Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

TMI Tuesday - Romance Edition + Depression



1. What is your definition of romantic?


Sappy, ooey-gooey, lovey-dovey stuff. Not that I would complain if Spousehole were to get romantic for a change.

2. Would you consider yourself to be romantic?

Not so much of the ooey-gooey, lovey-dovey type romantic. I am a romantic in that I continue to harbor hope when all evidence points to its futility. I enjoy other people's romantic love stories, but am more practical when it comes to my own love life.

3. Is your significant other romantic?

He used to be, before he met me and a little bit into our relationship. But that went away.

4. Have you ever chastised a SO for not being romantic enough or too romantic?

Not chastised, but laughed out loud at the absurdity of an attempted romantic gesture once. That didn't go over well at all.

5. What do you consider a grand romantic gesture? Have you ever been the recipient or giver of one?

Laying down one's life for a loved one, giving up something one really loves for the happiness of the other (Gift of the Magi and all that), etc. No one has ever died for me. My college boyfriend did choose a grad school closer to me over one far away, but it was the better choice anyway and I suspect he would have chosen it regardless of my location.

6. If you have done something romantic to get laid, did it work? If not, why and how did that affect your romantic tendencies in the past.

No, I'm not big into the romance thing.

7. What is the most romantic thing you have ever done? Had done for you?

Doing romantic things isn't really my thing. I try to do things to make my loved ones happy on a regular basis, not just once in a blue moon when I'm feeling "romantic."
I honestly can't recall ever thinking "oh, that's so romantic" when someone did something for me and meant it. I'm too practical. For instance, Spousehole sprinkled my bed and bedroom with rose petals (when we were dating) and all I could think was "what a waste of lovely roses!" although I had the good sense not to say that out loud.

* * * * * * *

I'm having a rough time emotionally.

My kids are happy to be home after a week at my in-laws. They had vacation bible school to distract them each morning, but by evening they were missing mommy and daddy and didn't hesitate to share this sentiment with grandma and grandpa. Since returning home, they are like little tornadoes through the my house, tossing out toys and clothes with reckless abandon. The house can be half-way straightened up, then they come home and within minutes it is a total pigsty again. Spousehole even tries telling the kids to pick up their stuff and help mommy, etc. when he Skypes with them, but they rarely listen. Boy does have a new cleaning obsession, however - laundry. Apparently his grandma taught him to do laundry and now it's all he wants to do. I had to re-teach a few things, because his grandma has a front-loader washer and I have a top-loader, but otherwise he's pretty well got it. He doesn't get why he has to add water to the softener in mine, though, since he doesn't have to do that at grandma's (didn't used to have to in mine either, but now that all they sell are ultra-concentrated softeners you do). Unfortunately, he doesn't fold the clothes once they are dry, he just dumps them on my folding table and walks away. Also he doesn't always wait to have a full load before washing. He'll put a shirt and a pair of jeans in the washer and then wash on the "extra large" load setting. Not good. He doesn't sort well either, but so long as he washes it all on cold I'm trying not to be all anal about it.

The kids miss their dad terribly. We Skype with him almost every night, so they see and talk to him regularly, but they still miss his physical presence. Girl woke up nearly hysterical last night, crying "Miss Daddy! Want Daddy!" and then sobbing her little heart out. It was awful. She was up for almost an hour crying like that. Boy can't express it as well verbally (emotions are hard for autistic kids), but it doesn't mean he doesn't feel it. He often cries at bedtime, but can't explain why. It just breaks my heart to see them so sad.

Anyway, back to my being emotional (because it's all about me). The kids are driving me up the wall as I try to keep the house in some semblance of order in case any potential buyers want to see it. I'm going a little insane. So I try to take the kids places to entertain them and keep them from destroying the house. But I can't take them to the mall anymore, because the Boy is obsessed with shoes and has a meltdown if I won't let him get more shoes (the kid has more shoes than I do, not even counting the ones he has outgrown that are in a bag to be donated). When I say he is obsessed, I'm not exaggerating. He will load his backpack with shoes when we go to McDonald's, then fill the shoe keeper in the play area with all his shoes. He lines them up, just so, on the floor of my living room (if only he did that in his closet!), and has fits if his sister touches them. He changes shoes hourly throughout the day.

