Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

TMI Tuesday

1. What lines have you used to let someone down gently?

It's not you, it's me.
I'm just not in the right place for this right now.
You deserve more than I can give you.

2. If I gave you $10K to waste, what would you buy?

Drugs! Okay, not really. I would take my family to Disney World for a few days. That's all that $10k will last there.

3. If I gave you $10K, but you had to spend it all on someone else, what would you buy?

A better car for my mom. (She can afford one, she just won't actually go out and buy one. She's a pain in the ass that way. Would rather bitch about the one has she has than go get another one.)

4. If your partner brought a double dildo to bed, you'd be ____________?

Excited beyond belief and full of ideas of things to do.

5. What sounds do you make during sex?

Moans, sighs, grunts, giggles, squeals, dirty talk - you name a sound, I've probably made it. But I can be totally quiet too, if the situation requires.

Bonus (as in optional): Tell your worst break up story.

First, refer to last week's truth or dare answer - the second episode involving my then-boyfriend E. As you might imagine, E was a bit bewildered and somewhat peeved the next morning. I explained to him that I had planned to break up with him, but that wasn't exactly how I planned to do it. Oops. He was upset, but seemed okay with it. I didn't think much about it for the next week or so. Then the letters started. Weird letters, arriving every day, sometimes more than one a day. Some written on fast-food bags, some on regular paper, some were cards, including a sympathy card offering condolences on my impending death. In some of the letters he claimed to love me, in others he declared his intense hatred for me and his goal to see me suffer for hurting him. He sent letters describing in excrutiating detail how he would torture and dismember me alive. He harassed my parents, including driving a truck with a plow to their house and using it to move all the gravel from the lower part of their driveway into the road, creating a 2.5 foot high pile all the way across the road obstructing traffic. (My parents had the lower part of the driveway paved soon after, so that was never a problem again.) He began showing up at bars in my college town on the weekends (2 hours from his home, 3 hours from his college) and he would follow me if I left and went somewhere else. Then he started showing up during the week too, when he should have been at his own school. All the while, the strange and threatening letters continued, along with bizarre phone calls in the middle of the night. Eventually legal and mental health authorities became involved and he was prohibited from contact with me or my family. Things were quiet for two years, then I learned that he actually transferred to my university and was taking several of the same classes I was taking. I started getting letters describing what I wore each day in class, where I sat, where I went after class, who I talked to in and outside of those classes, etc. The letters were typed and unsigned, but I recognized the style. He was allowed to stay at the university, but had to attend therapy sessions, stay away from me, and an academic counselor would walk him through registration each term (we physically registered in a big pool using punch cards, way back when) and ensure that he did not register for classes in which I was already enrolled. If he enrolled before me, I could find out if he had registered for a class to either avoid it or have him bumped if I needed the class to graduate since I was a senior, he transferred in as a sophmore. (I never exercised the latter option.) Fortunately, he had not been allowed to enroll in my residential college within the larger university, so he couldn't take classes in my major.

There was also the guy that I dumped in a public and cruel way (he really, really deserved it) and 6 months later he violently raped me. But I don't want to get into those details right now. Within 2 years he was dead and I was not exactly sad to hear the news.


A. Secret said...

I love your drugs answer! Made me laugh. You should have followed it up with an "oops did I say that out loud?"

Ms. Inconspicuous said...

#3? My family is *full* of relatives exactly like that. More content to be discontent than to fix the problem.

Happy TMI!

Desmond Jones said...

Yikes! Those are a couple of the more, uh, colorful breakup stories I've ever heard.

I've never dumped anyone; I've always been the dump-ee. I sorta (emphasis sorta) understand your stalker-ex. When the second of my two pre-Molly GFs broke it off w/me, I was quite hurt, and got a little stalker-ish, trying to talk her into staying together, and then kinda dumping my hurt feelings on her. Nothing like what yer guy did, but definitely not my finest hour. Once I understood for sure that I couldn't talk her out of it, I let it go, and nursed my hurt feelings privately. Kinda awkward at times, because we went to the same church for many years afterward, and saw each other quite frequently.

The irony of it all is that she became very good friends w/ Molly, and ended up standing up in our wedding. Which my mom thought was very weird, but whatcha gonna do?

Monique said...

My Mother is the exact same way. She loves to complain though. I just know she'll haunt me after her death, just to bitch about the after-life.

And, um, DAMN... Your last 3 sentences were jaw droppers.

Here's My TMI !

Uhave said...

That is the weirdest thing I've ever read (about the stalker guy). Creepy like 'Basic Instinct' creepy. Gives me the heebie-geebies.

Semiresponsive said...

Oh holy hell, lady. That's one helluva breakup story!

Stephen Rader said...

"But I can be totally quiet too, if the situation requires" - - Oh, you are dirty! To me "if the situation requires" means "outdoors, in public, or under the office desk when the co-workers are all in for the day!" We are definitely cut from the same cloth!!!

Bob said...

I liked your drug answer. Reminded me of an old college cry, "Give me liberty or give me Meth". Stupid, huh?

Your breakup story is not that: It's a freaking nightmare. Too bad it was reality and not the latter.

for a different kind of girl said...

My mother, who likes to comment on the financial dealings of others she's deemed "tight" with their cash, seems not to realize if she just inserted her name in place of those she's speaking of, the table would turn. She returns expensive clothes she gets on clearance for next to nothing because, oh, she may need that five bucks.

Me? I wish I had five bucks! Ha!

Your break up story! Wow! That's spooky as hell!

Big Kahuna said...

Love #4 - Just wondering if using on the spousehole would be pleasure or vengeance for you :-)

Vixen said...

..."it's not you, it's me"...


Kittie Kate said...

I'm glad that second guy is dead! I hate rapists! That's why I have a gun.

aphron said...

I'd say you've had an interesting life. It's hard when an interesting life becomes ordinary.

Anonymous said...

I do sincerley hope that the Stalker is gone for good. That scared me!

Amorous Rocker said...

Lol. I like your #3. I think everyone has someone in their family like that. = Your bonuses are something else. The last one is horrible. The rape part, not the rest. Sad to say. Anyway... Happy very late TMI!