Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008


O. M. G.

I arrived safely in S.C. on September 10 and my furniture was right behind me and got here on September 11. So far so good, right?*

Spousehole took possession of the S.C. house on September 1. He got the electric, water, and sewer switched to our names (no natural gas to the house, so no gas bill. Weird for us former northerners used to astronomic gas bills Guess now it will be astronomic electric bills). The trash and recycle are included in homeowners' association fees, so he didn't have to do anything there. So what's left? Hmmm? Oh yeah - cable TV and internet and phone!! I set these up from Michigan in August before I left - easy as pie, right? All he had to do was either set up an installation date when he would be at the house or arrange the installation for after I arrived. So what did he do? HE CANCELED IT! He didn't like the company I chose, as he has heard that they limit download speeds for bit torrents. So I said fine, arrange something with the company of your choice (they actually have competition down here which is nice - most municipalities in Michigan give one company an exclusive franchise and you are stuck with whoever they chose way back when). So he farts around and I get here and nothing is done. I say I'll take care of it and he says no, he's got it. He can get the best price on the internet (true) and he can do it from work. No problem.

He tells me last week that they are coming on Tues or Wed morning and to be home. I'm home both mornings - NADA. Then he says he read the email wrong and it's THIS week Tues or Wed morn. So I stay home both mornings; NOTHING. I call him at work - "WTF is going on?" He reads the email again - it says that the first month's bill and the installation fee have to be paid beforehand or they won't install it. But they email also shows that the total amount due before installation is "$0.00" He even brought home the email to show me. But my problem is this: I STILL DON'T HAVE ANY G-D M-F INTERNET!!!!!!! (Or TV or phone . . . ) Whether it's his fault or the fault of {rhymes with slime-corner}, I STILL DON'T HAVE ANY INTERNET!

I say F this company and we move on to one of the others available in our area. We could get rhymes-with-Bombastic or go with the local guys rhymes-with-Phrenology. At this point I don't give a rat's patootie. I just want my internet!!!

I have lived in 8 places (not including the boomerangs back to mom-and-dad's) in the last 20 years and I have never, ever - not once - had this kind of trouble getting cable/internet/phone. It just isn't that hard. Only Spousehole could manage to turn it into a fiasco.

I'm at the library right now, in case you were wondering.

I miss you all so much. I miss reading your blogs, emailing with you, IMing, etc.

I hope to be back soon.

*Except that the movers tore the crap out of my hardwood stairs back in Michigan bump.bump.bumping their dollies down my unprotected steps. Damn. Fortunately my father has already fixed them as he sanded and refinished all hardwood floors after I left. Only the kitchen and bathrooms don't have hardwood floors, so it was quite a project. I have the best dad ever. He also scraped and painted all the window frames, installed a new storm door, and painted the living room, dining room, and master bedroom. Plus cleaning up 10 years of grime I didn't get a chance to clean because I had to leave sooner than I planned since the movers miraculously didn't have another household to load/unload and were heading straight for my new house! They require the remaining balance to be paid (in cash!!?!??!) at unloading and I had the money so I had to be there. Yeah those guys were a trip. Some advice: Don't use a moving broker. Pay the extra for a name-brand moving company. Otherwise you might get three guys from hay-TEE who barely speak english and treat your stuff and your house like crap and make barely disguised threats when you tell them that you'd rather pay with a cashier's check than carry that much cash (several thousand dollars). That nothing was broken is thanks only to my obsessively careful packing.

Some stuff I'll address when I get internet:

Wow - I'm living in Podunk!
Are they serious about starting school that early in the morning? Damn, I guess they are!
My first encounter with a black widow spider
Lizards, lizards EVERYWHERE!
You thought frizzy bleach blonde "mall hair" died with the 1980s? Nope -it just moved to small-town South Carolina - a place, ironically, with no malls to speak of.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy


The Troll said...

The hubster VOLUNTARILY CHOSE to go with the worst cable operator in the universe, Time-Warner?

