Is it a sex blog? A mommy blog? A bitch & moan blog? Um, . . . yeah. This is my place to be totally honest. In my real life, I feel like I'm always lying to somebody about something. Here, I am totally honest. Brutally so. However, no matter what bad things I say about my kids, I adore them and would never ever really, say, sell them on Ebay. The husband, often referred to as Spousehole, is another story. Oh yeah - if you are under 18 (or if you are my husband), please leave now.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

TMI Tuesday!!

It's TMI Tuesday! Click the "I kiss and tell" icon to come play with us!!

1. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?

Over. If you do it any other way, you are doing it wrong.

2. Toilet when you are done: everything up, seat down but lid up, everything down?

Everything down and FLUSHED. My baby BIL doesn't flush (age 32, unemployed, lives with his sister, and, hold onto your hats ladies, he's single- email me if you want more info).

3. When was the last time you kissed someone not your significant other? [I am talking about a kiss with some gusto not just a little hello or goodbye peck]

Friday night.

4. Would you rather have you significant other (this can be a hypothetical SO) have sex with someone else or fall in love with someone else? [You have to pick one.]

Sex, definitely. I can forgive a physical indiscretion, but falling in love with someone else would be horribly painful and probably unforgivable.

5. If you had $1,000,000 to give away, how would you divide it up? Who and how much?

Half to my parents, then divided equally amongst my church, my pet volunteer project, the local Humane Society, Planned Parenthood, the American Red Cross, and the Salvation Army.

Bonus (as in optional): Tell us something that very few people know about you.

As a member of the Governor's Honor Guard on Mackinac Island, I had tea at the Governor's Summer Mansion with Michigan's then-First Lady Helen Milliken, in the gazebo that was featured in the film Somewhere in Time. The filmmakers donated it to the State of Michigan after the movie was shot on Mackinac Island.

Tuesday Twosome - When It is Hot Outside

Tuesday Twosome - Today's theme is "When it is hot outside"
Want to play along? Click the button

  1. Two refreshing drinks: Mojitos and Diet Coke
  2. Two places that are always cool (home, mall, work, etc.): the local indoor park for kids (inflatables, ball pits, etc.) and my mom's house (AC and a pool and a special fridge just for cold soda- can't beat that!)
  3. Two ways you keep cool: Going braless and drinking Diet Coke
  4. Two items of clothing/shoes that are a must (tank tops, shorts, etc.): My NAOT sandals (two pair) and shorts
  5. Two places you’d go on vacation to get away from the heat: Nova Scotia (I've never been, but it's sounds like Heaven) and Michigan's Upper Peninsula (more gorgeous than you could ever believe)
TMI Tuesday questions aren't up (TPT can't access Blogger from work and it's her week), so I'm trying something different. It's that or original thought and we wouldn't want that now, would we?

Monday, July 30, 2007

Mute Monday - Dog Days

What is Mute Monday? See Artful Sub for an explanation and join us!!

This is not my late dog Cubby, but looks a lot like him. My Cubby died 5 years ago at age 13. He had diabetes, Cushing's Disease (adrenal, not pituitary), hypothyroidism, allergies, and ear problems. He got insulin shots 2x daily, chemo drugs 2x a week, and other meds every day. He was the sweetest, most loving little guy ever. I miss him dearly.

Nephew dog Bruno enjoys the cottage too.

I know Bob is a cat. You know Bob is a cat. Bob, on the other paw, has no idea she is a cat. She plays fetch, comes when you call her, and growls at the children. An honorary dog today.
(She has a bobbed tail, that's why she is Bob. And the Humane Society adopted her out as a boy and she already had her name when the vet said, uh, no, this is a girl.)

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Much, MUCH Better . . .


Just . . . wow.

Did I mention "wow"?

Oh my, I do love coming home like this: still sweaty . . . legs still a little shaky . . . relaxed and satisfied.

That'll teach Spousehole to go to the cottage without me.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Thing are Much Better Now

We talked and things are better. Still not sure what happened but we're okay, I guess. Kids are having fun, I'm getting some work done around the house. I got to watch a movie I've been trying to watch for a while (dense, can't just watch it half-assed) and have enjoyed eating whatever I want without concern for anyone else's preferences or dietary restrictions.

