Mute Monday - Summer

What's Your Sexual Style?

Inspired by my guest-blogger, Tom Allen, I took this quiz:

Your result for The What's your sexual style? Test...

TYPE P

You scored 83 imagination, 67 confidence, 58 dominance, and 67 generosity!

You are a KINKY, CONFIDENT, DOMINANT lover who prefers to give.

This means that:

You like relatively kinky sex, and you have the great imagination that will always keep your partner guessing and excited! There's no getting bored with you around, you could never settle for dull sex, you want something fun and new all the time. You aren't afraid to try out anything you hear about. You might just be an intelligent lover who needs to be mentally engaged, or perhaps you have some dirty dark secret kinky desires, but either way, you're never boring.

You are pretty confident in bed. This means that you know you can please your lover. Maybe you've read a lot of sex manuals, or have the experience from previous lovers, or just tend to be skilled at whatever you get your hands on, but you're good and you know it. You can really get results and know that you have pure talent, so you won't be hiding away shy, pretending to be all innocent. Your partners love your naughty self assurance, you don't hesitate and this makes you a sensational lover.

You tend to be dominant in bed, so you prefer to be the one giving the orders than taking them. Maybe you like the power, or just like controlling the pace, perhaps your partner likes to be dominated, or maybe you get a kick out of the whole master/slave relationship, it could be something as small as liking to be on top during sex and tie up your lover to tease them, or it could be as kinky as them having to ask your permission to do anything at all. Either way, you are firm and you enjoy it!

You prefer to give than receive. This makes you a very unselfish lover, devoted to the needs of your partner rather than your own. You get your pleasure from seeing them get theirs, you are a model sex partner. I'm sure plenty of people would love to have someone like you in bed with them! Remember though that if your partner gets pleasure from returning the favour it's okay to let them, they might love giving as much as you do!

WE SUGGEST YOU:
get into some slightly more hardcore fantasy territory. Go for bondage in a not so light and fluffy way and discover just what you really like. Want to play master/slave games? Want to be tied up or tie someone up, in just enough discomfort that they don't quite relax? Want to try a threesome? Maybe you'd even like to try out sado-masochism. It's your call. Whatever you do, unleash that kinky thing you've always really wanted to try and give it a go, you're a great lover, and you know it, up for anything, generous, imaginative, confident, and happy to go for what you want, so enjoy.

Take The What's your sexual style? Test at HelloQuizzy

Your result for The Sexuality Spectrum Test...

Bi/Slightly Straight

You scored 12 (-52 being completely gay, 0 being bisexual, and 52 being completely straight)

For the most part, you are bisexual. You have a slight preference for the opposite gender, but either gender would suit you. If you are sexually inexperienced, it is possible that this will change after you do some experimenting.

Take The Sexuality Spectrum Test at HelloQuizzy

Tom Allen In Da House!

We have a guest blogger today, boys and girls! FTN sponsored a blog swap and I threw my keys into the bowl. I intended to clean up some before having guests over, but you know how that goes! Turns out it was okay, Tom doesn't seem to mind. Tom is Tom Allen, today's guest blogger of The Edge of Vanilla. Please give him a warm welcome and after reading this post, go check him out. You won't be sorry, I promise.

________________________


I initially had some qualms about volunteering for a "guest post" swap because I have this uncomfortable secret.

I'm a sex blogger. More to the point, I'm a kinky sex blogger. That implies that at some point in my life, I've had a certain amount of kinky sex in order to write with any kind of authority. I know that this doesn't deter some people, but I happen to enjoy keeping it real over on The Edge of Vanilla.

The qualms I've had relate to some of the uncomfortableness that our society has with discussing kink in general, and BDSM in specific. With very few exceptions (Secretary is the only one that comes to mind), TV and movies tend to portray situations of bondage or sensation play as over-the-top ridiculous, if not pathetic (Desperate Housewives, for example). My concerns were that I'd embarrass my host when people would check out my blog and then report back. "Eewww, Bunny - those people are weird."

I can't help but think that many people wouldn't mind if I were a straight, vanilla sex blogger; you know, writing about all the places where my wife and I have had sex, and writing in fluffy or funny euphemisms (like "making love" or even "boinking"), instead of using some of the more graphic details. I say this because as I look around the sex blogging community, those seems to be the kinds of blogs that are the most popular. At least, I think that they're popular because there are so many of them. Yet, despite the preponderance of admissions of basic sexuality, our culture still has an aversion to discussions, let alone admissions, of kink.

