Spousehole was offered the position in Charleston. It's enough of a raise to probably make it worth it. He's going to give his current employer an opportunity to counter it, but I doubt they can offer that much. He's got a week to decide. They would like him to start May 1. They aren't offering enough in relo expenses though. $2000? WTF? Not. Even. Close. Will that even cover gas to drive both cars there? Not to mention movers, a truck, etc. Of course, I suppose we'd sell one car and just take the Mommyvan and the motorcycle.
The big question: Do I even want to go with him? I was thinking yes, I would give it a shot. Then when Spousehole was home for lunch today I asked him for a hug, since I had had a long morning. He thought about it for a full two minutes (120 seconds) and decided that no, he could not hug me. "You really haven't earned it, have you?" Fuck. You. Have you earned the loyalty and love the kids and I have shown you? (Shut up in the peanut gallery about my loyalty!) Have you earned our disrupting our entire lives to follow you 1000 miles for this job?
Oh, and did I tell you Boy's psychiatrist was arrested for Criminal Sexual Conduct involving a person aged 12-15? Yeah, that was on the news this morning. Not a patient, but still. Of course, he is innocent until proved guilty, but yowza, this bites. Boy has an appointment next week. I need to find out if the hospital has a plan to cover appointments or if we need to reschedule. Because the most important thing is not the doctor or his alleged victim, it's how this impacts MY schedule.
Fuckity fuck fuck FUCK.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Oh Shit, Now What Do I Do?
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You gotta earn your hugs?
Holy shit. . .
You have to earn hugs? Wow. Come here. I'll give you all the hugs you want andou don't have to do shit to get them. Ridiculous.
I wonder why they offered him so little in relocation expenses? =/
; ( yikes. when it rains it pours. ; (
all of this just seriously BITES.
your husband kinda sounds like mine tho. crazy but yah. bcuz how hard is it 4 a husband 2 just HUG his wife when we ask? if ya ask me.... it shouldnt be that difficult; so yah, i hear ya on that. btdt. ; (
well i hope sumthin goes right 4 u & soon. yup. sounds like a effed up thursday 4 ya 2 say the very least (((hugs))) 2 u ; )
I, um, yeah...I got hung up on the having to earn a hug part. Does he pull that same crap on the kids if THEY ask for a hug? Hell, do they have to ASK for a hug from him?!
Wow....
"Earn"? Really? For just a hug?
He is such a...a...spousehole!
I'm always up for a good move, but I'm thinking in a strained relationship? Probably not going to help anything.
He hasn't earned you coming with him
Since when do you have to earn a hug.
Think hard before you make a big move.Because if things are not going good now they will be 10 times worse in a new place.Sort out your problems before moving.
wow... I'm new to your blog, but already it looks like your plate is full and you're facing the crossroads in life.
Hang in there!
who the hell has to earn hugs?????
And yet you still want to move there with him???
You're stronger than I am, babe.
HUGS...
I know the feeling of having to "earn Affection" from the Princess Bitch.
I finally left 18 months ago and found my lovely Babushka, but the Princess Bitch just keeps on f*cking me (not on the good way)
Good luck Bunny!!
I am one of those people who believe that times of great change are also times of great opportunity.
Seems to me like you have been given a wonderful opportunity to let him go his own way without you and the kids.
Will it be tough? Yes.
Would it be the best for you and the kids if he were elsewhere? Perhaps, only you know the answer to that one. Although, the having to earn a hug thing seems to be a pretty big clue.
All the best.
TAG
Oh my god Honey. I will give you a hug, I think you need one. In fact, I think you need to take that 2000 dollars and take a vacation. Come to me and you can come on my girls trip to Florida. And I will hug the hell out of you!!
You Poor thing!!!!
xo
Do.Not.Go.With.Him.
[HUG] :)
I'm with the rest of them - what the F#@! is wrong with him thinking that hugs are earned? Kick his sorry ass out of the house all the way to Charleston.
Start charging him for everything that you do - child care, cooking, cleaning, everything. Then see how much you earn!
Holy cow. Earning hugs. That's bizarre.
I swear to you if you follow that man to Charleston I will personally come and whack you upside the head.
