HNT

Summer's sandal tan lines haven't faded completely!!

Why do we get half-nekkid? Want to join the fun? See Os at

Ringxiety or fauxcellarm - good to know it's not just me!

Halloween Goof (because I just won't grow up!)

What Your Halloween Habits Say About You

You're a friendly person, but not the life of the party. You like making someone else's day - and you'll dress up if you think of a really fun costume. You definitely think of yourself as someone who has a dark side. And part of having that dark side means not showing it. Your inner child is open minded, playful, and adventurous. You truly fear the dark side of humanity. You are a true misanthrope. You're logical, rational, and not easily effected. Not a lot scares you... especially when it comes to the paranormal. You are a total overachiever and workaholic. You're the type of person who plans their elaborate Halloween costume weeks in advance.

What's Your Halloween Personality?

I don't wanna grow up and you can't make me!!

stomps foot petulantly

Spousehole and I were riding in the mommyvan one evening and he had a paperback book that he was reading sitting on the dash in front of him. He took a corner at such an angle and speed that the book spun across the dash to the passenger side and slid gracefully into my lap. It was almost elegant, the way it moved. I said, doing my best little kid imitation “Ooooo - that was way cool! Do it again! Do it again!” punctuated with a little clap.

Spousehole, who had seemed to be in a good mood (for him) up to this point, was not amused.

“You are 40 years old now! When are you going to grow up?” I was shocked. Not by what he said, but that he had changed it from “You're somebody's mother now! When are you going to grow up?” which I've heard regularly for the last 7 years. Once again, I was reduced to explaining that it was just a goof, me trying to be funny, make light of a silly situation, and on and on.

Apparently, as Spousehole sees it, 40-year-old parents are to be “grown-ups” and are not allowed to have fun. Joking, laughing, lightening a mood – all for the immature and child-free. And God forbid I make a double entendre or any other statement that might be construed as risque. Definite evidence right there of my immaturity and lack of fitness to be a parent.

“Why do you have to be so bloody serious all the time?” I respond when Spousehole is intent on quashing my fun. “Life is serious and responsible adults are serious” is his reply.

Fuck that. An occasional joke, some well-placed laughter, a goofy exchange – none of these preclude my being a responsible parent and adult. It's not as though I'm constantly making jokes to avoid my responsibilities or duck out on my duties. Is it so wrong to want to raise my children in a home with laughter and happiness instead of doom and gloom? So long as the kids are clean, fed, and not dead, would it be so bad if they were also happy and relaxed? And Mom too? (He also thinks my playing with the children is a waste of my time. That's a whole other post right there.)

Ironically, one of the things that supposedly made Spousehole interested in me, way back when, was my sense of humor, my ability to keep the mood in my department light in spite of the fact that we dealt with extremely unhappy people all day (our governmental unit enforced child support and visitation orders in divorce, paternity, and neglect/abuse cases). I made him laugh and he liked that. Now it's just something else he wants to extinguish in me. Except when we're out with friends or at a dinner party or with his family or something - then my humor and wit are prized qualities once again.

I'd like your thoughts.

Do you have to give up humor to be a grown-up?

TMI Tuesday!

It's TMI Tuesday! Click the "I kiss and tell" icon to come play with us!!


1. Wash up, cuddle or fall asleep?

Varies, depending on the situation. Ideally, cuddle AND fall asleep. But I haven't had that in a long, long time. Wash up and skedaddle before his wife comes home or my husband gets suspicious has been the order of the day . . .

2. Have you ever faked orgasms?

Duh. I'm a girl. Sometimes it just isn't going to happen and if your partner has a fragile ego faking it is easier than trying to explain that it's not him, it's you. I haven't done this in a while though, as I'm trying to be more honest about such things.

3. In any 24 hour period, what is the most number of time you have ever had sex?

There was a weekend in college . . . probably 5 or 6. That was an amazing weekend. Yes, it was just one guy - it's incredible what a college-age guy can do when left alone with his girlfriend for days on end :)

4. Have you ever had sex or give/received oral sex while you were driving a car?

Not while I was driving, but while the other person was driving . . . Yes, I've bumped my head on a steering wheel a time or two . . .

5. What do you think the average number of sexual partners your sex has in their lifetime? Do you think most people lie when asked?

I wouldn't have the slightest idea of the average number of sexual partners for my gender. Amongst my friends the number varies from 1 to over 100. With such extremes skewing things, that mean is probably meaningless. Finding the median and the mode might be more telling than the mean.

Do people lie about their number of sexual partners? Sure, some people do. Some women minimize it, I think some men "enhance" their numbers when talking with other guys. I really don't see the point. It is what it is. I'm neither proud nor ashamed of my stats, but so long as I don't have any STDs, why should anyone care?

