Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Head Games

Spousehole got me up early this morning, an hour before my alarm goes off (though I am always up before the alarm goes off anyway). He was screaming at me about having his checkbook, so I showed him that it was right where he left it. Not content to let me be, he then decided to rant and rave at me about spending his money without permission. I was able to demonstrate that every penny I have spent since "budget day" was budgeted and I haven't taken any money from our joint account since the budget withdrawal. Since he couldn't be left having to apologize for dragging me out of bed and yelling at me for no reason, he brought up old issues that should have been laid to rest YEARS ago. All so he could justify being an ass.

I soon found out that this was only the beginning of day's shenanigans. You see, the ring games continue.

He wore his last Friday for his interview, but by Sunday morning it was gone again. I've stopped worrying about it. It is what it is. He uses wearing his ring or not to try to hurt me and I'm done playing that game.

I took mine off in the shower earlier this week, as it tends to come off when my hands are soapy. It's just a bit loose. I put it on the top of the tub enclosure where the children can't see it and can't reach it. Then I forgot to put it back on after my shower. The next couple days I saw it while I was showering, but still forgot to put it back on after I dried off. This morning I planned to make a point of putting it back on after my shower. I didn't take it off as any kind of statement, I just neglected to put it back on for a couple days. I knew where it was and was not concerned about it.

Problem was, when I got to the shower this morning, before the ass crack of dawn since I was up anyway, the ring was gone. I had no real doubt that Spousehole had done something with it. He has done that before. Takes things of mine and withholds them as "punishment" for not putting them away, as if I were a child who leaves her toys out in the rain. For instance, if I leave a watch in the bathroom, he'll take it and say "watches don't belong in the bathroom, do they?" when I either find it or cajole him into returning it to me.

I had to call him about something else and when that was done, I asked him to tell me the whereabouts of my ring. He was silent for a moment, then said he didn't know and asked where I saw it last. I played along and told him where it had been and he claimed he never saw it there. Pointed out that he doesn't wear his glasses in the shower, so he wouldn't be able to see an itty-bitty ring up there. Right. I am way more nearsighted than him and could see it just fine without my glasses or contacts, so I know he's bull-shitting me. That and the silence before he answered. He's a shitty liar.

Later in the day, he emailed me for a password for an account, accusing me of changing the password without telling him. I emailed back with the (unchanged) password and asked if he would now tell me if he had my ring. He never replied.

When he came home, he wanted to know what was for dinner. I said I didn't have time to make dinner because I spent all day looking for my ring (yes, I lied). I asked him to please just tell me if he had it so I wouldn't have to worry about it. He said once again that he didn't have it. I was almost starting to think perhaps he was telling the truth.

He went to bed about 1/2 an hour ago. I checked his coat pockets: no ring. Laptop case: no ring. Backpack: no ring. Maybe he was telling the truth.

One more place - wallet: JACKPOT!

That lying motherfucking son of a bitch. Initially I took both rings, but I put his back in there. I won't stoop to his level.



26 comments:

A Margarita said...

Long time reader, first time commenter. I think.

Wow, he sounds like a real arse. Who does that?

Sue said...

Damn, Bunny!

Time to tell him...

"Well, no matter. I won't need them soon anyhow."

What an asshole. I hate head games. That was my ex-husband's specialty. Let me tell you, it took me a long time to get over that.

terry said...

how utterly ridiculous. on his part, i mean. yeesh.

not2shy said...

I'm glad you put his back. Him behaving like a spoiled child is all the more reason why you shouldn't.

Amorous Chick said...

Yuck. How ridiculous. Good for you darlin' for not stooping to that silly man's level of immature stupidity.

George said...

Did he ever get his kindergarten graduation certificate? Sorry for putting down the kindergarteners like that.

Is it worth hanging in there?

Hank said...

I hope you find your happiness someday without him.

The Troll said...

If he's diagnosed with borderline personality disorder or something, are you going to keep him?

This isn't the behavior of someone who is merely an asshole. He's got some sort of illness.

Motor City Monk said...

Wow - your spousehole has got some serious issues. And I thought my spouse was "difficult".

D said...

i've been sitting here for 10 minutes trying to think of something to say. but i'm speechless. the only words i can think of are turn on the gas, get out of the house with the kids and hope the whole place blows up while he is asleep.