But that's changing. Sort of.

I belong to a men's social club that has a good number of younger guys (20s and 30s) who like to play the "impress the old-timer" game; now that I'm 50, I'm the "old-timer" in a lot of places, and I now have to deal with the young guys doing to me what I used to do old-timers. It's a karma thing.

Now, every social group has at least one old-timer with whom you can sit down with, ask some advice, maybe get something personal off of your chest, and not worry that he's going to blab it to everyone else. I'm that guy. As far as most of the members can see, I'm quiet, conservative, well-spoken, and generally nice to everyone. That means that I'm the perfect target for the younger guys to try to impress, thinking that I'm going to be shocked by hearing of something wild that they've done. They have mostly given up trying, not that I didn't enjoy the entertainment.

So one day a few months ago, they were talking about this online test that they all had taken which gave them scores to indicate their (lack of ) sexual purity. I've seen these before, and there are a dozen variations of them, so I asked for the website.

The guys were funny. "Are you sure you're going to know what all those things are, Tom? Should we explain them to you?"

Wise-ass kids.

I took the test on my laptop - it took a good 20 to 30 minutes - and reported a score of well into the 800s. Suddenly everyone got very quiet, and just stared at me.

"What? What? C'mon, you guys are always bragging about your drug and alcohol fueled weekends. Where did you come up?"

Most of the guys were in the 500s to 600s, and one was in the mid 700s. He looked at me and asked "Did you ever have sex with animals?"

"Umm, no," I replied.

"And you've never had sex with other men, right?"

"None that I know about."

He looked at the others, and then said with a little trace of awe, "Then you must have done some pretty freakin' kinky shit, because there's no other way to have those kinds of numbers." They then went back to look through the test to ask me "Did you try this? Did you do that?"

I didn't bother answering. I simply raised an eyebrow and smiled.

Now that I'm the old-timer, I think I'm going to enjoy turning the tables on that game.

Wanted

Saw this movie this afternoon. Wanted was very good - somewhat fantastical, but it's based on a comic book, so what do you expect? It's fun, action-packed, a wee bit bloody, but not overly so. Not one for the kiddies, but a fun flick for the grown-ups.

James McAvoy is wonderful as the cube-drone who finds out that he's so much more (ala Neo in Matrix, really). Angelina Jolie is incredibly hot, Morgan Freeman kinda phones it in.

But the revelation for me was the soundtrack. Holy shit. I haven't walked out of movie intending to buy the soundtrack for a long time, but I totally will buy this one. Danny Elfman is a frickin' genius. I stayed through the credits to find out a song that just blew me away and it turns out that Elfman not only wrote it for the soundtrack, he sings it too. Here it is:

Wednesday Weirdness

WW #9

1.) If you could pick how you would die, how would you choose your death to happen?

Quickly. In my sleep would be good, because then I wouldn't see it coming. Cardiac arrest, brain aneurysm, whatever so long as it is quick.

2.) If you could rid the world entirely of one disease and one disease only, forever, which would you choose and why?

Diabetes, for selfish reasons - I don't want to have it anymore. Also it causes so much damage especially for people who do not realize they are diabetic. Amputations, kidney disease, blindness, gastroparesis -- these might all be avoided if diabetes could be cured.


3.) How adventurous would you say you are when it comes to trying new things in bed with your partner?

Very. There is very little that I would not try. I adore a man who is willing to push his, and my, boundaries.


4.) What is something sexual that you would absolutely, with no amount of persuasion, ever be willing to do?

Two Girls, One Cup. Need I say more?

5.) What kind of laundry detergent do you use?

Tide liquid.

6.)When listening to music, about how loud do you prefer the music you're listening to to be?

Depends on the situation. Usually not so loud that I cannot hear other people talking to me, but sometimes when I'm in the car alone or home alone I want it loud. Then I sing along and/or dance.

Stress, I have it

My mother-in-law invited herself over today and cleaned my living room. For 6 hours. SIX mather-farking hours. Just the living room.

