Down the Rabbit Hole

Paging Dr. House

2011-11-08T17:51:00.002-05:00

I am becoming a female Dr. House. No, I didn't go to med school when I wasn't blogging. Yes, I've always been something of a sarcastic, self-centered bitch. The change? I now carry Vicodin everywhere I go and sometimes feel I'm gobbling it down like the leftover Halloween candy.

At the ripe old age of 44, I've come down with shingles. Herpes zoster. Chicken pox - the sequel.

If you have the choice to develop shingles or not, GO WITH NOT. Seriously. If you've had chicken pox, get the shingles vaccine. Your insurance may not pay for it until you're 50 to 60 years old. If that's the case, lobby the insurance company or just knuckle down and pay for it out of pocket (the price is coming down and your local pharmacy may actually have it cheaper than your doctor). Shingles is THAT miserable. You may still develop shingles after having the vaccine, but it will be far less severe than without the vaccine.

Here's the thing: if you've never had chicken pox, you can't develop shingles. If you or your kids haven't had chicken pox, get the chicken pox vaccine. Yes, a parent of an autistic child is advocating vaccines. (Vaccines DO NOT cause autism. Don't listen to Jenny McCarthy)

God, I'm a preachy bitch, aren't I? Sorry. I just really, really don't want anyone to go through this misery. The pain is ridiculous (they thought I had kidney stones or appendicitis until the rash finally appeared, trailing the pain by almost a week). The treatment is no picnic. The anti-herpes drugs can make you nauseous (Valtrex & Vicodin, in my case) and the Lidoderm patches that help immensely are pricey and not always covered by insurance. My insurance covered the patches, but my co-pay for 3 was still $30. Depending on the pharmacy they run $100 to $200 PER PATCH (3x3").

Otherwise, things are not horrible. Marriage remains sexless, but Spousehole has been good to me while I've been suffering. Kids are cute as all get out and doing great in school. Two cats died in six months, but they were older and it wasn't wholly unexpected. Remaining cat is a sweetheart who has really come out of her shell since the boys died. A rabbit fell into our laps soon after cat #2 died, so the cat has a furry friend. A furry female friend who nonetheless likes to mount and hump the poor cat. Hopefully spaying the bun will allow them to remain platonic friends.

What have y'all been up to?

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My Mom, 1941-2010

2011-02-11T11:49:00.002-05:00

Not much has changed in my day to day life, hence not much blogging. Same old, same old. Mostly sexless marriage (May 2009 was the last time. Almost 2 years.). Same adorable, but aggravating kids, only bigger.

Well, there was one big change.

My mom died.

No one was expecting it and we're still taking it hard. She died on July 2. Talking to my dad one moment, saying something didn't feel right, and dead the next. Truly it was that fast. She had an abdominal aortic aneurysm and it burst. When that happens, one bleeds out very, very fast.

Of course my dad has had the hardest time, though he tries not to let it show. He's not one to sit around dwelling on things or feeling sorry for himself. But he admits he cries at least once every day still. He'll hear something or think of something and immediately think "I've got to tell Jan that" and then he remembers and his heart is broken all over again. He never, ever expected to survive Mom. Dad is 6 years older and continues to smoke despite having already had a triple bypass and carotid artery disease. His whole life, especially all his retirement planning, involved planning for Mom to carry on without him. It's been all about making sure she would be okay.

But she died as she would have wanted, if not WHEN she would have wanted. Mom's deepest fears were a lingering illness and being in pain. Both her parents suffered greatly before they died and she really, really wanted to avoid that. She got her wish. She beat colon cancer and uterine cancer (cancer-free 17 years) and in the end it was high blood pressure, leading to the aneurysm, that got her. But she didn't suffer and for that I rejoice.

Mostly though, I just miss my mommy.

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Let's Just Jump Right Back In

2011-02-06T17:43:00.002-05:00

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange is accused of rape in Sweden. A friend and I have been having a pretty heated debate about whether the facts, as reported, qualify as rape.

Assume the facts are as set forth below. Then tell me if you think either woman was raped, was assaulted in a manner less than rape, or no crime was committed, or whatever your view is, ON THESE ASSUMED FACTS.

Woman1 meets man through work. Is a little in awe of him because of his public position. Invites him to her apartment where things progress to the parties agreeing to engage in sexual intercourse. She says he must wear a condom. He complains and tries to talk her out of requiring a condom. She insists. The parties have sex, with a condom. The condom fails (whether by chance or by the man's underhanded tampering) and the woman's body comes in contact with the man's semen, a occurrence she was specifically trying to avoid.

Woman2 meets man through work. After a couple days of working together, they go out to dinner and she invites him to her apartment. The parties have consensual sexual intercourse, after a negotiation regarded condom usage that results in the man wearing a condom. The parties sleep together, nude, in the woman's bed. In the morning, the woman awakens to the man entering her, sans condom. She does not object, does not ask that he put on a condom
(she says she was aware that he did not have a condom on), and agrees that she at that point consented to intercourse continuing to completion.

Both women later ask man to be tested for STDS or provide evidence of recent STD testing showing him to be free of infection. He declines, having left their country and planning to never see either woman again.

IMO, this man is an asshole. No question. If he has an infection, he obviously should tell them. If he does not or does not know, he should be tested and provide the results. Any gentleman would
do that without hesitation. His failure to do this is stupid and would be illegal in many US states if he was infected with HIV (and sometimes other STDs), knew of the infection, and failed to inform his partners.

Intentionally sabotaging a condom and unprotected intercourse with prior knowledge that a partner objects to unprotected intercourse might be charged as battery by allowing one's bodily fluids to come in contact with a person who objected to such. However, this might be difficult, as any person who agrees to sexual contact with another person, even with a condom, is consenting to whatever contact might occur if the condom fails.

BUT HERE'S THE MAIN QUESTION: Was the second woman raped when she awoke to find her sexual partner from a few hours before entering her, she did not object and in fact consented to the sex act continuing?

Clearly having sex with a completely unconscious person would be rape. But who among us has not had "wake-up" sex? Does it make a difference if the persons are regular sexual partners or have only had sex once?

Please discuss, but keep it polite, 'k?

Yes, I'll post an update on my life soon, thanks for the well-wishes and concerns :-)
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Snowpocalypse 2011!

2011-02-02T11:29:00.003-05:00

Dude, it snowed.

Here in Chi-town we haven't gotten the ice that has plagued so many, but we got snow. A couple feet on our driveway and reports of more to come.

I'm going to have to learn to back out of the driveway, because Spousehole only shoveled enough for backing out, not for turning around. Maybe snow bumpers will help keep from hitting the house (again) or neighbor's fence (again).

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HNT - 5 Year Anniversary!

2010-05-20T08:19:00.003-04:00

Can you believe HNT has been going for FIVE years now??? Happy Anniversary to all the HNTers out there and especially to Os without whom we wouldn't even have HNT!! Os, YOU ROCK!

In honor of HNT's 5th Anniversary, here is my very first HNT from back in 2007. (I would recreate it for today, but my toes are looking pretty scary right now - been awhile since my last pedicure!)

Now go give Os some love!

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The Root of the Problem

2010-05-17T11:39:00.004-04:00

We were told that the basement of our new-to-us house in suburban Chicago was very, very dry. Never a water problem. Ever.
So imagine our surprise Thursday morning, waking up to 4" of water in the basement. The carpet and pad were floating on the water. Spousehole poured water out of the computer case. Worst of all: the poor cats were trapped in the utility room and the fat one couldn't jump up on the washer or dryer because he's SO fat (25 lbs., if you were wondering). He was a very wet baby.

We had a bad storm Wed night/Thur morn and most of the water in the basement was storm water. But not all. There was some "blackwater" too. Ewww.

Eventually it was determined that there was a break in the sewer line somewhere between the house and the road. Wastewater has been draining into the front yard, probably since we moved in last month, but the storm pushed the soil beyond the saturation point and, voila!, a back-up.

They had to dig a trench in the basement and access the line that way. They took out some enormous roots that had pressed down on the clay pipe and shattered it, along with some more roots out near the street that were blocking the line as well. It was a huge mess. It's hard seeing what was your nice comfy family room become a mud-filled disaster zone.

New pipe was laid and we can once again pee, shower, wash dishes, wash clothes, and in all ways dispose of liquids in a sanitary manner. The family room reconstruction will have to wait until everything is dry.

The Rabbit family has been welcomed to Illinois in a spectacular fashion.

To top off my fabulous time, Spousehole is mad at me but I have no idea why. This morning my daughter presented me with Spousehole's wedding ring, saying "Mommy, look what I found!" I hate these little games of his. Sometimes it makes me hate him.

FML

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Well we're moving on up . . .

2010-03-17T22:18:00.003-04:00

Up north, that is. Back to where we once belonged. Sort of. After trying very hard to find something here in SC, turning down a couple jobs that would have required big moves, we gave up and Spousehole accepted a position in a northern midwestern state. Not the one where we came from, but not far away.
We're making our way to the hog butcher for the world, tool maker, stacker of wheat, player with railroads and the nation's freight handler; Stormy, husky, brawling, the city of big shoulders. The Queen of the West. Or as Monte Burns once called it "The Miami of Canada" (which always reminds of one of my favorite late, greatTV shows -

Otherwise known as Chicago. Okay Chris and Stephen, not really Chicago, but the 'burbs. Not sure which 'burb yet, since we haven't found a house. So Chicagoland; is that better?

Back to snow. Back to schools not rated the second lowest in the land (SC schools motto: Thank God for Mississippi!). Back to expensive frickin' real estate. Back to houses with basements! (swoon; I never knew I'd miss basements so much).

Guess it's time to change the location setting on my favorite hook-up site . . . which is a big laugh, since I've been very chaste since moving to SC, including within my marriage. Once since I moved here in September 2008. Once. Yeah, that's right: ONCE.

Can you feel the frustration?

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Random Bites

2009-12-16T18:54:00.002-05:00

My new favorite fake band name: Dick Durbin and the Smoking Tweets

LOL funny: Tiger's Magical Mistress Tour

Upon hearing about this awful tragedy, my first thought was prayers for the victims and their families. My second thought: there are nightclubs in Siberia?

It's good to know research time and money are being well spent: Study shows it's more painful to rip off a Band-Aid slowly.

Literacy backed as Charleston schools' top job: since this is a new policy, what was their emphasis before?

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Back home and back to the same-old, same-old

2009-11-30T15:12:00.002-05:00

The long Thanksgiving weekend was relatively uneventful, having been spent mostly in the Mommyvan driving to and from Michigan. 32 hours in the car over 4 days, plus potty and food breaks, is a little too much togetherness. Spousehole and I were each on the verge of homocide by Sunday night. Kids, each other - we were willing to take out anyone necessary to obtain the peace we sought.

If I never set foot in another McDonald's, I will be a happy, happy woman. I know the kids love it, but I'm willing to sacrifice their happiness.

We're back to 'kids go to school, I hang out at the library, Spousehole talks to potential employers on the phone.' New week, same old thing.

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Easing back in . . .

2009-11-19T11:03:00.002-05:00

I get to go home for Thanksgiving! I'm very excited. We didn't make it home for Turkey Day last year and didn't expect to this year, but now we're going! Spousehole has an interview in an adjoining Midwestern state the day before Thanksgiving, so the whole family is going along and heading to Grandma's for turkey, stuffing, etc. My mom is actually not so thrilled. She was thinking she wouldn't cook and she and my dad would just take my nephew and my sister (if she doesn't have to work) out to eat. But with all of us coming, it makes more sense to stay home. I have offered to cook, just using her food, kitchen, etc. but I don't know if she can handle that. If she watches me cook, she'll just feel I'm doing it all "wrong" and try to take over.

I haven't sprung on them that coming home for Thanksgiving means we may not make it for Christmas ($ and all), but I don't really want to think about that either. I've NEVER spent Christmas anywhere but with my family. I realize I'm 42 years old and should really be ready to make some new traditions with my own kids, but wah!, I don't wanna!

In other news, I can't believe I forgot to mention the "procedure" I had done back in September. I had NovaSure done. It's a type of endometrial ablation. It's supposed to reduce heavy periods and between period bleeding. My periods were so heavy that I became anemic and experienced "flooding" sometimes. I also had bleeding every time I had sex. But since the procedure (outpatient surgery) I haven't had any bleeding; none whatsoever. No periods, no nothing. Of course, I haven't had sex to try that out yet*, but I have high hopes. They say that my periods may come back eventually, but will be MUCH, MUCH lighter than ever before. Keep your fingers crossed!!

*Any volunteers to help with that? For purely scientific purposes, of course :-)

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Not Dead Yet

2009-11-13T21:39:00.002-05:00

Though there are days . . .

I'll try to sum up the last 6 months or so.

Marriage back to sucking. Not in a good way. And getting worse because -

18 months after moving down here for this job, that they recruited him for (he didn't go looking), they laid him off in October. Budget cuts were ordered, big ones, and his position and many others were eliminated. So he is home all. the. damn. time and we are driving each other crazy. Way too many opportunities to pick stupid fights and get on each other's nerves. This was made worse when -

we all had the H1N1 virus in October. Not pretty and we still haven't shaken the coughs. Spousehole's is the worst and he probably should see a doctor, but -

we have no health insurance. We can't afford COBRA, since after having paid for two houses for almost a year we had very little savings. Some good news (there's not much of it, so pay attention) is -

the house is finally rented out!!! The rent payments just cover our mortgage, taxes, and insurance, but at least that much is covered. What wasn't covered, however, was the problem that led our tenants to call us on Spousehole's last day of work: the furnace died. So on his first day of unemployment, we had to put a new furnace in! (We got two opinions on whether replacement was necessary or if repair was possible. My dad got us the absolute best price from "his guy." Thank God. The other places wanted to charge WAY, WAY more for the same stupid furnace and installation.)

No good segue here. Sorry.

Boy is finally settled in school and is rocking the second grade. He made honor roll for the first quarter. It's like night and day. So he's good with school and school is good with him, but otherwise things aren't so wonderful at the school because -

4 educators were arrested recently regarding allegations of abuse of autistic students at Boy's school. Boy was not one of them, though he was close to the teacher and aide who are accused. It's a mess. But I won't get into that mess. In other school news -

Girl is rocking 4-yr-old preschool. She got into a great school and got a fabulous teacher. All is good there. Well, except that we weren't going to be able to afford it after Spousehole's layoff and were preparing to apply for a scholarship to try to keep her there, but the in-laws' came to the rescue and are paying her tuition. They're not always my favorite people, but they'll do almost anything for our kids. So, in this one instance, they rock too.

The big school fear for us is that it is looking like we will be moving again, so the kids will have to transition to new schools. Girl will be okay, probably, but Boy doesn't transition well. Last year was pretty much a lost year for him as he transitioned to his new school. He's doing so well, we are very distressed about possibly having to move him. Spousehole is interviewing some locally, but the jobs in his particular specialty aren't local. If he takes a local job, he would have to leave his area of specialization. His specialty is in demand, just not here. He would prefer to stay in his specialty and that would be the better move career-wise, but it means moving and that sucks. What also sucks is -

My Mom is on Facebook! Seriously, this is not good. I had to "friend" her, but now I feel like I have to censor what I say. Oh, and my mother-in-law is also on Facebook and I had to "Friend" her too. I really need to figure out the privacy settings on there that allow you to group people and then have only certain groups see certain postings. Ah well. BTW, if you want to be my Facebook friend, shoot me an email (I'm actually checking it again!). If I feel comfortable enough with you (generally if we have had some sort of email correspondence or something), I'll send you my info or you can send me yours. But since my family is on there now, I'm really apprehensive that this blog not be connected to my Facebook (ie, REAL) identity. 'k?

Kids and I spent most of July back home. It was really freaking cold. Not just compared to the South, but compared to normal summers there. I had to go to garage sales and buy the kids coats to wear. It never occurred to me that we would need more than long pants and long-sleeved shirts in JULY. My bad.

My health is better, except for the damn H1N1 after-effects. Blood sugar, blood pressure, and cholesterol all WAY down. I got 90 day refills on insulin and meds before the insurance ended, so I'm good for awhile. Hopefully until Spousehole finds a new position. :-)

That pretty much sums it up.

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Mullet With Headlights

2009-06-04T12:53:00.001-04:00

These literal videos are so. darn. funny.

This is Total Eclipse of the Heart: Literal Video Version. Try to not laugh - I dare you.

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Still easily amused . . . all FAIL edition

2009-05-28T16:36:00.002-04:00

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Hey now . . .

2009-05-25T15:46:00.001-04:00

This can't possibly be directed at me . . . I'm from Michigan!

Go Back to Ohio

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Random Bites

2009-05-21T12:11:00.004-04:00

A question for all you sutherners out there: where do the lizards go? That is, when "winter" comes, where do the lizards go? Do they hibernate? Do they hunker down somewhere and lay low until temps go up again? Do they lay eggs and then die, so the lizards that reappear in summer are the offspring of last year's lizards? Do they migrate somewhere? I honestly don't know much at all about lizards. We just didn't have them in Michigan. All I know is that when we moved into this house in September, there were lizards every-freakin'-where and by December there were none. Covering my screen porch, then nuthin'. I assume they'll be back, but I've been wondering where they go. Thanks in advance for the help. :-)

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The kids and I will be spending most of July in Michigan. That's how I'm choosing to deal with the South Carolina summer heat and humidity.

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We celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary at the beginning of the month. My in-laws stayed with the kids and we were able to spend a night kid-free. We couldn't spend the whole weekend, as we had initially planned, because my in-laws arrived on Friday afternoon and needed to leave by noon on Saturday as they intended to be in Maine by Sunday night. There was dinner, there was ice cream, there was a movie, and there was even nookie! That's twice in a year - woo hoo.

