Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Wednesday

WTF Wednesday - an occasional feature here in the rabbit warren (Occasional = whenever I feel like it)

After his tirades on Monday night and hitting my baby daughter upside the head, Spousehole was all sweetness and light on Tuesday. He was home for lunch and I needed to go vote. I also had other errands to run. I started packing up Girl to take her with me. Spousehole said that he wanted her to stay. I asked why, since I thought she needed to get out of the house and I had a number of errands to run and wouldn't be able to finish before he would have to return to work.

He said, "Because after last night I don't trust you."


He doesn't trust me? He hits my child and acts like an irrational baboon and he doesn't trust me? 'Splain please.

He said that he didn't trust me to be truthful about taking the Girl only because she needed to get out for a while and because I had errands to run besides voting. He suspected that I only wanted to take Girl because I didn't want to leave him alone with her. So he doesn't trust me to be honest about my reasons to take my daughter with me to vote and run errands.

What an idiot. I explained to him that I do have my concerns about leaving the Girl home with him, but moreover I had errands to run in addition to voting (and I showed him the check I needed to cash, etc.) and Girl had been cooped up in the house all morning and was restless. Still he insisted I go vote and leave Girl there with him to show that I could be trusted to trust him with her. Holy shit, what a convoluted way of thinking! To make him happy, I went to vote by myself, then came home and packed up the Girl and took her with me to run my errands. They were alone for about 5 minutes total. What-the fuck-ever.

Even in his contrition for being a total asshat, he can't just say what a normal person would say "I feel that you want to take her because you don't trust me alone with my daughter. That hurts me and I hope that you can see that I will not hurt her in the time it takes you to go vote." No, he can't say that because that would not allow him to accuse me of something. He prefers to phrase it such that he cannot trust me to tell him the truth. So it's not a problem of him being a total fucking asshole the night before, it is a problem of him being able to trust me.

See the type of screwed up thinking with which I am living? OMFG

I have insisted that he get counseling for his anger problems or else get out of the house NOW. I have confirmed that he has a counseling appointment for next week. We'll see if he actually goes.

In the meantime, I am supposed to be gone the next two evenings and he expects me to leave the kids with him. If I don't, he will take it as a sign that he cannot trust me. How twisted is that? Tonight I have a book group meeting, not a big thing. Tomorrow is supposed to be my annual night out (child-free and spouse-free) with my mom's group from church. I really am looking forward to going out to a nice restaurant with "the girls," but will skip it if I feel I can't leave the kids with him. I don't care how that makes him feel. Doofus.


Sue said...

Was he smokin' dope and listening to old Cheap Trick songs? Instead of "I want you to want me", it's "I don't trust that you don't trust me?"

Wow. Homeboy's definitely got some fucked up logic there Bunny.


Nancy said...

He hit your little girl in the HEAD?!! I don't know how you keep from coming unglued on this guy.

Trueself said...

Amazing how some people can twist things around that way. Don't let him manipulate you into doing things with which you aren't comfortable. Like you said, you can't care how it makes him feel. Protect yourself and protect those kids.


ZigZagMan said...

Ever play chess lass? This is a "power move". Knight to queen 4 or some shit.

I only know your side of this story....but thats head games lass.

Ron Burgundy said...


Someone else besides the blogsphere needs to know about what has happened with your kids.

I'd tell a personal friend, a Stephen Minister, your Mom, whoever but you need it to be known what happened.

It's for your protection as well as your kids.


Dysfunctionelle said...

I need to save my daughter from her father as well. Its scary, stay strong and hold your ground at all costs.

Dysfunctionelle said...

Bunny, I've linked you. I feel that you understand. I hope its OK.

Flyinfox_SATX said...

I think its time to leave. You are dealing with a paranoia I don't think anyone can overcome...


Anonymous said...

He sure has some messed up thinking. Hope he goes to counseling!!

Loving Annie said...

Divorce the rat.

Anonymous said...

Lack of ability to communicate combined with the overwhelming fear of losing the kids (he's probably right about that part), and worrying too much about work (been there done that one myself).
Divorce won't be easy on so many levels.

Polt said...

You're think he'd trust you more with the girl...not like you're gonna run off for a lil sumthin-sumthin with her along.

But, well, he is the SpouseHOLE for a reason, eh?


Sailor said...

That thinking is fucked up on so many levels it's not countable.

Don't let him play manipulative games with you, you keep an eye on your safety, and the girl's.


George said...

You shouldn't keep dealing with somebody like him. There was a suggestion in these comments that you tell somebody about what happened. Do tell somebody ... tell the police, tell them that you are afraid for the children and yourself. Let them know about the anger, how hard he has hit boy and hitting girl on the head.

With his level of violence towards his children I would not let the children out of my sight whenever he is around.

I know that you are religious and he is even moreso that you. Tell him you have been talking with the Lord and that he is mighty pissed at Spousehole for hitting the children.

I wonder what he would do against somebody his own size?

ATLLG said...

What a dick. Jeesh.

Steff said...

There is no excuse for hitting a child. And frankly, I'd think there was something wrong with you if you weren't nervous about leaving your children with him.

I guess this is the rock and the hard place?

Blonde, Not Stupid said...

Just because he has an appointment and goes to counseling doesn't mean that it's going to help. Both of my exes had that problem. They figured if they showed up it was good enough.

Like Dysfunctionelle said, stand your ground. And as George said, you have to tell someone other than the blogosphere about this. Granted you've been blogging about this for a while and could probably use the blog as evidence in court, that's probably not the wisest, but somebody's got to set him straight.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

MizMouthy said...

I don't know him but I WOULDN'T trust him. Don't give him an opportunity to turn this shit around on you.

Like I said, I have been where you are right now and I don't want to scare you but you need to be aware that he may just realize he is in deep doo-doo right now and in my experience people like this will do ANYTHING to cover their own asses, including lie. It sounds like even though he is going to this appointment he is still in denial about his problem.

Take care Bunny.

Vixen said...

*shaking head*

What a fucktard. Seriously. (him. not you, lol)

D said...

is english a second language for him? sometimes the way he says things it seems to be the case.

that man needs more than counseling. he needs a good ass-whipping and zoloft in the horse pill size.

i have to say i admire you for not setting fire to him while he sleeps.

hang in there.

Val said...

Geez, he can twist logic almost as effectively as MY ex?!?
But the prob w/divorce is that THEN you will have to give him unsupervised visitation time (whole WEEKENDS at your kids' ages). Seek legal counsel hon!

Anonymous said...

wtf - it is a phrase/acronym that keeps giving and giving...