Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

What's in a Name?

Do you make up names for people you run into on a regular basis?

Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this bizarre thing. For instance, I wrote recently about my son's bus driver, Snoop Dogg. Now, I could just ask him his real name. But it's more fun to just call him Snoop in my head and when talking to Spousehole. (BTW, if I mention "Snoop," Spousehole knows immediately that I'm talking about the bus driver and not Calvin Broadus.)

But the bus driver isn't the only one. I call the guy at the bakery "Che," in my head, because he looks like Che Guevara (the beard, the hat, the eyes - seriously, this could be his grandson). The guy at the gas station is "Cute Bi-Guy" although I do now know his real name now (and it's screams "I'm very, very gay." No way his mother gave him that name, at least not that spelling. But I know he branches out and does the occasional chick, hence "Bi-Guy.")

The chick at the deli by my house is "Kelly" because she looks just like Kelly Osborne, but less stoned and more piercings. A clerk at the grocery store is "Wanda" because she looks like, sounds like, and is almost as funny as Wanda Sykes.

The homeless guy who kept gathering carts at the grocery store and bringing them back inside so they finally just hired him is "Grizzly" for Grizzly Adams. (Does anyone else remember that show or is it just me?) A lady at church is "Bobblehead Lady" (she has Parkinson's, but also a wicked sense of humor). A guy who walks through our neighborhood in the summer is "Lurch." A similar-looking fellow joined our church and is "Church Lurch." The depressed coffee shop clerk is "Richard" for Richard Lewis.

Am I insane? Am I becoming George W. Bush, who gives everyone a nickname?

12 comments:

bdenied said...

I have only one nickname for people and that is "Asshole." If they arent as "asshole" then they are ok....so there are two kinds of people..."Assholes" and everyone else......Most fit into the everyone else category but then you have your basic "asshole" your "what an asshole-asshole" and a "big fucking asshole-asshole..."not original but very simple and some might say somewhat caustic...

I Smile 2 Much said...

omigosh - u seriously crack me up so much with these nicknames. i can totally imagine them all in my mind now (scary, huh?!) : ) & i read your posts way more than i comment.

& yes, okay i admit, too, that i do the same thing. ; ) it makes my life more entertaining & laugh*able ; )

Chelle said...

LOL I do that, too!! Its funny the things do that we don't tell other people 'cause we don't want them to think we are an idiot...turn out to be things others do as well! lol I love it!

for a different kind of girl said...

The nicknames I give people, mostly on the sly, aren't always ones I'd be scared to let them hear me say, but so often, I make up a new one for them that I run the risk of confusing myself, so I figure why subject them to me calling them different names on different days?

My kids, those poor darlings, so rarely get called by their given name that I think it's stunning they actually know them!

Sailor said...

I don't do the nicknames for other people, beyond the kids- and for them, I have plenty.

And no, it's not just you, I remember Grizzly Adams quite well.

Desmond Jones said...

Oh, I remember Grizzly Adams; I've been called that myself, a time or two. . . ;)

I used to have an uncanny knack for dubbing my girlfriends with 'pet names' that nobody had ever called them, except one especially treasured loved one. A girl named 'Ginny' (Virginia), I used to call 'Ginia, which just melted her heart. And there was a 'Mary Lou' who I called 'M'Lou', which only her favorite uncle had ever called her. Alas, I never managed to pull off anything like that for Molly, but there is this song which prominently features her name (her real name, I mean), which I can melt her heart with, so it's all good. . .

lime said...

lol, my dad always did this. to the extent that i embarassed myself as a child by calling someone by the less than complimentary nickname he had given them because i thought it was their real name.

and no fear you are way too smart to be turning into dubya.

gretty said...

I can still sing the entire Grizzly Adams opening theme song.
I know you're jealous.

Pluff said...

It's funny until a nickname backfires. For instance, one of my co-workers who hates the very ground I walk on, just got a hair cut and now looks just like Tina Turner. So I started referring to her as Tina Turner with my co-workers. One of whom slipped and called her Tina to her face. Wooops.

I remember how disappointed I was when the Griz got busted for drugs. Coke I think it was :( He was my hero.

ZigZagMan said...

To this day, I call my nephew Angus and my niece Molly. This is much to the simay of my sisters....but phhpt..:)

Vixen said...

Hmm...I'm sitting here trying to think if I do that....

And, I totally think I do. LOL

Blonde, Not Stupid said...

Nah, you're not alone. I do it, too, and I worked with a guy who had nicknames for all of us at the office. My exes are "Dorknozzle" and "Asswipe." Those are great nicknames, BTW!! I got a good laugh!!