Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Friday Morning Musings

A lot of things, diverse things, on my mind this dreary, cloudy Friday morning.

George commented the other day that, to paraphrase, anal is the new oral. That is, oral used to be considered "out there," very risque, not something "nice" people did. Now it is pretty mainstream (except to my husband). George suggests that anal sex (which I would expand to assplay generally) is currently where oral used to be. Something that is gaining more acceptance, but is still considered something that "wild" people do, not "nice" people. I need to give this more thought, perhaps generate an essay exploring this proposition.

In the checkout line at the grocery store, I had a lot of time to peruse the covers of the myriad tabloids. Am I the only one who doesn't particularly give a shit who has custody of Britney's kids or about Nicole's baby or how skinny Angelina's gotten? Am I the only one who doesn't have a clue who some of the people featured on these covers are? LC? Vanessa? Not a single clue.

I've been thinking about my upcoming birthday. 40 years. A long damn time to be on this earth. I posted previously about my apparent midlife crisis. It's just not waning. I'm restless and dissatisfied with my life. Pathetic. Birthday is less than 2 weeks away now. Looming. So long as the in-laws can take the kids, Spousehole has agreed to take me to Cedar Point for my birthday. So at least I'll get some roller coaster action, if not some "other" action.

Been thinking a lot of about the nature of relationships - platonic, emotionally intense/romantic, and physical relationships and how they intertwine. Or don't. My relationship with my husband can be any of these, or all of these, from day to day. My relationship with PiC is both platonic and sexual, but not emotional beyond friendship. Another relationship in my life is more complicated. I care for this person a great deal. I have a strong emotional attachment to him, even though I have never met him in person. I can't stop thinking about him. I want desperately to meet him in person, but am terrified of actually doing so. If I do, I will want to kiss him, hold him, touch him, make love to him. I will want to give myself to him completely. But I can't do that, not long-term at least. My heart is not mine to give away. I've given it my husband. It is his, no longer mine. I am not what this other person needs right now. He is in a vulnerable place and I don't want to take advantage of that. I would be bad for him. Very bad. He's a good person and I am most decidedly NOT a good person. He needs and deserves better.

But I can't stop thinking about him.

I really, really need to get laid. That would take my mind off him, at least for a little while. PiC may call me later, if things work out. I hope so. I need a diversion. I need to feel his hands on my body, his mouth on my breasts. I want him to fill my mouth with his gorgeous thick cock, his hand gently brushing the hair away from my face so he can see me licking and sucking him. I want to hear him sigh as I caress his balls, hear him moan as I stroke his sensitive rosebud first with a finger, then, eliciting a deeper, more primal moan, my tongue. I need his fingers inside me, as his tongue dances over my sex, working its magic until I'm lost in the feeling, all other thoughts banished as he coaxes an explosive orgasm from my willing body. I want him to tell me again how weak I leave him after I've sucked every last drop from him and kissed him deeply, sharing with him his own taste. I want him to hold me tight as our breathing returns to normal, as we return to the real world from the fantasy one we create together.

Okay, that's not helping either.

We did finally get more information on Boy's school change. They decided he needed to be in a classroom with higher functioning kids, so that's why he was moved. It is a good thing for him, since all his classmates will be high-functioning like Boy. They are verbal and most will spend at least some time in general ed, like Boy. It's the type of classroom I was advocating for all along. It's a good move; they just should have contacted me about it. Apparently, TPTB made this decision in JUNE, but this is the first I'm hearing of it. That is frustrating. Especially frustrating was when a secretary, who couldn't tell me why the change was made replied to my concern about not having been contacted by saying "Well, we did contact you. You got the letter that prompted you to call, didn't you?" Bitch.

My son was walking around the house yesterday in a firefighter's jacket and no pants/underpants. Now if I can only get his Daddy to wear that outfit. ;)

I guess I'm just restless today. I need a distraction, something to pull me from inside my own head. I'll go read all your blogs. Maybe that will help.

14 comments:

Jim said...

Wow . . . very powerful, and well-said. You have many lucky men in your life, it sounds to me. PiC is the only one benefitting from your passion, and your need to love and be loved, though. Hubby doesn't know what an incredible gift he's squandering.

XO

Loving Annie said...

Good Friday morning Bunny !