Now, I'm not known for my incredible housekeeping skills, but neither is my house like this:

You might think it's nice to have an obsessive-compulsive neatfreak visit your house, with her car full of cleaning products, and clean a room. You would be so very wrong. I can have a total stranger clean my house and I'm okay with that. But my mother-in-law cleaning feels like an invasion of my privacy. Especially when I did not ask for her assistance. And especially when she asks questions like "is this where you want this lamp?" because the very question implies that my chosen place for the lamp is "wrong." If it was my own mother, I could tell her to fuck off (in fact my mother was here Monday and she did criticize something and I said "not your house, is it?" without any problem. But it's Spousehole's mother that was here today and we don't have that kind of relationship.

Let's just remember that last time this woman cleaned my house was when I was staying at my parents' house after Girl was born (post-cesarean they recommend you limit going up and down stairs and the 'rents have a ranch-style house). She stayed here so Spousehole wouldn't have to take off work and care for Boy. When I returned home a week later, all my sex toys were gone. Every. single. one.

WTF was she doing in the bottom of my sock drawer anyway?

Back to today, it got even worse when the kids I watch for a couple hours a couple afternoons a week came over. Usually I just watch them from about 2:30 to 5:00, the time between when their mom leaves for work and their dad comes home. Today the dad had an out-of-town meeting and so the kids were here until 8:00. I didn't learn they would be here late until their mom dropped them off at 2:30 and she had said her hub would be here by 7:00. Yeah, that didn't work out. Staying late meant I had to feed them, as well as keep all 4 kids corralled and happy all that time. I'm not terribly fond of my own children, so 4 kids just makes it worse. All while supervising my MIL's work ("M, where does this go?" - the usual real answer to which is "I don't know. If it had a place, it would be in it." I can do 'everything in its place' but I suck with the prerequisite 'a place for everything')

Four kids + MIL =

TMI Tuesday - Not Quite a Day Late, but Definitely a Dollar Short

1. Do you believe anyone truly likes their job? If so, why?
Yes, I think there are people who really truly love what they do. They eat, sleep, and breathe their profession. I am not one of those people.


2. Do you 1) live to work or 2) work to live 3) not see a difference?

I did #1 for many years, then realized I actually hated it, but was just too exhausted to notice. When I get a "real" (i.e., paying) job again, it will be #2 unless I find something extraordinary.

3. How many hours do you work a week?
168

4. What was your safety item (i.e. blankie) from when you were little?
I didn't have one. My sister had a "bankie" and my son has a stuffed Donald Duck (he's 7 and still diapers and babies his duck and sleeps with him most nights). My daughter just wants me as her security object (she's three - shouldn't that be waning soon?).


5. Have you ever used food during sex?
Oh yes, most definitely. A tip: do not introduce sugary items into the vagina. Yeast feeds on sugar. You have been warned.

Bonus (as in optional):What is your guilty food pleasure?
Pasta with real butter, freshly shredded parmesan cheese, freshly ground pepper, and lots of minced or pressed garlic.

Double Bonus from our inquisitors (still optional): "We are looking for suggestions. . . If someone asked for your suggestions for a butt worshiping evening (an evening devoted to butt attention), what would you suggest?"

Everything - go around the world! Stroking, digital penetration, prostate massage (for guys - duh), licking (yes I'm serious, just make sure everyone is well cleansed ahead of time), and, if everyone is comfortable, penile or dildo/vibrator penetration.
For preparation, go here because Hannah is pretty thorough (explaining and doing).

Mute Monday - Aroma/Scent

more cat pictures

Unconscious Mutterings

The free association meme - play along!

1. Goodbye :: Girl


2. Cage :: Cat (this makes more sense if you read this and then this)


3. Buddy :: Love


4. Magic words :: Fuck me


5. Library :: Heaven


6. Fall in love :: Fool


7. Tense :: Relax


8. Work! :: Not!


9. Empty :: Promises


10. Heat wave :: Burning in my heart

Funny f*&@ing movie

"If I'd grown up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me. But I didn't - - so it doesn't."

I saw this last night at the cheapskate ($3.50 regular, $2.50 if you have a local radio station discount card. Which I do, of course) movies. A bunch of pathetic people with no date on a Friday night and older couples with nothing else to do. But the movie was really fucking funny. And sad. Fucking sad. And fucking funny. They say "fuck" a lot in this movie - not one for the kiddos. Plus there's murder and drugs. Ralph Fiennes is a bizarre villain, Harry, and Colin Farrell is an adorable hit man, Ray. Brendan Gleeson really brings the whole film together as Ken, an older, wiser hit man. Excellent writing, wonderfully executed by the cast.


