Oh, What Have I Done?

Yipes. How do I let myself get talked into these things?

Spousehole had suggested that he fly up and then drive down to S.C. with the kids, cats, and me. I thought it was a terrible idea. We would surely fight if we were cooped up in a vehicle together for 16 hours. It was be miserable and claustrophobia inducing. 4 people, 2 cats, 16 hours. Even worse, he wanted to drive it straight through without an overnight stop. Eight hours for me, eight hours for him. I could think of nothing more miserable. I told him that it would cost more money to fly him up than it would for the kids and I to stop for the night in a motel that takes cats. That worked. Spousehole hates to waste money, so the idea was dropped. Praise the Lord and Hallelujah!

I've told you all how much I adore my Dad, right? I have the best Daddy in the whole entire world. He would do anything for me or my kids (or my sister and her son). When my Dad talks, I listen. 9 times out of 10 he is right.

But this time, I think he was wrong and I let myself get talked into something I will regret.

Being a dad who worries about his baby girl and who has traveled long distances with unhappy pets and knows how insane they can be, he was pissed when he learned I had talked Spousehole out of flying up and driving with the kids and me. "The kids will be easier to deal with when you have another adult in the car. The cats will be easier to calm," he argued. I made my arguments about using the DVD player in the van to entertain the children, the fact that the cats will just go to sleep after a time, and that Spousehole and I will argue to the point of wanting to kill one another if we are cooped up that long together. He could not be dissuaded. I pointed out that with the cost of movers and the fact that Spousehole's company is giving us a mere pittance toward the move expenses (less than 25%), we just couldn't justify the cost. Then Dad starts in with "What if you get sick on the way down?" which is father-of-a-diabetic-speak for "What if the stress fucks up your blood sugar so bad that you crash the car and kill yourself, your children and your cats?" That's it Dad: prey on one of my greatest fears, however very, VERY unlikely since I regulate my blood sugars very well thankyouverymuch and have never, ever had a hypoglycemic episode while driving. Then, the coup-de-grace: "I'll pay for his ticket to fly up here. Just do it. Go book the ticket right now."

So without even discussing it with Spousehole, I sat down at the computer, got the cheapest one-way fare I could find and booked it. It will SUCK for Spousehole, because he has to change planes twice(!) but oh well. It was cheap, cheap, cheap. I will have to drive to an airport in another town 40 minutes away to pick him up because I saved $75 flying him there instead of our town, but the gas cost is still much less than that. And he will be here for my birthday, which is bonus. I doubt he'll get me a gift or anything crazy like that, but hopefully he will be nice to me. After all, I'll be an old lady and one must be nice to the elderly, right?

So despite my extreme misgivings, we are all driving down to S.C. together. One big happy. Right. Spousehole didn't even complain about me booking a plane ticket without discussing it with him. And about me booking a flight on a Friday (cheaper than Saturday) without first checking if he could take the time off work. Weird. Of course he was thoroughly pissed at me about some other things, so maybe buying him a plane ticket without discussing it with him was the least of the concerns in his eyes.

Gawd, I am seriously dreading this trip. I was kind of looking forward to driving with the kids and cats - in a "we're on an adventure!" and "I'm master of my own destiny!" kind of way. Now I'm just foreseeing being trapped in a vehicle with my perpetually pissed-off partner and our petulant, peevish progeny. Not pleasant. Not at all.

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I'm a Calvin?

Found this at As Seen from Up Here, the blog of my favorite very tall Chicagoan!

Your result for The Calvin Or Hobbes Test...

Mostly Calvin

You are 70% Calvin and 30% Hobbes

Your inner Calvin often prevails, but, as in the image below, you have a significant Hobbesian component. I'm going to try to stretch the visual metaphor here: you have a good head on your shoulders, but when you don't use it, your crazy body gets you in trouble? Does that work? Odds are you're impulsive and imaginative, but it's possible you've collected just enough wisdom to hold your most anti-social urges in check. Most of the time. It's a precarious balance, like a boy on one foot with a tiger head.

Take The Calvin Or Hobbes Test at HelloQuizzy

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Wednesday Weirdness

1.) You just bought a snazzy new leather jacket for an awesome price at the local outlet shop. When you got it home you found $2000 (cash) in the jacket's inner pocket. What are you going to do?

