No, He's Not Gay (not that there's anything wrong with that)

No, my husband isn't gay. I was asked about this in an email. It's a question that has arisen before.

We met when we worked at the same place. I was in legal and he was in IT. Upon learning we were dating, more than one co-worker (always male) said "Huh. I thought he was gay" or some variation thereof. He seems like a nice and sensitive person to a lot of people (they really don't know him) and people associate that with being gay. He's not. He does like romantic movies, sappy music, sweet wines, hates most sports and rides a wimpy motorcycle. But he also has no fashion sense and can't cook or dance. ;)

He used to be really into sex. Straight sex. With me, even. Actually, only with me, at least until last year when he may or may not have cheated. He was 31 when we started dating and was still a virgin. He was much like Andy in The 40-Year-Old Virgin. He collected action figures (they're dolls, guys, hate to tell you) and model airplanes and space ships. He has an Asia poster hanging in his basement workshop. Oh, I'm not kidding. I really should take a picture of it. He knows every episode of Star Trek, ST:TNG, and Babylon 5 by heart. But unlike Andy, he had a massive collection of porn. Straight porn; I checked. If you meet his perfect-on-the-surface-but-totally-fucked-up-underneath family, you can see why he remained a virgin for as long as he did. He grew up in a totally repressed and repressive environment.

His crushes are on women or, more often, girls. He volunteers with the senior high youth at our church and usually has at least one underage girl that he slobbers over. Oh, he would never touch those girls, he's not that big a creep. But, as he says, it's hard to not notice their tight little asses in their tight little jeans and their perky young breasts under their skimpy little shirts. Whatthefuckever. He still pines away over women he couldn't have as a teen/young adult. Now he's got teen girls fawning over him (it really is weird how intensely they flirt with him) and he wishes he was 17 again.

His porn is straight porn. I see what he downloads (hundreds of CDs worth and counting) and it's all straight. He's too cheap to waste all those CDs if they're just a cover for being gay.

We have friends who are gay and he has no problem being around them. A lot of closeted gay men don't want to be around out gay men. He is perfectly comfortable. And one of my friends is totally into the places where gay men hang out for anonymous sex and would tell me if he saw my husband at any of them. (He tells me more than I want to know as it is.)

So, all in all, I'd say my husband is straight. (Maybe too straight - I have a lingering fantasy involving a gay or bi guy, my husband, and me. It's a little warped, but does that really surprise you? I told him about it and his reply was "No way, no how, never gonna happen.)