Gads, he's even dumber than we thought.

gretty said...

Glad you made it safely! Sorry about the cable/internet fiasco - I would lose my shit! I gotta second the troll and say don't go with Time-Warner. If I had a choice I would dump their ass.

for a different kind of girl said...

glad you made it safely. i'd go nuts without access to the world! hope things get worked out soon!

Vixen said...

OMG are *you* missed! I got giddy when I saw you had updated your blog.

Get your internet working, woman! Lie, cheat,


Alfro said...

Glad to see you made it safely.
I was concerned the movers had you and the family held hostage with your stuff in some backwoods jail.
Hope you get the net back soon, as we miss you as well.
Kick the spouse in the ass, and take care of this yourself. He's a GUY for goodness sake, we are incappable of doing these type of things ourselves.
take care. thanks for the update

Slick said...

There you are!!!

Glad ya'll made it safe and sound...

Tell Spousehole he better get on the damn ball from now on!

We're here waiting, Bunny!

Edtime Stories said...

welcome back...I thought you fell off the edge of the earth.

Carol said...

Glad you made it safely. I figured something happened with your internet for you to be gone so long.

I once had my stuff moved by military movers. Though they spoke english and I didn't have to pay them, I can relate. My china cabinet has a 6 foot long scratch from one side to the other on the top of it. Nice. And my ski boots and electric guitar mysteriously disappeared.

Trueself said...

Welcome back!!!!!!

You've been missed.

Living without internet? Sheesh, that'd bug me more than living with about any other modern convenience. Hope you get it straightened out soon.

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear you are okay. I kept checking your blog and wondered if something had happened. It does feel like you are so disconnected when you cannot get to the internet. My husband thinks it's hysterical that I like to read blogs ( I Love Yours By the Way) but you do feel like you have a connection to the people you read so I had been worried about you.

I wish you the best of luck. It is hard moving even when you know it is the right thing to do. We moved three years ago and it took me a couple of months but it was the best decision and now I love it so much. give yourself time to adjust to everything being new. The doctors, dentist, all those people you had up in Michigan that now have to be replaced. I went through 4 dentists I could not stand and the fifth one was the charm. he is the best. So like I said give yourself time for all those things that need to be replaced and one day I woke up and felt like what was I worried about this is the best. I hope you have the same. I hope your town is not too podunk as I guess that could make a difference. We have the ocean which we did not have and most of the stores, shops, movie theaters that I am used to so that made it easier too.

Wishing you the best of luck and happiness in your new home. Hopefully things will be better with your husband in your new home.

Faithful Reader

Flyinfox_SATX said...

Glad to hear that you are OK and are getting settled in. Sorry to hear that this is being such a hassle for you. That really sucks!

Desmond Jones said...

Glad you're OK

Gosh, Podunk would be quite a culture-shock even from middle-sized midwestern city. To say nothing of Southern Podunk. . .

Just don't come back sounding like the Dukes of Hazzard, OK?

FTN said...

How great to hear from you! Glad you are alive. Thank goodness for libraries, eh?

So does this mean you aren't going to be able to make it to the great bloggity gathering? How sad. :-(

Desmond Jones said...

Yeah, re the Great Bloggity Gathering. . .

I probably shouldn't mention that I was gonna propose that you and Molly and I ride down together. . .


Polt said...

well congrats, baby-doll!!! Glad to know you made it and are doing well. Had some of us a bit worried!

I'm anxiously awaiting your regular return!


garbonzo said...

WOO HOO! Bunny is back!

Sorry that your "homecoming" wasn't everything you hoped for. Has the sex at least been good?

Bunny Bunster said...

Glad you all made it safe and sound.
Good luck with the TV/phone/internet thing!

Jennfactor 10 said...

Glad you are safe!

Looking forward to seeing you back online (because I KNOW you'll straighten this out)!

Pluff said...

HOW-DEE!!! Glad you made it safe!

The Troll said...

The Troll Report needs lawyers today.

sandy shoes said...

I'm so glad to see you again!