why do we get half-nekkid? Want to join the fun? See Os at

Who, Moi?

I took Sage Vivant's Erotic Personality Quiz and discovered I'm a Risk-Taker!

The Risk-Taker needs an adrenaline rush to know sexual excitement. If it’s verboten, The Risk-Taker is first in line to give it a try. Defying social conventions turns this erotic type on like nothing else. If it’s liable to get them fired, divorced, or ex-communicated, their sexual juices flow fast and furious. They’re not likely to “listen to reason” because level-headedness is at odds with their needs. Most of them practice some form of this risky business in their daily lives, but some of them only fantasize about it. Either way, it is the notion that intrigues them above all others. Danger is an aphrodisiac to The Risk-Taker, and they are drawn to it regardless of the consequences.

What is your Erotic Personality? Find out now.

TMI Tuesday!!

It's TMI Tuesday! Click the "I kiss and tell" icon to come play with us!!

1. What is the worst/corniest pick up line someone has used on you and/or you used?

That old standby: I lost my phone number, can I have yours? (Didn't work)

2. Have you ever gone out on a date with someone and went home with someone else? Explain.

No, not that I recall.

3. What is the worst thing (spread a rumor, hook up with their SO, etc...) that you did to a friend? Did they do anything to deserve it?

I told her boyfriend that she was cheating. I thought he deserved to know. They stayed together, I lost a friend.

4. What is your favorite sex scene in a regular movie (not porn)? Why?

The Big Easy - Ellen Barkin, Dennis Quaid. The stars have amazing chemistry, you can almost feel the heat radiating from the screen. It's amazingly sexy and even more amazing - they don't even have their clothes off for the sexiest scene!! When she sighs "Stop that" and he replies "Stop what? That?" OMG - that about sends me over the edge right there. All you see are their faces, but it's just wowza sexy to me.

5. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? What would you change on your SO?

I would be more patient. He would be less angry.

Bonus (as in optional): What countries, other than your own, have you had sex in? Was it someone on the trip with you? Someone from that country?

The Bahamas and Canada, both with my husband. Not terribly interesting, sorry.

___________

I'm escaping my family tonight - mani/pedi. A "real" mani/pedi, not at a little storefront nail place but at a spa. Where they give you a beverage and pamper you to the extreme. Aahhh. Looking forward to it. A little me time: no kids, no hubby, no PiC. Nobody to please but me. A nice change of pace. I'm gonna milk it, believe me.

Mute Monday - Zip

N. takes off on the zip line at the zoo on Thursday

S. waving hello from the zip line at the zoo on Thursday

The Zipper (aka the Barfer) at the county fair

The zipper pull my son wears
(for this and other Autism Awareness items go to Buttonsandmore.com)

What is this Mute Monday thang? Click the button below to check it out!!

Blog Advice Meme

MizMouthy tagged me for this meme a while back and I am just getting to it. Sorry it took me so long!!

It’s very simple. When this is passed on to you, copy the whole thing, skim the list and put a * star beside those that you like. (Check out especially the * starred ones.)
Add the next number (1. 2. 3. 4. 5., etc.) and write your own blogging tip for other bloggers. Try to make your tip general.

After that, tag 10 other people. Link love some friends!

Just think– if 10 people start this, the 10 people pass it onto another 10 people, you have 100 links already!

1. Look, read, and learn. *****-http://www.neonscent.com/
2. Be, EXCELLENT to each other. *****-http://www.bushmackel.com/
3. Don’t let money change ya! ****-http://www.therandomforest.info/
4. Always reply to your comments.*-http://chattiekat.com/
5. Develop your own "voice" don't "borrow" someone else's**-Mizmouthy
6. Always avoid awesomely annoying and aggravating alliteration. Bunny

I tag Sophry, Trueself, crse, the Mind, Finished Last, Neely, Mrs. Zig, ZigZagMan

That's all I have for now. If I think of someone else, I'll edit. If you want to do it, do so and let me know!

Sorry, No HNT, but here's something even more revealing. . . .

I have no HNT today, since I've been out. To make up for that, here's more than you ever, EVER, wanted to know about moi:

1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2007?

Yes. Once with my husband (that's right, ONCE - in all of 2007) and, well, more than once with my partner in crime (PiC)

2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE?

Yes, in a park, in the car in a parking lot of a crowded club, on a golf course

3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX?

Yes, many, many times

4. EVER CRY DURING SEX?

Yes, but only a couple times

5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX?

Usually yes, but it depends

6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE?

More times than I care to admit

7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM?

Yes, more times than I can count

8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP?

Each has its place

9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX?

Yes; I call the results "Boy" and "Girl"

10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIEND'S SIGNIFICANT OTHER?

Probably, although I cannot recall a specific instance at the moment.

11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND?

Yes.

12. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX?

Yes.

14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX?

All the time.

15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKEN?

No.

16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE?

