HNT!

click for another view

Why do we get half-nekkid? Want to join the fun? See Os at

Warholized!

Sue had one of these on her blog and I totally stole it - it was too cool not to steal! You can make your own HERE.

* * * * *

My Sexual Horoscope from Zodiac World:

Virgo women: You have no illusions about sex and wish everyone would stop magnifying its importance. Prefer men who will wait for the relationship to develop to the point where sex is inevitable. You love mutual masturbation and enjoy a little punishment, and your grace and modesty is a great turn on. You become an artist at pleasing your lover. Favorite kink: can't truly enjoy it unless a third party is present. Best sex mates: Gemini, Cancer and Aquarians.

Hmmm. Maybe that's my problem, I've been married to a Pisces all these years . . . . But wait a second - "You . . . wish everyone would stop magnifiying its importance" ("it" being sex) - um, I don't think it's importance CAN be magnified. It's a pretty important thing. Lack of it is a big reason my marriage has collapsed; not the only reason, but a major one. Aside from the "stop magnifying its importance" part and the preference for men who wait (???), this is pretty accurate, kink and all.

Leaked 24 Season Preview!!

If you know me, you know I am obsessed with 24. I love me some Jack Bauer.
Also, I love lolcats. Two tastes that taste great together:

TMI Tuesday! (Yes, it's still Tuesday . . . )

It's TMI Tuesday! Click the "I kiss and tell" icon to come play with us!!


1. Are you a member of the mile high club?

No . . . something to look forward to, right? Anyone want to take a trip with me?

2. What is the most public place you have ever had sex?

On the fairway of a golf course (at night).

3. What is your most embarrassing family moment?

I have to choose just one? My family provides an embarrassing moment anytime we go out in public. And since we like to eat out together, that is fairly often. Expect a new "OMG, I swear I'm not related to these people" moment this Saturday, as it is my mom's birthday.

4. What kind of birth control do you use?

Abstinence mainly. My husband has had a vasectomy; PiC has had a vasectomy. Condoms otherwise, though I really, really hate them.

5. Have you ever had sex in the snow? Rain?

No to both. Neither really appeals to me either. Rain sounds all romantic and such, but really it isn't terribly practical.

Bonus (as in optional):Describe your flirting technique: innuendo, telling a dirty joke, talking about sex life, or physical contact?

I suppose it would be innuendo combined with light physical contact. It's not really something I do consciously - it just happens. It's just who I am.

As you can probably guess from the fact that this post is here, I got my DSL back!! Woo hoo! Only out about 32 hours this time. You would think living in the city would mean we wouldn't have these outages. You would be wrong.

I'm Not Dead or Anything . . .

I just have no DSL currently. That's right, our good pals at 01-20-20 have f*cked up my internet access again. No telling when it will be back. I'm at the library right now, with an impatient toddler, so I have to make this quick.

Be back when I can - xo for your patience!!

Mute Monday - Rebel

Update

Kids come back this afternoon. Spousehole is at church - I begged off after a miserable night last night. We had an intense emotional discussion about the breakdown of our marriage and how we feel about it. It ended with me being very glad we've made this decision. It boils down to our vastly different outlooks on life. Spousehole focuses on what we don't have; I am thankful for what we do have.

He sees his siblings and parents being able to afford nice vacations and new cars and big houses and resents that we do not have the financial means to do the same. I see that we have a home with a reasonable mortgage payment, food on the table, cars that we bought used but are reliable, no debt aside from the mortgage and a car payment well under $200 on one car, clothes on our backs, enough money to keep the house warm, etc. Our children are healthy and reasonably happy - I don't think we can ask for much more. We are able to put the max in his 401K at work and maximize the company match, we have health insurance, dental insurance, vision insurance, and a steady income from a stable employer.

I just hope my children can adopt my "glass half-full" attitude over their father's.

It Got Better, Then Nose-Dived Again

Warning: Ridiculous ranting and complaining ahead. Plow through at your own risk.

After I posted last night, he decided he wanted to go to the arcade. Though "arcade" is perhaps too simplistic a term. The place we went is an entertainment center - arcade games (new and old-school), VR games, indoor go-karts, indoor bumper cars, laser tag, all kinds of stuff. In good weather they have outdoor go-karts, mini-golf, and bumper boats too. If you can't find something you like there, you aren't trying very hard.

He's the 3rd Nascar driver from the left

Spousehole mostly played fighting and shooting games while I played Galaga (I kick ass at Galaga; of course, after 25 years I suppose I better) and carnival-type games. I'm really good at Skee-Ball. I like winning a bunch of redemption tickets and then giving them to some little kid before I leave. That's fun. At Sea World last year I only played one game of Skee Ball and won a stuffed animal so big that we couldn't take it on the plane. (My in-laws drove it back the following spring).

I watched kids playing DDR. Some of those kids are really, really good. I could never keep up with them. My sister has the Nintendo version and I get confused a couple rounds into it. It's great exercise though!

After we used the allotment on our cards (they don't take quarters anymore, you have refillable cards that you scan at each game or activity), we went to dinner. It was nice and peaceful without any kids.

We even slept in the same bed for part of the night. He moved to another room partway through the night. I asked why this morning and he said that he felt "crowded." Whatever. He did snuggle with me for a couple hours this morning and that was nice.

We went out for breakfast and he was all mopey and quiet again. That's lasted all fucking day. It's depressing as hell. I hate when he drags me down with him like this and I hate that I let him.

I've tried doing what he wants - I watched LOTR: Return of the King for the umpteenth time with him - but he won't do anything I want. I have A History of Violence from Netflix and I proposed that we watch it together when LOTR was done, but no, he wasn't in the mood to watch anything "new." I HATE THAT. He will watch the same movies, and read the same books, over and over and over - to the exclusion of anything new. I don't get it at all. I have no problem with watching a good movie multiple times, but not to the exclusion of anything else. He has about 10 movies he watches over and over and about the same number of books he reads over and over, until they are worn out. Then he buys another copy of the same damn book!!! What is up with that? I know he says he has memory problems - and he does - but does he not remember what happens in Shogun after reading it 60 times???

I knew it wouldn't be easy . . .

I was aware that this weekend would likely not be all fun and games. We took the kids up to my in-laws today and left them for the weekend. Spousehole was all quiet and withdrawn the whole time we were there, kind of like he was yesterday with my family. We drove the hour and a half back to our house in near total silence, except for NPR news droning from the radio.

I asked if he wanted to see a movie together. No, nothing appeals to him. I asked if he wanted to go out to dinner. No, he isn't hungry. I asked if he wanted to watch something on DVD. Maybe later. I asked if he wanted to go blow some cash at the arcade (only his favorite thing in the world!). Maybe later.

Apparently he's too depressed to want to do anything. I guess I don't want him exactly doing cartwheels over our impending separation, but I'd like to at least be able to interact as friends during this time. He says he wants that too, but right now he's just too depressed to have fun. He points out every now and again that he doesn't want to separate, even though he agreed last weekend that it's for the best. Basically putting it all on me. So now his depression is my fault too.

If I had someplace to go, I would leave for the weekend and let him be depressed alone. But if I go to my family, they'll want to talk about it. They always want to talk about things. Sometimes that's great, but sometimes I just want to have fun and specifically NOT talk about things.

Anyone within a couple hours of Grand Rapids want to go out and have some fun this weekend? Seriously. IM me or call me if you have my cell. He's just dragging me down and I don't want to end up depressed myself.

The Hook-Thingy -- identified!!

Naughty K (aka Karen) of Tits -n- Toast was the only person to correctly identify the "hook thingy" in my HNT yesterday. Yes, she correctly identified it as a turkey lifter!! Get your own right here. It really does make moving the turkey (or a chicken) from the roasting rack to the serving platter much easier.

Thanksgiving HNT!

I know, we were supposed to have our .mp3 players this week, but mine died a tragic death a while back (it involved a bottle of Diet Coke, Lil Monsta - the .mp3 player, and a red Coach backpack purse . . . it was horrible) and hasn't been replaced. So I posed with some of my instruments of today's feast:

Can you identify all the kitchen implements in this picture?

Why do we get half-nekkid? Want to join the fun? See Os at

Today I am thankful for my children, my family, and all my invisible friends here on the interwebs! May God bless and keep you all!

NO FROZEN PIE CRUSTS - EVER!

(Read the title of this post in Faye Dunaway's voice, playing Joan Crawford in Mommy Dearest)

A friend confessed this evening to using frozen pie crust on occasion. I'm am so disillusioned. I'm disheartened. It's just so sad. It takes almost no time at all to make a real pie crust. Whether all shortening (for my dairy-free son; a very flaky crust) or half butter/half shortening (for the best flavor/flakiness combo), pie crust takes no time at all really. Just mix your flour and salt in the food processor, then cut in the frozen shortening and/or chilled butter using the pulse function. (I buy the Crisco sticks and freeze them. They stay fresher and frozen shortening leaves little pockets in the crust for intense flakiness). Drizzle the ice water in through the feed tube just until the dough is combined and VOILA, pie crust. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate until ready to roll, then let it rest a couple minutes before rolling. See how simple it is?