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My health is improving. Blood pressure is WAY down and blood sugar is back in a better range. The miracle of modern pharmaceuticals. Better living through chemistry.

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Things I May Never Be Accustomed To In The South

2009-04-29T23:33:00.002-04:00

Full-grown adult men with jobs, families, and a mortgage who go by the diminutive form of their name. That is, Billy, Bobby, Timmy, Tommy, Johnny, Jimmy, Davey, etc.

The accents. Especially when emanating from a disciple in an otherwise very professional and well-executed church play. Imagine Larry the Cable Guy as Simon Peter asking "Is it I, Lawd?" It's hard to not giggle. It's like someone from a Tennessee Williams play reading the wrong script.

A "rough" winter having temps that never dip below double digits.

A "rough" winter not involving any snowfall whatsoever.

Gum. What is it with gum down here? Everybody seems to chew gum - all the time, in all places. Men and women, in church, in Wal-Mart, at the symphony. Every. Damn. Where. Not just quiet, unobtrusive chewing either. Big, open-mouth chawing.

Folks who move slow as molasses. O.M.G. Walking, driving - doesn't matter. Tons of people just not in any sort of rush to get any where. Stopping to smell the roses is great and all, but when there are flowers everywhere perhaps bypassing some of is okay, know what I mean?

Full-grown adult non-senior-citizen men wearing seersucker suits. Not in a retro-hipster way, but for real.

The God-awful humidity (and it's only April!)

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I couldn't resist . . .

2009-04-03T12:50:00.003-04:00

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Smile

2009-04-01T08:20:00.002-04:00

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Condolences

2009-04-01T07:55:00.005-04:00

My heart is breaking for another blogger today. The Silent Male's wife passed away Tuesday. She was very young (I don't think 40 yet). Although she had suffered from many health problems, this is a big shock. They are in the process of buying a house and had so much to which to look forward. She leaves her husband, teen daughter and stepson (both 14), and young son (9) to celebrate her memory.

Part of SM's message:

She had been battling illness for years and went peacefully. I want to thank everyone in advance for thoughts and prayers. I won't be available very much over the next few days to say Thank You. She believed in Jesus and I believe she has gone to heaven to meet him in person.

If you are the praying type, please say a prayer for SM and his family. I know he would appreciate it.

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TMI Tuesday

2009-03-31T15:11:00.004-04:00

1. Have you ever sent or recieved a sext message?

Yes and yes. :) Want my cell #?

2. Have you ever made or recieved a booty call?

Yes and yes, though it's been 7 or 8 months. Care to assist me with this problem?

3. Have you ever added or edited a word/entry to Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary or any other online reference?

Nope, though I've considered it re Wikipedia.

4. At what age did you have your first consensual sexual experience?

14 (not intercourse)

5. What has been the greatest age difference between you a consensual sexual partner?

20 years, he was older. Though I've seen some hottie college kids and/or military man-boys around here lately that could make me go all cougar . . .

Bonus (as in optional): Why do you blog?

That's an excellent question. When I figure it out, I'll let you know.

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Mute Monday - Happy B-day to Secretariat and ABoxer (It is still Monday, right?)

2009-03-30T13:50:00.007-04:00

Happy Birthday, Big Red!

Happy Birthday, Boxer!!

Some birthday azaleas, because we're overwhelmed by azaleas around here right now:

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Almost-dead cat and cow bacon?

2009-03-26T10:32:00.003-04:00

Thomas (orange, left) and Max (right)

Amongst my family's woes of late has been the attempted murder of my beloved cat, Max, by my evil children. Max is 13 - I have had him longer than I've had my husband and much longer than the demon children. Max is a good cat - busy and nosy, but sweet. His main flaw is that he tolerates much of the abuse the children heap on him: playing doctor and bandaging the kitty's legs up, putting him in drawers or boxes or cabinets, etc. Unfortunately he learned when they were babies that he shouldn't bite or scratch them, so now when they deserve to be bitten or scratched, he does nothing.

One afternoon not long ago, the children were playing outside. I didn't realize it, but they had the garage open (we usually keep it locked). When my husband came home from work, he found Max locked in a cat carrier in the garage. He let Max out and noticed that the cat seemed wet, but didn't think much about it. A while later I saw the cat on the porch, looking wet and distressed. I picked him up and smelled a strong chemical odor, so I ran straight to the bathroom and began rinsing the cat in the bathtub (he loved that). In response to my yelling, Spousehole went to the garage and found a bottle of Spray-n-Wash and the children admitted to spraying the cat through the holes in the cat carrier with the Spray-n-Wash. Spousehole sent the children to their rooms while I continued rinsing the cat, much to the cat's displeasure.

I dried the cat with a towel and let him loose. He threw up, but then otherwise seemed okay, except for having endured the bath. We had dinner and then I thought I would try blow-drying the cat. After a bit of searching, I found him laying on his side, breathing shallowly and looking miserable. He was barely responsive, limp, and would occasionally moan.

We called poison control and they said "we don't do pets." We called the emergency vet. They wanted us to call the animal poison control line. I called that line and $60.00 later (yep, that's what they charge; you have to give the ASPCA your credit card number before they'll even talk to you) they gave us some "well duh!" advice and sent us on the to emergency vet. The $60.00 fee also includes their consultation with the emergency vet, which I hope was more helpful than their advice to me (it was, apparently).

At the emergency vet they took Max from me as soon as we walked through the door. They gave him another bath and assessed his vital signs. His body temp was down to 88 degrees (F). It should be around 100 degrees (F). His respiratory rate was low. He was disoriented and ataxic. They consulted with the ASPCA poison control vet. They also ran blood tests.

It turned out that the main thing in the Spray-n-Wash that affected my poor baby was alcohol. It was absorbed through his skin, mainly, and he probably ingested some in licking himself. He had acute alcohol poisoning and a little eye irritation. They put him on an IV to rehydrate him and stabilize his blood sugar and they had him wrapped in warming blankets. He was already looking more like himself when I finally got to see him. He responded to my voice and wiggled out of the blankets. Keeping him the in the warming blankets was an effort all night, I later learned.

He spent the night at the hospital and I brought him home the next day. By morning the vets had gotten him to eat a little and drink a little. He had had an elevated white count that we determined was likely from a bad tooth, so he had some antibiotics to take. He also had an ointment for his eyes. He was looking better, but was still not himself.

I started to wonder if I brought him home too soon. He remained weak and didn't want to eat for a couple days. I tried to entice him with canned food (a once-a-year or so treat), but all he did was lick the juice. I even resorted to giving him water with a syringe because he wasn't drinking. I wasn't sure he was going to make it.

After several days of lethargy and no appetite, Max finally came around. Now, a few weeks later, he is back to himself. He finished the antibiotics and his white cell count is back to normal. The funky tooth got scraped, but not pulled. He needs a full teeth cleaning, but we want to make sure he gains back the weight and is at close to 100% before having him put under for the teeth cleaning.

Initially the children were very sorry for hurting Max, but now they are back to wanting to play doctor with him, hold him against his will, etc. I remind them how badly they hurt him, then they leave him alone again; for a while. Poor kitty.
__

We like bacon in this family. Every weekend I cook some bacon to include in our breakfast. We lurve the bacon very much. Now I've seen and had all kinds of bacon: regular, thick-sliced, no-sugar, brown-sugar, peppered, reduced-sodium; even fakin' bacon like turkey bacon or soy bacon. But I recently saw one I'd never, ever seen before: beef bacon. WTH? Is this a southern thing? Has anyone tried this? It just seems wrong. I love me some dead cow, understand, but bacon?

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I couldn't resist . . .

2009-03-25T12:17:00.002-04:00

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see more Funny Graphs Seriously, we have 5 seasons worth and watch them over and over and over. Could you count that as a home-schooling science curriculum?

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TMI Tuesday

2009-03-24T08:19:00.003-04:00

1. Ever Googled a date, a potential date or an ex?

Duh. Yes, yes, and oh yes!

2. Do you gossip?

Not anymore - I don't know enough people in S.C., or enough about them, to gossip.

3. How many people do you completely trust?

None.

4. Have you ever had sex in car?

I was a teenager, so YES.

5. What is your best flirting technique: innuendo, telling a dirty joke, talking about sex life, or physical contact?

Physical contact is the best, I think, along with prolonged eye contact and being open and clear about what I want.

Bonus (as in optional): How many times is the most you have ever had sex in a 24 hour period?

There was a weekend in college . . . probably 5 or 6. That was an amazing weekend. Yes, it was just one guy - it's incredible what a college-age guy can do when left alone with his girlfriend for days on end :)

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Not Dead Yet . . . and some lols

2009-03-23T11:10:00.004-04:00

The rumours of my death are greatly exaggerated . . . well, exaggerated at least. I am alive, if not always well.

I've been lurking, reading blogs, but not commenting much and not writing on here at all.

Why?

So many reasons, I don't quite know where to start.

Depression probably ranks first.

I've been quite lonely since moving. I miss my family and friends in Michigan and haven't really found any new friends here in S.C. I have some SAHM acquaintences in the neighborhood and an "assigned" friend at church, but I just don't feel like I fit in yet. So I should turn to my online friends, right? But no - my response is to withdraw further into myself. Contradictory, but that's just how I am.

Also depressed about things with my husband. In some ways we've been closer, since not knowing anyone forces us to be social with one another. But money remains an issue (we still haven't sold the Michigan house and just finally listed it for rent with a property manager), though we haven't fallen into debt - we just don't have a dime to spare paying for two houses. Sex remains even bigger issue. He says he can't address the sex issue until our money issues are resolved - "take care of the basics first," he says. I say sex IS a basic in a marriage! I've tried invoking 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, but he just ignored that, says it doesn't really apply in our situation. Huh???

Here's any example of how things go: I put the kids to bed, crawling in with boy to cuddle him to sleep because he had a rough day. Spousehole stays up to "play on the internet" (i.e., surf porn). After 30 minutes boy is asleep, so I go to my room, noting that Spousehole is still on the computer, quickly turning off the monitor when I come out of boy's room so I won't know he's looking at porn (because yeah, I'm that stupid). Instead of going to bed, I go in my bathroom and brush my teeth, comb my hair, and otherwise "freshen up." I go to the living room and Spousehole quickly shuts off the monitor and pulls his hand out of his sweatpants. I sit down next to him and make it very clear that I am interested in helping him out with the "situation" in his pants. We cuddle a bit, I kiss his neck some, and after a few minutes, he asks if I want to go to our room. We do and he promptly goes to sleep. WTF?? The next morning I tell him that he really hurt my feelings and he says that he just wasn't in the mood. A: why not tell me that at the time? and B: so why the erection if he "wasn't in the mood?" I thought generally that an erection indicated that one was in the right mood. I guess, since he wouldn't talk any more, that he was in the mood for sexual activity, just not with me. Great. That makes me feel SO much better. That'll help with the depression.

Facebook

Then there's the Facebook thing. Yes, even I have fallen into the Facebook fad. I have two profiles - one under my real name and one under my blog name. I spent 99% of my time on my real profile, so y'all probably don't see me on there much. If you would want to be my "Facebook friend" under my real name, email me and I'll add you if I know you well enough to trust that you won't "out" me, since my husband is also my Facebook friend. I'm going to delete my profile under my blog name since I never use it, so if you are my "facebook friend" under randirabbit you'll be getting a "friend request" under my real name. Confusing enough?

My health

Turns out if you ignore your health, it really will go away! Not the problems, the health itself. I've been playing fast and loose with my diabetes since the move; not sure why. Depression is part of that too, I suppose, and getting out of my long-established routine. I've been eating poorly and not tracking my carb intake. I've been taking my insulin, but blindly - that is, not taking regular blood sugar readings and just going with a base level of regular and nph insulins. In fact, my electronic logbook built into my meter showed that I didn't take a reading from late September until January of this year. Turns out that while I was ignoring my blood glucose levels, they were climbing. High. Very high, even. Averaging over 500. That's what's known in the diabetes world as a serious fuck-up. A kidney-threatening, blindness-threatening fuck-up. So getting my bg back under control has been a major project. My kidneys seem to have come through okay, but my vision has been affected. Fortunately it isn't retinal damage, just blurriness from glucose in my aqueous humor (eyeball fluid). That can take a while to go away, even after the blood glucose is back in control. So I'm bouncing along with my blurry vision and trying to get myself half-way healthy again. And still trying to find the right doctor down here to help me get there. Argh.

So, without further adieu (or whining . . . ), here are some lols:

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Made Me Laugh - And Boy Do I Need Some Laughs Right Now

2009-03-11T09:32:00.002-04:00

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TMI Tuesday!

2009-03-03T08:56:00.003-05:00

1. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that you were sure in advance you would hate (or never try) and then discovered to your surprise you loved?

Anal. I thought no way, no how would I ever even do that, much less like it. Never say never, I guess! It helped that we worked up to over a few weeks, starting with anal play (both ways).

2. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that proved a lot less interesting in practice than you thought it would be beforehand?

Many - lol - for instace: Him standing up and holding me up with my legs wrapped around him (back when I was young and small and this was more feasible) looked hot, but was logistically a pain. Thinking more about not falling down than about it feeling good. :(

3. How do you let your significant other know you're in the mood? How do you let a new person in your life know?

I kiss him, caress him, and if that doesn't get the point acress I just tell him. He's not always good at reading signals and I'm not patient enough to wait around for him to catch on.

4. How does your significant other let you know he/she is in the mood?

If he ever is, I'll let you know! Though sometimes I wake up in the night and he's pressing his erection against me or drying humping my leg or something - that's a pretty good indication he's in the mood.

5. Is there one that got away - a sexual opportunity you didn't realise was one at the time, or weren't ready for and regret missing ever since?

A few, but I don't dwell on them.

LOL

2009-02-16T10:34:00.002-05:00

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Apparently my husband got hold of some of this stuff!:

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LOLs make me happy

2009-02-12T14:57:00.002-05:00

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TMI Tuesday

2009-02-10T07:27:00.002-05:00

1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body?

FEET!! Especially men's feet, but really any nasty looking feet.

2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?

Over - and never put it on the other way in my house! Better to just set the roll on the counter or the back of the toilet than to put it on "wrong."

3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner?

No I have not. Have wanted to, but have not.

4. Did your parents have a "birds & bees" talk with you? Id so, at what age?

My mom started early, doling out a little more information all the time as we got older. There wasn't a big sit-down talk, it was just something that my mother was very open about our whole lives.

5. What is one thing a someone could do to you to rock your world?

Clean my carpets! Or tell me that they want me . . .

Bonus (as in optional):What does sex mean to you?

Comfort, connection, release, reassurance, fun, and sometimes even love.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

TMI Tuesday

2009-02-03T09:56:00.004-05:00

- Come play with us!

1. When you sleep with someone, how much or how little contact do you like to have?

Depends on the person. I tend to get very warm, so I don't always like to snuggle close unless the other person is the opposite of me (always cold) and we even things out. I like to snuggle until I'm almost asleep, then Spousehole and I like to sleep bum-to-bum. We're still in contact, but not all tangled up in each other. Perhaps it comes from us both having been single into our 30s so we got used to sleeping alone.

2. What do you think there is a appropriate amount of time for a divorce parent to date before introducing the kids to the "new" "special" person in their life?

I have no idea. I think it depends on how upset the children are about the divorce, the child's age, the child's relationship (or lack thereof) with the other parent. I always advised my divorce clients to not date while the divorce was pending, but knowing that they would ignore that I also advised them not to introduce any paramours to the children so that the other parent wouldn't try to use that against them in the divorce proceedings.

3. Which ONE do you wish you had more of in bed... romance, experimentation or foreplay?

Um, I'll take anything I can get. It's been since JULY!

4. What do you thinks makes a kiss great?

A great kiss starts off gentle, hesitant even, then grows more intense - goes from just lips touching to lips parting, gentle exploration , growing more and more urgent. Pulling back, making each other want more and more. Perhaps he'll suck on my lower lip, perhaps I his. Bodies barely touching, then moving together, pressing harder until we can feel the heat between us. It has to be a back and forth thing, not overwhelming, not just one person kissing the other. Mutual, full of anticipation and promise of more to come.

5. Describe your sex life in two words.

Not happening.

Bonus (as in optional): Do you remember a time when you were having sex that you smile or even laugh about now? Do tell....

I've told this before, so please pardon the repeat - I'm not creating any new memories lately!!!
This occurred before we had kids, back when Spousehole and I partook of the hot monkey love on a regular (some might say, obsessive) basis. We were going at it, hot and heavy, when I attained the pinnacle of sexual pleasure (orgasm, okay?) Right in the middle of it, with Spousehole pounding away at me, I passed gas. Loudly. Not smelly or anything, but not something one could really ignore either. It sounded like the air brakes on a school bus - pshoooo. Spousehole laughed his ass off and it was several minutes before he could resume and finish because he was laughing too hard.

more music charts

2009-01-30T11:37:00.001-05:00

Shouldn't we all?

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"Craigslist Penis Photographer" featuring Bob Odenkirk - watch more funny videos

Sexy Veggies

2009-01-29T08:25:00.003-05:00

NBC has refused to air a PETA advertisement during the SuperBowl, saying that it is too racy for their standards. What do you think? Is it too sexy for broadcast television?:

'Veggie Love': PETA's Banned Super Bowl Ad

I'm not a vegetarian and I don't really care one way or the other about PETA, but I think there have been sexier ads on television. But if NBC doesn't want PETA's money, that's their problem. Besides, PETA is getting more out of the "controversy" than if it had actually aired on television.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Reason #8462 Why I Don't Want to Go Back to Practicing Law

2009-01-28T20:11:00.001-05:00

Weusi McGowan

Made Me Laugh

2009-01-28T09:08:00.005-05:00

I think pregnancy is going to be the least of Bethany's concerns . . .

