Two Blokes and Fuckload of Cutlery

We saw Hot Fuzz Friday – hilarious! It's a British farcical take on American cop buddy movies, such as Lethal Weapon, Point Break, Bad Boys I and II, and others. It's from the Shaun of the Dead people and has more than a few references to that movie as well. Simon Pegg is fabulous as the lead character and the rest of the cast is great too. Timothy Dalton is particularly smarmy and slimy as the town grocer. A much better fit for him than Bond. Hey, wouldn't he make a cool villain in a Daniel Craig Bond film? But I digress. Pegg is a London police officer who kicks ass and takes names, making everyone else look like slackers. He is transferred, against his wishes, to a small village a couple hundred kilometres outside London; basically a whole different world. The climactic shoot-out scenes are worth the price of admission alone. I highly recommend it. It's rated R for language and gore, but I found the gore to be cartoonish, Monty Python-type stuff.

We also got The 40-Year-Old Virgin from Netflix. I found it funny, but I think it hit a little too close to home for Spousehole. You must remember, he was The 30-Year-Old Virgin when we met. He even said some of the same things that Steve Carell's character does in the movie: “I respect women too much to . . .” “After a while it just didn't happen and I stopped trying . . . “ and more. Spousehole didn't have a car (motorcycle though, not a bicycle), had several action figures, and, most importantly, STILL has an Asia poster hanging in his workshop in the basement. I shit you not.

Funny movies aside, the weekend didn't go as well as would have liked. No sex and not much sleep either. Friday night we actually slept in the same bed, but even I was too tired for sex. Saturday we did a bunch of home improvement projects that had needed doing for a long time, I made shrimp scampi with linguine for dinner, and we watched the movie. He played Halo while I cleaned up the kitchen and I said I was going upstairs and would see him shortly; he agreed. A couple hours later, he's still playing fucking Halo. At midnight I said “Fuck you” and left. Went to a bar and alternated tequila shots and Diet Coke till they threw us out at 2:30 a.m. I met a guy who wanted to know if we could go back to my place. I laughed and said I didn't think my husband would be thrilled. Guy was all “You're married??” and I pointed out the wedding ring I had taken no steps to disguise. He was like, “Boy, I'm observant, huh?” We had a good laugh, agreed we had fun talking and playing trivia games and said goodnight. Some potential adulterer I am. Lame. I went home, but just couldn't sleep. Probably because I was too revved up from being angry and hurt that asshole chose Halo over me. And too much caffeine. Also trying to sleep in Boy's bed instead of my own. I slept 2 hours or less. Spousehole never asked where I went or what I did. Don't think he even cares, though he did take me to breakfast Sunday morning – his version of an apology. After breakfast, I went back to bed. I think even he skipped church. A rare event indeed. Though that's where he and the children are now. He's got Sr. High Youth (the 'utes, we call them, as in “the 2 'utes” in My Cousin Vinny. Makes more sense if you hear it rather than read it). He took the children, who returned from grandma's at 3:00, to child care there so I could have some peace and quiet. Another way for Spousehole to apologize without actually saying “I fucked up, I'm sorry.” Idiot.