Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Tom Allen In Da House!

We have a guest blogger today, boys and girls! FTN sponsored a blog swap and I threw my keys into the bowl. I intended to clean up some before having guests over, but you know how that goes! Turns out it was okay, Tom doesn't seem to mind. Tom is Tom Allen, today's guest blogger of The Edge of Vanilla. Please give him a warm welcome and after reading this post, go check him out. You won't be sorry, I promise.


I initially had some qualms about volunteering for a "guest post" swap because I have this uncomfortable secret.

I'm a sex blogger. More to the point, I'm a kinky sex blogger. That implies that at some point in my life, I've had a certain amount of kinky sex in order to write with any kind of authority. I know that this doesn't deter some people, but I happen to enjoy keeping it real over on The Edge of Vanilla.

The qualms I've had relate to some of the uncomfortableness that our society has with discussing kink in general, and BDSM in specific. With very few exceptions (Secretary is the only one that comes to mind), TV and movies tend to portray situations of bondage or sensation play as over-the-top ridiculous, if not pathetic (Desperate Housewives, for example). My concerns were that I'd embarrass my host when people would check out my blog and then report back. "Eewww, Bunny - those people are weird."

I can't help but think that many people wouldn't mind if I were a straight, vanilla sex blogger; you know, writing about all the places where my wife and I have had sex, and writing in fluffy or funny euphemisms (like "making love" or even "boinking"), instead of using some of the more graphic details. I say this because as I look around the sex blogging community, those seems to be the kinds of blogs that are the most popular. At least, I think that they're popular because there are so many of them. Yet, despite the preponderance of admissions of basic sexuality, our culture still has an aversion to discussions, let alone admissions, of kink.

But that's changing. Sort of.

I belong to a men's social club that has a good number of younger guys (20s and 30s) who like to play the "impress the old-timer" game; now that I'm 50, I'm the "old-timer" in a lot of places, and I now have to deal with the young guys doing to me what I used to do old-timers. It's a karma thing.

Now, every social group has at least one old-timer with whom you can sit down with, ask some advice, maybe get something personal off of your chest, and not worry that he's going to blab it to everyone else. I'm that guy. As far as most of the members can see, I'm quiet, conservative, well-spoken, and generally nice to everyone. That means that I'm the perfect target for the younger guys to try to impress, thinking that I'm going to be shocked by hearing of something wild that they've done. They have mostly given up trying, not that I didn't enjoy the entertainment.

So one day a few months ago, they were talking about this online test that they all had taken which gave them scores to indicate their (lack of ) sexual purity. I've seen these before, and there are a dozen variations of them, so I asked for the website.

The guys were funny. "Are you sure you're going to know what all those things are, Tom? Should we explain them to you?"

Wise-ass kids.

I took the test on my laptop - it took a good 20 to 30 minutes - and reported a score of well into the 800s. Suddenly everyone got very quiet, and just stared at me.

"What? What? C'mon, you guys are always bragging about your drug and alcohol fueled weekends. Where did you come up?"

Most of the guys were in the 500s to 600s, and one was in the mid 700s. He looked at me and asked "Did you ever have sex with animals?"

"Umm, no," I replied.

"And you've never had sex with other men, right?"

"None that I know about."

He looked at the others, and then said with a little trace of awe, "Then you must have done some pretty freakin' kinky shit, because there's no other way to have those kinds of numbers." They then went back to look through the test to ask me "Did you try this? Did you do that?"

I didn't bother answering. I simply raised an eyebrow and smiled.

Now that I'm the old-timer, I think I'm going to enjoy turning the tables on that game.


Sailor said...

Great post Tom, love it. Reminds me of when the guys at the firehouse (I'm a volunteer), decided to "shock the new guy, he wears a suit to work".

Didn't work, I'd heard it/seen it/done it before ;)

The Troll said...

Sex Blogger? I thought you wrote limericks and haikus.

I have a guest blogger this weekend too. But not part of that sponsored thing Bunny aluded to in her pre-amble.

Slick said...

Way to show them youngins that they have a few more years to learn :)

Great guest post!

for a different kind of girl said...

I imagine this fits the idea that, with age, comes a world of wisdom!

Anonymous said...

The test I did must have been using a really different scale. I got a score of 26% pure (or 74% sexually corrupt). Yep, nothing like a few years of exploring the kink side of life to bring that score down a bit.

Angela St. Lawrence said...

Mr. Allen you are just so damn fine. Give me an older guy any day of the week. YUM YUM

XI Summit said...

Love it when the young studs strut their stuff, regardless of the subject. It's amazing how many of 'em think what they do is somehow new and never thought of! Apparently their parents were pretty good liars .....

I'm just sayin'!

FTN said...

I wonder if I'd score a negative number on that quiz...

Lil Bit said...

LOL, great post... and nice to meet ya.

Would luv to have seen the looks on those younger fella's faces.

Too funny.

What? No link to the quiz for the rest of us?? ;)