Remember a couple weeks ago when Spousehole was wearing his wedding ring again and I was confused? Then when I asked him about it, he took it off again. Well, he had that job interview yesterday and I noticed when he returned from the other side of the state that he had it on again. So I think we can surmise that he put it back on this time to make a good impression at his job interview. Asshole - using this powerful symbol of our marriage to score points in a job interview. It just seems very fake to me.
Question for y'all: If you are or were married, do you (did you) wear a wedding ring? Why or why not?
Saturday, February 23, 2008
One Answer to a Mystery and a Question for You
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27 comments:
Ok, I know, I don't post comments on here very often. But I had to on this one.
There was a time when my husband was just a complete ass to me. I mean, this went on for several years. It just kept getting worse and worse, even to the point that we only spoke to each other when it was absolutely necessary.
During that time I stopped wearing my wedding ring. When we got married, he told me it was a symbol of giving me his heart. Well, I didn't feel I had his heart anymore, so I quit wearing it.
After about a year of not wearing it, I decided to make a change. I didn't want my marriage to continue on as it was and I didn't want a divorce either. The first thing I did was start wearing my ring again. There were a lot of other little changes here and there and now about 3 years have gone by and we are closer than ever.
For him, he quit wearing his wedding ring because he had gained a lot of weight. Then it was stolen when our house was broken into. But last summer we bought him a new one AND renewed our vows on our anniversary.
I apologize for this being so long. But, hey, does it make up for rarely ever posting a comment?
I wore my wedding ring all the time except when I was doing something really messy like kneading bread dough, but I would always put it right back on after cleaning up.
I took off my wedding ring a few days after I had the big talk with W. The reason I took it off is that even if we are still legally married and for the time being in the same house the marriage is over so wearing the ring would be a lie in my mind. W still has his ring on, but that is a reflection of how he still feels about our marriage. I don't know when or if he will take it off.
Been married twice.
First time, wore a ring until it was agreed the marriage would be ending. Court/paperwork took a while to catch up to reality, but not long. I wore the ring while I was married; removed it when I knew I wasn't any more.
I never threw the wedding band away or got rid of it, but it is lost. Sometimes things lose themselves for a reason. I did give the diamond back, fool that I was.
Current marriage is for keeps, for better or worse. I keep my rings on except when I'm wrist deep in food preparation. Then I put 'em in a little dish on the windowsill. If I don't put them back on right away Mr. S. will go over to them, gasp in shock, and say, "you still love me, RIGHT?!" because he is a big goofball like that.
I've never worn a wedding ring nor have I ever worn any kind of a ring. Never liked the feeling of something around one of my fingers. The wife never cared if I wore a wedding ring which made my decision even simplier.
That said, I had had "buds" who took their wedding rings off when we go out drinking/bar hopping. I always tell them that they're drinking doubles and thinking singles.
I'll admit that in the early days of my marriage to my current wife I'd take off the ring when I was mad or when we were fighting. I'd also remove it on occasion if I was out of town and hoping to "make an impression" with the ladies at the bar. I'll also admit that that behavior was wrong and stupid and childish.
Now I only take it off when my hands are all swollen up. It can be on the tight side sometimes. But, I always wear it when I'm out of the house. Pain or no pain.
When I was married I wore my wedding band (I never got an engagement ring). When I was pregnant with The Boy my hands swelled (not that unusual, I know) and I couldn't wear it. Being paranoid about looking like a young unwed mother I bought an inexpensive gold band to wear during my pregnancy. When my ex and I divorced I found his wedding band in a container of jewelry cleaner! I guess he forgot that it was even in there because he's never mentioned it. A few years ago I took both wedding bands and some other gold jewelry odds and ends and had them melted down into a gold nugget that I wear on a chain.
Just my 2 cents...
I've been married twice and wore my rings both times. I guess I just felt it's what you do but when things went badly this last time I took them off when I knew for sure it was over.
I wore my ring all the time ... it didn't matter if I was angry/upset with her, it didn't matter if I was being humiliated, it didn't matter if she had just broken my arm or hand or if I had been cut and needed stitches.
I was proud of being married. I took it off the day I moved out after 5 years of living in hell and that was the second most painful thing I ever had to do. The first was leaving the children.
She, on the other hand took hers off if I farted the wrong way.
"Y'all"? Are you practicing up for a post-divorce move to Dixie?
My wedding ring had holes in it and was hard to keep clean. And it was the first time I'd ever wore a ring. Took it off a lot. Lost it eventually. Restroom of a restaurant, I think. Wife was briefly pissed-off but got over it.
H and I have been married over 20 years. I wore my wedding ring for the first few years until one of the prongs was damaged. I put the ring up meaning to have it fixed but it was lost in one of our moves. I never got a replacement ring until this past Christmas. I've worn it daily since. Not on my left ring finger, but on my right middle finger. I just like rings on my right hand. *shrug*
H never liked wearing rings. Sometimes he'd have his band on and sometimes not. I never really thought twice about it. Now he keeps it on his keychain. Him not wearing it doesn't signify something negative to me. With the line of work he does, he would be taking it off and putting it on a lot throughout the day anyway. It's safer where it is.
Renee
always wore mine, until the ex and i separated the first time -- it felt completely disingenuous to wear it then -- and it really upset him when i did that. that made no sense to me. he wore his all through the separation.
i've no idea when he finally took it off, but mine came off the second we split for good. as you say, i considered it a powerful symbol.
AS much as my husband drives me nuts and in spite of all our issues we are having right now....I still ear my rings. I am still married...just confused and well, confused! lol I have never taken them off in anger or just because we had a fight or anything that. It's a symbol of the vows we made to each other I guess. If we were to split....then off they come. Until then, I guess I will wear them. Besides.....I just got the diamond a couple years ago and it's really pretty....lol
BTW...he hasn't worn his in about a year. He has gained weight since we have been married (almost 22 years) and it was really tight. So that was a year ago that he took it off. And I suppose because I can't take it to the jewelers to have it sized for him.....my guess is it will never go back on his finger. Whatever.
I wore mine, with the exception of doing something that would get it icky or ruined (making meatloaf, painting, that sort of thing) until the day he handed me the divorce agreement to sign.
I guess I don't understand this getting mad and taking it off. My ex did that frequently.
I am married- have been for 22+ years, and I wear my ring. In fact, it hadn't been off my finger from the time we married until August 28th, 2006; I took it off then, when Lynn and I were at our lowest point.
I replaced it on my finger on Sept. 19th, my birthday, and it's been there ever since.
I too see it as a very meaningful symbol, and decided at that time that I'll wear it as long as we're married, no matter what we may be struggling with in the interim.
I wear mine. I have even reached the point where if I ever decide to have sex with someone besides my wife, I still wear it. I take it off if I am doing something that could be dangerous (like messing with heavy equipment that can rip off a finger), or really messy (changing car oil comes to mind).
As for giving the appearance of being married for a job interview. Some guys who are not married will wear a ring, and some women who are will take theirs off in the hopes it gives them an interview advantage. Being qualified for a job does not make a person good at interviews - so I think people who try to use any advantage they can for a job are not a real big deal.
I do, because my wife would castrate me, stab a pencil in my ear, and boil me alive if I didn't. It seems that hetero men without wedding bands are at a premium.
I wear my wedding band every day. Sometimes my wife takes hers off and forgets to put it back on for a few days, but other than that we both keep them on all the time.
I hurt my ring finger playing rugby almost a year ago and the swelling has not fully subsided in the knuckle. Consequently I have had to switch the ring to my right hand. It draws several inquiries when I am at the bar with the boys. But, the difference is, no matter what I am or am not wearing, in my heart I am still married.
G and I have been married 17 years. He wore his for the first week after we married and hasn't worn it since. He never liked any type of jewelry and couldn't wear his ring because of his job. It really doesn't bother me...as long as he knows he's married.
I wear mine to work and when we go places. If we are just laying around the house or for a quick trip to the store, I don't wear mine. It doesn't bother him if I'm not wearing it. And if it does, he doesn't say anything.
I wore mine while I was married. Took them off once in a while for the same reasons everyone else did. Always put them back on. Never took them off in anger. Sometime during the separation before the divorce was final I took them off. It didn't take long after it was all final to take both of our rings to a jeweler and have them made into a cocktail ring.
FYI - people in Europe wear wedding rings on the right hand instead of the left.
