I'M ALIVE!

O. M. G.

I arrived safely in S.C. on September 10 and my furniture was right behind me and got here on September 11. So far so good, right?*

Spousehole took possession of the S.C. house on September 1. He got the electric, water, and sewer switched to our names (no natural gas to the house, so no gas bill. Weird for us former northerners used to astronomic gas bills Guess now it will be astronomic electric bills). The trash and recycle are included in homeowners' association fees, so he didn't have to do anything there. So what's left? Hmmm? Oh yeah - cable TV and internet and phone!! I set these up from Michigan in August before I left - easy as pie, right? All he had to do was either set up an installation date when he would be at the house or arrange the installation for after I arrived. So what did he do? HE CANCELED IT! He didn't like the company I chose, as he has heard that they limit download speeds for bit torrents. So I said fine, arrange something with the company of your choice (they actually have competition down here which is nice - most municipalities in Michigan give one company an exclusive franchise and you are stuck with whoever they chose way back when). So he farts around and I get here and nothing is done. I say I'll take care of it and he says no, he's got it. He can get the best price on the internet (true) and he can do it from work. No problem.

He tells me last week that they are coming on Tues or Wed morning and to be home. I'm home both mornings - NADA. Then he says he read the email wrong and it's THIS week Tues or Wed morn. So I stay home both mornings; NOTHING. I call him at work - "WTF is going on?" He reads the email again - it says that the first month's bill and the installation fee have to be paid beforehand or they won't install it. But they email also shows that the total amount due before installation is "$0.00" He even brought home the email to show me. But my problem is this: I STILL DON'T HAVE ANY G-D M-F INTERNET!!!!!!! (Or TV or phone . . . ) Whether it's his fault or the fault of {rhymes with slime-corner}, I STILL DON'T HAVE ANY INTERNET!

I say F this company and we move on to one of the others available in our area. We could get rhymes-with-Bombastic or go with the local guys rhymes-with-Phrenology. At this point I don't give a rat's patootie. I just want my internet!!!

I have lived in 8 places (not including the boomerangs back to mom-and-dad's) in the last 20 years and I have never, ever - not once - had this kind of trouble getting cable/internet/phone. It just isn't that hard. Only Spousehole could manage to turn it into a fiasco.

I'm at the library right now, in case you were wondering.

I miss you all so much. I miss reading your blogs, emailing with you, IMing, etc.

I hope to be back soon.

*Except that the movers tore the crap out of my hardwood stairs back in Michigan bump.bump.bumping their dollies down my unprotected steps. Damn. Fortunately my father has already fixed them as he sanded and refinished all hardwood floors after I left. Only the kitchen and bathrooms don't have hardwood floors, so it was quite a project. I have the best dad ever. He also scraped and painted all the window frames, installed a new storm door, and painted the living room, dining room, and master bedroom. Plus cleaning up 10 years of grime I didn't get a chance to clean because I had to leave sooner than I planned since the movers miraculously didn't have another household to load/unload and were heading straight for my new house! They require the remaining balance to be paid (in cash!!?!??!) at unloading and I had the money so I had to be there. Yeah those guys were a trip. Some advice: Don't use a moving broker. Pay the extra for a name-brand moving company. Otherwise you might get three guys from hay-TEE who barely speak english and treat your stuff and your house like crap and make barely disguised threats when you tell them that you'd rather pay with a cashier's check than carry that much cash (several thousand dollars). That nothing was broken is thanks only to my obsessively careful packing.

Some stuff I'll address when I get internet:

Wow - I'm living in Podunk!
Are they serious about starting school that early in the morning? Damn, I guess they are!
My first encounter with a black widow spider
Lizards, lizards EVERYWHERE!
You thought frizzy bleach blonde "mall hair" died with the 1980s? Nope -it just moved to small-town South Carolina - a place, ironically, with no malls to speak of.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy