Mute Monday - Zip

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To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

HNT -- Rerun

I was planning to have an HNT picture from my trip to South Carolina, but there was one teensy weensy little problem with that - I left the camera in Michigan. Doh!

So here's a rerun until I can back into the swing of things:

Why do we get half-nekkid? Want to join the fun? See Os at

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Leaving on a jet plane . . .

but I know when I'll be back again. Wednesday afternoon. My flight out leaves at the ass crack of dawn on Friday.

Then I'll sit for a couple hours at DTW before my flight to S.C. I thought maybe I'd get a manicure during that time, but the rip-off "spa" there charges $30 for a simple manicure!! WTF? They need to get an Asian-run manicure place in there; sure the hygiene is a bit iffy and no one speaks English, but for $10-12 you get what you pay for. I've gotten a $30 manicure and $45 pedicure before and to be honest it wasn't any better than the cheap storefront places. The only difference was better music in the salon and the manicurist spoke English. The speaking English thing is not always a benefit. Sometimes you just want to veg out while they work on your hands/feet and you can do that if there's a language barrier. (Just to be clear: I always tip the manicurists well no matter the salon, language barrier or no. That's a crummy job and they deserve the tip.)

I went back and forth about checking a bag or not. I booked my flight early enough that I am not subject to the checked bag fee ($15). The sex toys were the deciding factor. If I put them in a checked bag, I don't have to be there if the security dudes pull them out for examination. Lame-ass reason to check a bag, but it works for me. Plus I'm taking more clothes than I could possibly need. I'm even packing a dress - a dress! - in case we go someplace nice-ish. I like to be prepared for anything.

Looks like I won't be doing any blogging from S.C. as Spousehole has taken off every day I am going to be down there. I thought he was going to go to work one day and I would be free to explore the area on my own (he has a van and his motorcyle there so we'd each have our own vehicle). But no, I learned tonight that he's taking off both Monday and Tuesday, in addition to the half-day on Friday. To be honest, he could probably go back to work on Friday after picking me up at the airport - I'll need some sleep anyway. After all, my alarm is set for 3:30 a.m. and I don't sleep well on planes. Happy, happy; Joy, joy.

So if y'all don't hear from me for nearly a week, don't fret. I'm okay, just enjoying some S.C. sunshine (i.e., heat and humidity) and some time with Spousehole. For those who have my cell #, text me - keep me amused, 'k?

P.S. Keep your fingers crossed for some hot monkey love!! I told Spousehole that I expect this to be a conjugal visit and he didn't say no . . . hence the sex toys in the checked bag. And the tube of lube is over 3 oz and therefore forbidden in the carry-on. ;-)

I leave you with a song I like to amuse you in the meantime. It's from Theory of a Deadman (TOAD), or as I like to call them NickJr (short for Nickelback Junior - they sound just like Nickelback and were "discovered" by Chad Kroeger):

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To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

HNT - Naked Eyes

No makeup, no glasses, no contacts - my naked eyes

“There is a road from the eye to heart that does not go through the intellect.” G.K. Chesterton

“The eyes have one language everywhere” George Herbert

The differently colored spot on the lower part of my left iris is not a shadow or an artifact of the photo - the bottom of my left iris is greenish brownish, not just blue. The right iris is blue all around. Not a huge difference, but enough to be noticeable when I let someone get close.

Why do we get half-nekkid? Want to join the fun? See Os, The King of HNT

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Wednesday Weirdness

1.) What material is your favorite for bed sheets?

Cotton, minimum 300 thread count (preferably even higher)

2.) How often do you masturbate?

Lately, about once a week. It's not easy with little kids hanging all over me most all the time. Also I just haven't been feeling terribly interested. Summer heat + kids + no co-parent present + trying to keep the house "showable" for potential buyers = not horny Bunny. Anyone want to help with this situation?

3.) What takes you the longest to do while showering? (IE shaving, washing hair, etc)

Shaving, definitely. Even just doing the lower legs and pits takes some time. Though I suppose overall conditioning my hair lasts the longest, but I put the conditioner on and then take care of things like shaving, so I'm not really doing anything while the conditioner sits there. And in this heat and humidity lately the conditioner is almost worthless. I have the crazy curly frizzy hair by 10:00 a.m. no matter what.

4.) What do you think is the right amount of foreplay? Do you spend enough time readying your partner for sex?

Depends on the situation. Sometimes hours and hours, sometimes very little. On the second question, depends on the partner. If we're talking PiC, he's generally good to go as soon as I arrive. Anticipation and all. Spousehole, it take a lot of time to cajole seduce him into thinking that sex is a good idea. In fact, I've already started on him for my upcoming trip to S.C. (I leave Friday)

5.) Who tends to initiate sex more when you are in a relationship?

With Spousehole, it's all me in the last 7 years or so. The first 2-3 years we were together it was pretty equal, but then Spousehole's interest in sex decreased significantly and it's been all me ever since.

6.) What birth control do you use?

Vasectomy. Spousehole and PiC. If I were to hook up with someone not "fixed" or about whom I had STD concerns, condoms.

7.) What is one thing your partner could do in bed that would instantly turn you off?

Call me by someone else's name. Or pass gas and hold me under the covers (see yesterday's TMI - BTW, I HATE the "f" word, so yesterday's TMI was really difficult for me. "Pass gas" "toot" "poot" are better, in my opinion. I don't let my kids say the "f" word. I swear like a sailor, but that word just irks me.)

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I mentioned in my answers that I'm going to S.C. on Friday. I leave at the ass crack of dawn Friday. I have a 6:00 a.m. flight - with construction at the local airport and security stuff they recommend I be there at 4:30 a.m. at the latest. That is way too early. My seatmates better not be chatty or I might kill them. The first flight is just a short hop to a hub airport. Then I get to sit in DTW for 2 flippin' hours before my next flight leaves for S.C. My main concern is that I will fall asleep in the airport and miss my connecting flight. But these stupid waits between flights are the price one pays for a round-trip fare as low as I got for this trip. So long as NWA can keep their shit together, I'll get to S.C. before noon.

I don't come back until Wednesday next, so I may not post after tomorrow until next Wednesday. We'll see. Depends on if I can get some "alone time" with Spousehole's computer. He will be going to work on either Monday or Tuesday to give me a chance to explore the city on my own, so I may get a chance to check in then.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

TMI Tuesday - Farting Edition (WTF?)

1. Are your farts: a. Silent but deadly; b. All sound, no fury; c. Loud and stinky

None of the above, most of the time. Silent with little to no fury is the norm. There are exceptions, of course, but rare.

2. Have you ever farted in front of a lover? Who was the 1st one to do it? How did they or you handle it.

I think once you are married, it is inevitable. You share everything, good or bad. An example from a prior post:

We were going at it, hot and heavy, when I attained the pinnacle of sexual pleasure (orgasm, okay?) Right in the middle of it, with Spousehole pounding away at me, I passed gas. Loudly. Not smelly or anything, but not something one could really ignore either. It sounded like the air brakes on a school bus - pshoooo. Spousehole laughed his ass off and it was several minutes before he could resume and finish because he was laughing too hard.

3. Have you ever farted and tried to blame someone else? Who and did you get away with it?

Isn't that why people have pets?

4. What food triggers you?

Broccoli, cantaloupe, hard-boiled eggs.

5. Varts (Vaginal Farts) Scary, or an indication of a good time being had by all?

Evidence of a good time, definitely.

Bonus (as in optional): When you do fart with someone in your bed, do you cover their head with the sheet and hold them under?

No. I'm more mature than that. But just barely.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Mute Monday - Science (Exhibit A)

(Click on each scientific medical treatment device to learn more!)

We can't leave the boys out now, can we?:

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Mute Monday - Science (Exhibit B)

(click it to go to a bigger, readable, version)

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy