Puzzled, confused, confuzzled. What does it mean?
Spousehole is wearing his wedding ring again.
He's gone months without it. He didn't put it back on for Thanksgiving with our families. He didn't put it back on for Christmas. He hasn't worn it to church or out with friends or any other time that he might that he might be concerned about "how it looks" to others.
I have no idea why he is suddenly wearing it again.
He even left it in the shower one morning, but put it back on the next morning. (We both tend to take off our rings in the shower because they slip off - I think they both need resizing as they are loose-fitting now. Mine is a six, but I think my finger is back to a 5 3/4 or 5 1/2.)
He still flinches like it is horribly painful if I ask for a hug (very rare - only after a really difficult day or something). He does not act any different, except that he is less angry lately.
But he put his ring back on.
Huh.
__________________________
Update 2:30 p.m.:
I took the advice and asked. He said "Um . . . uh . . . I dunno" and five minutes later the ring was gone again.
I'm the one that asked for the separation. So why does it hurt so much?
Friday, February 8, 2008
The Confusion Sets In . . .
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17 comments:
maybe he is finally figuring out how good he has it. a couple of great kids and a fantastic wife. sometimes it takes a while for people to realize that what they have is better than what they could find.
i still think he needs to get on some meds. i have spells where i will get mad for the strangest reasons. paxil helps me deal with things. and it isn't a high dose. in fact my dr says that is it more a homeopathic dose. i don't even have to take it every day. just a couple of times a week to keep it in my system. it helps me. and it sounds like spousehole could benefit from something similar.
You should ask him. When was the last time both of you had a heart to heart? Maybe he is tired of being a spousehole? I know I would be....
Flyinfox_SATX
heey chicka...
I haven't been around lately. I have missed you though. I will read back and catch up on the spousehole and the wedding ring situation.
I hope you are well.
xxoo
~d
Whoa, I'd be confused as hell too. Definitely ask...and let's definitely hope what D and FlyinFox said and he's sick of being spousehole and is realizing how good he has it...
Well, one can hope anyway.
I don't know any of the background to this. But yes, can't you talk about it together? I find talking most effective after just one glass of wine - enough to loosen the tongue but not enough to say regrettable things. Tell him you would like to talk - don't just start on at him - and let him get his thoughts together.
I hope you work things out. It does not sound a happy way to live.
Good luck
Wow! When I was going through things with mine he did the same thing but I was the one that wanted out so I don't know if he was just in denial or what. I remember when he started wearing it again I wanted to pull my hair out. Good luck, hard to say exactly what it might mean.
Head games?
That is so very odd.
Divorce Lawyer 101 States:
"Instruct male clients to continue to wear their wedding rings, don't get hair-plugs or lose weight, don't purchase sports car, and generally do nothing to indicate they're on the prowl."
I think because it is a rejection.
I have no idea why he would put it back on.
I've never worn a ring of any kind so I understand why other men don't wear them. It just doesn't feel right to have something around my finger(s) that's metal. Now if it were something else around my finger I probably would like it and you probably know what I'm talking about. . . . guess I'm just spoiled.
When I was getting out of my first marriage, the ring was a huge symbol. I not only took it off, but I put it in her jewelry box. I think the ring is a symbol for him too, and it represents the marriage he had. When you asked him about it, it reminded him that it is lost, so he took the ring off again.
As for why it hurts. It hurts because you loved him on many levels. You know inside of you that what is happening is hurting him, and as a good person, it hurts to know someone close to you (physically) is hurting.
It hurts to have any major part of our lives change, it's grief- even if it's what you need and want, and for the best, our hearts feel it anyway.
As to why he'd put it on again, then not know why himself- he's goofy?
Why does it hurt so much? Similar to why splitting with W hurts me so much. I put a lot of effort into the marriage. I loved the man even when it got difficult to love him. I finally am ready to leave him, but it still hurts. Oh, go read my hate post from a day or two ago. I'll bet there are parts that will ring true for you too with regard to spousehole and your marriage. That's why it hurts so much.
Breaking up is hard to do... Even when you want it, you wish you could make it all go away. Perhaps it's just that simple; he struggles.
Chin up, Bunny girl.
:(
Hard stuff babe. *hugs*
It doesn't matter how long you've been angry with each other, it doesn't matter how much you've hurt each other and it doesn't matter who's idea it was to split - you're saying goodbye to all of the hopes you pinned on that relationship when it began. You're seeing pieces of what used to be and want them back and know you can't. It's all part of that cycle of grief. I'm so sorry you're going through it but just know it will be so much better on the other side when you can believe in yourself again and find someone who has as much love to give as you do.
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