Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

No, He's Not Gay (not that there's anything wrong with that)

No, my husband isn't gay. I was asked about this in an email. It's a question that has arisen before.

We met when we worked at the same place. I was in legal and he was in IT. Upon learning we were dating, more than one co-worker (always male) said "Huh. I thought he was gay" or some variation thereof. He seems like a nice and sensitive person to a lot of people (they really don't know him) and people associate that with being gay. He's not. He does like romantic movies, sappy music, sweet wines, hates most sports and rides a wimpy motorcycle. But he also has no fashion sense and can't cook or dance. ;)

He used to be really into sex. Straight sex. With me, even. Actually, only with me, at least until last year when he may or may not have cheated. He was 31 when we started dating and was still a virgin. He was much like Andy in The 40-Year-Old Virgin. He collected action figures (they're dolls, guys, hate to tell you) and model airplanes and space ships. He has an Asia poster hanging in his basement workshop. Oh, I'm not kidding. I really should take a picture of it. He knows every episode of Star Trek, ST:TNG, and Babylon 5 by heart. But unlike Andy, he had a massive collection of porn. Straight porn; I checked. If you meet his perfect-on-the-surface-but-totally-fucked-up-underneath family, you can see why he remained a virgin for as long as he did. He grew up in a totally repressed and repressive environment.

His crushes are on women or, more often, girls. He volunteers with the senior high youth at our church and usually has at least one underage girl that he slobbers over. Oh, he would never touch those girls, he's not that big a creep. But, as he says, it's hard to not notice their tight little asses in their tight little jeans and their perky young breasts under their skimpy little shirts. Whatthefuckever. He still pines away over women he couldn't have as a teen/young adult. Now he's got teen girls fawning over him (it really is weird how intensely they flirt with him) and he wishes he was 17 again.

His porn is straight porn. I see what he downloads (hundreds of CDs worth and counting) and it's all straight. He's too cheap to waste all those CDs if they're just a cover for being gay.

We have friends who are gay and he has no problem being around them. A lot of closeted gay men don't want to be around out gay men. He is perfectly comfortable. And one of my friends is totally into the places where gay men hang out for anonymous sex and would tell me if he saw my husband at any of them. (He tells me more than I want to know as it is.)

So, all in all, I'd say my husband is straight. (Maybe too straight - I have a lingering fantasy involving a gay or bi guy, my husband, and me. It's a little warped, but does that really surprise you? I told him about it and his reply was "No way, no how, never gonna happen.)

13 comments:

dareuu said...

wait a minute. i like romantic movies, sappy music, sweet wines. i'm not a big sports fan. i drive a small suv (a saturn no less). i love to cook. i like some straight porn but really enjoy looking at lesbian porn. i have some fashion sense but some of the newer fashions just don't appeal to me. i guess the only thing saving me from being gay is that i can't dance and i have no interest in guy-on-guy sex.

and i'm also sad to say that the last statement probably pulls me out of the running as the perfect friend with benefits for bunny. :(

h said...

In seeking enlightenment, I think it's better to get the opinion of THREE sages. And if they all agree on some point, it's likely to be true.

Stan, Kyle, and Cartmann all agree your husband sounds REALLY REALLY GAY. If Kenny were alive, he'd mumble in concurrence.

Not necessarily homosexual-behavior gay. But clearly REALLY REALLY GAY in the South Park sense.

as

Trueself said...

Hmm, I have that same fantasy. Well, except with me, BJ and some bi guy. The cool thing for me though is that BJ has the same fantasy.

Sorry, may have just wandered into the realm of sharing TMI here.
;-)

sophry said...

In the north-east of England there's a saying that 'There's nowt as queer as folk', which popped into my head given the title of your post...translated it means 'People are strange beings' Here's to strangeness, chink, chink!!

Anonymous said...

GJ and I have also shared that fantasy in some hot stories we've sent back and forth to each other. We've even got some bi and gay porn we like to pop in every once in a while. :)

Anonymous said...

Ok. I'm going to sound a bit judgmental here but I'll say it anyway. If your hubby were anywhere near my kid's youth group I might have to punch his lights out. he has no business there if that's what he is noticing. I can be a lustful as the next guy but I worked with teens for over 15 years as a youth leader and teacher and I can say I never viewed any of those girls that way. I saw them as surrogate daughters. I'm not talking from some high horse here but he's playing with fire.

Anonymous said...

Bunny ... you've just laid out all the reason you have NOT to feel guilty.

Your hubby may not be gay (or atleast has NOT admitted it to himself yet), but he definitely has a problem with INTIMACY, not the action of sex - the connectedness with another soul ...

You, from what you share here sound like a wonderful yet troubled soul caught in a marriage that is unfulfilling ... Your hubby needs to see someone - anyone (not the pastor at your church - that would only deepen his hang ups (I'm a pastor - I know of what I speak)) He needs someone who can talk to him openly and frankly about his sexual hang ups, and help him get over them ...

A more liberal church like a United Methodist Church would be a start - but a professional counsellor who is NOT religious, nor conservative, and who would help him deal with his immaturity is NECESSARY. The sooner the better ...

You deserve better than you have - admit it to yourself and if your husband can't fix himself - LEAVE.

You're crazy to be in a place that is unfulfilling ... that would be the sin ... the is no sin in wanting to be loved in a physical, sweaty way and looking for and finding it !!

thanks for the frankness - it's simply refreshing ...

Bunny said...

Anonymous - We ARE United Methodists! We both grew up Missouri (Misery) Synod Lutherans but were drawn to a more liberal theology and congregation.

Bunny said...

D- that just means you can't be a friend with benefits for BOTH of us. Doesn't rule out just with me . . . ;)
When it comes to being gay, that "no interest in guy-on-guy sex" thing is a real deal breaker, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

Wow!!!! I just stumbled upon your site and LOVE it. You are amazing. you write well and you seem like you are the kind of person who would make a great friend. Sorry to hear you don't always get what you want from your husband. How is it that for eons since the beginning of time it has been said that after marriage women quit wanting sex when in actuality from what you read on these blogs it seems like there are an awful lot of married men who leave the wives wanting sex and them not willing to participate. i hope things turn out well with your new friend and no one gets hurt. As long as no one gets hurt I think LIFE IS SHORT DO THAT WHICH MAKES YOU HAPPY!!!!!! And I have to agree with you out of a conservative number of 500,000 that you and the guy would have that connection you mentioned is mind boggling. I am someone who does not like when it becomes so apparent how truly small the world can be. I like to think of it as being a bigger more vast place where there would be no other people connections when you find what you found with your friend. Wishing you all the best and as I get time i want to go back and read more of your site.
Bridget

Anonymous said...

Over at my blog, you told me you married your hubby for (among other things, I hope) his tallness. Maybe I should go for the short ones and just buy a dozen stepladders, because I couldn't be nearly as faithful as you in that situation. Or as patient. Or as kind. Or as nonmurderous, really.

Do you think you'd rather him be gay? Lmao, the South Park trio agree, and that's quite a rare situation.

Anonymous said...

postscript:

Perhaps I should have read your 'Guilt Revisited" post before commenting on your faithfulness. No condemnation here, none at all--just a lack of information on my part. =D

I do hope things work out for you somehow, with a minimal amount of pain for everyone involved, particularly the chitlins.

Anonymous said...

Good for people to know.