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TMI Tuesday

2009-01-27T07:50:00.005-05:00

1. What was the last movie you saw in a theater?

Madagascar 2, on Thanksgiving Day. I don't get out much :)

2. What is your favorite movie theater snack?

My ever-present Diet Coke and air-popped popcorn with real butter. No theatres down here in S.C. have this option (both air-popped and real butter) and the one theatre that I know that did in Michigan closed after I left. I guess they just couldn't see going on without me. I don't know why more theatres don't have the real butter option. It cost $.50 or $.75 extra, depending on the theatre, in Michigan and that was very reasonable to me.

3. Have you ever snuck in 'outside' food into a theater?

Only all the time! I sometimes sneak Diet Coke into Pepsi-affiliated theatres, I sometimes bring cookies or candy or other snack foods into a theatre, and occasionally I do something crazy and bring healthy snacks (sliced fruit, carrot/celery sticks) into a theatre. I try to be very unobtrusive about my forbidden snacking.

4. Have you ever made out in a theater?

Yes, but it has been a very, very, very long time.

5. What is the 'farthest' you have gone in a theater?

Other than the drive-in . . . handjob - on him, not me. I've never climaxed in a movie theatre. Want to help me change that?

Bonus (as in optional): What is one of your favorite movie sex scene?
The Big Easy - Ellen Barkin, Dennis Quaid, 1987. The stars have amazing chemistry, you can almost feel the heat radiating from the screen. It's amazingly sexy and even more amazing - they don't even have their clothes off for the sexiest scene!! When she sighs "Stop that" and he replies "Stop what? That?" OMG - that about sends me over the edge right there. All you see are their faces, but it's just wowza sexy to me.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

TMI Tuesday

2009-01-20T08:33:00.006-05:00

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1. Have you ever dated/married purely for money?

I definitely didn't marry for money! I think I did date a couple guys for their money/car, but I had to find them at least tolerable to go out more than once or twice.

2. What is your type?

Arial or Helvetica, mostly.

3. What is the best sex game you have ever played?

The one where one partner kisses, sucks, explores the other's body and the receiving partner tries not to react or reciprocate at all. It never lasts terribly long.

4. Have you ever given or received an orgasm from a person whose last name you did not know?

Yep. Though I learned it eventually.

5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a sexual partner?

Yep. That's one thing that really gets Spousehole going and is a staple in our (annual) sexual repertoire.

Bonus (as in optional):At what age do you think men and women reach their sexual peak? Do you think you have hit yours yet?

Guys do in their twenties, I think. That seems to be when they are very horny, but less so than in their teens; but they've developed some skills and the ability to make it last, much more so than in their teens.

I don't know about all women, but for me it was probably my late twenties or early thirties. I finally lost most inhibitions, was horny all the time, and didn't hesitate to act on it.

______

I survived two nights of the long weekend with my in-laws here! Woo hoo! I'm on edge when they stay over because I know my housekeeping is not up to their standards. I'm also on edge because Spousehole is MAJORLY on edge whenever his parents are around. I understand that. They have a way of making us feel inferior or that everything we do is a disappointment to them. Even when they try to be nice, it ends up coming out like a criticism.

I still have one more day of the long weekend to get through. The powers that be at Boy's school determined that having Monday off for MLKjr day wasn't enough, they'd give the kids Tuesday off as well. So Boy is home for the 4th straight day. Spousehole had Monday off too, so we went out and did fun stuff with the kids and their grandparents, but today I am alone with my darling children. Pray for me to not kill them or myself. Thanks.

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Super Bowl refuses ad for extramarital hook-ups

2009-01-16T13:05:00.002-05:00

Apparently those paragons of virtue at the Super Bowl have refused an advertisement from Ashley Madison, a website that assists married folks with hooking up with other married folks (and not the ones to whom they are married). You mean the NFL has standards?

read more: What could possibly be too racy for the Super Bowl? A Website for cheaters

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I got nuthin'

2009-01-15T08:36:00.002-05:00

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TMI Tuesday

2009-01-13T08:19:00.003-05:00

Come play with us!

1. On a scale of 1-10, how satisfied are you with your sex life?

Hard to answer, since I don't seem to have one these days.

2. If someone shoves you up against a wall while kissing you, your reaction is?

Oh yeah, bring it on!
Gets my panties damp every time.

3. What is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done or said to you?

My college boyfriend took me for a drive and a picnic lunch a long, long time ago. We went to a lighthouse out on the Jersey shore. It was romantic and sweet and wonderful.

4. Where is the most unusual place you have ever had sex?

Idunno. Golf course, maybe. College boyfriend again.

5. How do you liked to be kissed?

At first gently, almost hesitantly; then growing more urgent, lips parting, tongues exploring. Pulling back, making each other want more and more. Perhaps he'll suck on my lower lip, perhaps I his. Bodies barely touching, then moving together, pressing harder until we can feel the heat between us. It has to be a back and forth thing, not overwhelming, not just one person kissing the other. Mutual, full of anticipation and promise of more to come.

Bonus (as in optional):Most embarrassing sexual moment?

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away . . .
This occurred before we had kids, back when Spousehole and I partook of the hot monkey love on a regular (some might say, obsessive) basis. We were going at it, hot and heavy, when I attained the pinnacle of sexual pleasure (orgasm, okay?) Right in the middle of it, with Spousehole pounding away at me, I passed gas. Loudly. Not smelly or anything, but not something one could really ignore either. It sounded like the air brakes on a school bus - pshoooo. Spousehole laughed his ass off and it was several minutes before he could resume and finish because he was laughing too hard.

Bonus embarrassing thing - I 've told this before, but here it is again:
When we had been married about 8 months, my husband and I had spent a long weekend at my parents' house. There was never really any privacy there, so we were anxious to get busy when we got home. Undressing as we went up the stairs, kissing hungrily, hands everywhere - you get the idea. The sex was athletic, acrobatic, and, ultimately, dangerous. I moved forward as he moved in to kiss me and WHAM! My forehead, his nose. Blood everywhere, nose crooked. We ended up spending the next few hours in the emergency room. It was broken, but good. Every nurse, doctor, or aide started off by asking, "How did this happen?" By the end of the night we thought it was pretty funny. He still likes to tell people how I broke his nose. Including my parents and our pastor.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Mute Monday - XY or Z is for . . .

2009-01-12T10:25:00.009-05:00

Zip line at the zoo

Zipper at the county fair

The zipper pull my son wears

(for this and other Autism Awareness items go to Buttonsandmore.com)

(no zipper at all!)

What is this Mute Monday thang? Click the button below to check it out!!

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LOLs make me happy

2009-01-09T08:42:00.005-05:00

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The numbers

2009-01-07T12:55:00.002-05:00

Months since moving to South Carolina: 4

In that time:

Months without internet: 1.5

Number of animals nursed back to health: 1 (Boy dropped his classroom guinea pig and broke his top front teeth off. I am caring for him, including hand feeding, until the teeth grow back. Which they are, fairly quickly too).

Months paying for two houses, one empty: 4+

Amount spent on car repairs: $1200 (approx.)

Amount spent on motorcycle repairs: $1200 (approx.)

Amount spent on things for me and only me: $0 (No manicures, no pedicures, not even a haircut)

Number of recent fellow refugees from Michigan I've met just on my block in my subdivision: 4

Number of active duty or recently retired military people I've met in my sub: Um, where's my calculator? Yeah, it's that many.

Number of friends I've made (more than acquaintances): 0. Zip. Nada. Zilch.

Number of churches we've attended: 4

Number of churches that feel just right: 0. Zip. Nada. Zilch.

Number of times I've watched Kung Fu Panda: Again, where is that calculator? (That's just today)

Number of times Boy has ridden the school bus since beginning of November: 1 (I have driven him every morning and every afternoon otherwise)

Level of my frustration and loneliness (on a scale of 1-10): 13 and mounting

Number of months since I had sex with my husband: 5 and counting (it was late July the last time)

And now I'm going to go pick up my son from school. Again.

TMI Tuesday (it is still Tuesday, isn't it?)

2009-01-06T14:16:00.005-05:00

Click the icon to come play with us!

1. Would you rather be stranded on an island alone or with someone you dislike/don't get along with?

I would rather be with someone I don't like or don't get along with, so at least I would have someone to argue with other than myself.

2. Would you rather accidentally walk in on your parents having sex or have them walk in on you?

I would much rather they walk in on me. What has been seen cannot be unseen.

3. Would you rather be snapped by paparazzi during a nipple slip or while exiting a car with out any underwear? (guys, consider similar circumstances)

Nipple slip. Much more socially acceptable, I think. I'd rather folks see my nipples than my whatzahoozit any day. They're pretty much always ready for show, where other areas might not always be "camera-ready."

4. Would you rather not have sex for two years or not be able to use the Internet for two years?

I would rather go without sex for two years - been there, done that, know I can handle it (not well, but I can handle it). Since I first got online back in the dark ages (1991 or so) I have never had to go terribly long without it and don't think I could handle it. (I figure if my only addictions are the internet and Diet Coke, I'm doing okay.)

5. Would you rather find true love or 1 million dollars?

A million dollars. Love fades, conservatively invested money will stand by you.

Bonus (as in optional): If you had to choose *one* sexual position for the rest of your life, what would it be? Why?

Doggie-style. Depth of penetration, G-spot contact, easy access to certain female parts that like to be touched, he can kiss the back of my neck or cup my breasts . . . what's not to love?

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Mute Monday - W

2009-01-05T08:13:00.013-05:00

W is for Winter

In Michigan:

In South Carolina:

(Pretty much the same as other times of year, except for the dormant grass)

(This was the big "snowstorm" of 2003. Note the cadets in their warmest coats.)

Not so mute addition:

While I do love the prettiness of a fresh snowfall and the beautiful trees after an ice storm, I don't miss cold temperatures, treacherous driving, and power outages. We experienced all of that in our brief trip "home" to Michigan for Christmas. Icy roads prevented our making it to my parents' house on Christmas Eve as planned, so we spent that night and most of Christmas morning in a hotel (but at least we got a hot breakfast - got to love Comfort Inn breakfasts except at Lexington Ky, which does not have make-your-own-waffles. In fact, the CI we stayed at in Michigan even had a hot pasta bar when we checked in at 9:30 at night. Above and beyond, that's for sure)

The kids loved playing the snow at my parents' house. Since they are a mile inland from Lake Michigan and right on a smaller lake that connects to Lake Michigan), they had A LOT of lake effect snow. We brought all our snow gear, plus my sister had a bunch of stuff her son had outgrown, so the kids got their now-annual snow play in without getting too cold and wet.

Then we went north to my in-laws' place. Thanks to an overnight ice storm, we woke up Sunday morning to a cold, electricity-free house. Being in the boonies, they have well water, which means you need the electricity to run the pump. The boys (Spousehole, FIL, and BIL) tried in vain to get the generator going, but it was no use. Just when they finally figured out the problem, the electricity came back on. Lesson learned: just buying the generator, having the electrician install the hook-up so you can power the whole house, and then letting it sit for two years is not enough. Fire it up once or twice before you actually need it to make sure you know wth you are doing! And that you have the little lever that shifts it from tortoise to hare (slow to fast). (BIL has his own generator and knew what to do if only they could locate the lever, but FIL-the-engineer didn't want to listen to BIL-the-graphic-artist/photographer, because really - what could an artist actually know about a mechanical item?)

Considering how my parents had told us about the pounding they were getting from snow, snow, and more snow, we were surprised to not even see snow on our trip north until we hit mid-Michigan. But by the time we reached the Lake Michigan coast, there were feet of it. FEET.

All-in-all, we were not sorry to return to the weather that passes for "winter" in the south. It's 75 degrees and sunny today. No, we don't miss winter all that much. I think I could survive quite nicely if I never lift a snow shovel or operate a snow blower again. (One of my southern born-and-raised neighbors actually thought a snow blower was like a leaf blower - lol!)

Working My Way Back

2009-01-02T15:21:00.002-05:00

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Over the River and Through the Woods

2008-12-25T07:15:00.003-05:00

Merry Christmas everyone!!

I hope this day finds you warmly ensconced with family and/or friends, enjoying the peace of the season.

Me? Not so much. At least not yet.

I'm writing this from the "business center" of a Comfort Inn in Michigan. We left South Carolina Tuesday night after my husband got home from work. We stayed in Asheville, N.C. that night and then left Wednesday morning for Michigan. I drove about 7 hours and he drove about 6 hours, yet we are still not to my parents' house. Arggh!

Michigan had a warm-up on Wednesday afternoon that melted some of the snow. By the time we arrived in Michigan that night, the melted snow re-froze as ice all over the highway. We lost count of the number of cars we saw lose control and end up in the median or off the side of the road. At my parents' urging, we got a hotel room and will continue on this morning when my lazy-ass husband and kids get their sleepy butts out of bed. (8:30 a.m. edit: THEY ARE STILL SLEEPING!) And have some breakfast. We were going to go super-cheap and stay at a Red Roof Inn, but then remembered that there wouldn't be anyplace open for breakfast on Christmas morning. We therefore decided to go with Comfort Inn because they always have a decent breakfast including make-your-own waffles ("And in the morning, I'm makin' waffles!" - name the movie for extra bunny points).

So I hope Christmas morning finds you in the embrace of loved ones in a cozy warm home, instead of an impersonal hotel looking forward to a slippery drive to your destination.

Merry Christmas!!!!

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Mute Monday - T is for . . .

2008-12-22T07:22:00.011-05:00

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Another Holiday Treat Recipe

2008-12-19T09:19:00.003-05:00

A big favorite at holiday time for us is Rum Balls. They're super easy and SO-O-O-O-O good.

Rum Balls

2 C vanilla wafer crumbs (I just run some Nilla Wafers through the food processor)
2 C powdered sugar
2 C chopped nuts (I use pecans and just run 'em through the food processor)
1/4 C cocoa powder
1/4 C light corn syrup
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 C light rum
1 tsp. vanilla extract

Powdered sugar for coating

Combine all ingredients, crumbs through vanilla. I use a mixer, but you can mix by hand. Shape into bite-sized balls and roll in powdered sugar. Store in a tightly covered container.

Since these are uncooked and the rum retains some potency, I wouldn't recommend them for the kiddos.

Alternatives to rum include bourbon, red wine, or this - a new favorite of mine. You can also omit the cocoa and use a dry white wine, then roll them in coarse sugar (extra large crystals, in the cake decorating aisle at the grocery) instead of powdered sugar.

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LOL!

2008-12-18T10:51:00.002-05:00

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Some folks where I used to live needed no cookbook to accomplish this feat. They were immigrants from an Asian country (yes I know which one, but I won't say so as to not cast aspersions on all immigrants from that country). The local police (from whom I heard the story) were called the immigrants' house regarding a domestic dispute. The officers decided to split up the combatants, so one officer stayed in the living room with the husband while the other took the wife to the kitchen to talk.

Upon entering the kitchen, the second officer was overwhelmed by the smell of blood and scanned the kitchen, coming upon the skinned, partially butchered remains of a german shepherd. Turns out, the family had been quite pleased to find that the local shelters "sold" such fine meat for such low prices. Every month or so, they would "purchase" a large dog at the shelter, kill it, butcher it, and freeze the meat for their meals for the month.

Needless to say, they were advised of the illegality of killing pets in that manner and that American society frowns upon the consumption of household pets. They were not charged, but were advised to check out the local grocery store for fresh meat.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

A re-post from last year

2008-12-17T14:31:00.001-05:00

Need a last minute snack to take to a gathering or give as a gift? This is easy and SO YUMMY:

You take, waffle-weave/checkboard/square pretzels, like these:

Spread some out on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. Place one Hershey's Hug, unwrapped(!), on each pretzel.
Place cookie sheet with Hug-topped pretzel in preheated 170 degree (F) oven for 3-4 minutes, until the Hugs are softened, but not totally melted.

Remove from oven and immediately place one red or green m&m on top of each hug, pressing down just slightly. Place cookie sheet in refrigerator or freezer for a few minutes to re-solidify the Hugs.

You have a sweet and salty treat that everyone will love!! So simple, the kids can even press the m&ms into the Hugs (170 degrees isn't too terribly hot).

You can make them with Kisses too. Just increase the time in the oven to 5-6 minutes. Don't try to do Hugs and Kisses on the same cookie sheet, because they melt at vastly different rates!! I prefer to make these with Hugs because the stripes make it look way too cool. Solid chocolate works but doesn't look as cool.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

LOLs

2008-12-17T07:42:00.003-05:00

more animals

Calgary Zoo Display

see more pwn and owned pictures

more animals

more animals

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

TMI Tuesday

2008-12-16T07:39:00.002-05:00

Click the icon to come play with us!

1. What is the greatest age difference between between and a SO? Older or younger?

Three years, he was younger than me. (The guy below I don't count as an SO)

2. What is the greatest age difference between between and any sexual partner? Older or younger?

He was 20 years older than me and it was a sick, twisted, effed up situation.

3. Have you started your holiday shopping? Is it done?

I've started, but I'm not done. I may not get done either - not much money for shopping this year! Quite a few people on our list will be getting homemade gifts - candy, cookies, jam, etc.

4. What are the chances there will be a "naughty" present under the tree this year (either from you or for you)?

Nada. Nil. Zip. Zero. Zilch.

5. What is your favorite holiday song?

Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer, of course! Okay, not really. I do like Josh Groban's version of O Holy Night and I like Trans Siberian Orchestra's Christmas Canon. To sing I like O Come All Ye Faithful and Silent Night.

Bonus (as in optional):Do you have a preferred time of day to have sex? If so, why?

Anytime is the right time for me!! If I have to choose, I like the middle of the day to dinner time. I have the most energy then.

What up, dawg?

2008-12-12T15:56:00.000-05:00

Thanks Chris!

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

I Am Easily Amused

2008-12-10T14:39:00.001-05:00

see more pwn and owned pictures

see Sarah Palin pictures

see more pwn and owned pictures

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

TMI Tuesday

2008-12-09T07:45:00.005-05:00

Come play with us!

1. Do you consider sexy underthings a present for you or your partner?

For me, definitely. He doesn't seem to notice, for the most part, so they are for me.

2. What are 3 characteristics of "your type"? Have you best relationship(s) been with your type or when you have gone against it?

Tall, dark hair, and intelligent. My best relationship had two of three (dark hair and intelligence); my spouse has two of three (tall and intelligent).

3. What is on your Santa list this year?

For our Michigan house to sell soon and for a decent price.

4. Generally speaking, who has historically had a higher libido, you or your partner(s)?

ME ME ME ME ME!!!! (Do you read this blog?)

5. The unsculptured female bush seems to have passed from fashion. What about men, do you think they need to trim and shave "down there"?

Yes, manscaping is much preferred to wild and woolly. Doesn't have to be shaved smooth or anything, but trimmed to a manageable level is very nice.

Since we're on the subject, a little more TMI: I decided several months ago to try going au naturel myself - just for a change of pace. It had been so long that I didn't remember what it was like to grow it all out. No shaping, no trimming, nothing. I have officially reached the end of my tolerance for this experiment. It's too long, too out of control. Time to trim the tree = time to trim the bush this year. The breaking point: wearing a pad during my period and having the hair get stuck to the adhesive on the pad. Yeeouch!!! No more. Now where's that razor . . . .

Bonus (as in optional):What are a few of your favorite things (both sexual non-sexual)?
Oral sex (giving and receiving), soft fuzzy bunny rabbits, a vibrator with fresh batteries, oatmeal raisin chocolate chip cookies, a man with a talented tongue, Lindor Truffles, falling asleep with the product of his orgasm drying on my legs (I'm not a "run to the shower" girl), filet mignon, and a man who'll thrill me and then go away.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Mute Monday - R

2008-12-08T07:47:00.012-05:00

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

TMI Tuesday

2008-11-25T09:25:00.003-05:00

Click the icon to come play with us!

1. What is your favorite Thanksgiving food?

Stuffing with gravy!! To. Die. For. Bread stuffing with 3 kinds of bread (white, wheat, and pumpernickel are what I used in mine for Thanksgiving last weekend*). Gravy made from turkey drippings and stock made by simmering the giblets with onion, garlic, celery, and carrots (but toss the giblets or feed 'em to the dog. Do you really want to eat waste-filtering organs?)

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?

Any and all rap "artists" whose lyrics are misogynistic, violent, homophobic, or just plain stupid. Which is the majority.

3. You seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?

Take my family out for a nice dinner that I don't have to cook. I like cooking, but three meals, 7 days a week gets to be a bit much.

4. What is your favorite curse word?

Shitfuckdamn, said just like that, all run together. Also Futher Mucker.

5. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?

I would go back to 1968 and stop the assassinations of Martin Luther King, Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy. I think that would make today a much different, and hopefully even better, world.

Bonus (as in optional):You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?

Invisibility! The ultimate for eavesdropping on others!

*I was sort-of trapped into making Thanksgiving last weekend. Last month we invited my in-laws to have Thanksgiving with us and they accepted. The plan was they would stay over at our house a couple days on their way from their Florida home to their Michigan home, where they'll stay through Christmas. Then they decided that they needed to get back to Michigan earlier, so they called up and said "We'll come the weekend before Thanksgiving and we'll just have the Thanksgiving dinner then!" Which sounds great, except they didn't ASK me (the cook and hostess), they just sprung it on me as a done deal. Sprung it on both me AND Spousehole. So, dutiful daughter-in-law that I am, I put together an amazingly tasty and good-looking meal. It was fabulous and left my father-in-law insisting that I provide my mother-in-law with the recipes because it was one of the best Thanksgiving meals he has ever had. Question now is what do Spousehole, the kids, and I do on the real Thanksgiving day? We've run through the leftovers pretty quickly, so do I make ANOTHER traditional Thanksgiving meal, make a slighter smaller meal with just a turkey breast or a large chicken, or do we just go to the movies, go bowling, and take the kids to the buffet at Shoney's or Fatz?
To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Edumacashun

2008-11-24T15:46:00.003-05:00

I am a proud product of the public education system. I attended 3 elementary schools, ome middle school, and one high-school, all public schools. I even attended a state universities for my BA and JD. My husband attended public schools for elementary and middle school, but attended a hoity-toity international private school for "upper school" (high school to us plebes). Overall, our experiences with public schools were good.

But we aren't so sure public schools will continue to be the right choice for our children. With Boy we almost have to send him to public school because of his autism. Private schools that take autistic children tend to be boarding schools and tend to be VERY expensive. Boy would not do well away from his family and there is no way we could afford that sort of private school. Girl is another story, however. We are in one of the best school districts in South Carolina, but that's kind of like what they say about Special Olympics winners: At the end of the day, you are still retarded. (No, I don't condone the use of the term retarded, but that's how the quote goes.) At the end of the day, it's still a South Carolina public school. South Carolina is rated at or near the bottom in most every ranking of state education systems. The motto is "Thank God for Mississippi."

Boy's school did not meet their "Adequate Yearly Progress" goals under No Child Left Behind. I don't think that necessarily makes it a bad school because I think how they determine failing schools vs. successful schools is extremely flawed. But I am still not terribly impressed with Boy's school for Boy or for the regular ed kids. We might be able to enroll Girl at another school in the district (because of the No Child Left Behind thing), but the highest ranked schools don't take transfers because they are packed to the gills already. Also by next year we may live in a different district as we are only renting here and hope to purchase a house next summer. Though the way the real estate market is going we may not clear enough from selling the Michigan house to have a decent down payment on another house.

So we've looked some into private schools for Girl. There's a fabulous one up the road from us, but it's not cheap. Elementary tuition runs $7200 t0 $8000 a year (depends on if you pay up front or use a payment plan). I didn't pay that much for tuition PLUS room and board my first couple years in college. Seriously. (Thank you in-state tuition!)

Parochial schools around here tend to be Catholic, which might not be bad, or Baptist or Assemblies of God, which are not our flavor of Christianity at all. It was the same with the big parochial school system where I grew up. The strong emphasis on a severe Calvinist brand of Christianity just didn't jibe with our beliefs and made it not an option for my family. We're not Catholic either, but their beliefs are similar enough that our kids wouldn't feel like they were getting different messages at school and at home. Catholic schools tend to also be pretty tolerant of non-Catholic students. judging by the non-Catholics I've known who attended Catholic schools.

Home-schooling is really not an option for us. I just don't have the temperament for it. I know people who home-school and it's fabulous for their families. I also have know home-schoolers where the schooling part was pretty much non-existent and it was an excuse to either let their kids run wild or put the kids to work on a family farm/in a family business. Relatives of my husband moved to Florida this summer so the wife could take a job as a teacher. Their 14-yr-old son has already been kicked out of two schools - since August!! If he doesn't feel like getting out of bed, his (no job, no prospects) father doesn't make him. So now they've registered him as a home-school student. Unlike Michigan, Florida apparently checks up on homeschoolers so the father is going to have to get off his butt and actually teach the kid something (i.e., make sure he does his online schoolwork, since the dad is dumber than a box of rocks and has no business teaching anybody anything besides how to marry a woman who will support your slacker ass for more than 20 years). Anyway, I suck at getting my kids to do what I want, so I wouldn't make a good home teacher. I figure I teach 'em to walk, talk, read, and write after that it's time to turn 'em over to a trained professional. And my daughter is an extremely social child who will thrive in an environment with lots of other kids. Couple times a week outings with other homeschoolers wouldn't provide her the interaction she needs. Also she is like me and will do better with competition. That is, the work itself might not interest her, but being the best in the class will interest her and give her incentive to do the work.

So that's where we stand . Still 100% in the public school system, but considering a change.

If you have kids, how have you chosen to educate them? Answer the poll to the right, but please also leave a comment explaining why you have chosen the option(s) you have. I ask only that everyone play nice - no insulting other people's choices. Disagree if you must, but be respectful, 'k?

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

TMI Tuesday and the RealBlogger House

2008-11-18T11:00:00.002-05:00

Click the icon to come play with us!

1. When did you last use your cellular telephone as a flashlight?

Um, never. Guess I'm behind the times.

2. On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked?

By myself, 10+. In a sexual situation, 7. In the locker room at the Y, 8. With my husband, 3 (because he's so critical).

3. What is the longest you've ever been celibate after having lost your virginity?

A year and a half. During my marriage. How pathetic is that?

4. Have you ever had sex in a car? If yes, since you were a teenager?

Oh yes and yes. As a teenager it was a pretty regular occurrence and it's happened once or twice or maybe four or five times since then. It's difficult now, what with the car seats and the children in the car seats and so on.

5. When did you last use food or drink as medication?

I use alcohol as a medication pretty regularly - lol. I eat oatmeal for the cholesterol-lowering affect, does that count?

Bonus: Name three words that:
a) get you excited - want, sexy, horny
b) make you squirm - pussy, c-ck, c---- (my kids call my cat "Mr. Pussy Cat" and that just seems weird to me, local fans of a college in my state wear "Go Cocks!" t-shirts and that makes me giggle nervously, and I just have never been comfortable with that last "c" word
c) make you laugh - "man panties," dick, whatsahoozit.

____

I am proud to say that I was ~~cajoled into~~ invited to participate in the RealBlogger House this year! 7 of us were sent to a sunny, tropical locale to live together and stop being polite and start being real. Curious to find out about our adventure? Check it out at FTN's place!

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

The long boring explanatory post

2008-11-17T08:50:00.003-05:00

I apologize to my friends and readers, if I have any left, for my lack of posting, commenting, and e-mail answering. I am sorry.

So WTF is going on? I'm depressed. More so than usual. This is pretty bad. If other people weren't depending on me, I might not even get out of bed. But kids and their needs don't allow for such indulgence, so I get up and make do.

Moving has been difficult. I miss my neighborhood in Michigan and my fellow stay-at-home moms there. I miss my parents, sister, and nephew back in Michigan.

Most of all, I miss having an only moderately difficult autistic child. Because the autistic child I have now has recently surpassed highly difficult and has moved on to extremely difficult. The move has been very hard on him and his behavior has deteriorated accordingly. He is contrary about everything, from tiny things that hardly matter to major issues. Some days I am furious with him, other days I feel sorry for him. But regardless of how I feel, I just can't seem to help him make this adjustment. When he came home from school one day last week, he just collapsed on the front lawn, crying and saying "This is not our house! Not going inside - not our house!" As I held him and tried to calm him down, he stated "Want go home. Real home. Want go home to Grand Rapids, Michigan." He's so distraught and I feel powerless to help him. He refuses to work some days in his new school and he talks about wanting to go back to his old school in Michigan. At age 7 he is suddenly wetting his pants like a toddler, going through 4 outfits at school one day last week. He refuses to ride the bus to school in the morning, so I have to get up God-awful early every morning to drive him. I can't just drop him off either; I have to go inside and walk him to his classroom. He just can't be trusted to go to his classroom otherwise. I don't think he likes his special ed teacher and I don't think the teacher is terribly fond of him either. Boy does okay in his regular ed classroom, so I really think that dislike of his special ed teacher is part of the problem.

We were referred to an autism specialist with the local university hospital, but the first available appointment is in APRIL. Other psychiatrists we've contacted can get see him in December or January. Not terribly helpful. The school support staff (counselors, school psychologist) are not very helpful either. Hardly anyone seems to have any training with autistic kids, let own autism certification. Even the special ed teacher is not certified in autism and isn't very experienced with autistic kids. It's a big change from the autism program in our former school district in Michigan, where all the teachers were certified in autism and there was a whole system in place designed to support and nurture autistic kids. There is no autism program in our current school district, even though it is easily as large as the one in Michigan. Instead of a centralized program for autism, they just leave each neighborhood school to deal with their autistic kids on their own. It's stupid and unprofessional.

Girl has adapted to the move with no problems. She is a normal, active, imaginative little girl who gets into the usual preschool mischief. For instance, she cut her hair herself recently. My baby's beautiful long hair is no more. She cut so much of it so close to the scalp that there was no way to save the bits of length that were left. The stylist who did her best to clean-up Girl's tonsorial mess calls the resulting style a "pixie" cut. Girl loves that and tells everyone that she has a "pixie cut, just like Tinkerbell." It breaks my heart, because I loved combing and styling her hair. Now she looks like a shorter version of her brother. At least she likes girly clothes and pink everything, so hopefully people don't mistake her for a boy. The day Girl cut her hair, I cried and cried the whole day. I was borderline hysterical. I knew I was WAY overreacting, but I couldn't stop it regardless. That helped it really hit home for me how deeply I am depressed.

Our inability to sell our house in Michigan depresses me further. We've dropped our price $20,000 from last spring to now. And that's after refinishing the hardwood floors, new storm doors and windows, new paint, and more. And including all the appliances. It's like all the equity we built up over 10 years is just disappearing. I just thank God that we never got a home equity loan or refinanced and took money out, like so many people did when real estate prices were stable or rising. Many of those folks are now upside-down on their houses since the bottom fell out, especially in Michigan. It's depressing as hell.

Then there's my relationship with Spousehole. For a while it seemed like things might be better, but now not so much. A big part of the problem is that he feels stressed by paying for both houses and he is a real asshole when he's stressed. Money has always been a big issue for him and now it's even worse. He's done stupid things like take away my debit card so that he can control down to the penny what I'm allowed to spend. His control freak tendencies have been greatly exacerbated. That makes depressed too. I don't thrive under that sort of regime.

I try to look on the bright side of things. There's no snow here. There's more sun than we would get in Michigan. Gas prices are down (under $2.00!!). But it's difficult.

My fun-loving, sex-obsessed self will be back, hopefully sooner rather than later. This gloom will pass eventually. I know that, even though right now I only see darkness. All I can do is try to find my way back to the light.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Unconscious Mutterings

2008-11-16T16:34:00.002-05:00

Unconscious Mutterings - come play with us!

Please stop :: breaking my heart

Move over :: and let me drive

Sweet as :: pie

Bet :: it all, baby!

Mad about :: You

It’s over :: hard to say, even when everyone knows it's true

Intend to :: do a lot of things

Blame :: game

Jefferson :: bi-sexual libertine

Heartless :: Bitch

This Just In . . .

2008-11-07T14:29:00.001-05:00

From The Onion

WASHINGTON—African-American man Barack Obama, 47, was given the least-desirable job in the entire country Tuesday when he was elected president of the United States of America. In his new high-stress, low-reward position, Obama will be charged with such tasks as completely overhauling the nation's broken-down economy, repairing the crumbling infrastructure, and generally having to please more than 300 million Americans and cater to their every whim on a daily basis. As part of his duties, the black man will have to spend four to eight years cleaning up the messes other people left behind. The job comes with such intense scrutiny and so certain a guarantee of failure that only one other person even bothered applying for it. Said scholar and activist Mark L. Denton, "It just goes to show you that, in this country, a black man still can't catch a break."

Read more from The Onion

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

The Post-Election Post

2008-11-05T16:41:00.003-05:00

see Sarah Palin pictures

see Sarah Palin pictures

Kudos to McCain for a great concession speech and for smacking down the boorish booers. I think McCain really is a good guy. I just didn't want him as my president. Don't worry about John's future, however, because:

But I would have a little concern for Bristol Palin:

see Sarah Palin pictures

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

TMI Tuesday / I voted!

2008-11-04T09:12:00.006-05:00

1. Have you ever had a moving violation? An auto accident? That was your fault?

Yes, yes, and yes. I've had speeding tickets - many speeding tickets, failure to maintain an assured clear distance (I rear-ended someone), and failure to yield (turned in front of an oncoming car that I didn't see coming). But no tickets in the last 10 years.

Accidents, I've had a few. Slipping and sliding on Michigan ice, rear-ending someone when I wasn't paying attention, turning in front of an oncoming car that I didn't see: those were all my fault. I've also been hit by a drunk driver who ran a stop sign and rear-ended by folks not paying attention. Our van was side-swiped by a trailer of a semi (and the driver left the scene of the accident so we had to chase him down. Asshole.)

2. Have you ever voted? How old was your were you the first time you voted?

I registered to vote on my 18th birthday and I vote whenever possible. My first national-level election was Senate/House of Reps when I was 19 and my first presidential election was when I was 21. I've never missed a November election, presidential or not. I rarely miss local elections or primaries and only if I absolutely cannot be there (I vote absentee if I know I'll be gone).

3. Are you glad this election cycle is over?

Oh yes, most definitely. I hear tell that South Carolina is a pretty state and I'm hoping to find out once all these election signs are gone!

4. Do you have guilty pleasure? What is it (or are they)?

Blogging, reading blogs, savoring white chocolate Lindor truffles, and reading. Spousehole always makes me feel guilty for reading because he thinks I should be constantly cleaning, like his mother always is. I, however, clean only out of necessity, not as a hobby. (If she runs out of things to clean in her own home, my mother-in-law goes to her church or her children's homes and cleans. I'm totally serious. It's an obsession with that woman.)

It's not right for a woman to read. Soon she starts getting "ideas" and "thinking."
(In the comments, name the movie and the character who voiced this quote)

5. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done recently?

I got totally, hopelessly lost trying to find my own house. I was coming home from the library (my second home) and found a road unexpectedly closed. There was a sign saying the road was closed and to follow the detour, but there were no detour signs anywhere. I tried following someone else who was cutting through a subdivision, but lost them at an intersection and then couldn't find my way out of that subdivision. It was ridiculous. Everything went in circles and nothing I tried got me out. After a crazy amount of time I found an outlet back to the road I came in on. I went back to the "Road closed - follow detour" sign to see if any detour signs had materialized, but no. I ended up driving all the way back into town and then taking the only other way I know back to my unincorporated village. Complete waste of gas, but no more so that driving aimlessly around an unfamiliar subdivision. In talking with others later, I learned that going back into town and around the other way (as I did) was really the only viable option anyway. Crazy.

I have also turned into the wrong driveway in my own subdivision. The houses are all so similar. Even Spousehole has trouble finding our house sometimes. I planted some mums by our mailbox to try to make it easier to locate which driveway is ours. I can't do too much more to personalize it because (a) we are only renting, and (b) the homeowners' association rules are designed to prevent too much personalization. Uniformity (i.e., monotony) is the order of the day around here.

Bonus: How much impact has the Wall Street and general economic wilt had on you?

A HUGE impact. We are trying to sell our house in Michigan and we've had to lower the price a couple times and still no bites. The average time on the market in our city is 17 months! It's starting to feel like we will never sell that house. It looks so good too - all kinds of upgrades, newly refinished hardwood floors throughout, new storm doors - I'm tempted to move back if it doesn't sell by the time our lease here in S.C. is up. Spousehole can try to find a new job in Michigan or he can stay here and the kids and I will go back without him.

Spousehole had moved his 401K money into safer investments (bonds and money markets) last winter, so we didn't actually lose money there and even made a little. We'll get it back in mutual funds and such after a little time and after it gets rolled into his current company's plan (or an IRA, which I would prefer). My little IRA is all in bonds, so it also wasn't hurt. Not sure about the kids' 529 plans, because those were set up by and are handled by my in-laws investment advisor. I suspect they've likely lost money, since the kids are quite young and the investments for their age groups tend to be in riskier funds (most 529 plans start in the riskier investments for little kids and then get more conservative as the child approaches college-age).

******
I VOTED!

Spousehole stayed home this morning so I could go vote child-free. I got in line at 6:45 (the polls opened at 7:00) and there were about 200 people ahead of me. Outdoors. In the mist/rain. Once I got close to the building, however, I got lucky. There are three precincts in the building and the indoor line for my precinct was short, so they were letting people from my precinct inside to get into the line. Woo hoo! All in all it really wasn't so bad. I was home at 8:15. Spousehole hadn't even showered yet, since he didn't think I would be back so quick. I think my precinct moved faster because a lot of the area is still not so densely populated and there are a lot of military families, most of whom vote absentee. I know my subdivision has a lot of Navy, Air Force, and Coast Guard families and all the military-affiliated folks I spoke with voted absentee, whether here or where they are from originally.

If you are a U.S. citizen and haven't voted yet, GET OUT THERE AND VOTE! Remember: if you don't participate, you have no business complaining about who the rest of us choose. Non-U.S. citizens may complain all you want, of course, since you don't get a choice. But if you are eligible to vote and don't, I don't want to hear any complaints from you, m'kay?

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Mute Monday - "L"

2008-11-03T09:41:00.014-05:00

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

TMI Tuesday!

2008-10-28T09:31:00.004-04:00

1. Who and when was your first crush?

Chip, late 70s-early 80s. I crushed on him from 5th grade through high school.

2. Who and when was your first date?

Gosh, this is hard to pinpoint. Maybe Tim (who now has a male "life partner" - make of that what you will) freshman year in high school.

3. Who and when was your first kiss?

Patrick, second grade. I was totally grossed out and never, ever wanted to do that again!

4. Who and when was your first partner while "fooling around" in car?

Mark, who was my boyfriend when I got my first car (he was six months younger than me, so I was driving first).

5. Who and when was your first partner while "fooling around" in a house?

Rob, freshman year in high school. I was super-duper major league drunk and my friend Chick rescued me from Rob's evil clutches.

6. Who and when was your first love?

Mark, high school boyfriend of 2+ years.

Bonus: Who's blog did you first comment on?

I think it was M. Giant's Velcrometer, but I'm not positive. I've been reading it the longest at least. (Check out his site and buy his book - it's pretty good!)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a bunch of names I need to Google . . .

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Made Me Laugh

2008-10-23T07:40:00.007-04:00

see Sarah Palin pictures

more the engrish!

see famous look-a-like faces

see Sarah Palin pictures

see Sarah Palin pictures

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

From Belle of the Ball to Ignored Wallflower

2008-10-22T13:07:00.006-04:00

Man, what a blow to the civic ego!

Living in Michigan, I got used to being courted by the candidates. Wooed, stroked, and enticed at every turn. Barry and Johnny were in Michigan so much that they can probably claim Michigan residency on their taxes next spring. Until McCain recently threw in the towel in my former home state, Michigan was considered a major battleground. Almost evenly-divided electorate and 17 electoral votes hanging in the balance. Throw in the crappiest economy in the nation and Michigan was big news. Even when the candidates themselves weren't there, they sent their surrogates. The national news media kept a close eye on the Michigan economy and relentlessly polled Michigan voters for their up-to-the-minute opinions.

Then I arrived in South Carolina.

No candidate visits. No national news media. No polls. No one gives a toot what South Carolinians think. The Dems don't care because they figure it's a lost cause and the GOP'ers don't care because they just take S.C. for granted. Plus we've only got 8 electoral votes - big whoop. What a let-down! I feel so insignificant these days. Hmpf.

The politics down here are so screwed up, I would stay away too if I had the choice. For instance, look at the race for the U.S. Senate. The incumbent, Lindsey Graham, is a Republican, a major FOJ (Friend of John McCain), and a guy, despite being named Lindsey. His opponent, Bob Something-or-another, is running as a Democrat, but the S.C. Democratic Party wants nothing to do with him. He's a carpet-bagger from Indiana who ran (unsuccessfully) for public office as a Republican in the Hoosier State. The Democrat is so far right, he makes the Republican look reasonable. What the heck kind of state is this, where the Democratic candidate is further to the right than the Republican? Oh good lawd.

As if that wasn't enough, my local area has all kinds of strange races, including several where candidates are accused of switching parties just to get a spot on the ballot when their own party rejected them. Then there is the race for probate judge where one of the candidates is a real estate agent who needs a new job since the real estate market is so slow. She's running for judge, but she's never actually been to law school or anything. What kind of screwed up state lets people be judges without any sort of legal background? South Carolina, apparently.

Like several other ~~bass ackward~~ states, South Carolina also will let just anybody be a coroner. One needn't be a doctor, physician-assistant, nurse, or anything to be elected coroner. Nope. Whoever gets the most people to vote for them gets to determine the cause of death of you or your loved ones. Doh! I'm with the folks who find the whole "coroner" idea completely outdated and think all counties/states should have a medical examiner to determine the cause of the death in cases of unexpected death. I'm just all science-y that way. Call me crazy, but if I die unexpectedly, I'd like someone with "M.D." or "D.O." after her or his name determining my cause of death, not a taxidermist who has watched a lot of Discovery Channel and has every season of CSI on DVD.

see To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

TMI Tuesday

2008-10-21T06:45:00.007-04:00

1. Have you ever felt guilty or ashamed after a sexual experience?

Oh yeah. More than once and not so long ago.

2. Did you ever own a fake ID?

Well, it was my own ID but the birth year was cleverly altered from 1967 to 1962. If anyone believed that, they were either really drunk or really stupid.

3. How often do you tell white lies? Is it with or without thinking?

I sometimes tell them to spare someone's feelings and I don't even think about it. It just happens.

4. On a scale of 1-10, how well do you receive constructive criticism?

Overall 3. From some people 8, from others -2. My Dad is an 8, Spousehole -2, my mom -2.

5. Have you ever shaved your pubic hair?

Of course. I prefer waxing when I can, but shaving happens far more often. Right now, however, I'm au naturel. Just for a change of pace. It's kind of weird and may not last.

Bonus: What percentage of women do you think are capable of handling being in a "friends with benefits" relationship? How about men?

I think it's less about gender and more about the individual. It also depends what else a person has going on in their life. For instance, for me having a husband I (perhaps foolishly) still love makes it easy to have a friend with benefits without getting too emotionally involved. I can separate love from sex. If I didn't already have someone I love, I would be more likely to let emotions creep into a sexual relationship. But really, every situation is unique. There are some people who you can be intensely attracted to sexually, but they would not be romantic relationship material at all. It's easy to have a friends with benefits relationship under those circumstances. There are other people with whom sexual and emotional attraction are inextricably linked and it would be very difficult to keep a sexual relationship platonic.

Happy Tuesday!

_____

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are an Ingrid!

You are an Ingrid -- "I am unique"

Ingrids have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me

* Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.

* Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.

* Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.

* Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.

* Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being an Ingrid

* my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level

* my ability to establish warm connections with people

* admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life

* my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor

* being unique and being seen as unique by others

* having aesthetic sensibilities

* being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being an Ingrid

* experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair

* feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved

* feeling guilty when I disappoint people

* feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me

* expecting too much from myself and life

* fearing being abandoned

* obsessing over resentments

* longing for what I don't have

Ingrids as Children Often

* have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games

* are very sensitive

* feel that they don't fit in

* believe they are missing something that other people have

* attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.

* become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood

* feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

Ingrids as Parents

* help their children become who they really are

* support their children's creativity and originality

* are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings

* are sometimes overly critical or overly protective

* are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Because it's all about me . . .

2008-10-20T12:59:00.006-04:00

We have internet at home now!! It's a miracle! The installation dude was late, of course, but did eventually show up. Woo hoo! Spousehole decided not to get cable TV with it, but that's a battle I'm content to fight at a later date. I'm back online!!!

I thought I would ease back into things with a meme, stolen from my friend Ed. Hopefully this sort of covers me also for the meme tag that I owe my friend Joe from a couple months ago (sorry Joe!!). That was a "random things" meme and this covers a bunch a random stuff. If it's not sufficient, Joe, let me know. :-)

Things in Italics are true.

Appearance:
- I am 5′4 or shorter (Five-foot two with eyes of blue)
- I think I’m ugly.
- I have many scars.
- I tan easily.
- I wish my hair was a different color.
- I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
- I have a tattoo.
- I am self-conscious about my appearance.
- I have/I’ve had braces.
- I wear glasses (or contacts).
- I’d get/have gotten plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free, scar-free.
- I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
- I have had more than 2 piercings.
- I have had piercings in places besides my ears.
- I have freckles.

Family/Home Life:
- I’ve sworn at my parents.
- I’ve run away from home.
- I’ve been kicked out of the house.
- My biological parents are together.
- I have a sibling less than one year old.
- I want to have kids someday.
- I have children.
- I’ve lost a child.

Embarrassment:
- I’ve slipped out a “LOL” in a spoken conversation.
- Disney movies still make me cry.
- I’ve snorted while laughing.
- I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
- I’ve glued my hand to something.
- I’ve laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
- I’ve had my trousers rip in public.

Health:
- I was born with a disease/impairment.
- I’ve had stitches.
- I’ve broken a bone.
- I’ve had my tonsils removed (adenoids, yes; tonsils, no)
- I’ve sat in a doctor’s office with a friend.
- I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
- I’ve had serious surgery (I don't count my adenoidectomy, c-sections, ovarian cyst removal, D&C, and numerous dermatological in-office surgeries as "serious.")
- I’ve had chicken pox.

Traveling:
- I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day (quite recently, in fact)
- I’ve been on a plane.
- I’ve been to Canada.
- I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
- I’ve been to Japan.
- I’ve been to Europe.
- I’ve been to Africa.

Experiences:
- I’ve been lost in my city. (this is a pretty common experience for me lately!)
- I’ve seen a shooting star.
- I’ve wished on a shooting star.
- I’ve seen a meteor shower.
- I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas. (If public includes the sidewalk outside my house, I do this almost every weekday, waiting with Boy for his 7:00 a.m. schoolbus)
- I’ve pushed all the buttons in a lift.
- I’ve been to a casino.
- I’ve been skydiving.
- I’ve gone skinny dipping.
- I’ve played spin the bottle.
- I’ve crashed a car.
- I’ve been skiing (snow, downhill and cross-country)
- I’ve been in a play.
- I’ve met someone in person from the Internet.
- I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
- I’ve seen the Northern Lights.
- I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
- I’ve played chicken.
- I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
- I’ve eaten Sushi.
- I’ve been snowboarding.

Relationships:
- I’m single.
- I’m in a relationship (marriage is a relationship, right?).
- I’m available (sort of . . . ).
- I’m engaged
- I’m married.
- I’ve gone on a blind date.
- I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper.
- I have a fear of abandonment.
- I’ve been divorced.
- I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
- I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
- I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
- I’ve kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality:
- I’ve had a crush on someone of the same gender.
- I’ve kissed a member of the same gender.
- I’ve had sex with someone of the opposite gender.
- I’ve had sex with someone of the same gender.
- I’ve had sex with more than one person at the same time.
- I am a cuddler.
- I’ve been kissed in the rain.
- I’ve had sex outdoors.
- I’ve hugged a stranger.
- I have kissed a stranger.
- I have had sex with a stranger (I've generally exchanged at least first names before things get that far).

Honesty/Crime:
- I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
- I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
- I have lied to my parents about where I am (I have also lied to my husband about where I am).
- I am keeping a secret from the world.
- I’ve cheated while playing a game.
- I’ve cheated on a test.
- I’ve driven through a red light
- I’ve witnessed a crime.
- I’ve been in a fist fight.
- I’ve been arrested.
- I’ve shoplifted.

Drugs/Alcohol:
- I’ve consumed alcohol.
- I smoke cigarettes.
- I smoke pot.
- I regularly drink.
- I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.
- I’ve taken cough medicine when i wasn’t sick.
- I’ve done hard drugs.
- I’ve been addicted to an illegal substance.
- I can’t swallow pills.
- I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem (more actually)

Mental health:
- I have been diagnosed with depression.
- I shut others out when I’m depressed.
- I take anti-depressants.
- I have had an eating disorder.
- I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
- I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
- I’m addicted to self harm.
- I’ve woken up crying.

Death:
- I’m afraid of dying.
- I hate funerals.
- I’ve seen someone dying.
- I have attempted suicide.
- Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
- Someone close to me has committed suicide.

Random:
- I can sing well.
- I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
- I open up to others too easily.
- I watch the news (or would if we had cable TV; I listen to the news on the radio though).
- I don’t kill bugs.
- I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for sake of being able to rhyme.
- I swear regularly.
- I am a morning person (it didn't come naturally - I've been forced into it and now wake up early even I don't want to and get more things done in the morning than the rest of the day)
- I paid for my mobile phone ring tone.
- I’m a snob about grammar.
- I am a sports fanatic.
- I play with my hair.
- I have/had “x”s in my screen name.
- I love being neat.
- I love Spam (Spam Lite actually - so much better than regular Spam!).
- I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day.
- I bake well.
- I don’t know how to shoot a gun.
- I am in love with love.
- I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
- I laugh at my own jokes.
- I eat fast food weekly.
- I believe in ghosts.
- I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
- I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.
- I am really ticklish.
- I love white chocolate.
- I bite my nails.
- I play video games.
- I’m good at remembering faces.
- I’m good at remembering names.
- I’m good at remembering dates.
- I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

see Sarah Palin pictures

see Sarah Palin pictures

see Sarah Palin pictures

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Still breathing . . .

2008-10-16T11:09:00.002-04:00

Blogging from the library once more . . .

Seriously, how hard is it to get internet and cable set up? Apparently far beyond my spouse's capabilities. He signed up for something Bombastic, chose three potential installation dates, and even confirmed everything through a LiveChat with a Bombastic employee. Again I sat and waited, again no one showed. This is beyond aggravating! Now they want to see our lease before they send someone out, so they can confirm that we are allowed to have cable. WTF?! I have never, ever heard of such a thing. I have rented before and never had any problem getting cable hooked up without having to show anyone my lease. The house we are renting is pre-wired, so we don't have to have any new outlets put in or anything (which Comcast's website says is the only time they need to get the landlord's confirmation that it's okay). There are 7 cable outlets in the house already - why in the world would we need any more? The previous tenants have had cable - all the wiring is there - so WTH is the problem!!!

On a happier note, things are getting easier for me here in South Carolina. I finally have a SC driver's license - WOO HOO!!! And it only took a stack of 7 documents to get it! I also am registered to vote - I have the registration card to prove it. Now I just have to find the school where I vote . . . just kidding - it's right around the corner from my house.

Last weekend my in-laws picked Boy up and took him to their Florida condo for the weekend. Then Sunday afternoon we drove down to Savannah and exchanged children, so Girl has spent most of this week in Florida. She even went to Disney World yesterday - lucky kid!! My in-laws are bringing her by the house today (soon in fact - I need to get home!). I must confess: I really haven't missed the kid too much. I was able to get a lot done without her around. The house stays amazingly clean too. She's like a little tornado spinning through my life, I swear. But I didn't get as much time too myself as I would have liked. I ended up chaperoning a school field trip with Boy's class on Tuesday, Monday Spousehole was home (federal holiday), and Wednesday was an "early release" day at Boy's school, so he was home from school by 10:30 a.m.!! (They start at 7:25 a.m., which seems awfully early to me).

Spousehole still hasn't been interested in any "adult" time with me since I've been here. I guess our little tryst in July was enough for him in 2008. Maybe next year . . . In the meantime, I want my internet connection at home so I can work on meeting a new "friend" - not really practical while using a library computer. Even if I didn't see PiC all that much when I was back in Michigan, it was nice knowing he was available if I really needed to get laid. Without internet at home, it's hard to meet anyone new down here. Hey wait, maybe that's Spousehole's evil plan . . . .

Stay tuned.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

STILL NO INTERNET!

2008-10-06T18:49:00.002-04:00

So I'm here at the library again . . .