Here's what my work area looked like today after 7 crusts rolled:



No big. Especially with the non-stick rolling pin.

Pumpkin Pecan Pie & other stuff

When opening a can of Libby's pumpkin, do you hear what I hear? I hear "If it says Libby's, Libby's, Libby's on the label, label, label, you will like it, like it, like it on your table, table table." No? Just me? Okay, nevermind.

Have you seen what "premium" turkeys go for these days? I'm not talking Butterball here. I mean high-end, fresh turkeys. They have Bell & Evans turkeys at my local (nicer) grocery store. I saw turkeys priced at $65 to $80, depending on size. Holy shit! Makes that $15 Butterball look pretty damn good, doesn't it? Still tastier than Tofurky or Gardien's Veggie Stuffed Turkey Roast to me! My in-laws get a turkey from their Amish neighbors for almost nothing. It's slaughtered & cleaned Wednesday morning for pick-up Wednesday afternoon. That is fresh. And they are freakin' huge. My MIL orders a "small" one every year and usually the smallest ones they have are around 20 lbs. The Amish grow some big turkeys.

Enough about dead birds. Bring on the pie!

This has become a family favorite in the last few years. It combines pumpkin pie and pecan pie into one yummy dish. Try it!

Pumpkin Pecan Pie

• 1 9" pie crust (unbaked)
  
• 1 cup canned pumpkin (not pumpkin pie filling, just pumpkin)
  
• 1/3 cup brown sugar, packed
  
• 1 large egg
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  
• 2/3 cup light corn syrup
• 1/2 cup granulated (white) sugar
• 2 large eggs
• 3 tablespoons butter
  
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup pecan halves

PREHEAT oven to 350 degrees F.

1. COMBINE pumpkin, brown sugar, 1 egg, 1 tsp vanilla extract and spices in medium bowl; stir well. Spread over bottom of pie shell.
   
2. COMBINE corn syrup, sugar, eggs, butter and vanilla extract in same bowl; stir in pecan halves. Gently spoon over pumpkin layer.
3. BAKE for 50 minutes or until knife inserted in center comes out clean. Cool on wire rack

TMI Tuesday!

It's TMI Tuesday! Click the "I kiss and tell" icon to come play with us!!


1. What's the sexiest gesture a woman can make?
I got nothing this morning - perhaps I'll edit later. My cold has me feeling a bit foggy today.

2. What are 3 inevitable things about you?

I will screw up, I will be unhappy, I will always want more sex

3. What do you want . . . . now?

Someone to hold me and tell me it's all going to be okay

4. What asset do you have besides the physical and the material?

Intelligence

5. Describe a sexy mind

First and foremost, a sexy mind is an intelligent mind. It is one that focuses on the sensual in life generally, that enjoys all aspects of a sexual interaction - not just the "tab A into slot B" part, but all the sensations including touch, taste, smell, sound, one that is interested in getting to know all aspects of one's partner in order to enhance the experience for both.

Bonus (as in optional):What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?

I am thankful for my family, my children, and my friends, including (especially?) all my invisible/imaginary friends here on the internet.

Edit: I am thankful that my daughter makes me laugh. This morning she was running around buck nekkid. She placed a nickel between her butt cheeks, squatted down so the coin fell, and said "Mommy! I poop money!" How can you not laugh at that?

More: I asked her to come into the kitchen. "Mommy," she replied with exasperation, "I watching my stories!" (Thomas the Tank Engine)

She refers to herself as "Baby" instead of her name. When I tried to put her in time-out last week: "No put Baby in corner!!" I didn't even know she had seen "Dirty Dancing."

Diabetes and Thanksgiving and a Recipe!!

In the United States, November is American Diabetes Month aka National Diabetes Month or National Diabetes Awareness Month. November is also when we celebrate Thanksgiving in the U.S. Kind of incongruous, to focus on diabetes in a month when many of us throw caution to the wind for a one-day binge of excess eating. Or more than one day, in my case, because the leftovers are so damn good. The only thing better than stuffing with gravy on Thanksgiving Day is stuffing with gravy on the day after Thanksgiving. Yummmmmmm.