I have the car back, so I have wheels again! And the garage didn't charge us because they said we've given them so much business lately they feel like they owe us one. How's that for bizarre? Lol - I think we've made several major payments on the owner's boat, what with the POS, the POC, and MommyVan. If they worked on motorcycles they'd have all our business!! And our money.

Spousehole and I will have to talk some more when he comes home, but he feels bad about being an asshole and said so. That's amazing progress for him. He also told me he loved me on the phone and that's also amazing progress, since I didn't say it first.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Oh Good Lord . . .

I had to go and bitch to my mom about Spousehole ditching me to go up to the cottage with the kids on his own. Big freakin' mistake. I should know better. When my mom discovered that I was having sex with my boyfriend when I was 17 (she found the birth control), she went straight to my dad with the news. Daddies don't want to know these things about their baby girls. Plus Dad had really liked that boyfriend, so he was doubly hurt because now he had to kill him. (I date preppy rich "nice" boys, Dad can't stand 'em. I bring home a long-haired blue collar rocker-dude - K - and Dad adores him. Go figure.) Mom wasn't that upset, she kind of expected it. She just can't keep her big mouth shut.

So I whined to my mom about Spousehole and she told my dad. I may be turning 40 soon, but I will always be Daddy's Little Girl and, like a typical man, he wants to "fix" everything. Mom stopped him from calling Spousehole to bitch him out. After all, he was on the freeway with my baby Girl in the car. But Dad insisted on calling my in-laws and trying to recruit them to talk some sense into their asshole son. So then my MIL calls me, wants my side of the story. FIL wants to bar Spousehole from the cottage or their house for treating me like shit. I had to get them to agree to just let Spousehole talk to them if he wants to but otherwise back the hell off. MIL recognized that their interference would only make things worse for me. Of course, she's been there. She's married to Spousehole, the Prequel.

Thanks to everyone for your support. Thanks especially to my blogosphere friend who IM'd with me for over 2 hours this afternoon and really, really helped me. You're the best, buddy.


Crabby, mostly-nekkid 2-year-old. She strips at every opportunity. Apparently clothes just weigh her down.

Why do we get half-nekkid? Want to join the fun? See Os at HNT_1

3:00 p.m.
I am SO mad at the GDMFSOB I am married to!! We were supposed to leave today to go up north to our cottage. Our son has been up there all week with his grandparents for Vacation Bible School at their church. Tonight is the program that the VBS kids put on for the parents to show what they've learned all week. I've been looking forward to it; it's always a cute show.

About 2:00 p.m., Spousehole "suggested" (in way that's clear that it isn't a suggestion) that I stay home since I "could use some time to [my]self and can get some cleaning done without everyone in the way." I was stunned. I just said "If that's what you want" and he replied, "It's probably for the best." WTF???!?

I was sobbing saying goodbye to my daughter and Spousehole said nothing. Wouldn't even look at me. Bastard. I sobbed "Well have fun" as he started the car. He said, "Oh, we will," backed out of the driveway and left. With me standing there on the driveway crying my eyes out. Devastated and confused.

Even worse, he left me with no car. Our second car is in the shop. He talked to the mechanic right before he left and told them that the car didn't need to be done until Saturday. WTF?? Since he had already decided to leave me behind, why tell them that we don't need the car for a couple more days? Just mean-spiritedness, to leave me without a vehicle? I don't get it. (I do have a bicycle, the grocery store is maybe 6 blocks away, we do have a municipal bus system - I'm not stranded.)

I am beyond upset. I don't even want to call my PIC for a booty-call - I'm too freakin' upset (and he probably couldn't get free anyhow).

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

TMI Tuesday!!

It's TMI Tuesday! Click the "I kiss and tell" icon to come play with us!!

1. Leather, lace or silk?

Silk, with a little leather thrown in for variety. I love a guy in a leather jacket and chaps, but silk boxers do even more for me. And I love, love, love silk on me! A man's hand touching me through the silk, gliding over my body - nothing better!

2. Do you subscribe (or regularly buy) to any "dirty" magazines? Which ones?

I get Cooking Light and Cooking Pleasures - food porn!

3. Have you ever had sex in water (tub/pool/lake/ocean)?

Oh yeah! Hot tub, ocean, lake, pool, bathtub, shower - I love water!

4. The three words that best describe you in bed are eager, uninhibited, and wet. Three words that best describe your most recent partner in bed are adventurous, giving, and delicious.

5. Did you lose your virginity as an impetuous youth, "to prove that you loved" him/her, because of a romantic gesture, a newly wed or other (please describe because I can't think of what an "other" might be)?

Mine is a pathetic story. I lost my virginity on a dare - so I guess that qualifies as "impetuous youth." I was 15, he was 16 and was my friend's boyfriend's best friend. We never even spoke again after that night. I didn't have intercourse again for 9 months and then it was with a guy I had been dating for 7 months and was "in love" with. That was amazing, wonderful, and (happy) tear-inducing.

Bonus (as in optional): Name three words that:

a) get you excited

I want you

b) make you squirm

Yes, please, ma'am.

c) make you laugh

puddamopahdnabo (only my college friends will get that one)

This is too cute: Go check out this seagull that steals Doritos from a shop.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Mute Monday - Boys of Summer

(I know: Boys of Summer implies baseball. But these are MY boys, doing summer things. So there. Picture tongue sticking out.)
No, I did not approve that ugly-ass hat Spousehole is wearing. I considered editing it out, but decided to leave it as an example of what a doofus he can be. (I went to the OTHER Big 10 school in our state; he did NOT attend the school he is representing.)

What is Mute Monday? See Art for an explanation and join us!!

P.S. I'm almost done with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I'll be back to reading all your blogs as soon as I'm finished.

P.P.S. 1:13 p.m.: Finished Harry Potter. I may now fully return to the world. May.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Sophry's Choice

The following questions were posed to me by my pal, Sophry, of Sophrosynegirl. These are thought provoking questions, fitting that they come from a woman whose blog name reflects the ideal of knowing oneself in order to be in control of oneself (if I recall my philosophy classes from college correctly). I will not tag anyone to answer them, but feel free to do so in my comments or in your own blog. If you do answer them in your blog, leave me a comment so I can come read them. And go read Sophry's blog, enjoy her beautiful writing, and thank her for these great questions!

World's going to end in 24 hours, what do you do?

Hold my family close and make sure they know how much they are loved.

If you could be anyone at any time period in any part of the world, who would you be & what would you be doing?

Queen Elizabeth I of England. She was a powerful, intelligent, well-educated woman at a time when women were not valued as people. She chose to not marry in order to not dilute her power, which took incredible guts in those days. Once you get past the fact that people smelled bad , had fleas, and killed each other all the time, it was an exciting time in history. I would, like Elizabeth, be a strong advocate for the Reformation. I would take whatever lovers I wanted, reputation be damned.

Who is your alter-ego?

I call her Miranda. She is fearless, says what she feels and thinks, and doesn't take crap from anyone. She only exists in my mind, but she's a pretty cool chick.

If you could do it all again, what would you change, if anything?

Oh, there is so much I would change. I would take back a lot of stupid things I've done and said that alienated friends and lovers alike. I expect people think I would say I wouldn't have married Spousehole. I think I would marry him again, however, because I can't imagine living life without my wonderful children. They are special little people and I wouldn't have them without him. I would, however, make sure that he stayed on his meds. That wouldn't solve all our problems, but it would make it easier to solve them TOGETHER.

Supposing reincarnation were reality, would you come back a man or woman? Why?