Apparently Slime-Corner is as effed up as y'all (see, I'm suthern now!) said. They didn't show up because we hadn't paid the amount due, which their email said was $0.00. They said that even if we didn't owe anything, we still had to call and make the payment. WTF?!? Apparently we're supposed to call and say "Hi, I'd like to pay my amount due of $0.00" and they'll say "Okee dokee, all set" and then the guys will come. Right. Spousehole has authorized me to go with another company. Our choices are rhymes with Bombastic, rhymes with Phrenology (a local co), and the easily forgotten choice of Hey Key and Bee, which offers digital television too. I'm checking the various rates in another window here, so we'll see.

In addition to phone, internet, and television, I am also living without another modern convenience that most of us take for granted: a microwave. I've gone 4 weeks now without one. I wanted to bring mine from Michigan since it works great and I've had it since I was 19 and it's never given me any trouble. It was high-end when I got it and that quality has really shone through. It still looks good as new and works just as well. But it also fits perfectly in the space provided for it in the cabinetry of the Michigan kitchen, so Spousehole, my dad, and my real estate agent convinced me to leave it. But Spousehole keeps putting off buying a new one. We got a $1000 of the reimbursement for moving expenses from his employer and I expected to put a percentage of that toward a new microwave. But no-oo-ooo-ooo-ooo: Spousehole already earmarked the entire reimbursement to pay for work on his motorcycle! Idiot. He said "I told you it was $80 per hour, not including parts" My reply: But you never told me it was going to be 12+ hours!!!! WTF? That 1997 bike isn't even worth that much! Apparently something or another is leaking and something about piston rings and blah blah blah. It sounds like they are essentially rebuilding the engine from the little bit I listened to of Spousehole's explanation. He bitches about me paying for the "high-mileage" oil for my van (over 131,000 miles on it) but he can pay that for his bike? Whatever. End result is still no microwave for me. Or the kids. Or him. I plan to remedy the no microwave situation this weekend. We're getting one whether he likes it or not.

Apparently the only way you can prove you live in Podunk is to have a utility bill in your name. I have to have a utility bill in my name to get a driver license, register to vote, and even to get a library card. I'm not kidding. Since Spousehole was here first and therefore set up the utilities, nothing is in my name. Perhaps getting cable in my name will help. Even with that, I still can't get a driver license until the marriage license I just ordered online arrives. Apparently having a passport and Michigan driver license in my married name isn't enough. They still have to see the marriage license to show the legal basis for the name change from that on my birth certificate. I also have to have my social security card, even though I already showed them my passport and birth certificate to prove I am a U.S. citizen (a requirement to get a license here - what do legal permanent resident non-citizens do? just walk everywhere?). The "utility bill in your name" thing applies everywhere, even school. The lease for the house we're renting (can't buy one until we sell the Michigan house) wasn't good enough to get the boy into school. Since it was too soon for us to have gotten an electric bill yet, I had to go to the electric company and get a letter verifying that we get electric service in Spousehole's name at the address we claimed as our home. (At least the school would take something in Spousehole's name since he is also Boy's parent.) School was kind of a pain too. Even though I had all Boy's records sent well before we even left Michigan, it still took 1.5 weeks after we arrived before Boy could start school. We had to have an IEP meeting and not everyone could get together until a week-and-a-half after we arrived. God forbid they could have checked everyone's schedules and set it up for right after we arrived, but that would be way too logical. Nope - they didn't even check the schedules until after we were physically present in the state. Maybe they have a problem with people calling them a ton of times, talking to school psychologists and such, and having a ton of records faxed AND mailed from their state of origin, and then just not showing up. IDK.

Hope to be back soon. It looks like I'm going with rhymes-with-Bombastic -- keep your fingers crossed!!!

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

I'M ALIVE!

2008-10-01T18:36:00.002-04:00

O. M. G.

I arrived safely in S.C. on September 10 and my furniture was right behind me and got here on September 11. So far so good, right?*

Spousehole took possession of the S.C. house on September 1. He got the electric, water, and sewer switched to our names (no natural gas to the house, so no gas bill. Weird for us former northerners used to astronomic gas bills Guess now it will be astronomic electric bills). The trash and recycle are included in homeowners' association fees, so he didn't have to do anything there. So what's left? Hmmm? Oh yeah - cable TV and internet and phone!! I set these up from Michigan in August before I left - easy as pie, right? All he had to do was either set up an installation date when he would be at the house or arrange the installation for after I arrived. So what did he do? HE CANCELED IT! He didn't like the company I chose, as he has heard that they limit download speeds for bit torrents. So I said fine, arrange something with the company of your choice (they actually have competition down here which is nice - most municipalities in Michigan give one company an exclusive franchise and you are stuck with whoever they chose way back when). So he farts around and I get here and nothing is done. I say I'll take care of it and he says no, he's got it. He can get the best price on the internet (true) and he can do it from work. No problem.

He tells me last week that they are coming on Tues or Wed morning and to be home. I'm home both mornings - NADA. Then he says he read the email wrong and it's THIS week Tues or Wed morn. So I stay home both mornings; NOTHING. I call him at work - "WTF is going on?" He reads the email again - it says that the first month's bill and the installation fee have to be paid beforehand or they won't install it. But they email also shows that the total amount due before installation is "$0.00" He even brought home the email to show me. But my problem is this: I STILL DON'T HAVE ANY G-D M-F INTERNET!!!!!!! (Or TV or phone . . . ) Whether it's his fault or the fault of {rhymes with slime-corner}, I STILL DON'T HAVE ANY INTERNET!

I say F this company and we move on to one of the others available in our area. We could get rhymes-with-Bombastic or go with the local guys rhymes-with-Phrenology. At this point I don't give a rat's patootie. I just want my internet!!!

I have lived in 8 places (not including the boomerangs back to mom-and-dad's) in the last 20 years and I have never, ever - not once - had this kind of trouble getting cable/internet/phone. It just isn't that hard. Only Spousehole could manage to turn it into a fiasco.

I'm at the library right now, in case you were wondering.

I miss you all so much. I miss reading your blogs, emailing with you, IMing, etc.

I hope to be back soon.

*Except that the movers tore the crap out of my hardwood stairs back in Michigan bump.bump.bumping their dollies down my unprotected steps. Damn. Fortunately my father has already fixed them as he sanded and refinished all hardwood floors after I left. Only the kitchen and bathrooms don't have hardwood floors, so it was quite a project. I have the best dad ever. He also scraped and painted all the window frames, installed a new storm door, and painted the living room, dining room, and master bedroom. Plus cleaning up 10 years of grime I didn't get a chance to clean because I had to leave sooner than I planned since the movers miraculously didn't have another household to load/unload and were heading straight for my new house! They require the remaining balance to be paid (in cash!!?!??!) at unloading and I had the money so I had to be there. Yeah those guys were a trip. Some advice: Don't use a moving broker. Pay the extra for a name-brand moving company. Otherwise you might get three guys from hay-TEE who barely speak english and treat your stuff and your house like crap and make barely disguised threats when you tell them that you'd rather pay with a cashier's check than carry that much cash (several thousand dollars). That nothing was broken is thanks only to my obsessively careful packing.

Some stuff I'll address when I get internet:

Wow - I'm living in Podunk!
Are they serious about starting school that early in the morning? Damn, I guess they are!
My first encounter with a black widow spider
Lizards, lizards EVERYWHERE!
You thought frizzy bleach blonde "mall hair" died with the 1980s? Nope -it just moved to small-town South Carolina - a place, ironically, with no malls to speak of.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Random Thoughts As I Prepare to Take My Leave

2008-09-05T19:22:00.006-04:00

No, I'm not taking leave from blogging (though it may seem like it lately) - I am leaving the state that has been my home for 33 years. I arrived on my 8th birthday, September 6, 1975, and am leaving 33 years and 3 days later. I haven't been in one spot all 33 years, of course, as I left home for college in the middle of the state, boomeranged back home for a year, left home for law school on the east side of the state, boomeranged back home for six months, bounced up north for a time, returned to my parents' town but in an apartment, bought my own house in that town, then moved with Spousehole (then my fiance) into the house and big-ish city I've been in for almost 10 years. The house in which I am packing every single item we own and preparing to leave next week.

Today my dad and I tackled the attic. He brought things down, I sorted them into keep, donate, and toss. My poor 72-year-old dad (6 months older than John McCain!) must have been up and down those attic stairs at least 100 times. I made a run to my favorite donation place (they give the things away, they don't sell them; I like that) with my dad's van (no seats) full, made a run to the Paper Gator at my church with about a 1/3 capacity load, and FILLED my dad's van with broken down cardboard to recycle and bags of trash. It took us 9 hours, but the attic is completely empty and the floor up there swept clean. All the stuff is sorted and has been disposed of or boxed up for the movers on Monday. I'm going to create a new "attic rule" for the new house: only seasonal items (Christmas, Easter, Halloween, etc.) or temp storage items (such as clothes the boy has outgrown that will be suitable for girl when she grows into them) may go in the attic. If we aren't using something IT GETS DONATED OR TOSSED. I'm not doing the attic clean-out ever again. Our attic has about 350 to 400 sq. feet of usable storage space and every effing bit of it was being used. That's just ridiculous. I feel like one of those crazy "hoarder" people. NEVER. AGAIN.

Tomorrow is my birthday (41!), so I'll be taking a break from packing and cleaning to go celebrate with my family. We're going to lunch at one of my favorite chain places that specializes in slabs of dead cow and then back to my parents' for homemade cake and ice cream and opening gifts. Except they better not actually have any gifts for me. My mother already bought me a kick-ass printer that arrived yesterday and my sister watched my daughter all day and is keeping her for an overnight and my dad worked here all day today and is returning for more punishment on Sunday. I say they've done plenty and don't need to give me anything else. Hugs from nephew and my daughter are plenty from the kiddos.

You might have noticed I didn't mention Boy giving me any hugs tomorrow. That's because he has been at my in-laws' all week. I didn't put him in school this week because going for just one week was not going to do him any good. Also, he has gotten more and more agitated as I pack up the house. Autistic children don't like change and seeing all our stuff go into boxes just freaked him out. He won't return to the house at all because I think if he sees the empty house after the movers leave that will freak him out too. He tells everyone that he's moving to South Carolina to live with his daddy again, but I don't think he completely understands what that means. I've explained that we will be in a different house and he will go to a different school with different kids, but I don't think he'll truly get it until he experiences it. He's not good with abstract concepts. Most autistic kids aren't. He has enjoyed this week with his grandparents. He has gotten to be the center of attention without his sister there and he's eating that up. He doesn't have to share toys or compromise his preferences. He did tell my MIL the other day that he misses Mommy though. That was good to hear. He drives me crazy, but I love the little bugger more than life itself.

You may also have noticed that I didn't mention Spousehole coming up to help finish packing and then drive down together, as had been discussed here. That's because we've moved on to plan Q (which comes after Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, and so on). Spousehole is staying in South Carolina; the kids and I are driving down in my van, leaving Tuesday or Wednesday; and the cats are driving down leaving Wednesday or Thursday. Oh, and the cats are bringing my dad along to do the actual driving. That crazy old man decided that he wants to drive the cats down and that he'll bring any stuff that the movers won't take (propane tank, cleaning products, etc.) or that I don't want the movers to take (my expensive floor lamp that I got for less than wholesale or that just don't make it onto the moving truck for whatever reason. He figures the cats will be happier because he'll have room for them to travel in style (he got a dog crate big enough for a Great Dane) and he might even let them out to roam around the van. I think Dad is doing this to make Dad happier, not the cats. He wants to see where his little girl (yes, at 41 I am still his little girl) is going to be living and wants to give Spousehole the evil-eye for taking his little girl and grandbabies away. I'm good with it because I want my Daddy to see where I'll be living, I love my Daddy to give Spousehole the evil eye, and it will be tons easier for me to travel with just two obnoxious children instead of two obnoxious children and two obnoxious cats. Also some motels that take pets do so only if you take a smoking room and I HATE smoking rooms. I always wake up all puffy and stuffy because my allergies are aggravated. Dad won't mind a smoking room because he's a smoker (boo! hiss!) anyway. Even after having a triple bypass and carotid endarectomy 4 years ago.

My Daddy still spoils me rotten.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Defending Palin on a couple counts

2008-09-04T05:59:00.003-04:00

I'm not voting for her ticket, but I must defend Sarah Palin on a couple counts:

If one more person questions Sarah Palin's ability to be VP because she is a mother to five children, I think I'm going to smack them. Sure, mothering is a difficult job. So is being a dad and no one questions whether a man's children will distract him from an important job. No one asked if Robert Kennedy was fit to be President because he had 10.5 children (#11 was born after his death). I'm sure that Todd Palin is capable of handling the day-to-day child rearing while Sarah takes care of business. If they use a nanny or day care, so what? That's not the choice I made, but I don't begrudge anyone that choice. That's why it's a CHOICE. The majority of mothers in this country work these days, most out of necessity. Being a mom does not make Sarah Palin more or less capable of being Vice President.

Of course she supports her daughter's decision to have and rear her child. Anyone who thinks that Sarah Palin has any control over her daughter's decisions is an idiot. You cannot force a child to abort or place a baby for adoption. All you can do is acknowledge the child's bad decision-making (to risk pregnancy in the first place) and help them deal with the consequences of their actions. Anything less would be unthinkable to any caring parent. What was she to do - toss the child out onto the street? Disown her? Of course not.

/defending Republicans

But what is with naming her oldest after the sport season in which he was born (Track - and yes, she has said that is how the name was chosen)? I suppose it's good he wasn't born during girl's volleyball season. Can you imagine if he was named "Girl's Volleyball?"

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Wednesday Weirdness

2008-09-03T14:04:00.002-04:00

1.) Someone dares you to eat two cooked bulls testicles for 1,500 dollars. They're fried, topped with nacho cheese, belly button lint, lima beans, sweat rung out from a dirty sock and maple syrup and you have to eat it all. Are you going to eat it for the cash or pass?

No, I don't think so. It's just not enough cash for me to do that. With my luck, I would get 1/2 way through and start vomiting and not get the cash. Then I would have eaten something disgusting for no reason. No thank you.

2.) If you were not getting enough sex in your relationship, how would you handle it? Would you cheat on your significant other?

Do you read this blog? BTDT

3.) Would you cheat if you knew you would never be caught? Why or why not?

Yep. I cheat now knowing I could get caught. Or at least I would be cheating if I had any flippin' free time to do so.

4.) If you could get rid of any of the late night talk show hosts and replace them with anyone you want, what late night persona would you get rid of and who would you replace them with?

I would get rid of Jay Leno. That man annoys me to no end. He's okay in small doses, but ONLY in small doses. His shtick got old fast.

5.) If you could get rid of one day time talk show, which one would you pick and why?

Maury. OMG - his shows just seems to prey on the stupid and low-class in society. Those folks don't need to air their dirty laundry on TV.

6.) Where is your favorite places on the body to be kissed? Favorite places to kiss?

Breasts, hands down. Favorite place to kiss on someone else - neck & behind the ears, with a little nibble on the earlobes for variety.

7.) Do you watch porn? How does your significant other feel about that?

Occasionally. My husband is conflicted about it. On the one hand, he really can't complain about something he does as well and it kind of turns him on that I watch porn. On the other hand, he was raised to believe that watching porn is wrong and all kinds of evil and addictive to boot. And he struggles with his own sometimes obsessive use of porn and he doesn't want to see me go down that road. Also he doesn't like it if he has to abstain (due to the addiction thing) and I'm still "using" (to use a drug addiction metaphor). I've suggested that the solution is that we just live our porn (NOT recorded) and then we won't need to look elsewhere. So far that isn't happening. But living 1000 miles apart makes that difficult too. One week until our family is reunited!
To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Abstinence-Only?

2008-09-02T18:02:00.005-04:00

Am I the only one who thinks Sarah Palin might want to re-think her position supporting abstinence-only sex education? Apparently abstinence-only didn't work within her own family. Perhaps if her daughter had learned about birth control in case abstinence fell victim to a hottie hockey player, Sarah Palin wouldn't be becoming a grandmother in her early 40s.

Just a thought.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Unconscious Mutterings

2008-08-31T07:41:00.002-04:00

Groceries :: need some

Deodorant :: need that too

Psychic ::Friends Network

Cherries ::Jubilee!

Spooky ::haunted house

Yogurt :: sauce

Kitchen :: hot

Nothing personal :: LIAR

Be nice :: to your sister/brother! (Yelled around here a lot)

Delivery :: pizza

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

McCain-Palin

2008-08-29T11:11:00.005-04:00

Apparently I'm the only one not terribly shocked about McCain's pick of Sarah Palin as his running mate. Not her specifically, though I was aware that she is considered a top up-and-coming young Republican. I knew he was going to go with a chick - anyone who thought he wouldn't was deluded. After all, you can't run against Obama's "historic-ness" without a "politically-correct" pick of your own. Christie Todd Whitman was mentioned, but she was tainted by her flame-out as EPA administrator. Carly Fiorina's name was also bandied about, but she's got baggage from her HP days. Palin won beat a sitting governor in the primary in Alaska and a former governor in the general election, so she's a darling of the Republican Party currently. I think McCain's thinking that women who are pissed that Hillary isn't on the Dem ticket will go Republican because he's got a chick on the ticket.

He's wrong. Hillary supporters are disappointed, but not insane. They aren't going to jump on the McSame bandwagon just because he has a cute girl on the ticket. Sorry. It's just not that simple.

I will say this for McCain's choice, however: it has much more of a "wow" factor than Obama's pick of Biden.

P.S. I generally try to keep up with political stuff, but I am embarrassed to say that I saw the following bumper sticker on a car yesterday and had to come home and look up this candidate on the web. I had no clue who he was. Doh!To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

TMI Tuesday - It's Still Tuesday, Right?

2008-08-26T13:23:00.004-04:00

Click the icon to come play with us!

You find a fairy. With a wave of their wand they can change anything for you.

