Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Let the Games Begin!!

It's fake Christmas Eve for my family today, as we are celebrating Christmas with Spousehole's family tomorrow. When Boy gets home from school (around 4:30 - full day today!), we'll drive up to my in-laws' "lake house." My brother-in-law will be there with his wife and 3-year-old daughter. Tomorrow morning will be fake Christmas morning, with stockings and gifts from Santa for everyone. We'll exchange gifts and hang out. Spousehole's other two sibs will join us in the afternoon. They want to wait to do Santa stuff and stockings with their parents on the real Christmas.

The kids will love it. Me, not so much. It will be hard knowing that this is likely the last Christmas we'll spend all together, fake or otherwise. It will be difficult to not tell everyone, but we don't want to spoil the holiday. When we do finally tell them, my FIL will probably give us a major lecture on how we are not only disappointing him but God as well. That we made a promise to God and by divorcing we are reneging on that promise. Blah, blah, blah. He thinks if he yells and lectures enough, people will do what he wants. (See where Spousehole gets it?)

So anyway, if you don't hear from me for a couple days, it is because I am up north drinking heavily spending quality time with Spousehole's family.

In other news, Girl got a "big girl" bed (mattress, box-spring, and frame) from her grandparents for Christmas. We set it up on Wednesday and she has slept the last two nights in it. She is very, very excited. She keeps saying "It so big!" (It's a twin-size, but that is ginormous for someone only 25 pounds - and it's almost as high as she is tall.) It is pretty huge compared to her toddler bed. Her Daddy has slept in it with her, but we hope to phase out that part very soon. Similarly, I have been laying down with Boy in his bed until he falls asleep, then moving to my own bed. So far, he has been staying in his bed by himself and not following me to my room. So far, so good. "Operation Kids Sleeping In Their Own Beds" takes a giant step forward!!

Need a last minute snack to take to a gathering or give as a gift? This is easy and SO YUMMY:

You take, waffle-weave/checkboard/square pretzels, like these:

Spread some out on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. Place one Hershey's Hug, unwrapped(!), on each pretzel.
Place cookie sheet with Hug-topped pretzel in preheated 170 degree (F) oven for 3-4 minutes, until the Hugs are softened, but not totally melted.

Remove from oven and immediately place one red or green m&m on top of each hug, pressing down just slightly. Place cookie sheet in refrigerator or freezer for a few minutes to re-solidify the Hugs.

You have a sweet and salty treat that everyone will love!! So simple, the kids can even press the m&ms into the Hugs (170 degrees isn't too terribly hot).

You can make them with Kisses too. Just increase the time in the oven to 5-6 minutes. Don't try to do Hugs and Kisses on the same cookie sheet, because they melt at vastly different rates!! I prefer to make these with Hugs because the stripes make it look way too cool. Solid chocolate works but doesn't look as cool.

God is a sadistic bastard - who knew?
Edit: I have a fingernail that is torn halfway down the nail bed and catches on everything. It hurts like you would not believe. When I caught it on something earlier, tearing it a little more and causing more bleeding, I said "Jesus, Joseph, and Mary Mother of God that hurts!" Spousehole had a fit. He told me I was going straight to hell. His words were "When you die, God will have no questions for you, you are just going to straight to hell." This piqued my curiousity. I asked why God would have questions for me, because he knows everything I've ever done and everything I have ever thought. He knows it all, what's to ask? The explanation surprised me. Apparently, in Spousehole's version of death, God basically uses the Socratic method to draw out of you the justification for your own salvation or damnation. Essentially, you damn yourself to hell. I thought that this didn't really gibe with freely given Grace preached in our particular Protestant denomination, but Spousehole didn't seem to think so. Okey dokey. God is a Socratic-method sadist who tricks us into damning ourselves to hell. Who knew?


Renee said...

Hope you and the kids have a good time this weekend.

Thanks for the easy recipe. I'm adding it to my Christmas Eve 'things to make' list.


Anonymous said...

My niece just got a big girl's bed and has already fallen out of it and slept right through the fall. And everyone said, "she's uncle Graig's niece." I used to fall out of all the time when I was a kid... even when I slept on the top bunk.

Ron Burgundy said...

I will wish that everything goes well for you with your in-laws as I know that it can't be an easy trip by any stretch of the imagination.


ArtfulSub said...

You forgot to mention taking the pretzels OUT OF the bag. So mine didn't turn out right. Grrherhahahahahahaha

Motor City Monk said...

Wow - awesome looking sweet 'n salty treat - however, if I tried making 'em my wife would call me "Mrs. D" (Mrs. Doubtfire) and probably claim I'm gay (that's her latest to try to aggravate me into having more sex with her) as much as I'd like to, I'm going to have to enjoy 'em vicariously thru you. Happy holidays!

sandy shoes said...

At least when your FIL is lecturing you, you can be singing quietly to yourself about how it'll be the last time he ever gets to do it. (Really Pops! This is the last time you ever get to talk to me like this, so pull out all the stops, big man! Good one!)

When I divorced, I had a hard time reconciling myself to breaking a promise I made before God and everyone. But: I figure God is wiser than I was when I made that promise. And it isn't God's plan for me to be miserable. I believe God wants us to be true to ourselves... and for me, that meant letting myself correct a mistake.

In case you need mental ammo :).

Merry Fake Christmas Bunny.

Anonymous said...

Turns out you aren't the only person whose view of the afterlife is different from your spouse's.

Rae said...

Holy shit, god's a law professor?! That explains a lot.

Happy Christmas!

George said...

You know that spousehole is a pervert, right? I don't think he understands the bottom line about what religion is or isn't. It isn't about going to church every Sunday ... it's about loving ... something he doesn't do too well it seems to me.

Tell FIL to screw himself when you get tired of his yapping ... what do you have to lose?

Have as great a weekend as possible

Trueself said...

Mmm, the treats are similar to some I make with the pretzels, Rolo candies and a pecan with basically the same directions. Yours though are particularly festive looking!

Spousehole has an interesting concept of being saved. The way I understood things in my mainline Protestant upbringing is that Jesus died for all our sins as an intercessor. It's good you have Spousehole to keep you straight on these things.

Steff said...

Hey, I like that recipe. It is just about my speed. I'm always on the look out for easy recipes that make a large quantity to give out at school to teachers during the holidays. This year I tried lemon pudding cake...let's say after two batches I was giving up! I think I'll do this with little pink and red M&Ms for the kids at Valentine's Day!

Sorry to hear that things are still topsy turvy with your husband. I hope that you have as peaceful a Christmas as possible!

Anonymous said...

Saying all of the usual Christmassy things sounds so out of whack - I know you'll try to have a good time and it won't really be wonderful, but hopefully you'll be able to enjoy the kids. Congrats on the kids sleeping in their own beds!! XOXOXO

Evening said...

I hope you can enjoy the holidays even though I know this is a hard time for you. I am thinking of you Bunny.
Glad the kids are doing well in there own beds too.

Anonymous said...

Oops, almost forgot!! Those pretzel things look great!! I might try them this weekend myself!

Polt said...

Hope the weekend goes well. Watch out for the fingernail.


Sixdegrees said...

I just love his version of meeting God on Judgement Day. Exactly where does he get his theology from? Sounds an a lot like the warped Dutch Calvinist theology that I was indoctrinated in as a kid. Amazing things happen when theology is allowed to trump the truth.

Anonymous said...

I did break a nail in such nasty way... result? My nail never grew back normally... but this is a little detail... Love that so good looking snack! And yes, you husband is pretty weird, if he believes that this is enough to go to hell... Where are going real baddies than, those who commit real crime against others?? Or maybe there are different rooms in hell?? ;-))
Try to get the best of that week end ;-)

Motor City Monk said...

In a perfect world there would be no "religion" but pure spirituality.

I can't agree with anyone's concept of "God" which includes the damning of a human being to an eternal hell.

I mean, puuuhhleeeeze - aren't we all smarter than that? We're not 4 year olds!!! Sheeeeesh.

SignGurl said...

I've got to go try that recipe right now! I'm in the baking mode.

Have a Merry "Fake" Christmas, Bunny!

Anonymous said...

Those little desserts look good!! I might have to try that. I love the Snyder's dark chocolate pretzels. Yum!

I remember my last Christmas "together" as a family. Christmas Eve was the last time I slept with my husband. A year later, papers were filed.

Zoely said...

love that recipe, thanks!

re sh's theory of God. it's my postion that there is room for everyone's religious presuasions...but wow. no wonder he's such a miserable bastid.

Edtime Stories said...

hug babe...What a view of God. I think I may have to write how I see God some day for you, but that would make for an interesting way to get to heaven.

G-Man said...

If indeed there is a God!
He has a FUCKED sense of humor!!!!!
You take care Bunny..
Please dont drink too much!!!

If I Didn't Love You said...

I've been reading your blog for some time but I recently started my own blog about the breakdown of my marriage. Just thought I would let you know that I like your writing and it helps me think things through.

Valyna said...

I LOVE your recipe!! I do one quite similar to yours, but I think I'll try yours next year :) My recipe is the same method, you just use mini pretzels, a Rolo and 1/2 of a pecan.

Vixen said...

I love those! I make those every year. This year I made a batch with candy cane kisses and mint m&m's, it was a yummy mix too.