It took a year or two for me to get used to wearing a ring. During that time I took it off when it bothered me and not as a statement of our relationship. It then stayed on my hand for about 18 years until I crushed it and my finger moving a heavy object. I have since have had it repaired and wear it unless I am doing something that might hurt me or it.
As for as taking it off when out of town at a bar I have found that there are ladies that are attracted to it.
Mike
I wore my wedding ring up to the day I asked/told AH to move out. That day, I took it off and hid it safely in a place he would never look (I did this wisely, bc he ransacked my/our house and took everything he could get his hands on in the aftermath). I am saving it for our daughter. Which is an entirely different story.
He never wore his ring. He always claimed it would 'get in the way' or whatever of work. And...well, whatever. He was an ass.
The scenario you are describing would offend me. I can see why he is doing what he is doing..... But still. Offensive to me.
It's interesting that most people do choose to wear them unless their marriage is in difficulty. I am surprised.
I must admit that I never wore one nor would I. I do wear rings but am not keen on wedding rings being a sort of badge to mark people out as married. I have the same aversion to the female titles (Ms/Miss/Mrs) whereas men just have Mr. That's the main reason I perservered with my PhD so I could use the title Dr which does not give away either my gender or my marital status. Those things are my business alone.
But each to their own. It is true that I would not flirt with anyone who wore a wedding ring.
Interesting topic anyway.
I wouldn't read too much into Spousehole's relationship with his ring - other than that he is behaving like an arse. All this putting on and taking off of the ring is very petty, childish and unkind and is best ignored.
I wear the ring at all times. And with sincere apologies to the others who have commented....it wasn't and isn't that hard a decision.
Do you have to wear a ring to be married? Absolutely not.
Does wearing a ring make you a good or bad spouse? Absolutely not.
But, is a ring supposed to be a symbol of your commitment? Yes it is.
And once you realize that symbol, it isn't that hard to keep up with.
3 Cheers for Ron Burgundy!!
Everyone has their own ring story. This one is mine. My ring story doesn't make me better or worse than anyone else who has shared.
This is just how I roll. Take it or leave it.
I take off my ring all the time. Sometimes I forget to wear it to work. I definitely don't wear it to sporting events.
To be honest, I don't even remember where my ring is. I hope it's somewhere in my nightstand. If not, that's $200.00 down the toilet.
I'd be miffed about the $200.00, but other than that, it's just an inconsequential hunk of metal.
Taking off my wedding ring is inconsequential. Sure, the ring is a "symbol of my love for my wife", but do I love my wife any less just because the ring isn't present? I submit to you that my devotion does not diminish with its absence.
Not even a little bit.
My ring is not a symbol of possession nor is it some mystical amulet of union that somehow cements our loyalty. Our actions do that.
I think that anyone who places too much stock in an expensive piece of metal completely misses the point of the wedding ring as well as the wedding ceremony in general. We vowed to stand by one another's side, and thus far, that's exactly what we have done. Given the fact that we kinda dig one another, that hasn't been incredibly difficult, with or without rings.
I don't need a ring to tell everyone that I'm married... that's what my mouth is for.
I don't need a ring to remind myself that I'm married. My heart tells me everytime I make my Bookie smile.
That's my word.
Here's a good one:
I wore rings from 1st marriage 24/7, only taking 'em off in surgery...
Took rings off 6 wks before he moved out for good, when it was obvious the situation was irreconcilable...
A**hole STOLE MY RINGS ALONG W/10TH ANNIVERSARY BAND when he moved out; he finally returned original rings about 1 year & a half later (after divorce was final), but never returned anniversary band. I'm hanging onto rings so my son may eventually be able to use the stones for his future SO...
Oh, and regarding Spousehole wearing his ring for his interview, you're right, it's a pretty fake thing to do.
But considering the fact that an interview is an effort to sell one's self to prospective employers, I'd consider him wearing the ring as a pragmatic gesture that is no different from that guy with a full head of gray hair that shows up with a temporary dye-job (you guys know who you are.)
Cheap? Yes.
Selfish? Perhaps.
Insensitive? Definately. Effective? It worked for me 7 years ago when I interviewed while in the final throws of my previous marriage.
As for Spousehole, well... I'll stay tuned.
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