What is the one thing you would change about your body?

My weight!! OMG - Reducing my weight to something much more reasonable (in my eyes) would effect a number of other positive changes as well. I would look and feel better and be much healthier. I see no downside to it. Okay, my boobs would shrink, but that's the trade-off I guess.

What is the one personality trait you would change?

My stubbornness. It gets me in trouble all the time.

What is the one thing about your job you would change?

I would have one and not be home with my kids, who are driving me insane lately. We are all under a lot of stress.

What is the one thing about your home you would change?

It would be sold to someone else for close to my asking price.

What is the one thing about your Significant Other you would change?

His stubbornness. Stubborn meets stubborn and all hell breaks loose.

Who is the one person you would poof out of your life and why?

My father-in-law. He's been a real pain-in-the-ass lately. He's been very, very helpful to me in many ways with Spousehole gone and all, but he's the type of person who never lets you forget that he's doing you a favor. And he has nothing but criticism for Spousehole and I end up defending Spousehole, quite the unusual position for me. I hate being dragged into their crap.

Who is the one person you would poof back in and why?

My grandmother. She died in 1980 and nothing's been the same since. My mother still isn't over it. She's lost both her parents and her only sibling (who was younger than her). That's a hard place to be in at a fairly young age. I think sometimes she feels very alone, even with my dad, my sister, me, and our kids. Her family of origin is gone and that's hard.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Nerves - AACK!

2008-08-25T14:36:00.003-04:00

Man-o-man, this isn't good.

I'm getting a serious case of nervousness about this move. I'm jittery, can't sleep, a little panicky and very irritable. Spousehole has been pissing me off something terrible. I really must bone up on my ESP skills, because my failure to read his mind has been a real problem lately. My failure to do anything right, in his eyes, is also a problem. I'm totally f-ing worthless, I guess.

I have so much to do and so little time in which to do it. The movers are coming either September 8 or September 9 (it's not the most exact business in the world) and I feel like there's no way I can be ready. I have so much to pack and the kids make doing so VERY difficult. I figured I'd get a lot done next weekend if my in-laws took the kids for the long weekend, but they don't want to take the kids if I don't come up too. While I love boating, swimming, and sitting around drinking as much as the next person, I really have too much sh-- to do. Maybe they'll agree to take the kids Friday and I'll drive up Sunday morning. That way they aren't alone with them the whole time. IDK - we'll see.

I've been coming in contact with a lot of people from high school on Facebook this past week. (Under my real name, not the profile under my blog identity). An old boyfriend and I re-connected. I was a tad surprised to find that he's now only dating men. Not that there's anything wrong with that - but he spent all of high school denying that he was gay (and trying to get into my pants). I'm glad he's finally being honest with himself.

Back to the inexactness of the movers, one of the things I have been trying to explain to Spousehole is that our furniture, and everything else, may not arrive very quickly. We have a delivery date of "Sept 11 - Sept 17." That's right, almost a week between possibly delivery dates. Anyway, Spousehole didn't get that movers may have 2-3 households on one truck and they may have to stop and unload someone else's stuff before getting to us in S.C. That's also why they don't give an exact date for loading, since it may take longer to load someone ahead of us than they plan. I would hate to be a logistics manager for a moving company. I get overwhelmed just THINKING about it!

After I explained how that works, Spousehole understood why we need to bring sleeping bags and more than just one change of clothes (I don't want to be at a laundromat every day washing the previous day's clothes - for up to a week.) I think we are going to have to get one of those "turtle" things for the top of the minivan to carry all our crap. We also have to take all cleaning supplies in the car, as well as the propane tank from the grill. The movers won't take those because they could explode in the un-temperature-regulated truck. Great. And no, I'm not leaving my propane tank; it's not one of those "trade it in" types - it's designed just for my Weber grill and has the "quick-connect" valves and stuff. It's heavy-duty and too good to leave behind.

He's now also complaining about the time he will have to take off work to drive with us. It was his stupid idea in the first place!!! Yes, my dad became a big proponent of the plan, but Spousehole was the one who first raised the idea. But the aggravation it is causing is all my fault of course. Everything is always my fault.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Unconscious Mutterings

2008-08-24T11:04:00.001-04:00

Unconscious Mutterings - come play with us!

Cry :: the Beloved Country

Stretch :: waistband

Efficient :: not me!

Brunch :: Mimosas

Afro :: I haz one this summer

Preheat :: oven

Delicious :: Lindt truffles

Global warming :: bad

Actions :: speak louder than words

Ride :: a cowboy!

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Oh, What Have I Done?

2008-08-23T00:40:00.004-04:00

Yipes. How do I let myself get talked into these things?

Spousehole had suggested that he fly up and then drive down to S.C. with the kids, cats, and me. I thought it was a terrible idea. We would surely fight if we were cooped up in a vehicle together for 16 hours. It was be miserable and claustrophobia inducing. 4 people, 2 cats, 16 hours. Even worse, he wanted to drive it straight through without an overnight stop. Eight hours for me, eight hours for him. I could think of nothing more miserable. I told him that it would cost more money to fly him up than it would for the kids and I to stop for the night in a motel that takes cats. That worked. Spousehole hates to waste money, so the idea was dropped. Praise the Lord and Hallelujah!

I've told you all how much I adore my Dad, right? I have the best Daddy in the whole entire world. He would do anything for me or my kids (or my sister and her son). When my Dad talks, I listen. 9 times out of 10 he is right.

But this time, I think he was wrong and I let myself get talked into something I will regret.

Being a dad who worries about his baby girl and who has traveled long distances with unhappy pets and knows how insane they can be, he was pissed when he learned I had talked Spousehole out of flying up and driving with the kids and me. "The kids will be easier to deal with when you have another adult in the car. The cats will be easier to calm," he argued. I made my arguments about using the DVD player in the van to entertain the children, the fact that the cats will just go to sleep after a time, and that Spousehole and I will argue to the point of wanting to kill one another if we are cooped up that long together. He could not be dissuaded. I pointed out that with the cost of movers and the fact that Spousehole's company is giving us a mere pittance toward the move expenses (less than 25%), we just couldn't justify the cost. Then Dad starts in with "What if you get sick on the way down?" which is father-of-a-diabetic-speak for "What if the stress fucks up your blood sugar so bad that you crash the car and kill yourself, your children and your cats?" That's it Dad: prey on one of my greatest fears, however very, VERY unlikely since I regulate my blood sugars very well thankyouverymuch and have never, ever had a hypoglycemic episode while driving. Then, the coup-de-grace: "I'll pay for his ticket to fly up here. Just do it. Go book the ticket right now."

So without even discussing it with Spousehole, I sat down at the computer, got the cheapest one-way fare I could find and booked it. It will SUCK for Spousehole, because he has to change planes twice(!) but oh well. It was cheap, cheap, cheap. I will have to drive to an airport in another town 40 minutes away to pick him up because I saved $75 flying him there instead of our town, but the gas cost is still much less than that. And he will be here for my birthday, which is bonus. I doubt he'll get me a gift or anything crazy like that, but hopefully he will be nice to me. After all, I'll be an old lady and one must be nice to the elderly, right?

So despite my extreme misgivings, we are all driving down to S.C. together. One big happy. Right. Spousehole didn't even complain about me booking a plane ticket without discussing it with him. And about me booking a flight on a Friday (cheaper than Saturday) without first checking if he could take the time off work. Weird. Of course he was thoroughly pissed at me about some other things, so maybe buying him a plane ticket without discussing it with him was the least of the concerns in his eyes.

Gawd, I am seriously dreading this trip. I was kind of looking forward to driving with the kids and cats - in a "we're on an adventure!" and "I'm master of my own destiny!" kind of way. Now I'm just foreseeing being trapped in a vehicle with my perpetually pissed-off partner and our petulant, peevish progeny. Not pleasant. Not at all.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

I'm a Calvin?

2008-08-21T11:49:00.001-04:00

Found this at As Seen from Up Here, the blog of my favorite very tall Chicagoan!

Your result for The Calvin Or Hobbes Test...

Mostly Calvin

You are 70% Calvin and 30% Hobbes

Your inner Calvin often prevails, but, as in the image below, you have a significant Hobbesian component. I'm going to try to stretch the visual metaphor here: you have a good head on your shoulders, but when you don't use it, your crazy body gets you in trouble? Does that work? Odds are you're impulsive and imaginative, but it's possible you've collected just enough wisdom to hold your most anti-social urges in check. Most of the time. It's a precarious balance, like a boy on one foot with a tiger head.

Take The Calvin Or Hobbes Test at HelloQuizzy

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Wednesday Weirdness

2008-08-20T08:46:00.002-04:00

1.) You just bought a snazzy new leather jacket for an awesome price at the local outlet shop. When you got it home you found $2000 (cash) in the jacket's inner pocket. What are you going to do?

If I got it somewhere that the previous owner would be traceable (like a consignment shop), I would contact the store and ask them to have the previous owner contact me because I found something in the jacket that they might want back.

If it was someplace where stuff was donated anonymously, the cash is mine and I heading out to get leather chaps to match the jacket.

If it was a retail shop and the jacket was new, then I have no idea how the cash got there and I'm keeping it and heading out to find those chaps.

2.) If you could change or eliminate one wedding tradition, what would it be? What is your favorite wedding tradition?

As I'm sure many would say, I'm all about getting rid of the cake-face smashing thing. We did not do that at our wedding and I'm very glad. It's childish and stupid. What a disrespectful way to start a life with someone.

My favorite wedding tradition is the toasts. At our wedding they made me cry and cry and cry.

3.)If you were on Gilligan’s Island, who would you want to share your hut with? Who would you consider it torture to have to share a hut with?

I would want to share my hut with MaryAnn and the Professor for nightly threesomes. Also I think they would be most likely to keep the place clean and neat. I would kill Ginger if I had to share a hut with her. I hate vain, prissy chicks.

4.) Have you ever called your current significant other by another name at any point? What happened?

No. He, on the other hand, calls me by the wrong name on a regular basis. He has introduced me as Melissa or as Melanie on several occasions (that was in the first year or two of our relationship). Generally that happens when he is nervous about introducing me to the person involved. When we fight he sometimes calls me by his sister's name. Apparently he fought with her so much growing up that it just comes out. Lovely.

5.) If you were going to be famous under a stage name, what would you pick your stage name to be? Why? What do you want to be famous doing?

Randi Rabbit, of course! I would be famous for my slow, seductive strip tease. Either that or I would be a comedian with a really raunchy act, kind of like Sarah Silverman.

6.) During sex, do you ever fantasize about someone other than your partner?

Duh - all the time.

7.) Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet?

Too loud is definitely worse. I have enough going on in my head to fill quiet spaces, but loud is just distracting and makes conversation difficult.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Random Thoughts & TMI Tuesday

2008-08-19T09:16:00.008-04:00

"Too Drunk To F***" is a fun song, but so not appropriate for the radio. I can't believe my local radio station plays it regularly. It's fun to listen to as an adult who has been through that stage in life (I think we called it "college"), but certainly not something one wants to encourage in the younger set.

I haven't watched too much of the Olympics. Not because I'm boycotting them or anything, I just have other things to do. I did watch some of the track events and bits of replays of the swimming and gymnastics. I'm just not into it this time around and my kids don't really appreciate it yet either. Instead we overdose on Nickelodeon shows. I think I know every episode of Drake and Josh and iCarly by heart.

I'm very glad for Michael Phelps' eight gold medals, but I really hope he spends some of that endorsement cash coming his way on getting his mouth fixed. His upper jaw looks too small for the rest of his face - it'll take some serious work to get that fixed, but it is do-able. I don't get the impression he's terribly bright, so he'll have to skate by on his medals and his looks in life. That makes the teeth thing very important.

My son is wearing a sundress as a shirt right now. Is it wrong that I think he looks kind of cute in it? I think I will draw the line at wearing it to the park though.

Is it just me, or does Gary Glitter's "Do You Want to Touch Me?" seem incredibly creepy since his conviction for child molestation? I like the song, but I'll stick to the Joan Jett version from here on out.

1. Are you truly politically correct? Be honest.

Probably not. We all have our little prejudices and hang-ups.

2. Will you ever streak in public during rush hour?

Nope. Perhaps when I was young, thin, and drunk quite often I would have, but not now.

3. Would you ever do something sexual in public (more than 20 people around)?

BTDT

4. Do you ever not have good table manners?

Probably when eating ribs or something like that. But otherwise I try to demonstrate good manners at all times. I want to set a good example for my children. I HATE when people chew with their mouths open, pick their teeth at the table, etc. It's not so much about knowing which fork to use (note: if a table is properly set, you start at the outside and work in as each course is served) as it is about making the meal a pleasant experience for all involved.

5. Do you ever fantasize about a public sexual act? Describe.

I love the idea of wearing a short skirt with no panties to a bar/nightclub and having a man reach under and manually bring me to orgasm with strangers standing all around. In this fantasy most of the crowd is oblivious but a few men realize what is happening and watch with unabashed lust.

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever gone through a true sexual fantasy? Describe.

I've done the two guys at the same time thing a couple times. Hasn't yet lived up to the fantasy, but I'm willing to keep trying!!

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Stolen meme - Fill in the Blank

2008-08-18T18:40:00.002-04:00

I stole this from Cece at Lovin' Laughin'& Livin'

1) When I was a kid I wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up. (Lesson: be careful what you wish for . . .)

2) The last time I went to Chuck E. Cheese I was miserable because it was Chuck E. Cheese - DUH!.

3) When I have a few extra bucks I like to spend it on a mani/pedi.

4) The first 3 things I’m going to do if I win the Lottery is upgrade my living accomodations, create trusts for my kids, & buy a new hybrid vehicle.

5) What I look forward to most in the Fall is getting settled in our new home!

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Mute Monday - Singers

2008-08-18T08:35:00.021-04:00

This spoof of Nickelback's Rockstar, called "Pop Star" cracks me up. So true:

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Unconscious Mutterings

2008-08-17T10:12:00.004-04:00

Unconscious Mutterings - come play with us!

Signature :: move

Olympics :: sport (though I simultaneously thought "Faux-pening Ceremonies")

100% :: pure

Damn! ::That was Good!

Gold :: standard

Fresh and natural :: douche commercial

Fraction :: -al ownership

Hurry :: up and wait

Summer :: ville

29th :: birthday; again

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

2008-08-14T20:57:00.003-04:00

I'm going to miss Michigan.

I've been here since my 8th birthday. And I don't mean around my 8th birthday, I mean the exact day. How it happened I don't know, but the movers took our stuff a couple days before my birthday and my mother, 4-year-old sister, and I were scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Michigan on my 8th birthday. What a crappy birthday! I woke up in a motel room near the airport in Raleigh, flew from Raleigh to Chicago, then spent the whole damn day walking around, bored as heck, in O'Hare Airport. For some reason our flight was delayed and delayed and delayed some more, so there we sat: A 4-yr-old, an 8-yr-old pissed to be spending her birthday in an airport, and my stressed out mother. That she didn't strangle us and leave us in an airport lounge while she ran off to Rio was a miracle. I don't know if I could've survived it. Then again, I'm going to drive 1100 miles with a 3.5-yr-old hyper girl and a 7.5-yr-old autistic kid and two geriatric cats who will not be happy. What the hell am I thinking????

Anyway, I spent almost the entire day of my 8th birthday at one airport or another. We left Raleigh at 8 in the morning, getting to Chicago before 11 a.m. Our flight to Grand Rapids finally left at almost 10:30 p.m., getting us to Michigan at 11:30 p.m. The only good things were that my Dad was there to pick us up (I hadn't seen him for about 6 weeks) and he gave me a purple TV for my birthday. Apparently he felt awful for me having to spend my birthday traveling, so he got me a purple 13" b/w RCA TV for my bedroom in the new house. I was the only 8-yr-old I knew with her own TV in her room, so I guess it was pretty cool. Though I was terribly disappointed to learn that in 1975 cable television hadn't made it to our part of Michigan and we only got 4 channels. We had had a whole slew of channels back in Podunk North Carolina. Oh well. At least I had a purple TV. (We finally got cable when I was 16).

I hope my kids aren't expecting any purple TVs, because it ain't gonna happen. They're going to have to be satisfied with being with their dad again, because that's all they are getting. And a new house, in a new town, with a new school, etc. A total freaking upheaval of everything they know. But we'll be a family again and that will be good. They need their Dad and he needs them. And I need a co-parent. This single parent thing sucks ass. Bad.

I'm hoping I get to see PiC once more before we leave. I could use a good, hard romp as a send-off. We'll see; perhaps the stars will align and we'll both be free at the same time.

* * * * *

My kids and I have been listening to this song since before Christmas, so I'm glad it's FINALLY out as a video that I can embed here. In fact, last night Boy and I were singing it in the car while Girl shook her green and white MSU pom-poms in her carseat. A lovely mother-children moment.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

I needed a laugh

2008-08-13T16:45:00.000-04:00

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Wednesday Weirdness + It's Really Happening

2008-08-13T09:05:00.002-04:00

1. Is there anything hanging from your vehicle's rear view mirror?

Not by my choice, but when my son has been in there he usually leaves something for me to take down - stickers, stuffed animals, hair clips, etc.

2. When you go into the bathroom, do you ever check behind the shower curtain? You know, to make sure no one is miraculously hiding back there.

Not anymore. I did many years ago, when I lived alone. I discovered that there was never anyone there except the occasional cat.

3. At what age did your mom or dad give you "the talk" about sex?

My parents were open and informative about sex and sexual issues my whole life. I was probably about 9 or 10 when my mom really go into detail about it, but it was nothing so dramatic as to be memorable.

4. If you could add anything at all to an airplane to make trips more interesting, what would it be and why?

Private cabins with a bed :)

5. What is one thing you and your significant other can never seem to agree on?

MONEY!!! We have very different ideas about what is important.

