Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Friday, February 11, 2011

My Mom, 1941-2010

Not much has changed in my day to day life, hence not much blogging. Same old, same old. Mostly sexless marriage (May 2009 was the last time. Almost 2 years.). Same adorable, but aggravating kids, only bigger.

Well, there was one big change.

My mom died.

No one was expecting it and we're still taking it hard. She died on July 2. Talking to my dad one moment, saying something didn't feel right, and dead the next. Truly it was that fast. She had an abdominal aortic aneurysm and it burst. When that happens, one bleeds out very, very fast.

Of course my dad has had the hardest time, though he tries not to let it show. He's not one to sit around dwelling on things or feeling sorry for himself. But he admits he cries at least once every day still. He'll hear something or think of something and immediately think "I've got to tell Jan that" and then he remembers and his heart is broken all over again. He never, ever expected to survive Mom. Dad is 6 years older and continues to smoke despite having already had a triple bypass and carotid artery disease. His whole life, especially all his retirement planning, involved planning for Mom to carry on without him. It's been all about making sure she would be okay.

But she died as she would have wanted, if not WHEN she would have wanted. Mom's deepest fears were a lingering illness and being in pain. Both her parents suffered greatly before they died and she really, really wanted to avoid that. She got her wish. She beat colon cancer and uterine cancer (cancer-free 17 years) and in the end it was high blood pressure, leading to the aneurysm, that got her. But she didn't suffer and for that I rejoice.

Mostly though, I just miss my mommy.


To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

11 comments:

Joker_SATX said...

Wow!...Just Wow! I am sorry to hear this. My sincerest belated condolences....

Trueself said...

Sending big hugs to you, and to your dad.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Craig said...

So sorry. . .

My dad is 13 years older than my mom, and the assumption was always that she would take care of him when he got old. But she's now 7 years into Alzheimer's, and they haven't been able to live together for the last 2.5 years.

Sometimes life just breaks your heart, don't it?

Sailor said...

I'm so sorry to hear this, sending hugs for you & family

TUG said...

Such a powerful post. I'm the same as your dad. Everything I'm planning revolves around being the first to go. My dad died of basically the same thing as your mom, it just wasn't immediate. They tried to get it in the OR but were unsuccessful.

Alfro said...

So sorry to hear of your loss.

Sheen V said...

My sincerest condolences.

Val said...

Damn, look what happens when I don't keep up on my all-important blog-surfing...

I'm so sorry to hear about you & your dad's loss, deepest sympathy to all.

My dad is going thru slo-mo dementia as the minor strokes he's been having take their toll...It's like the death of 1000 cuts. It's hard to be the good daughter when he's wrecking my mom's world too.

Trueself said...

Special thoughts to you as Mother's Day approaches.

{{{{HUGS}}}}

Dirty Debbie said...

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I lost mine 2 years ago and it hit me so hard I stopped blogging for 18 months (maybe that doesn't make sense). I hope that your happy memories comfort you and help keep her alive in your heart.

jacob neruda said...

so soory its was indeed bad luck for you....
plz try to come up yourself...
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