Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

WTF Wednesday

WTF . . .

. . . is up with this weather? It's been too frickin' cold, even for Michigan. I'm just glad I don't live "up north" anymore. We didn't actually get as much snow there, on the east side of the state, but it was horribly cold. 25 below (before windchill) was not unusual. Whenever we bundle the kids up to go outside, it is reminiscent of Ralphie's brother Randy in "A Christmas Story." My husband and I start saying "Ralphie . . . RALPHIE" like Randy does when he falls down and can't get up because he's so bundled up. The kids think we are insane. They may have a point.

. . . why does my daughter call peanut butter "penis budder"? And why do I still giggle every time she says it?

. . . is up with the strange conversations that go on in my house. A sample:

Him: Hey, hon . . .

Me: Hm?

Him: Why is there a pink vibrator in the bathroom cabinet?

Me: I dunno. Why is there Pantene conditioner in the drawer of the computer desk?

Him: Touche

Me: Tush-ay? Wow. I didn't know you were into that.

Him: Huh? Oh shut up!

. . . is my neighbor's deal-ee-o? We got a few more inches of snow last night. Just fluffy stuff. My neighbor guy, divorced, about 45, is in amazing shape. I mean, not that I watch him through the kitchen window cooking dinner shirtless or anything. He'd be a hottie if he weren't a complete doofus otherwise. I point out that he is in great physical condition, so you will understand why I am cheesed off at him. We got that snow I mentioned, right? And a major homeowner duty in the great white north is shoveling your sidewalk. I told you it's just fluffy stuff, right? Here's hottie-body neighbor's idea of shoveling the sidewalk:

In case it's not clear, that's exactly one shovel-width. God forbid he should clear the whole frickin' sidewalk. It's about three shovel-widths wide. Would it kill him? If I can manage, so can he. He doesn't even shovel the steps up to his own front door either. He uses the side door, but that doesn't help the mail deliverer, does it? Lazy-ass bastard.

And that brings up another one - a big WTF to Spousehole! He has very few responsibilities around the house, besides bringing home the bacon. But his short list of duties includes scooping the cat boxes, shoveling the walk, and putting the trash out on Wednesday morning for trash day. Guess how many of those things were done in the last 24 hours (more like at least 48 hours on the cat box. Remember: we have three (3) furry poop generators). If you guessed "NONE" you win! Besides that whole bringing-home-money thing, he's not really very useful lately. I was going to show you pictures of all three, but I forgot to take pictures before I shoveled the walk and scooped the cat boxes. And a picture of the curb with no trash bags really doesn't say much. Besides, did you really want to see a picture of a dirty cat box?

You're the Panama Canal!
While others are content to work long and hard hours, you're all about
taking the shortcut. While this has benefited you for the most part, it has required starting several conflicts so that you could get your way. Your old profession doesn't seem terribly lofty to anyone, and sometimes you've even needed to dig ditches to get by, but you figure the results are worth it. Now, most of the time you're just cruising.

Take the State Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.


Desmond Jones said...

I completely hear ya re the weather. I'm further from the Big Water than you are; we average about 35 inches of snow a winter, and we're already pushing 60 so far this year, with a month of winter left to go.

I grew up in yer old Up North town (a pretty impressive coincidence, when I think of it), and I actually miss the amount of snow we got up there; where I live now, it all just turns into gray slush. (I won't tell you about the time I had to wait for the school bus in 30 below; and of course, the bus was an hour late, 'cuz it wouldn't start in the cold. . .)

Chuck said...

I was actually hoping to see a picture of you shoveling the snow....topless.


Anonymous said...

Yes! I do want to see a picture of the cat box! If you show me yours, I'll show you mine...

Vixen said...

Yuck to the snow. LMAO at the neighbor dude's idea of 'shoveling'.

I do all of the maintenance around here too and sometimes I wish I had a hot neighbor guy I could persuade to shovel for me. LOL We should work on that, you and I.

Touche. That cracked me up.

Anonymous said...

Nothing but rain here now... absolutely crazy weather... and that sidewalk is most likely just an example of why he is divorced, no?


Anonymous said...

I don't know why I feel compelled to confess this, but my idea of sidewalk shovelling is only slightly better. (furious blushing)

mnwhr said...

We don't get near as much snow in Ill. but we get enough for me to know that your neighbor should be embarrassed with his shoveling job, but I guess it's a benefit of living alone.

Hank said...

great stories

garbonzo said...

I confess. I am curious...why WAS there a vibrator in the bathroom cabinet? I mean I'm not sure I follow the natural progression. You wak up. You brush. You floss. You get frisky with the vibrator. that is quite the morning routine!

Charlie said...

i love reading your posts. you're so feisty! i love it.

Sue said...

You still giggle for the same reason Paul and I giggle over remember what Sam used to say when Paul was making coffee....

"Paul biggie cockie?"

Oh yes. *rolling with laughter*

Dude, you want another doofus neighbor? Ours, the one we can't stand who does not understand "stop pushing all the snow out of your yard to a huge 3 foot pile directly behind our car so we can't get out" does NOT like to be called a fucking cocksucker. Hmm. Yep.

Paul, after 8 years of living here, finally got up the nerve to say something to this guy about the plowing and basically just yelled that at him.

Plowboy yelled something back and Paul says he doesn't remember what it was (riiiiiiiiiiiiight), but he hasn't plowed us in like that since.

This all went down while I was gone to Minnesota.