Reluctant Blogger said...

This is emotional abuse really. You must not put up with this it will do your head in eventually and undermine your own self esteem.

If I got my hands on Spousehole I would give him a piece of my mind.

Sailor said...

Damn. This seems to be beyond merely being a petty asshole. Are you sure there isn't something mentally off here? Beyond the joking sense, I mean?

Be careful that the head games/emotional crap doesn't go too far, before you bail out okay?

Anonymous said...

Good heavens, sweetie. You are being subjected to some big-time mental and emotional abuse.

For the love of God, please get OUT of this situation. I speak as someone who's been through a something similar. Those of us who suffer from depression are in even greater risk in this environment.

I was married for 14 years to an emotionally and sexual distant man. The last eight years were hell, and only family pressure kept me there. Fortunately, I used that time to finish school and get a job.

It was SUCH a relief to get him out of my house. And -- guess what? Turned out that a LOT of my depression was situational!

I remarried, and have been blissfully happy with my wonderful husband for 15 years now.

People tend to think that emotional abuse is not as bad as physical, but I'm here to tell you . . . both kill a woman's soul over time.

Take off the damn ring for good; sell it if it's diamonds, melt down the gold, and sell it too. Make a plan and rescue yourself as soon as you can.

Mariposa said...

You're just to honorable...bec I'd be glad to play his game...I'll take both rings...and will give him his own dose of meds!

Kiki said...

What a jackass. You are such a saint for not stooping to his level... I'd be playing stupid little pranks on him all along. I do it to my DNA sponsor once in a while. Like loosen his spice shaker tops so that he gets a shitload of spice instead of a little. :)

I'm so childish

Chelle said...

UGH!! I only have one word for him...Fucker! Well, I have more, but that one says it all I think :)

Chuck said...

What a fucking little bitch ass baby. Sorry, but I can't imagine how you deal with someone like that. That behavior is totally unacceptable and no one should have to put up with it.

Summer said...

I'm a fairly new visitor and now I know why you call him spousehole. I feel for you..

Polt said...

Honestly, honey, with the way things are between you two, I woulda just let him keep it and not said anything to him and waited for him to say something to me about it. I mean, if he doesn't wear his ring, why should you wear yours?

HUGS...

Jean said...

I hate him.

garbonzo said...

What. An. Ass. Hole.

Vixen said...

Fucker.

*shaking head*

Blonde, Not Stupid said...

I'd have taken his, too. The hell with this game. My ex took his off the 1st night we were married and promptly lost it. Fortunately, it was a cheap 24k gold ring so I went out and got him a new one after a couple of weeks. He didn't lose that one. Nor did he take it off just to be an ass, he did all kinds of other shit. Eventually, we found his 1st ring. When we got divorced, I left him with pretty much what he came with and took all of the rings. I couldn't stand the thought of what they stood for, so I had them all melted down into a really nice cocktail ring. If for no other reason, you should have taken his and pawned it. It wouldn't buy you much, but it would be some pocket money you could stick away because Mr. Money Control Freak is going to have a really rude awakening when he gets to divorce court and you're going to need something to live on because he isn't going to just give it to you without a fight.

I've been through some of what you're going through with both of my exes. Fortunately, I wasn't married to the 2nd one so I could walk away scot free. Anonymous is right about situational depression. I spent almost 7-1/2 years that way and he stole part of my soul. Fortunately, by moving out I was able to reclaim it. Getting over it's not instantaneous, but like Anonymous, the cloud lifted the moment I was in my own place and away from all the BS. You deserve better than this. Why is he still there?

Lady in red said...

you really can't keep living like this. my ex was an expert at mind games. he was constantly messing with my mind but the hardest bit was when he was being nice to me trying to lull me into a false sense of security that all the nasty stuff was done with.

After my experience and what you are going through I would never recommend anyone stay in the same house as the spouse they are trying to seperate from, it is a living hell.

doll said...

I lost my wedding ring one time when I was pregnant. It never got replaced. I think it was a sign. It was the most wonderful release to remove the engagement ring when the signs of closure were to big to miss.

ZigZagMan said...

No disrespect friend...but digging through coat pockets.....laptop case...back-pack....then wallet. You were not..."almost starting to believe him", and that is sinking to his level.

Head games suck, and he is an ass if it's as you describe, don't play his game.