If You Can't Understand It, Just Shut the Fuck Up!

****WARNING****
Much bitching and moaning ahead. NOT about Spousehole. For once.
Lots of swearing too. As usual.

Matricide.
That's the crime that's going to land me in prison for the rest of my life. Or maybe not, as no true jury of my peers could possibly find it was anything but justifiable homicide.

My mother has never been good at hiding the fact that she favors the other grandchildren over Boy. Bam Bam was the first grandchild and Girl is the only female over which to fawn. That leaves Boy at the bottom of Grandma's list. She says she accepts his disability and understands it, then does everything possible to show that she does not.

Boy opened the back door today and accidentally let the cat out. Happens all the damn time, all three grandkids do it, as do adults. It just happened to be Boy this time. Mom saw the open door and Boy standing in front of it and asked him if the cat went out. Being autistic and all, he responded by saying "Can a cat be a firefighter? Nooooo."

Mom got all pissed at him, retrieved her escaped cat, and that seemed to be the end. Later she starts complaining about Boy, bitching about how his echolalia drives her nuts (join the fucking club; you see him once a week, trying living with it), and then saying "When I asked him if the cat went out, he could have just said yes or no." My Dad and I started in at the same time, but I was much more shrill. "No, Mom, he couldn't have. He can't. He just can't. He's autistic! Or did no one tell you?" Dad: "Goddamn it, name deleted, no he can't. He's doing the best he can. Shit." And Dad went outside, slamming the door for effect.

It may not sound like much, but she pulls this shit all the time. Treats him like he's stupid or willfully obstinate, when he's responding the way his miswired little brain tells him to. She treats him as less than the other kids, then expects him to behave like the NT kids. (NT = neurotypical, i.e., normal). She can't have it both ways. She refuses to get it. That she needs to love him like the other kids, but perhaps have different expectations in some areas as a result of his disability.

Then there's the fucking school district. In the spring I visited schools with an autism program coordinator and selected a school for Boy for this year. It's a big fucking deal, because autistic kids don't handle change well. I was happy and comfortable with the teacher and program at A. Elementary. I took Boy to A. Elementary's playground all summer to help familiarize him with his surroundings. I've been telling him that his school would be A. Elementary and his new teacher would be Miss Mindy. When I got home tonight, there were two letters from the school district in the mail. I opened one and it said "Welcome to the N.P. Elementary family!" I thought we just got on a wrong list somewhere. I opened the second letter, from the autism program. It said that Boy was going to be at N.P. Elementary, with teacher Miss Anita. WTF?? The whole point of visiting schools last spring was to find a place where Boy would fit. He would fit with the teacher and the average disability level at A. Elementary. So now he's been assigned to N.P. Elementary (which is hell and gone from where we live - he'll be riding the goddamn bus for over 2 hours each day)??? And there's not a damn thing I can do about it tonight. Shitfuckdamn.

Add to all this shit my sister being a two-faced bitch about something stupid (we'll get past that, it's really not a big deal, but anyway . . . ), Boy being violent toward his sister to the point that he may need to take medication for his anxiety, a friend I care a great deal about going through shit after his blog was discovered by a person in his real life, and my general tendency to be pissed at the world, and I am not having a good day. I really, really need a drink.

Shitfuckdamn.

P.S. My mom also resents Boy for something totally beyond his control - my near-death experience in giving birth to him. She forgets that that wasn't his fault and that he suffered too. No pulse, no heartbeat, no respiration, limp as wet spaghetti. Initial Apgar of 0. WTF does she want from the kid - an apology? We both survived.