Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Just funny

7-11 has a sense of humor??!?!? They've changed over some of their stores to Kwik-E-Marts - you know, where Apu works on the Simpsons? Funny.

My sister-in-law sent me these in an email:


She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up &down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this: yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day . . . 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men . . .. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" (Story of my life!)

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ........"HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ."He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


Anonymous said...

Funny stuff, (though I have to admit I am feeling a bit insecure about my gender now)

The inside of me said...

LOL nice way to spend the day on Monday. I love all the jokes especially the silent treatment. A long time ago I took a job and on my first day I had to answer the phone. I needed to ask one of the big bosses a question but when I tried, he said "I am busy, don't ever bother me when I am busy" The next call was from his wife and she said she had an emergency at home and needed to speak with him immediatly. I put her on hold and left for the day, lol

Anonymous said...

lol! So, about thirteen years ago I was sitting in a swank downtown bar in Seattle on a Friday about a half hour before quitting time. It was just me, the bartender, and a waitress rolling silverware. This guy walks in like he owned the world, orders a drink, and puts his huge (13 years ago huge) cellphone on the bar like it was his penis. Then sits down, snaps a newspaper open and pretends to read. The cellphone rings, and with the air of royalty he answers it, then quickly recoils, turning away from me and the bartender saying, "what! I told you to never call this number!", "I don't know!", "No!", "I don't care!", "No, I'm hanging up now! Do not call this number!" He hung up the phone and tried to regain his composure by saying, "F@#$ing wife never listens." The bartender, a man about sixty-ish, leans over and takes the drink from him and says, "get the f$#& out of my bar." And after he leaves the bartender turns to me and says, "I hate stupid people."

A true story. C:)

Nalini said... brightened up my day, thanks, Bunny!

And so did your other comments...hehe.I especially liked the one about the husband on the milk carton. :)

crse said...

these were awesome! i particularly like the animals on the road one...

Anonymous said...

LOL! I loved those. I'll be stealing that and emailing it off to people. Thanks. ;)