Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Monday, January 14, 2008

How Fast It All Goes Wrong

I just posted a couple hours ago about how Spousehole can be a good Dad when he tries, among other little things.

Things have gone so, so wrong since that, I don't even know where to begin.

The kids were refusing to eat their dinner. That's a frequent thing around here. Spousehole got angrier and angrier. He tried to force the Boy to eat and threatened to hurt him if he did not eat. I mean, he was came around the dinner table and was in the Boy's face, threatening him with a fork full of food. Yeah, that'll get the kid to eat.

Girl was scared and crying because her Daddy was in a rage. So he turned to her and screamed that she needed to eat too. When he tried to force the food into her mouth, she spit it back out. He hit her upside the head with his open hand.

He HIT my tiny baby. She's not even three years old yet.

While trying to comfort my screaming daughter, I laid into Spousehole. He, of course, turned it all around on me.

I spoil the kids, so it's all my fault. He works hard to provide for us and the kids and I don't do anything to support him. The house is not pristine and the children don't appreciate the food provided by his hard work. No one "respects his authority" (yes, I thought of Cartman too). All we do is disappoint him.

Then the real reason for all his anger comes spewing out. He is about to lose his job (he believes) and there's not a damn thing he can do about it.

First of all, he doesn't know anything for certain. He works for a major government contractor. (No, not Blackwater or Halliburton; but you would know their name if I told you). The team of which he is a part is contracted to a local governmental unit. The contract has been put out for bid and it is quite likely that his company will not win the new contract.

However, what usually happens in these cases is that the company that does win the new contract hires at least some, if not most, of the workers for the previous contract holder. This maintains continuity and ensures that someone in the place knows their ass from a hole in the ground.

But Spousehole assumes that he will lose his job. Never mind that he is a key developer in a vital area. Never mind that the top guy for the governmental unit likes him and respects his work.

So he brings his anger and uncertainty home and takes it out on us.

I told him that we cannot live like that. I suggested he go out somewhere and cool off. I suggested that he consider living elsewhere for the time being if he can't control himself around the kids.

He left, slamming the door behind him. A couple minutes later, while I was clearing the dinner dishes from the table, he came back. He stomped upstairs and closed himself in the bathroom. That's where he is now. I assume he is soaking in the tub. Don't know, don't really care.

He can go fuck himself


Rae said...

He can DEFINITELY go fuck himself! What is wrong with him? That isn't right!

I'm very angry for you right now. I feel like that would be all the more enraging after he does the nice things.

Flat Coke and Flies said...

WOW I felt the anger in that post. He has NO right to hit your baby girl. That's YOUR baby girl. He doesn't deserve the fork he was eating with, bastard!! LEAVE HIS ASS!!!

Scintillio said...

Oh man Bunny, I am so sorry to hear this.

Definitely protect yourself and your kids.

File for a Temporary Restraining Order using Legal Aide or something.

I'll admit I've spanked my kids before but never hauled off and hit them. Especially for not eating. Kids are fickle and while I worried a lot when they didn't eat, I never got mad.

I've gone through the whole, "I'm gonna lose my job thing" and it's rough. The uncertainty is lousey and depressing.

Nervous? Hell yeah. Anger, nope.

Anger at my own Spousehole-ette for continuing to spend money at the previous levels even after I got the layoff notice. Sure.

Hugs and prayers for ya!


Trueself said...

Oh Bunny I am so sorry to read this post. Spousehole has absolutely no right to take out his frustrations on you or your children.

Hitting is never right. You need to protect your children from him. If I were you I would tell him that the very next time he hits either child, or you, that you will boot his ass out immediately. He needs to know that he can't get away with this crap.

Chelle said...

Damn girl. I KNOW I've said this before but I can only say that I know how you feel and what you are dealing with. I'm so sorry for you. :(


Ron Burgundy said...


I don't know where to begin.

There is no excuse that ever allows a parent (of either sex) to strike a child. Ever.

Not that your earlier posts haven't spelled things out in detail, but he has serious problems. Problems beyond what can be explained or diagnosed in the blogger community.

You need to leave, obviously. But more importantly, you need to make sure that HE knows that he can't do that again - either morally or legally. There are times to be New Testament and there are times to be Old Testament - I'd lastly make sure he knows that another hand on your children means Old Testament is coming out to defend those that need defending.

I will pray for you tonight that you find strength and peace in this trying time.


PS -

George said...

It's never to late to call the police. It's never to late to pack up and get out. To spank a child and not leave a mark is one think, to spank a child and leave a mark/bruise is another (and you have witnessed that recently) but to strike a child in the head is worth some serious time alone, with a bar or two between himself and freedom.

Call a woman's help line and see what can be done .. don't wait. Do it tomorrow.

Evening said...

i am so sorry. hugs. ox

sandyshoes said...

Oh no. Oh no.


He needs to go now.

exile said...

i've made this suggestion before

i've mentioned it from time to time...


this guy isn't good for you, and he's not good for your kids

he's screwed up your marrage, don't let him screw up your kids

Vixen said...

He can totally go fuck himself.

Not ok Bunny. NOT. OK.

You know that though.... It doesn't matter how stressful or hard or whatthefuckever his job is. To come home and take it out on you and your kids and turn it around on you, NOT OK.


MizMouthy said...


I was right where you are about 8 years ago. He would mostly take it out on me but there were one or two instances where my kids did bear the brunt. There is NO excuse for what he did. That was not a disciplinarian act...that was purely him taking his frustration out on your child.

No excuses. This will be hard for you...but you have to get away or he has to go away. He needs help. This is not happening because the house is not clean or the kids aren't disciplined right or because he has pressure at work. This is happening because he has an anger problem.

I know from experience what you may be going through. The explosion and then the calm after the storm and everything is okay again. Then it happens again. It's a pattern that will not end until you stop it.

You can't worry about what his family says, or what your family says (although hopefully they will be supportive of you) - you have to worry about your children and yourself and you know deep in your heart that this can NOT go on anymore.

I am thinking of you and praying for you too. Email me if you need to talk.

wisdomstuff said...

Unfortunately he didn't drown himself in the tub.

blondenotstupid said...

I'm thinking it was time to call the cops. Get it legally documented that he's now struck your children twice in two weeks. He left marks on Boy and hit Girl in the head. No, no, no... FWIW - HE needs to leave not you. He can go deal with his job frustrations SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Don't wait, Bunny. This is hurting your kids more than you will ever know and will continue to do so until you take the initiative to do something about it - the easiest thing would be to call the police and file a report for endangerment of a child. Get an order for protection. We're all really angry right along with you. Like George said, maybe it's time to call a helpline of some kind where people locally can help you better than we can. And everything mizmouthy said... I've been there, too.

It's not going to stop until you stop it. Telling him it's not okay isn't working. He needs a stronger message. A ride in the back seat of a squad car should help.

BJ said...

He needs to be out of the house now. For what he did he deserves jail time and loss of custody. Nothing short of that either.

ZigZagMan said...

Bunny...I rarely post this subject having been through both sides of it.

You have 1 boy bruised, 1 girl smacked in front of your face.

I can't walk in your shoes, but I can sure as hell suggest you save yourself some miles.

Nothing about this post...says stick it out.


Anonymous said...


A friend of mine found herself in a similar situation.

If ever you needed the impetus to throw his ass out its right there. Here in CA, leaving a mark had him up on felony child abuse charges and put HIS government job in jeopardy, so you might point that out to spousehole as incentive to go quietly.

These are your babies, chica-- fight for 'em!