The guys are going sightseeing again:
Ken: We shall strike a balance between culture and fun.
Ray: Somehow I believe, Ken, that the balance shall tip in the favor of culture, like a big fat fucking retarded fucking black girl on a see-saw opposite...a dwarf.

Phone message typed up by the hotel owner:
Number One, why aren't you in when I fucking told you to be in? Number Two, why doesn't this hotel have phones with fucking voicemail and not have to leave messages with the fucking receptionist? Number Three, you better fucking be in tomorrow night when I fucking call again or there'll be fucking hell to pay. I'm fucking telling you - Harry.

Rent this on DVD - it's really fucking worth it.

HNT

I got a little sun last weekend, but my poor breasts are still lily-white! I'll cover them to hide their pale shame . . .

(clickety-click!)

Why do we get half-nekkid? Want to join the fun? See Os at

Wednesday Weirdness

1. Have you ever rode ridden in a stolen car? What would you do if, in the middle of going somewhere, you found out that the driver had stolen the car you were riding in?

I have never knowingly ridden in a stolen vehicle. If I discovered I was in one, I would insist on being let out immediately. Depending on how well I know or like the driver, I might even call the cops.

2. What is the most amount of money you've spent in a sex shop or porn store at one time? If you've never been to a porn store or sex shop, why?

Maybe $50. I'm a real cheapskate.


3. What is the most annoying thing about one of your closest friends?

She still smokes, after numerous alleged attempts to quit.

4. Have you ever taken someone's prescription medication with or without them knowing and used it for recreational purposes?

Oh yeah! Nothing worse than Vicodin or Darvocet though.

5. What is at least one thing you are you insecure about?

It's a pretty long list! My weight, my looks, my age, my ability to attract guys,

6. What are some things that you prefer to do alone?

Reading, Sudoku, crosswords, eat breakfast (fat chance!).

7. How would you react if you found out the anonymous babe who writes all your favorite sexy posts on her blog is really your mother?

That would creep me out, yet I would probably still check in from time to time. I wouldn't tell her I knew, because I wouldn't want to inhibit her. I know if I knew my mom read my blog it would inhibit me greatly.

TMI Tuesday!!

Sorry I wasn't up earlier - 'puter problems. My hard drive fried a couple weeks ago and I've been running Ubuntu from a LiveCD, hoping I could revive my hard drive and recover my data. No such luck. I broke down and bought a hard drive Sunday and just got around to installing it today. Then I had to partition the damn thing and reinstall the operating system. And now my microphone on the webcam won't work. I'll have to dig out an old microphone somewhere. Pain in the ass. So I'm only getting on the 'net now, at nearly 4:00 in the afternoon. Ack! Anyway, here's TMI for you:




1. What's your favorite color of lingerie?

On me: royal blue -it brings out the blue in my eyes
On my lovers: none at all :-) though an aroused man in lacy or frilly panties is pretty hot no matter the color

2. Do you have a porn collection?

Does 1 2-disc DVD constitute a collection? If you read my note above, you know that my hard drive was lost and I just installed a pristine, virginal one. So I have no downloaded porn right now. It's possible I had a collection of pictures and a few short videos in a "wank bank" on that hard drive. Possible.

3. Do you have any fetishes?

Nothing that I absolutely have to have in order to become aroused or in order to orgasm and that's my definition of fetish. Kinks? Sure - Rough sex, anal (giving and receiving), spanking (giving and receiving), use of toys, restraints, - you name it, I've probably tried it and liked it. I have to trust someone a whole lot to get into the kinkier stuff (particularly being restrained myself - I have to completely trust you to submit that way).

4. What is your favorite place to have sex?

On top of a naked man, followed closely by underneath, in front of, next to, or behind(!) said naked man

5. Do you like to scratch, bite, pull hair, etc? Do you like having it done to you?

I sometimes bite or scratch in the heat of the moment and don't even realize it.
I LOVE to have my hair pulled (pulled, not yanked. Big difference.) I like to be bitten, but somewhat lightly. Something that might leave a slight mark, but not deep bruising or broken skin. Blood is not a turn on for me.

Bonus (as in optional): Do you think the number of sexual partners you've had is below average, average, or above average, and how does that make you feel?