While it would be interesting to try being a man, I think overall I would prefer to come back as a woman. I enjoy being a woman too much! Think about it: we can be whatever we choose – tough, soft, aggressive, gentle, bitchy, sweet – all at once! I think men don't really have that luxury. “Manliness” has a pretty set definition that a lot of men feel they need to live up to. “Womanliness” is whatever we want it to be. I think women can be freer because of this.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Collecting on a Debt

Trying to get my naughty fiction-writing mojo working again. A short attempt:

I had barely walked through the door when he grabbed me. Kissing me forcefully, he pressed the full weight of his body against me, pinning me to the wall. One hand held both my wrists over my head, while the other explored me at will.

We made our way to the bedroom, where he proceeded to relieve me of my clothing, kissing and stroking my eager body in the process. I started to speak, but he shushed me: “No talking.” After removing his own clothes, he joined me on the bed, returning to his earlier aggressiveness. He sucked and lightly bit my breasts, his hand exploring and discovering just how wet he was making me. He moved between my legs, kissing and nuzzling my inner thighs, his hot breath driving me insane.

He fingers spread my lips apart and his tongue worked it's magic on my engorged clit, teasing and sucking it to full attention. He slipped in first one, then two, and finally three fingers, pumping them in and out of me in rhythm with his tongue's action just above. Just when I thought I could stand no more, he slid his slippery fingers down further and circled my smaller, puckered pink hole. I wanted it so bad, all I could do was moan “yes, yes;” he slid one finger in my eager bum and his thumb in my wet pussy. His hand worked in and out of both holes as his tongue continued its critical work. My hips rocked and bucked in time with his hand until I could hold back no more. The orgasm welled inside and teetered on the edge before overtaking my entire body. My muscles tightened around his hand as my whole body convulsed with pleasure.

As I came down from my high, he moved up and kissed me. I loved tasting myself in his kiss. “Thank you, baby, that was amazing,” I said. “You're welcome,” he replied with a smile. “After all, you said I owed you one.”

Thursday, July 19, 2007


This is what happens when you're not paying attention and fall down between the boat and the dock ~ DOH!

Why do we get half-nekkid? Want to join the fun? See Os at HNT_1

Hey, I've come up with a blog moniker for my "friend." He will hereafter be known as my Partner in Crime, PIC for short. I was inspired after my "bonus" answer for TMI Tuesday this week. And a little criminal activity last night.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Wednesday Mind Hump!

Want to hump along? Click here to join the fun!. Today is Wiener Day; here goes:

1. What's your favorite kind of wiener - all beef, beef and pork, brat or veggie?

You forgot chicken and/or turkey!! I will eat any meat-based hot dog, but only if there's nothing else. I prefer brats or HOT italian sausage (my husband is half-Polish; insert Polish Sausage joke here). Veggie or tofu dogs are just gross.

2. What do you like on your wiener?

Ketchup, sweet/hot mustard or horseradish mustard, and fresh onions (not grilled). Relish if it's sweet and Heinz. No dill, no neon green.

3. How do you like your wiener cooked - grilled, boiled, steamed, fried, or some other way?

Burnt to a crisp on the grill. Boiled and steamed are just gross. Fried? Like corndogs? Yuck.

4. The Wiener was named after the city of Vienna, Austria. Who's your favorite person who comes from that city?

It's a tie between Freud and Mozart. Freud because he was so totally f'd up (talk about a guy in need of therapy!) and Mozart because he made such beautiful music (while being totally f'd up).

P.S. Yeah, I know, it's another meme . . . my brain is really fried lately, so it's this or my angst-ridden, insomnia-driven drivel.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

TMI Tuesday!!

It's TMI Tuesday! Click the "I kiss and tell" icon to come play with us!!

1. What's the sexiest type of underwear?

On women I like lacy boy-cut panties and lace-trimmed demi-cup bra. On men, boxer briefs, hands down. (No man-thongs, no banana hammocks, no mankinis. Yuck, yuck, yuck.)

2. Would you/have you ever paid money for sex?

I have not and don't think I would. I grew up around Dutch people - I'm too cheap!

3. Is facial/body hair sexy or no? (Moustache, chest, etc. for men, and underarms/legs for women.) Or do you frankly not care?