I love anal. It's just scary to admit it when I am with someone new, until they bring it up... Then done gently (at first), slowly, (at first) with a lot of lube, wow. Serious wow.

Since my grandma doesn't know about it, I'm still considered a nice girl by the family :)

I don't care about the tabloids - I've got my own life to deal with, and precious little sympathy for people who have it all on such an amzing scale, yet still can't manage to keep it together. Brittany is just a mess. As is Paris, and Nicole.
Grow up, girls !

Upcoming 40th - midlife crises happens to all of us, but that doesn't make it any less disquieting. Hey I'm 49 -- now THAT is a birthday that makes the next one very scary. You're a young thing in comparison :)

Hope that Cedar Point is fun !

I so know all those yearning feelings. Getting laid is crucially important to being emotionally stable. It is. Seriously. I think it's a necessity. For sanity.

Very nice descriptions, btw... Hot... I wish I had someone to play with like that...

Glad that the chang in Boy's school was a good one.
And they very definitely should have contacted you first.

Oooh doing it in a firefighter's uniform.... yummm. I'd do a cop, too !

Soccer Dad said...

Well hell, my blog's just gotten to be downright depressing, but read it if you will.

Fex said...

I found myself relating to almost everything you described here this morning. Especially, the "I don't give a shit what famous people are doing" tabloid crap at the grocery store; the midlife crisis issues; and the "my heart is no longer mine to give away...he deserves and needs better."

Wow, I can relate. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

TAG said...

Count me in with the "couldn't care less about what the celebrities are doing" crowd.

As for being a bad girl or a nice girl, does that really matter any more than what the celebrities are doing? It's just a label. Throw it away like last weeks newspaper. It only matters if YOU let it matter. Don't let it matter.

Also, I hope you'll reconsider this thought.

"My heart is not mine to give away. I've given it my husband. It is his, no longer mine."

I see and admire the sentiment behind the statement. But come on now. Just because you gave it, doesn't mean he has kept it. What has hubby done lately to demonstrate that he deserves your heart? No, I say he threw it back to you long ago. It's now yours to pick up and do with as you will.

TAG

Edtime Stories said...

I hope that you got what you needed.. I know so much how you feel

George said...

Thank you for putting me up front and center. I look forward to reading your post about the subject.

Tabloids and the trash ... always a hysterical headline but I don't know half of the names I see written on the cover.

Your heart is always yours. It is given in complete freedom and love and if you discover that it is no longer appreciated for the wonderful gift it once was, then I think you should be free to bestow your gift on another.

D said...

I first tried anal with an old girl friend many years ago. We have been talking about anal play for a while but lately we are actually doing it. I like it.

Also the wife's boy friend just went to Cedar Point this week and his wife only took him on real roller coasters. Too bad.

ronjazz said...

Just a couple of comments. I really enjoy your stream-of-consciousness writing; you are a hot, aware, gorgeous woman. Now:

You will find 40-49 to be both the most exciting and the most challenging years in your life. Cause now it's time to be an adult. You'll NEVER lose the enthusiasm of that younger woman.

We offer our hearts in love. We trust that they will be treated with and given love in return. You have seen very little in that realm. You have a right, a duty to make sure that it is treated with respect and attentiveness. It always belongs to you...it's what you give everyone in your life.

I invite you to come read me. And I'll be back!

ArtfulSub said...

Wow. The School thing turned around pretty well, for you. If they had contacted you and you'd avoided all those acclimation visits to the wrong School, it would have been better, though.

I did a post a while back on my utter disinterest in the sordid lives and political rantings of today's celebrities. And didn't recognize the faces or names of most of the tabloid fags and whores.

Sounds like you're about ready to join us in the BOYCOTT HOLLYWEIRD movement. You'll be happy you did.

Jon Galt said...

Remember beautiful... 40 is just a number.

Eh-hum, great discription of what you're looking for from PiC... I need to go adjust my pants...

I hope you are well.

Vixen said...

A lot of what you said made quite a bit of sense to me. As in I could relate very well, have been in a similar situation.

Confusing stuff.

*hugs*

Dates Bubbas said...

Uhh... so what happened to Saturday and Sunday? I find *that* curiouser and curiouser.

Lola Gets said...

I think anal is the new oral. For a while there, I was meeting men who always wanted to do something "down there." I was like, wtf is going on??
lol
L