I could hedge and fuss and ask how you define sexual partners (does intercourse have to have taken place? oral? heavy petting? one-sided orgasm? mutual orgasm?) but I won't. I'll just say slightly above average and that it doesn't make me feel any which way. It is what it is. I'm not proud, but not ashamed.

Bunny Wisdom

For lack of a substantive post:

1. Don't sweat the petty things; don't pet the sweaty things
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR!
3. The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people
4. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but be unable to say it
5. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups
6. I doubt, therefore I might be
7. Age is a high price to pay for maturity
8. Procrastination is the fine art of keeping up with yesterday
9. Women like silent men -- we think they are listening
10. A fool and his money are soon partying
11. Always take two Christian Reformed guys fishing; if you only take one, he'll drink all your beer (maybe you have to be from around here to get that one)
12. Beauty is fleeting; ugly is forever (thank you Judge Judy!)
13. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car
14. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege
15. Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway
16. Parenting: you work your ass off to teach them to walk and talk, then spend the rest of their childhood telling them to sit down and shut up
17. If you think things can't get worse, you lack sufficient imagination.
18. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard
19. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
20. Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool
21. If practice makes perfect & nobody's perfect, why practice?
22. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
23. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others
24. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand
25. Remember, sex is like air: it may not seem important until you aren’t getting any

TMI Tuesday!

Come play with us!

1. If you're in love with your partner, does it make the sex better?

Yes. And no. It makes it much more emotional, more than just a physical act. It takes it to another level. But loving someone with all your heart won't improve a lack of skills. That takes time and training. But if you are in love, you are willing to take the time to show them what to do and how to do it. If you are in love, you are willing to do what your partner asks or shows you to make it better, so long as it remains within your personal limits.

2. What is the most expensive sex toy you've ever purchased?

I'm really cheap. Probably $30 or so. There are some I really, really want that cost more (a lot more!), but I'm just too much of a tightwad to splurge.

3. If you knew ahead of time you would not have an orgasm, would you still have sex?

Would I? I have! Many, many times. Sometimes I go into it knowing that I'm not going to come, I'm just not there mentally or physically at that particular moment, but I'm all about pleasing my partner. Sex can be about more than reaching climax myself, it can be about feeling close to my partner physically and emotionally, connecting on a deeper level.

4. What celebrity would you most like to have sex with if given the chance?

It would be a tie between Eve Salvail and Wes Bentley. Two very sexy individuals.

5. Have you ever had sex while an audience watched?

How many does it take to be considered "an audience"? If it's more than 2 people, then no. If 1 or 2 counts as an audience, then yes.

Bonus (as in optional): Describe the best sexual encounter you've ever had.

I can't. There are so many that were "the best." The best in terms of emotional fulfillment, the best in terms of how well I pleased my partner, the best in terms of how well my partner pleased me, the best in a car, the best with other people in the room, the best outdoors, the best in a hotel, the best at home, and on and on and on. I can't single out any one as the best overall.

Or maybe I can and I just don't want to share the details, because it was that wonderful and fulfilling and personal and I don't want to cheapen it by sharing.

Mute Monday - Competition

(click each pic for more info!)

Look - it's another meme!

The beautiful and sexy Vixen tagged me for the latest meme making the rounds. Here goes!

1. What was I doing ten years ago?
Still practicing law, dating the future Spousehole (he moved into my house in July 1998), living in my first house with three cats, a dog, and two houserabbits.

2. What are five things on my list to do today?

1. Clean the kitchen and pack up kitchen stuff I won't likely need before we move
   
2. Try not to trip and fall anymore (I fell this morning and my left shoulder and elbow are very painful to use; I may even go to the urgent care center and try to get some muscle relaxants and/or pain relievers - remember, I am allergic to ibuprofen, which is probably what would really, really help)
   
3. Laundry - you wouldn't believe how much laundry just my daughter can generate in a week. Add in mine and Boy's and you've got a mountain
   
4. Go see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skill (done! I skipped church so I could see the first matinee of the day which is only $4.00. I'm so cheap. I enjoyed it and Shia LeBeouf wasn't nearly as annoying as people say; favorite part: the Batman trailer they showed before the movie - OMG, I can't wait for it!!!!)
   
5. Not kill anyone (always a difficult task)
   

3. Snacks I enjoy?

Oranges, ice cream, and Berry Blast (Sour!!!) Gushers. Those damn Gusher things are addictive. I only like the sour ones though.