I'm not usually this blunt, but damn girl, you deserve so much better than this.
holy shit??? 2 minutes to decide you haven't EARNED the hug? w.t.f
Earn a hug??? WOW.....To me that would be it. Why move? Why disrupt everything?????
Call it over now
Bunny....Thats fucking ridiculous!!!
Stay in Michigan, that ass-hole does not deserve the sweat off of your post-orgasmic forehead!!!
...Sorry
wow, alot of stuff in front of you. hoping you find happiness whiever direction you go...
xx, m
baby doll, opportunity is knocking down your door.......
Open it up!
Earn a hug my ass!!
{{HUG}}
what a fukwad....
I can't even think of something to say.
I do think you'd enjoy Charleston though if that's any consolation! Start fresh and find some rich southern gentleman (with a big pee-pee) and leave spousehole!
(besides... lots of navy and air force boys :) )
Geez, B, I'm so sorry. SH is an ass. I say this is your chance to be rid of him. Let him go to Charleston - alone.
(((HUGS)))
No hug?! WTF?!?! I'd tell him that he just earned a kick to the nuts! Not sure what to say about the possible transfer. You both need to talk.
That is the most retarded thing I've heard. "Earn a hug"!
(((Bunny)))
On the one hand, Charleston is a nice polite place. On the other hand...
Oh Bunny.... Wow. Fuckity fuck fuck is right!
If it's any consolation I would give you a hug. That's retarded to have to earn hugs. Fuck him.
((((you))))
Bunny,
Stick with Plan A. You and the husband go your separate ways with a minimum amount of rancor. I thought you had already worked all this out last year at the holidays. When did that plan change?
He will have a tough choice to make, but it will be his choice.
I don't recall you ever blogging about him withholding affection or attention from your children, but if he does, that should make the actions you have to take for yourself that much easier.
IMHO, the worst outcome is keeping the status quo for another year or two, finally divorcing, and then he has the added resentment of the lost opportunity, if you don't move. Or you have the resentment of changing your life so completely if you do move. On top of the failed marriage.
You knew 3 months ago that ending your marriage was the right thing. This is just a forcing function on carrying out that, mutual, decision.
relocation expenses was the field I worked in before I lost my job though reorganisation at the same time my divorce was coming to an end and I can tell you that that is a pittance. Do they offer refund of legal expenses for selling and buying your home?
You should never have to earn your hugs. My marriage was devoid of them. When we split I found myself craving hugs more than anything (well almost anything). But I also asked all my male friends if they ever hugged their kids or told them that they loved them. As my ex had never done this he relied on me to let the boys know he loved them.
Does Spousehole hug the kids of just himself?
My gut instinct is that this is the perfect time to go your seperate ways but only you can know for sure.It is never easy but as hard as it was I don't have any regrets, my boys are so much happier in a home with very few cross words even if they know they can't ask for material things.
Damn Bunny, I would have a hard time packing up and following him with that kind of attitude.
Once again reading your stuff makes me happy Paul and I never married.
*hugs*
Oh...wow. How cold. I'm so sorry. I have to second the chance to let him go, although the shared custody thing would be difficult,if he's even interested.
I think this is the time and the opportunity to call it quits. Sposehole goes one way and you go another. It is going to be painful ending the marriage, but it is going to be more painful staying with him and moving to Charleston.
stay. Let him go.
fuckity fuck fuck indeed. No disrespect lass, but I thought your heart had closed the door on spoushole a long time ago. I don't walk in either of your shoes, but hugs are free........not earned
A question to ponder, what would you really be LOSING by him going and you staying?
As I have found, it's usually easier to stick with familiarity because it's known than to risk a situation that is unknown and foreign.
The other thing I've found is that unknown and foreign rarely turn out to be as scary as we imagine.
Good luck with your decision.
Let the spouse go to Charleston, come out to Vegas for a much needed break, and we'll talk ex's and rotten men and looking toward making the rest of our lives what we really want and deserve them to be..
And I'll give you a really big hug! No one has to earn affection and consideration when they need it. :)
xoxo
Tara
I don't know you other than what I read online bunny. But please do not even think about moving to SC with this guy. Just please don't do it. Move on.
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