I have been diabetic for over 30 years. It's just part of who I am, so much so that I hardly think about it sometimes. It just is. I watch my carb intake, but not super-closely. I try to eat right most of the time, with occasional splurges on pie or cheesecake. My A1Cs have never, ever exceeded 7.0, so my doctor feels I am doing a good job. My insulin needs have increased, however, even though my weight and carb intake have been fairly steady. My doctor thinks I am experiencing insulin resistance, which is generally associated with Type II diabetes (which runs in my family also). Apparently, you can have kind of a hybrid diabetes. I mean, a Type I is always a Type I, short of islet transplantation so that one's own body will produce insulin itself. But you can have Type II insulin resistance on top of that, where your body resists the effects of insulin, natural or synthetic. Interesting. Of course the way to fight that is losing weight, watching my diet, and exercising more. Yippee!

Our Thanksgiving will be pretty traditional. While the turkey cooks, we'll nibble on cheese and fruit, including pickled watermelon rind - a family tradition. We usually have a baked round of brie and an assortment of hard cheeses. There will also be crudite - carrots, celery, green onions. The main meal will consist of a whole turkey, sage stuffing cooked in the bird and sage stuffing cooked outside the bird, mashed potatoes, homemade gravy using pan drippings and stock made from cooking the giblets (but we don't actually eat the giblets), shoepeg corn, green beans, sweet potatoes, crescent rolls and yeast rolls served with cranberry butter, cranberry relish, and whatever else Mom makes or my sister and I show up with. Dessert is pie, of course, pumpkin, lemon meringue, and a pie to be named later (often rhubarb, pumpkin/pecan, or mincemeat). I make all the pies. Homemade crust, homemade filling. Everything we have is homemade. No store-bought gravy or Stove-Top stuffing, no canned cranberry sauce, nada. Well, the crescent rolls are Pillsbury - we cheat there. But the hot yeast rolls are homemade.

The wine choice is always complicated for Thanksgiving. So many people think a white should be served because the main dish is poultry. But because of the intense savory flavors of the day, a red is really more appropriate. I like a Shiraz/Syrah, myself. My mother is inclined to serve a Pinot Noir. We'll see. And we always serve a white for the Philistines too, usually an inoffensive Chardonnay. And we always have sparkling white grape juice for the kids. They like that.

Bunny's Cranberry Butter

3/4 cup fresh cranberries, rinsed and dried
6 T powdered sugar
1T freshly grated orange or lemon peel
1 cup unsalted butter (2 sticks)

Process cranberries, powdered sugar and citrus peel in food processor until coarsely chopped. Cut butter into smaller pieces and place in food processor. Process until combined.

Serve with hot rolls or . . .

Place 1 tsp cranberry butter in center of an unrolled, unbaked Pillsbury crescent roll (the kind that comes in a tube). Roll as usual. Repeat until entire canister of crescent rolls is rolled. Bake as per package directions. YUM!! These are good cold too.

What are y'all having?

A Sad Day

I'm kind of weepy today. Feeling very emotional, vulnerable, heartbroken. Spousehole has been good, pleasant. He admitted to me that he cried last night over where we've ended up. I have never seen him cry in 10 years that we've been together. He had tears in his eyes before he returned to work after lunch. We're being very pleasant, very adult, with one another. It can't last.

The holidays will be hard. I know I'll constantly be thinking "This is the last time we'll do (whatever) as a family" and will be on the verge of tears all the time. My family will be able to read what's going on, I'm sure of it. They'll figure it out before the pie is served on Thursday.

His family is generally more oblivious to such things. They probably won't have a clue until we tell them. We are planning to wait a while to tell them, get through the holidays and get closer to being able to actually divide into two households.

When we get along as well as we have the last couple days, part of me wants to run to Matthew and tell him that I was wrong, we can work it out, our children need an intact family. But that's the emotional idealistic part of me and the intellectual part of me knows that the idealistic part is always wrong. We can't make it work because neither of us really wants it to work. If we did, we would have been working harder all along instead of driving ourselves further and further apart every day.

We said yesterday that we still love each other, so hopefully we can use that love to keep things civil as we proceed. That and our mutual love for our children. I'm terrified of the future, but hopeful as well.

Mute Monday - Fashion

Create a Free Slideshow

Start like a jackrabbit, finish in front of it
On the night is jack , that's it, understand?

