I Give Up; Game Over

I've always heard that what ultimately is the last straw in a marriage is often something relatively inconsequential. It's not something big - an affair, money issues, abuse - it's something that would otherwise be a small thing, if not for the history.

That's how it is with me. It was something smallish that has made me finally ready to pull the plug. I've had enough. It's over. If he agrees, I'll stay through the end of this school year and then when summer comes, I'm moving out. I'll propose that we share custody of the children 50/50 and I will endeavor to remain in the same school district so that we won't have a problem there. The next 7 months should give me time to get a job, save a little, and prepare the kids for our separation. If all goes smoothly (ha!), we should be able to be divorced within a year. We'll argue over the how to apportion the equity in the house and 401K and IRAs, but hopefully we can be reasonable adults.

What pissed me off today? We were supposed to drive to the other side of the state to attend our niece's 3rd birthday party. I had to go have some blood drawn first thing this morning (fasting test) and was gone about an hour. I came home and Spousehole announced that I was not going. Boy coughed a couple times and he didn't want to take a sick child, so Boy and I would be staying home. Whatthefuckever. He told me to hand over the checkbook and I told him I didn't have it and he got all pissy. I let him search my purse and coat pockets until he was satisfied. If it's missing, it's on him because I haven't seen it in more than a week.

He took us all out to breakfast, where he was a complete asshole to me the whole time. He then dropped the Boy and I off at home and he and Girl left for metro Detroit. Thirty minutes later, I tried to log onto the computer and found that the SOB had changed my password. Again. Changed Boy's too, to try to keep me from logging on that way. Goddamnmotherfuckingasshole.

I couldn't even call and bitch him out because he said before he left that his phone wasn't charged. He seemed a little pissy that I didn't offer him mine, but whatever. His problem.

Thoroughly pissed, I used a Ubuntu live CD to log on. He had disabled booting from the CD to stop me from doing that, but I know how to fuck with BIOS too. I'm not the complete goddamn idiot he thinks I am. But I was so pissed, I decided to just reinstall the whole operating system. It meant losing all my data (probably 500 pictures, all my mp3s, everything) but to me it is worth shooting myself in the foot. Now the computer only responds to me. My passwords, my system admin rights. Fuck him.

Edit @ 8:50 p.m.: He called a while ago to say he and Girl were heading home. He was as nice as could be. I'm not going to tell him my plan right away. Next weekend the kids will be gone with his parents and I'm going to talk to him then. I plan to present it as a done deal. I still want to go to counseling - not to save the marriage, but to end the marriage as peacefully as possible and help the kids (and us) with the transition. After all, we've been together 10 of our 40 years. Letting go will be hard for us too.