Happy Anniversary . . . whatever

It's May 1, our 8th wedding anniversary. I know he remembered this year, because last night he dropped the kids and me off at the Y while he went shopping for a gift. I realize he waited until the last possible minute, but at least he is getting me a gift. I thought he was just going to say that his recent 2nd post-vasectomy "all-clear" test result was my gift. It will be the first time in a few years that he's gotten me a gift. He even got me a gift for Valentine's Day this year and that has never happened before. Of course, I haven't gotten him a gift for our anniversary, but this is because he hides all our money from me. Seriously. He has a separate account and whenever we get a decent amount of money built up in our joint account, he moves most of it to his private account. A couple months ago we had a few thousand in our savings, then one day I noticed we only had $50. I asked "WtF?" and he said he moved it to his "secure" savings. Asshole. I guess he figures I can't leave him if I don't have any cash.

I am so sore today. (Not like that. Get your mind out of the gutter.) Worked it a little too hard at the Y last night. Couldn't even follow up with a soak in the hot tub. There was lightning, so they closed the pool and the hot tub. They also closed the steam room and that makes no sense to me. Have lightning strikes in steam rooms become a big problem? Whatever.

I'm thinking back to our first anniversary, seven years ago. Boy, we couldn't get enough of each other back then. We took a trip to the U.P. and had sex at least once each day of the trip. That's when we conceived Boy. We had been told that I couldn't have kids, but still I was on the pill to regulate my periods. We blame a hotel in Traverse City for our getting pregnant. They had pink sheets and blue blankets on the bed. We should clearly have seen that as a sign and not made love both before and after dinner on that bed. Though I suppose it could have happened in the hot tub in our room in St. Ignace. Or the woods by Tahquamenon Falls. Still, we like to think it was the pink sheets and blue blankets. We even recommended that hotel to a couple from church trying, without luck, to conceive. (I've found our infertile friends really hate to hear that both our kids were "accidents." They work their asses off to conceive and get nothing; we don't even try and end up with two beautiful ones.)

A note re: my previous post about my Fantasy Revenge Fuck: Strangely, spouse brought this person up last night. Freaked me out, like he was reading this blog or something. He was telling me that his boss told him that he got a letter from FRD's wife saying that what happened was a tragedy for their whole family but they are trying to work through it together, etc. Spouse was appalled and disgusted that FRD's wife would even consider taking him back. When I was in college, I interned in a social work setting. We had an "intensive" program that had the goal of reuniting families in which sexual abuse had taken place. It can happen, but I can't help but think of the wives in those situations as being weak. It's like they are choosing a man over their child and no man is worth that to me. Those families got lots and lots of therapy and some seemed happy. Others, not so much. I don't know how you could ever rebuild the trust.