I'm not a big fan of lots of facial hair for men (or any for women), but a neatly trimmed goatee on a man can be very, very sexy. Sometimes a 5 o'clock shadow is pretty sexy too. A nice reminder that you're with a real man (sorry - that was a snark against my husband who couldn't grow facial hair if his life depended on it).

Chest hair is ok on guys, but if I have trouble finding skin underneath, maybe it's too much. On women it's highly unattractive. (Am I the only one who has to pluck the occasional stray hair from an areola? I am? Nevermind.)

I prefer women (including myself) to have shaved/waxed legs and underarms. I'm such an American!

You ever read The Joy of Sex? Alex Comfort claims that natural body hair and odor are inherently sexy and therefore recommends no shaving and no antiperspirant. I could read no further. Clearly Mr. Comfort and I do not agree on hygiene practices.

4. What is the strangest thing you've ever seen featured in pornography?

Bestiality. Yuck. And the chick shooting ping pong balls from her . . . well, you know. That was just odd. (A gay friend asked me if women can really do that. I said "Why? If we can are you going to switch teams?" He just thought it would be cool to see in real life. Whatever.)

5. What's worse, not enough sex or too much? Is there such a thing as "too much"?

"Too much sex?" . . . brain trying to analyze phrase . . . does not compute.

Bonus: What's the most illegal thing you've ever done (that you can admit to, at least)? Were you caught?

Well, adultery is illegal in my state, a felony that can even be punished by life in prison, so I guess I've done that!! Also lewd and lascivious cohabitation between unmarried persons (Spousehole and I lived together in sin), so I guess that too (though it's only a misdemeanor). I also drive too fast on the highway on a regular basis. I have possessed and consumed illegal drugs (a long, long time ago). I guess the possession thing is probably the worst and since they were small amounts even that wasn't all that serious. I'm a lame-ass in this category.

Monday, July 16, 2007


No, I was not on the losing end of an athletic endeavor. I mean really skunked. My big (25 lb) sweet, gentle orange cat was outside when the neighborhood skunks were doing their thing. He didn't get a direct hit, but he must have laid on the spot or something. He doesn't smell as bad as if he got a direct hit, but it is more than noticeable. The local grooming school charges $100 to de-skunk a cat, so I'm thinking I'm going to try to do it myself. I've de-skunked a dog before, but dogs will sit and soak in the enzyme stuff (or tomato juice). As sweet and gentle as my Thomas is, I don't see him sitting still to let the anti-stink stuff soak in good.

My parents' cat, P.I.A. (Pain in the Ass - should really be Pita, but mom likes "Pia") actually takes a bath without too much complaint. She's not declawed and I am always amazed when my dad emerges from bathing her and doesn't have a scratch. This from a cat who bites and scratches people for fun. Go figure.

Before you say "Wait, doesn't the Rabbit household live in a city?," yes, we are city dwellers. A city with skunk, opossum, raccoons, rabbits, a boatload of squirrels, and even the occasional deer. There was a bear in backyards about a mile north of us last year. As urban sprawl takes more and more land for development, the animals have to live somewhere. We've had a major skunk problem for years. They mostly live in the park, which is large and well-wooded. In the warmer months, the neighborhood endures many nights of skunk odor. It's lovely.

Thanks for all the well-wishes for Girl. She is doing much better. I had forgotten what a funny, pleasant little girl she can be. Nights are still difficult, but the fevers are much reduced. During the day the hard part is keeping her and her brother from sharing beverages. I really don't want him to get this. Autism is bad enough; autism and mono - I don't even want to imagine it! Thanks again for the good wishes and prayers for Girl.

Saturday, July 14, 2007


Turns out the Girl has Epstein-Barr Virus, aka infectious mononucleosis, commonly called "mono." Yep, my two-year-old has "the kissing disease." Her first blood test, the quick mono screen, showed she did not have mono, but the second, more definitive EBV test showed that she does have it. Joy and more joy. The best part: there's nothing we can do about it anyway!! It's a virus. We just have to treat the symptoms (just a fever for her) and let it run it's course. She actually seems to be feeling better. Her fever hasn't topped 101 degrees F since Thursday. At least the 103 degree fevers have stopped - two weeks of that was hard on all of us!! She's eating better too. Hopefully she'll reach 22 pounds soon! (She's a couple weeks from 2.5 yrs old; most kids are 22 pounds by age 1 or so).