If I got it somewhere that the previous owner would be traceable (like a consignment shop), I would contact the store and ask them to have the previous owner contact me because I found something in the jacket that they might want back.

If it was someplace where stuff was donated anonymously, the cash is mine and I heading out to get leather chaps to match the jacket.

If it was a retail shop and the jacket was new, then I have no idea how the cash got there and I'm keeping it and heading out to find those chaps.


2.) If you could change or eliminate one wedding tradition, what would it be? What is your favorite wedding tradition?

As I'm sure many would say, I'm all about getting rid of the cake-face smashing thing. We did not do that at our wedding and I'm very glad. It's childish and stupid. What a disrespectful way to start a life with someone.

My favorite wedding tradition is the toasts. At our wedding they made me cry and cry and cry.

3.)If you were on Gilligan’s Island, who would you want to share your hut with? Who would you consider it torture to have to share a hut with?

I would want to share my hut with MaryAnn and the Professor for nightly threesomes. Also I think they would be most likely to keep the place clean and neat. I would kill Ginger if I had to share a hut with her. I hate vain, prissy chicks.

4.) Have you ever called your current significant other by another name at any point? What happened?

No. He, on the other hand, calls me by the wrong name on a regular basis. He has introduced me as Melissa or as Melanie on several occasions (that was in the first year or two of our relationship). Generally that happens when he is nervous about introducing me to the person involved. When we fight he sometimes calls me by his sister's name. Apparently he fought with her so much growing up that it just comes out. Lovely.

5.) If you were going to be famous under a stage name, what would you pick your stage name to be? Why? What do you want to be famous doing?

Randi Rabbit, of course! I would be famous for my slow, seductive strip tease. Either that or I would be a comedian with a really raunchy act, kind of like Sarah Silverman.

6.) During sex, do you ever fantasize about someone other than your partner?

Duh - all the time.

7.) Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet?

Too loud is definitely worse. I have enough going on in my head to fill quiet spaces, but loud is just distracting and makes conversation difficult.

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Random Thoughts & TMI Tuesday

"Too Drunk To F***" is a fun song, but so not appropriate for the radio. I can't believe my local radio station plays it regularly. It's fun to listen to as an adult who has been through that stage in life (I think we called it "college"), but certainly not something one wants to encourage in the younger set.

I haven't watched too much of the Olympics. Not because I'm boycotting them or anything, I just have other things to do. I did watch some of the track events and bits of replays of the swimming and gymnastics. I'm just not into it this time around and my kids don't really appreciate it yet either. Instead we overdose on Nickelodeon shows. I think I know every episode of Drake and Josh and iCarly by heart.

I'm very glad for Michael Phelps' eight gold medals, but I really hope he spends some of that endorsement cash coming his way on getting his mouth fixed. His upper jaw looks too small for the rest of his face - it'll take some serious work to get that fixed, but it is do-able. I don't get the impression he's terribly bright, so he'll have to skate by on his medals and his looks in life. That makes the teeth thing very important.

My son is wearing a sundress as a shirt right now. Is it wrong that I think he looks kind of cute in it? I think I will draw the line at wearing it to the park though.

Is it just me, or does Gary Glitter's "Do You Want to Touch Me?" seem incredibly creepy since his conviction for child molestation? I like the song, but I'll stick to the Joan Jett version from here on out.



1. Are you truly politically correct? Be honest.

Probably not. We all have our little prejudices and hang-ups.

2. Will you ever streak in public during rush hour?

Nope. Perhaps when I was young, thin, and drunk quite often I would have, but not now.

3. Would you ever do something sexual in public (more than 20 people around)?

BTDT

4. Do you ever not have good table manners?

Probably when eating ribs or something like that. But otherwise I try to demonstrate good manners at all times. I want to set a good example for my children. I HATE when people chew with their mouths open, pick their teeth at the table, etc. It's not so much about knowing which fork to use (note: if a table is properly set, you start at the outside and work in as each course is served) as it is about making the meal a pleasant experience for all involved.

