Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Monday, August 20, 2007

We Survived Camping . . . Just Barely

We got wet, we got dirty, and the kids had a fricking blast. They think camping is the greatest thing that ever happened to them. Mom and Dad - eh, not so much. But, c'est la vie.

When we arrived early Friday afternoon, I wanted to set up camp right away; Spousehole did not. We muttered loving things such as "Bitch" and "fucking asshole" under our breath at one another and we set up camp. Boy helped. He's such a good little helper when he wants to be:The rain held off until Saturday late afternoon. Then it poured pretty much constantly until we left around noon on Sunday. Fun, fun, fun. The kids thought playing in the rain was wonderful. Sleeping in the leaky tent, less wonderful. Imagine how much less wonderful, had they been deprived of an air mattress, like I was. Both nights. And I have the sore hip bones to prove it. You'd think my fat would be a sufficient cushion against the hard ground, but you would be wrong. Very wrong.

Then there was the time around the big campfire when my friend C asked loudly, "Hey, how come neither of you guys are wearing your wedding rings?" with about 25 people sitting around us. That was fun. Real fun.

I later confided to a friend about my extramarital adventures as we sat in the rain watching our kids play. That didn't really turn out well. She ended up trying to determine from our astrological signs whether I should be with Spousehole or PiC. I tried to explain that that was stupid and pointless because (a) astrology is stupid and pointless and (b) I plan to spend my life with Spousehole. PiC is a momentary diversion, nothing more. She thinks I'm deluding myself if I think 2 people can have sex and be friends and not have something more develop. That's exactly what I think, so whatever. She also wants me to talk to her psychic. Remember folks: we were having this conversation at church camp. I have the weirdest freaking friends. A Christian who believes in astrology, tarot cards, and psychics (she goes to two different psychics. Second opinion, I guess). Then again, I was discussing my adultery at church camp. We're all going to Hell (which is right outside Ann Arbor, in case you didn't know).

So the kids had a great time, but Mom and Dad feel like we've been rode hard and put up wet.1 Normally I like feeling like I've been rode hard, but no one wants to be put up wet, you know?

1This phrase refers to riding your horse until he is exhausted, then putting him up in his stall without brushing him or cooling him down. It's horse mistreatment. I was just alerted to fact that not everyone is familiar with this phrase. Sorry, it was a staple around my house growing up.


Vixen said...



And all this with out alcohol? Lord help you woman.

You summed up how I feel about camping and why I try to go as little as possible. Even camping on a BEACH, in the SAND, requires an air mattress. I know *exactly* what you are talking about w/ the sore hips. *OUCH*

And the whole convo about your extra marital affair, with the psychic going friend, at the church camp. LOLOLOL!

All of her Secrets said...

yeah..there is not enough money nor enough booze on this earth that would entice me to go are MUCH braver than I!!

Anonymous said...

Eventually someone is going to come in here and say: "But camping is such fun!" Not me, obviously. Loved the surreality of your friend with her psychic second opinions, and confessions at church camp.

Sheen V said...

Yep, I've known since I was a kid that hell was near Ann Arbor as I grew up in Ohio and went to OSU!

Jim said...

My father-in-law uses that all the time . . . "rode hard and put up wet." I think most people subjected to church camp, which they attended with their kids, had no air mattress, and got rained on, would fit that description.

You're a good woman. In need of a long and sensuous massage.