My Mom, 1941-2010

Not much has changed in my day to day life, hence not much blogging. Same old, same old. Mostly sexless marriage (May 2009 was the last time. Almost 2 years.). Same adorable, but aggravating kids, only bigger.

Well, there was one big change.

My mom died.

No one was expecting it and we're still taking it hard. She died on July 2. Talking to my dad one moment, saying something didn't feel right, and dead the next. Truly it was that fast. She had an abdominal aortic aneurysm and it burst. When that happens, one bleeds out very, very fast.

Of course my dad has had the hardest time, though he tries not to let it show. He's not one to sit around dwelling on things or feeling sorry for himself. But he admits he cries at least once every day still. He'll hear something or think of something and immediately think "I've got to tell Jan that" and then he remembers and his heart is broken all over again. He never, ever expected to survive Mom. Dad is 6 years older and continues to smoke despite having already had a triple bypass and carotid artery disease. His whole life, especially all his retirement planning, involved planning for Mom to carry on without him. It's been all about making sure she would be okay.

But she died as she would have wanted, if not WHEN she would have wanted. Mom's deepest fears were a lingering illness and being in pain. Both her parents suffered greatly before they died and she really, really wanted to avoid that. She got her wish. She beat colon cancer and uterine cancer (cancer-free 17 years) and in the end it was high blood pressure, leading to the aneurysm, that got her. But she didn't suffer and for that I rejoice.

Mostly though, I just miss my mommy.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Let's Just Jump Right Back In

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange is accused of rape in Sweden. A friend and I have been having a pretty heated debate about whether the facts, as reported, qualify as rape.

Assume the facts are as set forth below. Then tell me if you think either woman was raped, was assaulted in a manner less than rape, or no crime was committed, or whatever your view is, ON THESE ASSUMED FACTS.

Woman1 meets man through work. Is a little in awe of him because of his public position. Invites him to her apartment where things progress to the parties agreeing to engage in sexual intercourse. She says he must wear a condom. He complains and tries to talk her out of requiring a condom. She insists. The parties have sex, with a condom. The condom fails (whether by chance or by the man's underhanded tampering) and the woman's body comes in contact with the man's semen, a occurrence she was specifically trying to avoid.

Woman2 meets man through work. After a couple days of working together, they go out to dinner and she invites him to her apartment. The parties have consensual sexual intercourse, after a negotiation regarded condom usage that results in the man wearing a condom. The parties sleep together, nude, in the woman's bed. In the morning, the woman awakens to the man entering her, sans condom. She does not object, does not ask that he put on a condom
(she says she was aware that he did not have a condom on), and agrees that she at that point consented to intercourse continuing to completion.

Both women later ask man to be tested for STDS or provide evidence of recent STD testing showing him to be free of infection. He declines, having left their country and planning to never see either woman again.

IMO, this man is an asshole. No question. If he has an infection, he obviously should tell them. If he does not or does not know, he should be tested and provide the results. Any gentleman would
do that without hesitation. His failure to do this is stupid and would be illegal in many US states if he was infected with HIV (and sometimes other STDs), knew of the infection, and failed to inform his partners.

Intentionally sabotaging a condom and unprotected intercourse with prior knowledge that a partner objects to unprotected intercourse might be charged as battery by allowing one's bodily fluids to come in contact with a person who objected to such. However, this might be difficult, as any person who agrees to sexual contact with another person, even with a condom, is consenting to whatever contact might occur if the condom fails.

BUT HERE'S THE MAIN QUESTION: Was the second woman raped when she awoke to find her sexual partner from a few hours before entering her, she did not object and in fact consented to the sex act continuing?

Clearly having sex with a completely unconscious person would be rape. But who among us has not had "wake-up" sex? Does it make a difference if the persons are regular sexual partners or have only had sex once?

Please discuss, but keep it polite, 'k?

Yes, I'll post an update on my life soon, thanks for the well-wishes and concerns :-)

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Snowpocalypse 2011!

Dude, it snowed.

Here in Chi-town we haven't gotten the ice that has plagued so many, but we got snow. A couple feet on our driveway and reports of more to come.

I'm going to have to learn to back out of the driveway, because Spousehole only shoveled enough for backing out, not for turning around. Maybe snow bumpers will help keep from hitting the house (again) or neighbor's fence (again).

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy