I came back motivated to try to be the wife Spousehole wants me to be. Maybe lack of sleep was clouding my judgment, I don't know. But it is absolutely amazing to me how quickly Spousehole made me not even want to try. I'm still going to try, but I sure don't really want to after the way he has been.
First of all, he cleaned the house while I was gone to make sure I knew just how much more he can accomplish in a day than me. He did a lot and I thanked him. But again, he didn't do it for the gratitude, he did it to show me up. And he keeps reminding me of that.
He changed my log-in password on my computer. As overall administrator on the system, he can do this without having to know my original password. I had to beg and grovel to get him to tell me the new password. His idea was that if I could only use the computer if he logged me in, I would get more done. While this could be true, pissing me off is not the way to get me to do your bidding. I respond much better to the carrot than the stick. The asshole did give me the password and I reset it to something I can actually remember. But the fact that he can fuck with me like that will always be hanging over my head.
I met with the core of my son's teaching team (ASD teacher, kindergarten teacher, speech therapist, school psychologist) yesterday to try to figure out his problem with riding the bus. We really are running out of ideas. He'll be fine for a day or two, then break down again. It's very frustrating. And Spousehole's complete lack of interest in attending the meeting and in hearing about from me just piss me off further. From his point of view, apparently, it's all my fault even though Boy had the same problems when I was gone. Spousehole's theory of why it is my fault changes minute to minute, but his certainty that everything that ever fucking goes wrong is my fault never wavers.
My daughter's refusal to sleep in her own bed 99% of the time is also my fault, somehow, I was informed last night. So I put her in her own bed, but crawled in with her to try to convince her that her bed is wonderful place to sleep. For her, it may be. For me, not so much. I'm not tall, as you all know, but a toddler bed is NOT comfortable. And then I ended up moving later to the Boy's room, because he couldn't sleep without me. A twin bed is an improvement over the toddler bed, but not much when you factor in a wiggly 6-yr-old. And the Girl got up part way through the night and crawled into bed (my bed, damn it, that I haven't slept in for almost a full week now) with her Daddy, who did not take her back to her own room. So "mission get girl to sleep in her own bed" was once again a failure. But still my fault, I'm sure.
On the plus side of the ledger, I did hear from someone I've not had a lot of contact with recently and he managed to make me feel better with just a few simple words. Amazing how that works sometimes.
Some Friday tunes:
Vintage Bruce, 10th Avenue Freeze Out
Manfred Mann's Blinded by the Light (written by Bruce, of course)
18 comments:
I'm just going to offer up some hugs today. Lots of them. I know you know this, but sometimes you have to hear it anyway...
These things that are happening are not your fault.
More hugs.
What's it like being married to God?
Here is where you can fuck with his ehad and he'll go ballistic because he won't be able to fix it at all.
Using Linux you are probably more computer savvy that regular users.
If you want to change the root password try these tips
http://linuxgazette.net/107/tomar.html
If you can do it, and he tries to log in as root he won't be able to. If he has admin rights set to his user name (user name = root) you should also be able to do it
It sure would be fun to watch.
Here is how to recover a password, specifically in Ubuntu in case you're using that flavor ...
http://ubuntology.com/2007/10/30/recover-a-password-in-linux/
This one is a couple of years old so I cannot verify that it works ...
hacking linux root password
When you want tolog on to a linux machine and you dont know any password then here is a way to do it
At the login prompt just reboot the system
When a blue sort of screen comes
in which there is the name of your operating system written
This is called the grub screen
just press e
you will get a new list
go second item of the list and just press e
now some text will be displayed
remove all the rubbish written in front of / and just type single there and then press the escape key
and then press b
then another prompt will apear
type passwd there
it will ask for new password
now just give and after that type exit at the terminal
you are done
Good luck, Bunny
First off, Sue's right ... these things aren't your fault. Don't blame yourself because he's a jerk.
Second, George has a couple of really good tips in there. And, if he doesn't know those same tips so that he can change the password back, you can effectively lock him out of the computer. You know, turnabout and all that.
However, I'm not sure that's what I'd recommend. It sounds like he's the kind of guy that would consider that something of a declaration of 'war' and do all sorts of controlling, assinine things in retaliation for it.
So, unless you're prepared for the storm you'd be stirring up, I'd simply print those tips and keep them stashed away somewhere so that you can get back in if he locks you out again.
Either way, as a man, I would like to apologize on behalf of our gender for the way that your man is treating you. Real men don't act that way, and real men don't treat their wives that way.