6. Have you ever walked in on someone else having sex? How did you and the people involved react?

No, not uninvited at least. ;-)

7. Everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. What is one topic that can put you to sleep quicker than any other?

The unremitting wonderfulness of someone else's miraculous and perfect child.

* * * * *

It's really happening.

I'm moving down south. Movers are going to come and, for an exhorbitant amount of money, haul my stuff 1100 miles to our new home.

We still haven't sold our house in Michigan, so it's going to be interesting for a while. Financially, that is.

Trying to get my son's school records transferred is proving to be interesting. He's been attending summer school two days a week at a school that is not his regular school. Figuring out where his records are and who has the responsibility to send them down south is a pain in the butt. Because he is autistic and can't just go into a regular first grade classroom, it's important that the school psychologist down there gets his records ASAP in order to determine the best placement for him.

I am looking forward to the new house. It's much newer than my current house (by almost 80 years), has a 2.5 car garage, laundry right by the bedrooms, and I'LL HAVE MY OWN BATHROOM. Okay, I have to share it with Spousehole, but I don't have to share it with the kids! This is HUGE for me. I hate sharing a bathroom with the kids. Even better - the master bath in the new house has a tub AND a separate shower!! Woo hoo!! I may never leave that room. No basement in the new house, of course, but the bathroom probably makes up for that. It's in a small town outside Charleston; close enough for Spousehole to commute fairly easily, far enough out to have better schools and avoid some of the pitfalls of city living.

What's weird is giving up how I think of myself. I currently live in an older home in a semi-hip part of a largish city. Our neighborhood is family-oriented, but with a hip twist. We like to think we're kind of cool. Liberals, artists, musicians, heterosexual, homosexual, blended, multiracial, and multicultural families living in harmony, all that stuff. Now I'm moving to a cookie-cutter subdivision (oh wait, they're not all the same - there are 6 different floorplans!) in a small town in the south. I'll be just another suburban mom driving a minivan around the subdivision and shopping at the Walmart Supercenter. It's just not "me" or at least not how I think of "me."

Change - the only constant in life.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

TMI Tuesday

2008-08-12T06:52:00.005-04:00

1. What is your favorite song to have sex to?

For making love:
Chopin's Prelude in E Minor (Op. 28, No. 4) or Ravel's Bolero or Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata or My Immortal by Evanescence:

For hot, rough and wild sex:
NIN's Closer
AC/DC's You Shook Me
Buckcherry's Lit Up and Crazy Bitch
Deftones' Be Quiet and Drive

2. What is your vision of hell?

To be surrounded by small children fighting and crying "MommyMommyMommyMommyMommy" and whining - that would definitely be Hell.

3. In the film made of your life, who will play you?

Rosie O'Donnell, probably. Ugh.

4. What is the one thing you most urgently need to tell your mom?

To make Dad take his stupid medicine!

5. What will be carved onto your tombstone?

Of course, if I end up with a tombstone, I will be haunting somebody's ass - I have been very clear with anyone and everyone who could ever possibly be considered my next-of-kin that I want to be "crispy crittered" (cremated) and my ashes used as fertilizer in a flower bed, preferably roses. The only way I would consent to be buried is if it can be done without embalming, in a biodegradable box with no cement vault or anything, just straight into the ground. I would also prefer that there be some provision for that land to be returned to productive use within 100 -150 years, so that my rotting carcass is not just taking up space on this earth for no reason whatsoever. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust and all that dirt.

And the bonus: What is your drag name (which would be, first name: the name of your first pet; last name: the name of the street you grew up on)?

Lady Park Avenue

Mute Monday - West/Western (Michigan)

2008-08-11T00:00:00.003-04:00

Click on each picture to learn more about West Michigan!

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Unconscious Mutterings

2008-08-10T16:08:00.002-04:00

Unconscious Mutterings - come play with us!

Month to month :: Lease

Adjusted :: Nudged

Prank :: Call

Mop :: Head

Clarity :: Moment of

Parenting ::Magazine

Glenn :: Close

Fingerprint :: Identification

Pineapple :: Express

Attorney :: Divorce

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

I'm easily amused

2008-08-10T00:09:00.001-04:00

see more pwn and owned pictures

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

So Bunny, are you ever going to tell us about your trip to Charleston?

2008-08-06T00:00:00.001-04:00

Okay, since you asked . . .

Flights down there were uneventful and on-time. Just the way I like it. Plus there was this bird at the airport that was apparently quite pissed about traveling with his human. The bird was in a carrier that fits under the seat and as the human carried it through the ginormous terminal in Detroit, the bird just bitched and bitched and bitched. It was kind of entertaining, so long as I wasn't on the same flight as the bird and his human.

Spousehole met me at baggage claim and I was actually pretty glad to see him. He hugged and kissed me like he may have actually missed me. So far as I know there was no one he knows at the airport for him to try to impress. He took me to lunch at an Irish bar kind of near his office that was really good, except it was a bit smoky. A couple of his co-workers were supposed to meet us there, but didn't show up until we were done eating. I guess they thought it would take a lot longer for him to get me and my checked baggage from the airport. Anyway, at least I got to meet them, although I was all rumpled from traveling and being up since 3:00 a.m. and with no make-up on. I'm sure they were very impressed.

We did some touristy things for a couple days. Saw the Hunley, which is something I really wanted to see (plus it's right by Spousehole's office, yet he still hadn't been there). I loved the movie about the Hunley on TNT a few years back and the documentary about its recovery that I saw. It was super cool to see it and artifacts recovered from it. They had the models used in the movie that were made from the estimates of the Hunley's size after it was found but before it was recovered. The models were tiny - you can hardly believe 8 people fit in there. Spousehole is over 6' tall and so was at least one of the Hunley's sailors. Spousehole looked HUGE fitting through the model hatches and in the body of the model sub. Then we learned that the estimates used for the movie subs were actually a bit off and the real Hunley was EVEN SMALLER. The claustrophobic in me shudders at the very thought of it. Seeing the sub itself was beyond cool. I love how they've opened up the lab where the Hunley is being preserved so people can see it as the preservation process unfolds. The sub itself is in a 90,000 gallon water tank to preserve it. Scientists lower the water level to expose the area they are working on for a given day, then fill it back up at the end of the work day. Too flipping cool. The engineering in the sub is so futuristic for its time.

We also took a ferry out to Fort Sumter, where the first shot of the Civil War was fired. That was really cool for me, since I have spent so much time in two other forts from an earlier era (Fort Mackinac and Fort Michilimackinaw - pre-Revoluntionary War forts). It was cool to compare the advances in fort building and weaponry with the forts with which I'm more familiar. I'm such a history geek. When we get settled there, I'm going to hit a bunch more Civil War battle sites.

We went to the Market downtown and browsed the stalls after having overpriced food and ice cream. We drove around and just looked at stuff, getting a feel for the area.

Getting a feel for the greater Charleston area is difficult, because it's so hit-or-miss. I realize it is a very old city and so "urban planning" was not on the agenda for 200-300 years, but seriously, the planning folks over the last 75 years or so have not earned their keep. Holy crap. Strip mall after strip mall after strip mall. Crappy neighborhood, high-end neighborhood, crappy neighborhood, crappy neighborhood, industrial crap, mid-range neighborhood, crappy neighborhood and so on. You'll find a cul-de-sac or two of nice houses, surrounded by shacks you wouldn't let your worst enemy's dog live in. I realize that sounds awful, but it's the truth. I can't imagine spending $350,000 for a house and having to worry about the crack house and meth lab a block away. The strip mall thing is really bad there too. A good city/township planner will try to limit the number of strip malls and restrict their placement, signage, greenery etc. The area is set up like the planners were taking cash from the strip mall developers. It really looks like there was no master plan in place in any of the cities and townships that make up the greater Charleston area. And certainly no cooperative planning amongst communities that share major roadways. Maybe I should apply to be an urban planner when we move down there. I could certainly do a better job than whoever is doing it now (if anyone).

Don't get me wrong - it's a beautiful area overall. But the proliferation of strip malls and lack of planning really detract from what could be a truly fabulous place.

I got to see a lot of the area looking for possible places to live. Unfortunately, Spousehole and I seem to have a bit of miscommunication on the housing front. I guess I figured since he was living there and claims to be so bored outside work hours without his family to spend time with that he was checking out cities and neighborhoods and school districts - potential places to live. I figured that he would have things narrowed down a bit when I got there. He apparently thought I was taking care of all that from MICHIGAN, where I have so very much free time on my hands, despite trying to fix up/maintain our house to sell it, feeding/clothing/entertaining/wrangling our children, and so on.

On the plus side, I did get laid and it was better than it has been in years. Still not earth-shattering or anything, but quite nice nonetheless. The fact that one his housemates, in the room right next to his, stays up until all hours of the night put a bit of a crimp in things. After all, it's one thing to have sex when the guy in the next room is fast asleep, but quite another when you know he's wide awake and listening (and he was totally the type of guy who would be listening). We spent one night at a hotel just to be assured of some privacy. And to be in a place that doesn't reek of stale cat pee and cigarette smoke. The house in which Spousehole is renting a room is probably ok for a guy, but you could pay me to live there. No one smoked when Spousehole moved in, but one guy moved out in June to go back to school at the Citadel. The guy who replaced him smokes and does so inside the house. It's been so long since I even knew anyone who allowed smoking in their home (my dad and sister both smoke but wouldn't even consider doing so in their houses, same with the few friends I have that smoke) that it was a bit of a shock for me. The stench was so nasty that I didn't want to spend one more second there than necessary (that cat pee smell is old and won't go away until the owner tears out the carpet and treats the concrete slab underneath). Yuck, yuck, yuck. And the cat litter box was right next to the kitchen table. Who wants to eat next to a litter box? OMG. It was a dark, smelly little house decorated with (framed) horror movie posters. I think mine was the first estrogen in that house in many, many months. Not the first boobs, however, since the smoking housemate has man-boobs that put my little C cups to shame. (Owner-housemate had nice pierced nipples though, so that made up for the horror of the man-boobs on the other dude.)

The potential residences we checked out ranged from "Wow, I'd love this if it weren't in such a crappy school district or so bleeping expensive" to "OMFG honey, don't even slow the car down. I wouldn't live here on a bet." (The last one came from SPOUSEHOLE, when I was driving. Yeah, the neighborhood was THAT bad.)

Someone answer me this, please: Why are houses in the South generally built without basements? I can understand if you are in an area with a high water table that make a basement impractical. But inland, what's up with that? It was the same where I lived in N.C. as a kid. Our house had a basement, but it was custom-built and was the only house for several blocks in any direction that had one. That city was in north central N.C., near the Va border. No where near the ocean. But still, no basements. Is it just that builders are too cheap to dig basements? I don't get it.

Also, why do people in Charleston just cross the street where ever they damn please and expect traffic to stop for them? I don't mean in the crowded downtown area, I mean out in the outer areas on very busy roads. People would just meander across the streets, not even at an intersection, taking their time about it and expecting 50 mph traffic to just stop for them. I wanted to just run them down, but I guess that wouldn't have been polite and the South is all about polite. Though how is it polite to cross the road not at an intersection and when traffic isn't clear? Hmm?

I'm going to have a tough time with the polite thing when I move down there. I mean I know HOW to be polite and I generally am polite, but I can see there will be times when I just lose it and start bitching people out. I can only take so much. I guess the trick is learning to be polite without being a total doormat. It will be a steep learning curve for me.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

TMI Tuesday - Romance Edition + Depression

2008-08-05T12:38:00.005-04:00

1. What is your definition of romantic?

Sappy, ooey-gooey, lovey-dovey stuff. Not that I would complain if Spousehole were to get romantic for a change.

2. Would you consider yourself to be romantic?

Not so much of the ooey-gooey, lovey-dovey type romantic. I am a romantic in that I continue to harbor hope when all evidence points to its futility. I enjoy other people's romantic love stories, but am more practical when it comes to my own love life.

3. Is your significant other romantic?

He used to be, before he met me and a little bit into our relationship. But that went away.

4. Have you ever chastised a SO for not being romantic enough or too romantic?

Not chastised, but laughed out loud at the absurdity of an attempted romantic gesture once. That didn't go over well at all.

5. What do you consider a grand romantic gesture? Have you ever been the recipient or giver of one?

Laying down one's life for a loved one, giving up something one really loves for the happiness of the other (Gift of the Magi and all that), etc. No one has ever died for me. My college boyfriend did choose a grad school closer to me over one far away, but it was the better choice anyway and I suspect he would have chosen it regardless of my location.

6. If you have done something romantic to get laid, did it work? If not, why and how did that affect your romantic tendencies in the past.

No, I'm not big into the romance thing.

7. What is the most romantic thing you have ever done? Had done for you?

Doing romantic things isn't really my thing. I try to do things to make my loved ones happy on a regular basis, not just once in a blue moon when I'm feeling "romantic."
I honestly can't recall ever thinking "oh, that's so romantic" when someone did something for me and meant it. I'm too practical. For instance, Spousehole sprinkled my bed and bedroom with rose petals (when we were dating) and all I could think was "what a waste of lovely roses!" although I had the good sense not to say that out loud.

* * * * * * *

I'm having a rough time emotionally.

My kids are happy to be home after a week at my in-laws. They had vacation bible school to distract them each morning, but by evening they were missing mommy and daddy and didn't hesitate to share this sentiment with grandma and grandpa. Since returning home, they are like little tornadoes through the my house, tossing out toys and clothes with reckless abandon. The house can be half-way straightened up, then they come home and within minutes it is a total pigsty again. Spousehole even tries telling the kids to pick up their stuff and help mommy, etc. when he Skypes with them, but they rarely listen. Boy does have a new cleaning obsession, however - laundry. Apparently his grandma taught him to do laundry and now it's all he wants to do. I had to re-teach a few things, because his grandma has a front-loader washer and I have a top-loader, but otherwise he's pretty well got it. He doesn't get why he has to add water to the softener in mine, though, since he doesn't have to do that at grandma's (didn't used to have to in mine either, but now that all they sell are ultra-concentrated softeners you do). Unfortunately, he doesn't fold the clothes once they are dry, he just dumps them on my folding table and walks away. Also he doesn't always wait to have a full load before washing. He'll put a shirt and a pair of jeans in the washer and then wash on the "extra large" load setting. Not good. He doesn't sort well either, but so long as he washes it all on cold I'm trying not to be all anal about it.

The kids miss their dad terribly. We Skype with him almost every night, so they see and talk to him regularly, but they still miss his physical presence. Girl woke up nearly hysterical last night, crying "Miss Daddy! Want Daddy!" and then sobbing her little heart out. It was awful. She was up for almost an hour crying like that. Boy can't express it as well verbally (emotions are hard for autistic kids), but it doesn't mean he doesn't feel it. He often cries at bedtime, but can't explain why. It just breaks my heart to see them so sad.

Anyway, back to my being emotional (because it's all about me). The kids are driving me up the wall as I try to keep the house in some semblance of order in case any potential buyers want to see it. I'm going a little insane. So I try to take the kids places to entertain them and keep them from destroying the house. But I can't take them to the mall anymore, because the Boy is obsessed with shoes and has a meltdown if I won't let him get more shoes (the kid has more shoes than I do, not even counting the ones he has outgrown that are in a bag to be donated). When I say he is obsessed, I'm not exaggerating. He will load his backpack with shoes when we go to McDonald's, then fill the shoe keeper in the play area with all his shoes. He lines them up, just so, on the floor of my living room (if only he did that in his closet!), and has fits if his sister touches them. He changes shoes hourly throughout the day.

Since the mall is off limits, I took them to an indoor play place (costs $12.00 for two kids now - inflation I guess) yesterday. Girl got bit by another kid (who was totally busted and still tried to blame my kid - "she wanted me to bite her" she insisted). Boy pooped his sister's underpants (that's a story for another day). Both kids kept taking off their socks (a big no-no) and wanting inappropriate snacks (Boy's allergic to milk, yet wants Cheetos; girl wants ice cream and little toys they sell and popcorn that always makes her sick . . . ). Then the thing that drove me the most nuts: Girl kept saying "Mommymommymommymommymommymommy." I finally asked her to never call me Mommy again. From henceforth I wish to be addressed as "Great Exalted Leader." She said "You silly Mommy" so I guess she won't be doing as I ask. Brat.

Living separately from Spousehole but still being "together" is taking its toll. I miss the co-parenting and partnership. A lot of the partnership part was lacking until recently, but he has been much better long-distance and when I visited him. But I miss having someone here on a regular basis. It's hard.

Now my dad, who has been my rock my whole life and especially since Spousehole moved, is having a rough time. His hip is really, really hurting him and it kills me to see him in pain. He is not one to complain usually, but this is so bad that he can't help it. He has arthritis in his hips and also sciatic nerve pain. It breaks my heart to see him like this. It's worse than watching him recover from a triple-bypass a few years ago. He's always been very active (golfing several times a week, busier in retirement than most working people, etc.) and this pain has taken all that away from him. I hate it and it's really affecting my mood.

Add to that the uncertainty of this crappy real estate market, the heat and humidity in my house (I just can't seem to get good airflow, even with ceiling fans and window fans and I don't want to run the AC much because it gives me sinus problems), and having to search for a place to live from afar (Spousehole hasn't even tried to find us a place to live in S.C. - that's a rant for another day) and I'm at my wits' end. I cry at the drop of a hat, have zero patience with my kids or anyone else really, and make excessive use of parenthetical explanations. Upping my antidepressants won't help because this isn't so much chemical depression as situational depression. Things suck ass and the only cure for that is for things to stop sucking ass.

I need a hug.

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy

Mute Monday - Zip

2008-08-04T00:00:00.000-04:00

Click on each picture for info on its origin!

To blog is a self-invasion of privacy