4. Things I Would Do If I Were A Billionaire?
Buy my mother a new car so she can stop bitching about her old one (she drives a car she bought new in 1994 and has only put 60,000 miles on it so she doesn't want to replace it yet but she hates it; but then again, she'll find something to bitch about on the new car); set up educational and general trust funds for my children and my nephew; support my sister and nephew while she finishes her schooling; move to South Carolina immediately so my kids can be with their Dad again. Long term, I would set up a charitable foundation and running it would be my day job. I would support charities that help children and animals and fight to keep abortion safe and legal, but RARE by promoting easy access to and use of birth control; I would fund domestic violence shelters and organizations that provide legal assistance to abused spouses (of either gender) and children; I would provide funding to open more Justice for Our Neighbors clinics around the country; I would also have a separate organization to invest in and support entrepreneurship.

5. Three of my bad habits?

1. Procrastination (same answer as Vixen, but so very true for me!)
2. Eating the wrong foods
3. Adultery
   

6. Five places I have lived?

1. Small town on the Mississippi
   
2. Small town in north central North Carolina
   
3. Smallish town on Lake Michigan
4. Small town on Lake Huron
   
5. Deee-troit, a big city getting smaller all the time
   

7. Five jobs I’ve had?

1. Frozen custard shop assistant manager (my parents owned the shop)
   
2. Librarian in a specialized academic library at Michigan State (open only to grad students and professors)
   
3. Dead poultry gutter (Wearing plastic gloves, I scooped the guts out of dead chickens and turkeys after they were plucked and had been through the centrifuge)
   
4. Attorney
   
5. Associate producer at a local television station
   

8. How did you name your blog?
I typed the letters into the box provided. Duh.

Oh, you mean how did I come up with the name? I've always been a little fixated on rabbits, real rabbits and realistic artistic representations of rabbits and my nickname for many years (as an adult, no less) was Bunny. Several years ago I was goofing around with a Brit friend of Spousehole's family, flirting wildly as I am wont to do, and he said "Well, you're just a randy little rabbit, aren't you?" The phrase stuck in my mind, so I made up the 'net moniker Randi Rabbit and since I sometimes feel my world is a strange place rather like Alice fell into, "Down the Rabbit Hole" just seemed fitting. (I wasn't even thinking of "The Matrix" when I chose the name, but that's kind of fitting too).

I’m supposed to tag 5-6 people now. I always have trouble deciding who to tag and usually find out subsequently that my taggees have already done the meme. I'll give it a shot anywhoo.

Mr. Troll
Trueself
Uncle Polt
Crse
and last, but never ever least,
Stephen

Alphabet Meme

Seems like everybody is doing this one, so I jumped on board too. Yes, Mom, if everyone was jumping off a cliff I probably would too. Stolen from Trueself, but seen several other places.

A is for your age:
40, with 41 coming up fast. I'm so not where I thought I'd be at 40. Funny how things turn out.

B is for your burger of choice:
Bleu cheese burger. Not bleu cheese dressing, real bleu cheese. With rings of red onion.

C is for the car that you drive:
A mommyvan from Ford.

D is for dog's name:
Cubby, but he died in 2002 at age 13. He had diabetes, Cushing's disease, an underactive thyroid, allergies, ear problems, and more, but was the happiest little guy in the world. I adopted him from a shelter when he was 7 and I think he was eternally grateful. We were an ideal doggie/mommy match.

E is for an essential item you use each day:
Glasses or contacts - I'm nearly blind without them. I reach for my glasses first thing before I get out of bed in the morning.

F is for your favorite television show:
24, baby!!! Jack Bauer rocks!

G is for favorite game:
Boggle, though Scrabble and Trivial Pursuit are very close seconds. I kick ass at Boggle. And Trivial Pursuit. No one ever wants to play Trivial Pursuit with me because I know so much trivia. Spousehole was so excited the one time he beat me - but that was playing Star Wars Trivial Pursuit and he's a major fanboy. He kicked my ass, but good.

H is for hometown:
I was born in Muscatine, Iowa, but spent more of my childhood in a small-ish town in Michigan (it got big after I left, they have a BUS SYSTEM now - that's big time) than in Muscatine. Or the place we lived in between.