I passed gas just as my college boyfriend was about to enter me from the rear (doggy-style). I was mortified, he laughed his head off. His laughing got me laughing and we were still laughing hysterically when his roommate came in (we were lying flat with a sheet over us at that point). He told his roommate why we were laughing and I went back to being mortified as the two of them laughed and laughed. College boys are idiots. (No, I didn't dump him. We were together 4 more years.)

17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY?

Fifteen

18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW?

(1) My spouse or (2) PiC; or (3) Angelina Jolie

19. DO YOU THINK THAT #18 IS POSSIBLE?

Nope. Not right now at least. Hopefully (1) and/or (2) will be in the very near future. PiC more likely than spouse. (3) - no, this is not possible.

20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW?

It's rare when I'm NOT, so I guess that's a yes. I mean, not overly so, but I could be quite easily persuaded.

21. HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS?

If you mean intercourse, 17. If you include other sexual acts leading to at least one person having an orgasm, then I don't really know. The total would be at least twice as many as only counting intercourse.

22. DO YOU LIKE SEX IN THE CAR?

I used to, when I was young, skinny, and very limber, but now that I am old and decrepit, it's lost it's allure.

23. DO YOU STILL TALK TO THE PERSON YOU LOST VIRGINITY TO?

No. I never talked to him ever again after that night.

24. EVER HAVE SEX WITH A RELATIVE/FRIEND'S SIGNIFICANT OTHER?

No. Even I have standards. Very, very low standards, but standards nonetheless.

25. EVER BEEN WITH A CHEATER?

Yes.

26. TOYS, GOOD OR BAD?

Mostly good. Depends on how they're used and by whom.

27. LINGERIE?

Yes.

28. EVER SLEEP WITH A CO-WORKER?Yes, but I married him so it's ok. Of course, there was also the hot football player who worked for my parents when I was a teenager. And my boss at another job.
But that's all, I think. Well, no, my college boyfriend and I worked in the same cafeteria, so him too I suppose. But that's really it.

29. WHERE HAVE YOU HAD SEX?
(X)park
()church
()cemetery
(X)beach
(X)boat
()school
(X)parent's bed
(X)your bed
(X)car
()picnic table
(X)kitchen counter
(X)couch/chair
(X)dining room/kitchen table
(X)woods (open and/or in a tent)
(X)hood of a car
(X)bathroom
(X)shower
(X)bathtub
(X)the other person's bed
(X)porch/deck/balcony
(X)in a house with parents home
(X)at a party
()on top of the washer/dryer
(X)with other people in the room
(X)hotel
()concert
()grandparent's house
()field
()bleachers
()bookstore stock room
() linen closet

30. How many virgins have you "deflowered?"

5, including my spouse

I've seen different versions of these questions a few places, including Finished Last and Amy's Musings and thought I'd toss it out. I added a question. If you want to copy and do it too, please feel free. Add your own question too if you feel like it!

I'm an Asshole

I'm feeling like an asshole today. There was a woman at the mall that I wanted to ask "Did you really think that hairstyle would look good?" After he dumped me off my float for the umpteenth time, I wanted to hold my nephew's head under the water in the pool (just for a moment; I didn't). I wanted to tell everyone what I really think. Bitchy, bitchy, bitchy asshole. Oh, if only I had the guts to outwardly be the asshole I know I really am.

Wednesday Memes!

Wet Wednesday - play along!

1. have you ever been so ashamed/embarrassed about your body or yourself that you could not be intimate with someone? why, and what did you do about it, if anything?

Yes. It sounds so stupid now, but I had a small skin tag on my upper inner thigh. Small, but it bothered me so much that I avoided intimacy so that no one would see it. I had it removed (no big deal) and that was that. Something that silly wouldn't bother me now, but it sure did then.

2. what is the part of your body you feel worst about, and why? what are you planning on doing about it, if anything?

My abdomen. I'm overweight and have stretch marks and c-section scars from having two kids. I am losing weight, slowly but surely, but the stretch marks and scars are here to stay, I'm afraid.

3. what is the part of your body you feel best about, and why?

I like my feet. I have pretty nice feet.


Wednesday Mind Hump! - Girlfriend Day Edition

Want to hump along? Click here to join the fun!. Today is Friend Day (Girlfriend Day, generalized for your pleasure); here goes:

1. Pick a friend at random

Chick

2. How long have you known this person?

Since I was 11 and in the sixth grade and she was 13 and in the eighth grade. We went to the same middle school.

3. What is this person's best quality?
I can't choose just one! She has a fabulous sense of humor and always has my back. Can't beat that combo!

4. What is your favorite thing to do with this person?

Just sit around and talk. We always end up laughing so hard we nearly pee our pants.

For more on Chick, read this post.

Happy Hump Day!

The Standoff: I haven't updated on the Standoff, because there's been nothing to say. Still no change. Over a month, 6 weeks or so I guess, no wedding rings.