Since the mall is off limits, I took them to an indoor play place (costs $12.00 for two kids now - inflation I guess) yesterday. Girl got bit by another kid (who was totally busted and still tried to blame my kid - "she wanted me to bite her" she insisted). Boy pooped his sister's underpants (that's a story for another day). Both kids kept taking off their socks (a big no-no) and wanting inappropriate snacks (Boy's allergic to milk, yet wants Cheetos; girl wants ice cream and little toys they sell and popcorn that always makes her sick . . . ). Then the thing that drove me the most nuts: Girl kept saying "Mommymommymommymommymommymommy." I finally asked her to never call me Mommy again. From henceforth I wish to be addressed as "Great Exalted Leader." She said "You silly Mommy" so I guess she won't be doing as I ask. Brat.

Living separately from Spousehole but still being "together" is taking its toll. I miss the co-parenting and partnership. A lot of the partnership part was lacking until recently, but he has been much better long-distance and when I visited him. But I miss having someone here on a regular basis. It's hard.

Now my dad, who has been my rock my whole life and especially since Spousehole moved, is having a rough time. His hip is really, really hurting him and it kills me to see him in pain. He is not one to complain usually, but this is so bad that he can't help it. He has arthritis in his hips and also sciatic nerve pain. It breaks my heart to see him like this. It's worse than watching him recover from a triple-bypass a few years ago. He's always been very active (golfing several times a week, busier in retirement than most working people, etc.) and this pain has taken all that away from him. I hate it and it's really affecting my mood.

Add to that the uncertainty of this crappy real estate market, the heat and humidity in my house (I just can't seem to get good airflow, even with ceiling fans and window fans and I don't want to run the AC much because it gives me sinus problems), and having to search for a place to live from afar (Spousehole hasn't even tried to find us a place to live in S.C. - that's a rant for another day) and I'm at my wits' end. I cry at the drop of a hat, have zero patience with my kids or anyone else really, and make excessive use of parenthetical explanations. Upping my antidepressants won't help because this isn't so much chemical depression as situational depression. Things suck ass and the only cure for that is for things to stop sucking ass.

I need a hug.



To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

11 comments:

Vixen said...

(((((((((((((Bunny))))))))))))

You have so much on your plate. And I know what it's like to have 'days' with your kids, and when it is repeated....it definitely wears on you emotionally.

And now that I have someone who helps me with the parenting (bc the first 7 years I was on my own with AH), when he's away I miss the help and the being backed up....

Again, *hugs*

I am LOL at bit at your son with his shoe obsession. It's funny how kids become obsessed with certain things like that.

Just Another Girl said...

(((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))) Sounds like you could use a cocktail too. Or four!

Isn't summer vacation over YET? :-)

Z said...

Lots of hugs! I feel for you, and for your father - sciatica is bad enough without arthritis on top of it :(

Desmond Jones said...

{{{hugs}}} to you. . .

I'm driving down this weekend to clear out my parents' house, they having moved into assisted living. So I know about the 'watching my parents getting old' bit, and I sympathize. It does just break your heart to see people who have always been so strong, just breaking down. . .

garbonzo said...

Hey Bunny,

Sorry it is so rough. Just remember: the good lord never gives us more than we can handle. That is why beers come in six packs!

Take care of yourself. We're all here for you.

Trueself said...

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

Oh Bunny, if I had the time and the finances I'd come up there and help you out for a week or two. Sometimes it's just so much easier for two to handle the house and the kids than one.

I completely understand the difference between situational and chemical depression. What I'm trying to get a handle on right now is the chemical depression. If I can get the right dosage of the right med I think I could be okay now, but when there was a situational element involved to a greater extent than it is now no meds on earth would have fixed the problem.

Alfro said...

((((hugs)))

Tom Allen said...

Umm... I was going to give you one of those {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} thingies, but I was afraid that you'd consider it to be a romantic gesture, and then laugh at me. Or worse, bop me over the head.

So, I'll just back away slowly and wish for things to stop sucking so badly for you, right quick.

Us said...

Lots of *hugs*.

I couldn't imagine single parenting that hard core with such small ones. He wasn't the best of help and often didn't take the kids on his weekends, but my ex was around when the boys were little. And, of course, I was surrounded by family. I give you a ton of credit.

~Viemoira~ said...

hunny bunny- you are so overwhelmed! This too shall pass and no matter how bad it feels it could always be worse...i hope you can see the positive in that- i truely feel for what you are going through! Keep your chin up and many, many hugs!!

Polt said...

Well, then consider this a big Polt hug!

Sorry things are so...yucky. But I gotta tell ya the "You silly Mommy" story made me laugh out loud. Seriously. Ya gotta love that, dontcha? :)

HUGS, baby...