5. Do you ever fantasize about a public sexual act? Describe.

I love the idea of wearing a short skirt with no panties to a bar/nightclub and having a man reach under and manually bring me to orgasm with strangers standing all around. In this fantasy most of the crowd is oblivious but a few men realize what is happening and watch with unabashed lust.

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever gone through a true sexual fantasy? Describe.

I've done the two guys at the same time thing a couple times. Hasn't yet lived up to the fantasy, but I'm willing to keep trying!!

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Stolen meme - Fill in the Blank

I stole this from Cece at Lovin' Laughin'& Livin'

1) When I was a kid I wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up. (Lesson: be careful what you wish for . . .)

2) The last time I went to Chuck E. Cheese I was miserable because it was Chuck E. Cheese - DUH!.

3) When I have a few extra bucks I like to spend it on a mani/pedi.

4) The first 3 things I’m going to do if I win the Lottery is upgrade my living accomodations, create trusts for my kids, & buy a new hybrid vehicle.

5) What I look forward to most in the Fall is getting settled in our new home!

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Mute Monday - Singers

This spoof of Nickelback's Rockstar, called "Pop Star" cracks me up. So true:


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Unconscious Mutterings

Unconscious Mutterings - come play with us!

1. Signature :: move


2. Olympics :: sport (though I simultaneously thought "Faux-pening Ceremonies")
   


3. 100% :: pure


4. Damn! ::That was Good!
   


5. Gold :: standard


6. Fresh and natural :: douche commercial
   


7. Fraction :: -al ownership
   


8. Hurry :: up and wait
   


9. Summer :: ville
   


10. 29th :: birthday; again
    

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Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

I'm going to miss Michigan.

I've been here since my 8th birthday. And I don't mean around my 8th birthday, I mean the exact day. How it happened I don't know, but the movers took our stuff a couple days before my birthday and my mother, 4-year-old sister, and I were scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Michigan on my 8th birthday. What a crappy birthday! I woke up in a motel room near the airport in Raleigh, flew from Raleigh to Chicago, then spent the whole damn day walking around, bored as heck, in O'Hare Airport. For some reason our flight was delayed and delayed and delayed some more, so there we sat: A 4-yr-old, an 8-yr-old pissed to be spending her birthday in an airport, and my stressed out mother. That she didn't strangle us and leave us in an airport lounge while she ran off to Rio was a miracle. I don't know if I could've survived it. Then again, I'm going to drive 1100 miles with a 3.5-yr-old hyper girl and a 7.5-yr-old autistic kid and two geriatric cats who will not be happy. What the hell am I thinking????

Anyway, I spent almost the entire day of my 8th birthday at one airport or another. We left Raleigh at 8 in the morning, getting to Chicago before 11 a.m. Our flight to Grand Rapids finally left at almost 10:30 p.m., getting us to Michigan at 11:30 p.m. The only good things were that my Dad was there to pick us up (I hadn't seen him for about 6 weeks) and he gave me a purple TV for my birthday. Apparently he felt awful for me having to spend my birthday traveling, so he got me a purple 13" b/w RCA TV for my bedroom in the new house. I was the only 8-yr-old I knew with her own TV in her room, so I guess it was pretty cool. Though I was terribly disappointed to learn that in 1975 cable television hadn't made it to our part of Michigan and we only got 4 channels. We had had a whole slew of channels back in Podunk North Carolina. Oh well. At least I had a purple TV. (We finally got cable when I was 16).

I hope my kids aren't expecting any purple TVs, because it ain't gonna happen. They're going to have to be satisfied with being with their dad again, because that's all they are getting. And a new house, in a new town, with a new school, etc. A total freaking upheaval of everything they know. But we'll be a family again and that will be good. They need their Dad and he needs them. And I need a co-parent. This single parent thing sucks ass. Bad.

I'm hoping I get to see PiC once more before we leave. I could use a good, hard romp as a send-off. We'll see; perhaps the stars will align and we'll both be free at the same time.

* * * * *

My kids and I have been listening to this song since before Christmas, so I'm glad it's FINALLY out as a video that I can embed here. In fact, last night Boy and I were singing it in the car while Girl shook her green and white MSU pom-poms in her carseat. A lovely mother-children moment.



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