I'm very sorry that the peace and renewal you felt upon your return has vanished quickly.
And I can only, as Joy, Shared says below, let you know that all husbands are not like that with their wives and I'll hope your situation gets better (one way or another).
Ron
I like George. ;)
*hugs* sweetie.
Have a great weekend.
Wow. Reading about your hubby... some of the things he does just make me shake my head and roll my eyes. ((YOU)) XoXo. Take care and try to have a nice weekend doll! :)
I tend to agree that if you do lock your husband out of the computer you need to be prepared for the reaction which from what I have gathered already wont be pretty.
my ex used to do the same sorts of things as your husband. What they fail to see when cleaning the house is that they dont have child clinging to them like mothers do.
some of my children had problems sleeping in ther own beds. My eldest ahd to fall asleep in my bed then be moved to his bed right up until he was nearly 10 my youngest until he was 5 the oters were no problem. Its individual children not you.
lots of hugs coming your way
Sorry all .. I wasn't thinking too straight when writing to keep the hole locked out, that would really not be the best thing to do ... just use the tips in order to get yourself back in without him knowing ... that'll put a smirk on your face and he'll wonder what it's all about (if he looks at you that is)
Hmmm....screwing around with your password and holding the computer hostage is NOT the way the way to win friends, influence people, or avoid being hated by your wife.
"He changed my log-in password on my computer."
You are kidding me! If J even thought of changing the password on HIS computer (the one I use sometimes) I would seriously tie his man-stuff in a knot.
I am feeling a little envious of the guy who was able to make you feel better with a few words. I would have love to done that myself.
Anyway, not all husbands are like that, but my wife's ex is one who was. He still tries to get some kind of control over her all the time, and it working like crazy to have control over their shared child (who I consider to be like my own child).
The only thing I have figured out so far is that he is completely unwilling to deal with me because I won't take his crap. He can't control me in any way shape or form.
Your husband has such contempt and disrespect for you. Based on what I read about him, more often than not he treats you like crap. I'm guessing that you're making the ultimate sacrifice for your kids, but other than that, I can't figure out why you tolerate such disrespect. I'm not trying to make a judgement, but from an outsider's perspective, I really don't understand this. I'll keep reading though.
Know that you deserve to be happy, just like everyone else. I really feel for ya.
I read your words and feel your hurt, I feel the way your husband makes you feel responsible for everything that is wrong and how worthless he makes you feel.
I read the words of those saying they don't understand why you put up with this.
I understand why you do.....or at least I know why I did.
I put up with 19 years of this for several reasons.
I didn't want to deprive my children of their dad or him of his children.
I didn't want to have a failed marriage without believing that I had tried to make it work. (I tried so hard to make it work that he didn't know I wasn't happy)
he made me feel so worthless and unlovable that I didn't think any other man would ever want me.
with four children and no money I had nowhere to go.
I didn't realise that in the eyes of the law what he was doing was considered to be abuse. I thought that if I complained I would be laughed at, what I was going through was nothing compared to those women who are physically abused.
But in the end it was just something very simple that was the last straw.
now I am alone (apart from my children) I am broke and in debt but I am happier than I remember being ever before.
Jesus, Bunny... Are you his wife or his kid??
You know, before Ileft my husband, things were going a bit like that... He was ordering me curfews when I was going to the museum with girl friends, even destroyed my credit card once... because it was giving me a power he didnèt want me to have... No, it didnèt last long... but it is really the way some men act when they know they lost it... I mean, the real control that love and respect are building in a couple...
Reading you is bringing up some memories... and all I can think is to tell you to run away before it gets worst... in my case, it went to fights, and that made me moved... I so wish you wont have to tolerate that until too far...
But, hey... this is only my experience... maybe things can be fixed for you... only you know...
I want to say something here but Im keeping my mouth shut.......its hard but I did it...
Bunny,
I'm glad that someone had a few simple kind words to balance the rest of the frustrating week.
Hugs,
Lving Annie
The person who needs to be trying at something in your marriage ain't you, sweetheart. No matter what you do or don't do, he's not going to change. It's not going to get better. He won't be happy until you're an automaton, and even that's a stretch.
seara - so this behavior is acceptable if you do it to your children instead of your wife? Trying to control everybody and everything is an illness.
Bunny - I hope your week gets better.
It's so hard to try when you aren't motivated, isn't it. I know the feeling. Luckily, I don't have to deal with the same kind of issues as you. My issues are all mine to their own.
But, I feel for you and wish it were better. You told me why you stay and I understand. I just wonder if you'll regret it someday.
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