I is for instruments played:
Started with the clarinet then graduated to oboe. By the time I finished high school I could at least passably play all the woodwinds except flute/piccolo.

J is for favorite juice:
Orange, with LOTS of pulp.

K is for what you'd like to kick:
The food habit. Eating is a terrible habit, but very hard to kick completely.

L is for last restaurant you dined at:
A chinese buffet place last night with the kids, to celebrate Boy's last day of school (until summer school starts in a couple weeks, that is - but that's only 2 days per week). Boy chose where to go and this is the second year in a row that he chose chinese buffet as his "last day of school" celebration place.

M is for your favorite Muppet:
Oscar - he's my role model in life.

N is for number of piercings you have:
Two in the left ear, one in the right.

O is for overnight hospital stays:
I spent two weeks in the hospital after I was born, then several days when I had my throat and ears operated on when I was three, one night after removal of an ovarian cyst and a D&C in 1999, 5 nights when I had Boy in 2001, and 3 nights when I had Girl in 2005.

P is for people you were with today:
Boy and Girl. It's only 7:30 in the morning though, so this will increase quite a lot as the day goes on.

Q is for what you do in quiet times:
Quiet times? There are quiet times? (I just kept Trueself's answer)

R is for regrets:
Lately, having had Girl. She is seriously stressing me that much. I love her, but I really don't like her much lately.

S is for status:
Married, but living 1100 miles apart.

T is for time you woke up today:
6:30, which is far too early for a Saturday morning.

U is for what you consider unique:
My mole on the lower left side of my neck. I'm glad I have it so that if I am decapitated, Spousehole or my parents will still be able to identify my body. Yes, I actually consider things like that.

V is for favorite vegetable:
Asparagus, lightly steamed but still crunchy.

W is for your worst habit:
That whole eating thing - I've tried to give up the food, but my body is absolutely addicted to it.

X is for x-rays you have had:
Dental, right arm after I fell off my bike and broke my elbow when I was 15, lower GI tract (barium enema contrast), lungs many, many times (I get bronchitis and pneumonia pretty easily), knees several times since I was a teenager, both ankles (just sprained), my back (ruptured disk), neck (bulging disks), sinuses many, many times, left hip (dislocated it), right shoulder (dislocated it) . . . I think that's it. OF course there are also the MRIs and CT scans (CT scans are kind of x-rays on steroids). But I won't get into those.

Y is for yummy food you ate today:
I haven't had a darn thing yet today.

Z is for zodiac sign:
Virgo, the virgin. Yes, laugh all you want.

As described here:
Modest and shy (I am - really!)
Meticulous and reliable (maybe not so much on the reliable - see paralysing perfectionism, below)
Practical and diligent (practical, yes; diligent - meh)
Intelligent and analytical (definitely!! to the point of being incredibly annoying)
but
Fussy and a worrier (abso-freakin'-lutely)
Overcritical and harsh (yup!)
Perfectionist and conservative (in many ways, yes; more of a neurotic perfectionist, defined as one who is unable to feel satisfaction because in their own eyes they never seem to do things good enough to warrant that feeling; such perfectionism also leads to procrastination, because if I can't do it perfectly I don't want to do it at all) (See also, paralysing perfectionism - this is me exactly!!)

Child Discipline

Cattle prod or canine shock collar?

(Because apparently you can't Tase them . . . damn it)

HNT or I'm Ba-a-a-a-a-ck!

I've missed several Thursdays in a row - I'm a bad, bad half-nekkid blogger! I've been hella busy with trying to get my house ready to sell, dealing with kiddos who miss their dad and enjoy driving me to distraction, and more. But I managed to squeeze in about 30 seconds to take a couple pictures in middle of the chaos surrounding me. It gets very warm working this hard, so I needed to undo a couple buttons . . .

(click thru fixed 8:30 a.m. EDT)

Why do we get half-nekkid? Want to join the fun? See Os at

Anyone want to help me kill my neighbor?

Beware! Full-on rant ahead, complete with foul language:

I'm am pissed beyond belief at my idiot neighbor. I suppose he can't help being stupid, but still.

