Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Bad Mommy Round-Up

Most mommy bloggers think they are bad mommies. I seem to be trying too hard to prove my case. Yesterday, Girl got her head stuck in a picket fence. As she screamed and cried, my first thought was not "Oh my poor baby! I must free her!" No, no, my first thought was "Where is the camera when I need it?" I also ate her cookies while she was on the swingset at the park. Then today two of our cats were on the front porch and a strange cat joined them. Much hissing and growling ensued. Girl went out to see. Strange cat snarled and Girl ran back to the house as fast as her little toddler toes could carry her with an "Oh shit!" look on her face. Do I soothe and comfort my scared little angel? Yes, but . . . . not before laughing my fool ass off. You would think I would know better. One of my more traumatic childhood memories involves my mother laughing at my pain. I had taken a huge chunk of flesh off my left hand. Lots of blood, visible tendons, the whole enchilada. My mom was cleaning the wound when I fainted. I came around to find my mother laughing so hard she couldn't even pick me up off the floor. It took several minutes for her to regain her composure and get me taken care of. Thirty years later, I'm doing it to my own kids, albeit on a somewhat lesser scale. Great.

I have been remiss in boring people by recounting our latest movie viewings. Last weekend was big - three movies! Two in the theater, one on DVD. Saw Pirates on opening night (Thursday). Husband adored it, I liked it alright. Keira is too skinny, Orlando's mustache is too skinny, but Johnny Depp? Oh yeah, I loves me some Johnny Depp. Worth the price of admission, he is. It's a long movie - don't get the large soda. I'm just saying.

Saw Spidey3 on Saturday with the neighbors. Husband didn't care for it. I thought it was good, but they tried to cram too many stories into one movie, not fleshing out each plotline fully. The interesting part was that we saw Spidey3 in digital. You could see every pore and every flaw in the actors' skin. Tobey Maguire we expect to not look so good, but Kirsten Dunst? Digital is not her friend. James Franco - hot as ever, even in digital. Wow. Just . . . wow.

Watched The Prestige on DVD. If you've not seen it, hie thee to Blockbuster or Netflix or where ever you get your videos. Great movie. Dark story about rival magicians in turn-of-the-century (19th to 20th) London. Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman are the main characters and David Bowie(!) plays Nikola Tesla. Oh, and Scarlett Johansson's in it too. Great story, great eye candy - who could ask for anything more?

Hubby wants to take the kids downtown for lunch today. It's our town's annual Festival weekend. Theoretically a Festival of the Arts, but it's really all about the food. If it's edible and can be put on a stick, someone is selling it this weekend. Hubby likes to go because we usually run into a bunch of people with whom we used to work. I hate it because we usually run into a bunch of people with whom we used to work. See, Husband and I met while working at the same place. Most of those people didn't think it could ever work out between us and some were not at all shy in saying so. "The whore and the choirboy - it'll never work! She'll crush him, destroy him . . ." On and on it went. People saw me as this self-confident, man-eating party girl and him as this gentle, naive, nice guy. Even our boss sat me down to tell me to be gentle with him. Little do they know, he's the one who's crushed me, stomped my self-esteem into dust, etc. Anyway, Husband likes to "prove them wrong" by showing off our lovely little family (we do have ridiculously good-looking kids). I hate the reminders that come from seeing those folks. Maybe it'll be better this year.


JeannieGrrl said...

My bedroom clock got all mucked up last night, somehow it got set ahead an hour so the alarm went off at 7AM which was actually 6AM. I got Grrlchild out of bed, fed and sent off to school only to realize that I'd sent her nearly an hour early to play alone in the schoolyard alone until school opened for the day.

"Hi, my name is Jean and I'm a bad mommy too..."

Oh great One said...

I think all GOOD mommies think their bad mommies! Ha!

I don't think I'd like running into old work chums either. Especially if they put YOU on such a pedestal! *wink*

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

The Funky Bee said...

Holy shit I am laughing out loud about the girl! I have a really bad feeling that is the type of mom I'll be but I will forget to feel bad about it! HA! My poor future kids! If you went to the festival, or whatever it was, hope it wasn't too painful!

Z said...

Aged 4, my daughter was so busy gazing in adoration at a friend of mine that she tipped over backwards, fell off the bench she was sitting on, and smacked her head on the asphalt. I was laughing so hysterically he had to pick her up off the floor. Despite this, and the numerous times she fell into swimming pools, and the frankly sadistic way I taught her to swim, AND the fact that she (now aged 19) frequently complains that I'm a Bad Mommy... I think I'm a Kick-ass Mommy and she should be grateful.