Bonus (as in optional): Can men and women be "just friends?" (Explain)

Absolutely. I have male friends with whom I have absolutely no interest in doing anything sexual. Then there are others . . .

Finding the Right Words

I think my bad mood as of late has to do with what is missing in my life, including, but not limited to:

Kissing, Pampering, Seduction, Flirting, Devouring, Grinding, Manipulating, Kindness, Pinching, Massaging, Petting, Extravagance, Pushing, Rocking, Submission, Caressing, Strength, Tasting, Gratification, Colliding, Groping, Pleasure, Softness, Biting, Fondling, Hedonism, Nibbling, Domination, Hardness, Desire, Brushing, Spooning, Teasing, Pressing, Spanking, Grazing, Kneading, Snuggling, Stroking, Touching, Sucking, Rubbing, Licking, Fucking, Passion, Frolicking, Embracing . . .

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Your Deadly Sins

Lust: 60% Sloth: 40% Envy: 20% Greed: 20% Wrath: 20% Gluttony: 0% Pride: 0% Chance You'll Go to Hell: 23% You'll die from overexertion. *wink*

How Sinful Are You?
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On a slightly more serious/non-horndog mode, I am in a better mood today. Less exposure to Spousehole + more exposure to exasperating but funny kids + restoration of DSL = happier Bunny.

The mammogram went fine. No big. I had no idea the girls could be squished quite that flat, but it wasn't painful at all. From check-in to walking back to the car was just over 30 minutes. With the new digital machines, they know immediately if the "films" came out, so there's no waiting around while they develop the film. If you've been putting one off because someone told you it hurt, GO GET IT DONE. It's no big. No need to flip hair even.

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Had lunch with my mom. She wanted to know how my weekend went (i.e., what did we fight about this weekend). I told her some of it and then made a joke about how once a year just isn't enough for me (she was already somewhat aware that our sex life is almost nil in the last few years). She said "OMG! Your father and I have slept in separate rooms for nearly 30 years and we're older than dirt and I get more than that!"

Great. Exactly what I needed to hear. EWWWW!

Mute Monday - Boycott

Some from the past:

No, no, no, no!:

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And definitely DO NOT BOYCOTT THIS:


I'm having my very first smash and flash (mammogram) today,
since I turned 40 last month. Wish the girls and me luck, okay?

I'm Ba-a-a-a-ck

Yes, it turns out the phone co repair dude who was working up the street on Thursday disconnected us instead of/in addition to someone else. Idiots. And it took them until Sunday afternoon to figure this out and fix it? Complete effing idiots. I better get a credit for phone AND dsl, damn it.

I'm doing better than earlier. Not great, but better. Kind of numb now.

In-laws will be here any minute with the kids. Apparently MIL made dinner and is bringing it along to eat here. Like I'm incapable of feeding my family? (I guess I'm a little touchy. Constant criticism all weekend will do that to a person.)

Since they are bringing the kids back so late, Spousehole won't be able to take them with him to church. Our arrangement, you see, is that he will take them to child care at church on Sunday night while he has senior high youth group and that way I have a night to myself with no kids and no spouse. Hasn't happened that way yet this fall, since kids have been sick. I realize I just had a whole weekend without the little buggers, but I was either dealing with Spousehole himself or his complete rejection/lack of emotion toward me all weekend and that was draining. An evening alone sounded really nice. Oh well.

Bunny in Bad, Bad Place

Still no DSL, but the phone company dude was just arriving on my street when I left the house, so there is hope.

I'm in a real bad place today. I mean, physically I'm just at the library - a good place, but emotionally I'm in a terrible place. Too much time this weekend to contemplate the state of my life and marriage has left me miserable. I don't even know how to put them into words, these emotions I am feeling. My husband told me he loved me last night, but I can't believe that. I asked him not to say it anymore, because it just gives me hope and I cannot take having my hopes crushed any further. He says it, but his actions say otherwise. I don't see a man who loves me. I see a man who doesn't want to lose my friendship and companionship, is used to me as part of his life and doesn't like change. I am his companion and possession, not his partner or his lover. He told me that if I chose to sleep with other men, he would be disappointed but could understand and we'd get through it.

Disappointed? That's all I get?

Not hurt? Not angry? And he said it so dispassionately that it just killed me.

It seems that all I ever do is disappoint him. I never meet his expectations and never will.

I'm tired. Physically and emotionally exhausted. Skipped church today because I just couldn't handle it. Needed to have communion with God in a different way. Went to the gym instead and worked myself until I could barely move. I felt better for a while, but it didn't last.

And yes, I am taking my antidepressants. Sometimes it's not the brain chemistry that's the problem, sometimes it's the situation.

He just called me (from his cell, so phone service must not be up yet) and ordered me to come home. He hung up on me, so clearly he's pissed about something. Great. Just what I need today.
I guess I better get home and have this fight, whatever it may be about.