As regular readers know, I am trying to sell my house so that my kids and I can move "Down South" and reunite with my husband, who started a more personally fulfilling and higher-paying job almost 6 weeks ago. Part of selling a house is making it fabulously attractive to the ever-shrinking pool of buyers. To that end, my father and I have been working our butts off, cleaning the siding with muriatic acid (the only thing that returned the white vinyl siding to white), scraping and painting the garage, painting the porch and various other outdoor things, cleaning up and beautifying the landscaping, etc. I'm also working on stuff inside the house, but today I am concerned with "curb appeal."

One huge detractor from my property's "curb appeal" is the fact that my neighbor's concrete retaining wall is falling onto my property. It was leaning a smidge when we bought the house 10 years ago and has gradually but steadily gotten worse. The old lady that lived in the house for 50 years sold it in 2006 and told us that a condition of the sale was that she pay the new owner to have the wall fixed.

The first section of the wall is held up by the gate across my driveway.

The second section of the wall is held up by nothing and
is what is going to collapse onto my driveway (and/or children or cats) anytime.

The third section of the wall is held up by my fence
(which is attached to the garage just out of frame)

New owner, SK, moved in September 2006. We figured it was too late in the season so he'd have the wall fixed that spring. Nope. Nothing. All summer and fall 2006, spring and summer 2007 go by, the wall is only getting worse. SK doesn't seem to think fixing this wall is a priority. He is in his early to mid 40s and has never owned a house before. He talks all the time about how home maintenance is "so very difficult." As far as we can tell, he hasn't done any. His bushes are overgrown (the old neighbor had them trimmed 2x a year and they were never a problem - he's NEVER cut them and they scratch the hell out of my car leading to me trimming part of them back), he's let the flower gardens my old neighbor tended for 50 years go all to hell, and he mows 2 or 3 times a year. Spousehole worked for our city government, so naturally we just went to the city about the wall.

The city came out in August or September 2007 and cited the neighbor for the falling retaining wall, an unsafe floppy porch rail, and some other things that I don't really give shit one about because they don't affect me. All I care about is the wall.

SK came over to my house the day he got the citation. He can't understand why the city cares if he fixes the wall or not and I patiently tried to explain that it's unsafe - hello, it's a giant concrete wall that could crush my kids, or, God forbid, my cats. Not to mention it looks like shit and if it falls it won't retain his property very well, which is kind of the point of a "retaining wall."

SK pleads poverty and gets extensions of time to fix the wall. Then I talked to my former neighbor's son (who has her power of attorney, since she's in her mid to late 80s now). He tells me that what his mother told me was correct: the house was sold to SK "as is" (meaning he knew there was work to be done!) and that at closing they kicked back $8000 of the purchase price to SK specifically to pay for replacing the retaining wall. Let me repeat that: they kicked back $8000 of the purchase price to SK specifically to pay for replacing the retaining wall! He's claiming he didn't think the wall was that important and that he can't afford to fix it, but the closing papers show he walked away from closing with an $8000 specifically to fix the motherfucking wall.

Now SK's claiming he didn't get any money at closing for the wall (As Kid Rock would say, I was born at night but not last night -- I have the paperwork, asshole!), but it's not going to matter. He told my dad yesterday (I won't speak to SK) that he's been a renter all his life and this whole homeowner thing is more work and hassle than he expected, especially if the city is going to make him fix stuff, etc. So his solution is that he contacted his (subprime) lender and told them he doesn't want the house anymore and wants out of his mortgage, etc and THEY AGREED. Asshole SK quit-claimed the house to his mortgage company (deed in lieu of foreclosure, since he stopped paying the mortgage a couple months ago) and is moving this weekend. Back to the world of renting, where he doesn't have to worry about maintaining jack-shit.

Fucking asshole. Now the property is owned by some mortgage company based out West somewhere. What's the likelihood they are going to maintain the property (mowing, etc.), much less fix the wall? I'm already in contact with the city about them transferring the citation to the mortgage company and threatening to prosecute them for failure to maintain a safe property, but I'm not going to hold my breath waiting for something to happen. We had a house up the street that the former owners deeded in lieu of foreclosure to their mortgage holder, a large bank with local offices. That house sat for a year before the bank finally sold it. Though they did at least arrange for the lawn to be mowed. Hopefully this subprime lender from God-knows-where will at least do that.

/rant off

Update: the city was just about to file misdemeanor charges against SK for failure to maintain his property, but now that likely won't happen since he no longer owns it and he's moving on Monday to Oregon, where he plans to live with his 21-year-old daughter until he gets a job and finds his own place to rent.

Good riddance.