Shrek a turd! Shrekaturd!

This is all I hear, almost all day, from the 2-yr-old. It's her way of demanding that Mommy drop whatever ridiculous indulgence in which she is engaging (such as laundry, dishes, cooking dinner) and take her to the Shrek the Third website. As the website says, "2 more days and the wait is ogre!" The frickin' movie opens and we'll take the kids to see it. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that we're insane to take a 6-year-old who hates loud sounds and a hyperactive, overcurious 2-year-old to a movie theater. I heartily agree. We'll have earplugs for the Boy, but I really don't know how we'll contain the girl. Husband thinks she'll be totally into the movie and it won't be a problem, but I'm not so confident.

In addition to their ongoing Shrek obsession, my children have also become quite enamored of a little film called "Porco Rosso." Not familiar with it? Me neither, until Husband brought it home recently. It's a Japanese anime, set in WWI-era Italy, with English language tracks dubbed by Michael Keaton, Brad Garrett, Kimberly Williams (before she added -Paisley), and David Ogden Stiers. The title translates to "Crimson Pig." It's not horrible or anything, I'm just sick to death of it. And I hate those exaggerated huge eyes all anime females have. Like some sort of "Precious Moments" figurine gone horribly wrong. (I hate, hate, HATE Precious Moments. Hummels too. If that's your thing, more power to ya, but I hate 'em.) And don't even get me started on the pornographic anime. I have no problem with porn, generally, but cartoon sex between cartoon humans and anatomically-correct cartoon androids - squick! That and anime women's bodies are worse than Barbie - no real human exists with those proportions. There's no way their tiny little 10" waists could support the would-have-to weigh-more-than-their-heads (each) EEE breasts they're sporting. Then again, very few real women look like the chicks in real human porn, either. Unless those implants are filled with helium, how do they not ruin their backs? Ah, well, c'est la vie.

So, if you are at a movie theater on Friday afternoon and see a family with two kids yelling "Shrek a turd!" and two frustrated-beyond-belief parents, please be kind. And if you have alcohol stashed in your bag, share. Please.