Um, no, not so much

The End Begins

We talked today. It was calm and halfway rational. We agree that it's not working and not likely to ever work. We agreed that we will endeavour to share custody of the children and try to spare them as much pain as possible. We agreed to continue living together until the end of the school year. We agreed that we won't tell our families until after the holidays that we are planning to split. We agreed to try to be as pleasant as possible to one another while we are still sharing a household and bank account and not to stand in one another's way just for spite.

He told me that he truly loves me, but he agrees that love is not enough to make it work. He held me, really held me, and I felt closer to him than I have in years. Ironic.

And so the end begins . . .

Sunday Memes

Unconscious Mutterings, the Free Association meme

I say _________ and you think _________

1. Toasty :: Warm
2. Allegations :: False
   


3. Herb :: Spice


4. Bacon :: Grease


5. Neck to neck :: Giraffes


6. Simon :: Schuster


7. Heels :: Pain


8. Fundamentals :: Basics


9. Middle :: Child
   


10. Seasonings :: Flavors

Play along! Unconscious Mutterings


BTW Sunday

~I'm Late, I'm Late~

By the way...

Are you generally early or late?
Early more often than late, because I'm kind of anal that way. But I am late on rare occasions, though I try to let people know what my ETA is and why I am delayed.

Are you concerned with being on time?
Yes, very much so. I hate being late.

If you are chronically late, do you believe it's the result of poor planning or choosing to be late?
I think when people are late they generally have planned poorly. That is the case if I am late. I never choose to be late. I don't even know why someone would do that, except for attention.

When others are late, does it bother you?
Very much. My daughter's Godmother and Godfather (my husband's siblings) are late for everything, including their Goddaughter's baptism. They showed up shortly after the baptism was completed. I was extremely annoyed, to say the least. Most of my husband's relatives are late for everything. Drives me insane.

Do you have any tips for being on time?
Plan ahead. If you are chronically underestimating how much time you have, set all your clocks and watches ahead 5 minutes to help you. And if you are going to be late, call or text me and let me know!!!!

I Give Up; Game Over

I've always heard that what ultimately is the last straw in a marriage is often something relatively inconsequential. It's not something big - an affair, money issues, abuse - it's something that would otherwise be a small thing, if not for the history.

That's how it is with me. It was something smallish that has made me finally ready to pull the plug. I've had enough. It's over. If he agrees, I'll stay through the end of this school year and then when summer comes, I'm moving out. I'll propose that we share custody of the children 50/50 and I will endeavor to remain in the same school district so that we won't have a problem there. The next 7 months should give me time to get a job, save a little, and prepare the kids for our separation. If all goes smoothly (ha!), we should be able to be divorced within a year. We'll argue over the how to apportion the equity in the house and 401K and IRAs, but hopefully we can be reasonable adults.

What pissed me off today? We were supposed to drive to the other side of the state to attend our niece's 3rd birthday party. I had to go have some blood drawn first thing this morning (fasting test) and was gone about an hour. I came home and Spousehole announced that I was not going. Boy coughed a couple times and he didn't want to take a sick child, so Boy and I would be staying home. Whatthefuckever. He told me to hand over the checkbook and I told him I didn't have it and he got all pissy. I let him search my purse and coat pockets until he was satisfied. If it's missing, it's on him because I haven't seen it in more than a week.

He took us all out to breakfast, where he was a complete asshole to me the whole time. He then dropped the Boy and I off at home and he and Girl left for metro Detroit. Thirty minutes later, I tried to log onto the computer and found that the SOB had changed my password. Again. Changed Boy's too, to try to keep me from logging on that way. Goddamnmotherfuckingasshole.

I couldn't even call and bitch him out because he said before he left that his phone wasn't charged. He seemed a little pissy that I didn't offer him mine, but whatever. His problem.

Thoroughly pissed, I used a Ubuntu live CD to log on. He had disabled booting from the CD to stop me from doing that, but I know how to fuck with BIOS too. I'm not the complete goddamn idiot he thinks I am. But I was so pissed, I decided to just reinstall the whole operating system. It meant losing all my data (probably 500 pictures, all my mp3s, everything) but to me it is worth shooting myself in the foot. Now the computer only responds to me. My passwords, my system admin rights. Fuck him.

Edit @ 8:50 p.m.: He called a while ago to say he and Girl were heading home. He was as nice as could be. I'm not going to tell him my plan right away. Next weekend the kids will be gone with his parents and I'm going to talk to him then. I plan to present it as a done deal. I still want to go to counseling - not to save the marriage, but to end the marriage as peacefully as possible and help the kids (and us) with the transition. After all, we've been together 10 of our 40 years. Letting go will be hard for us too.