WTF Wednesday, a Valuable Sex Toy PSA, and a Picture of my Pussy

WTF is with my public school's privatized transportation company? Their spokesbitch was on the news last night raving about how wonderfully the first day went, the buses ran on time, there were no glitches, and it was all because they ran these routes for a month to make sure they had them down and planned for traffic conditions, etc.

Lying bitch. My son's bus was more than 30 minutes late picking him up yesterday. When I called Dickhead Transportation to find out what was up, at first I couldn't even get through. When I finally got a very harried-sounding operator, she sent me to voicemail hell. I called back, got another very harried operator who explained that all the buses were late, it was a crazy, crazy morning. Yet their spokesbitch says "there were no glitches." Whatever.

So today the bus wasn't late. It just never showed up at all. We went outside five minutes before the bus is scheduled to arrive (8:22) and were still out there at 9:10 when the dispatcher got hold of the bus driver, who claims she was at my house at 8:30. Bullshit. Both kids and I were outside that whole time. No bus. So they sent a different bus to pick up just Boy and take him all the way to his school (20 minutes away.) They found us yesterday, but couldn't today? WTF?

So I call Spousehole and he tries to find a way that this is my fault (because everything is my fault). "Maybe the bus came and you just didn't see it." Yeah, because I could easily miss a big bright yellow bus on our tiny narrow street with diesel engines rumbling away while the kids and I stand on the sidewalk only feet away. Because I'm just that inattentive. And the kids too. The bus-obsessed children who scream "schoo bus! schoo bus!" in the car whenever they get a glimpse of a bus. Yeah, they missed it too. WTF?

Why didn't I just drive him, you ask? Mommyvan is in the shop - needs new plugs, wires, and coil box. It was misfiring this weekend, so I took it in for plugs and wires. Then they tell me it also needs a coil box (coil/distributor assembly) and will cost over $780. Holy crap. $331 labor, $45 for the plugs, $178 for the wires, $191 for the coil box, and so on. Remember when you could buy plugs and wires for about $30 and change them yourself in 30 minutes, including gapping all 6 plugs? WTF? And Spousehole's vehicle is leaking fuel so it's really not safe to drive (I would if it were just me, but not with the kids). Plus Girl's car seat is in Mommyvan, which I thought I would be getting back pretty quickly.As predicted, Spousehole attempted to use these vehicular set-backs as a reason to cancel my birthday trip. But the in-laws came to the rescue! They are loaning us one of their cars (mine will be back, but we don't trust it right now) for the trip and providing fundage as a gift to me. The car they are loaning us is one they get for free anyhow, they don't care what happens to it - lol. My FIL is retired from an American auto manufacturer. He (or his widow when he dies) gets a new car each year from the company that is registered to the company, insured by the company, maintained by the company, etc. All they do is buy gas and take it to the car wash occasionally. Each November, they turn it in and take possession of a new car. They get to order the cars direct from the factory, with whatever options, colors, etc. they want. It's a sweet deal if you can get it.
WTF is with my daughter? Like Hermione with the house elves, Girl is on a crusade; a crusade to free the liquids. Apparently, Mommy, the inhumane bitch, insists on confining poor, oppressed liquids in cups, glasses, bottles, cans, cartons, etc., when all peace-loving peoples know the liquids MUST BE SET FREE. Soy milk in a cup? Dump it on the floor, so it can be free! Lemonade in a glass? If you've foolishly sipped some into your mouth, SPIT IT OUT SO IT CAN BE FREE! Mommy's bottle of Diet Coke? It may not have been born free, but it deserves to taste freedom as well - let it free into its natural habitat (apparently, the dining room floor). Water in the bathtub? Set it free, one bucket at a time, onto the bathroom floor! FREE THE LIQUIDS!!

And now we interrupt our regularly scheduled ranting for this sex-toy related PSA:


And now, Maestro, a drumroll please . . . the long-awaited, oft-promised but never delivered pussy picture:



Notice the cleft in his front left paw. His name is Thomas, but we often call him by his Sopranos name, Tommy Two-Toes. At 25 lbs, he still outweighs my younger human child.