The doctor tells us mono has a 4-6 week incubation period, so we'll likely never know where she got it. So I don't even have anyone to blame. Shoot.

Friday, July 13, 2007

DO NOT Take the Whole Fam' to Costco

Whatever you do, dear people, do not take the whole family with you to Costco. Especially if you have a wallet full o' cash. It will not turn out well. You go in for 2 freakin' things, you come out with: 3 huge boxes of cereal, a case of 200 Fla*Vor*Ice Plus, a ginormous package of ham, a slightly less ginormous package of hard salami, two pounds of swiss cheese, a monster box of Bisquick, three half-gallons of vanilla soy milk, a huge container of liquid Tide (which you later figure out is cheaper at Target, damn it!), new phones for the whole house (4 handsets!), some weird shelf-stable vegetarian Indian food, a 25 lb. bag of rice, and more. Holy Mary Mother of God!!

Just don't do it!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Turning 40: Midlife crisis?

No, it's not my birthday . . . yet. According to the countdown clock on my sidebar, it's less than 2 months away. But I have been thinking about it a lot.

I've never been this apprehensive about a birthday. 25 was a little thought provoking, mainly because I was still in school, was losing my health coverage through my dad's employer (full-time students can stay on a parent's insurance until 25; my parents ended up paying my COBRA premiums for the next 1.5 years till I got a full-time job), and my mom had cancer. But it wasn't so bad. I didn't mind being 25.

I embraced 30. I was in a good place then. I had gotten the cojones to leave a job I abhorred, owned my own home, had been celibate (by choice) for a year, and was content to live my life on my terms. I didn't care if I ever got married, I was doing work I could live with, I was financially independent, and therapy had gotten me to accept myself the way I was, flaws and all. The only bad thing was that I had put on a lot of weight during my period of celibacy. (When no one sees you nekkid, you stop caring what you look like nekkid.) I was pretty darn happy 10 years ago.

But now that 40 is bearing down on me like a Mack truck, I am dreading it. Mid-life crisis? Perhaps. Some days I wonder how the hell I ended up where I am today.

I was a wild 20-something, the one who bemuses the staid neighbors with her crazy lifestyle. Now I'm the stable, nice neighbor who waters your plants and feeds your cat when you go on vacation. I watch your kids while you go to the dentist, asking only that you return the favor one day. I have keys for several neighbors homes, because I'm considered that trustworthy. It's so sad.

I never was one of those women who dreams of their wedding day; I was okay with never getting married. I never needed a man to define who I am. But here I am, married 8 years, and getting less agitated all the time when people call me Mrs. Married Name (my name is Ms. Bunny Maidenname Marriedname - no hyphen, thank you).

I never wanted children. I didn't really like kids and I have no patience for them. But here I am, with two beautiful children whom I adore. Still no patience, however. And I get sick to death of the presumed sainthood that people bestow on me because I have a special-needs child. I just love him and raise him like you do your kids - it doesn't make me special, just a mom. Geez. I still don't like to share my toys with my kids - maybe in some ways I'm emotionally just a kid myself.

I thought I would NEVER be a housewife or stay-at-home mom. I mean, can you imagine? Housework is drudgery and to be financially dependent on a man is ridiculous!! Yet, here I am, a stay-at-home mom and totally financially dependent on my man (though if we split up, I'd go back to practicing law and be ok, I think).

I always thought that people who cheat on their spouse were complete and utter morons and deserved all the bad things that would happen because of it. I never thought I would cheat on my spouse - what kind of whore does that? Yet, here I am.

So, yes, I guess this is a bit of a mid-life crisis for me. I'm trying to embrace 40 - that's why I did the countdown clock (idea totally stolen from Polt!). It's not for y'all - it's a reminder to myself that it's coming, whether I like it or not, and to sit back and enjoy the ride. Maybe I just need a really cool way to celebrate:

I don't want a party. My BFF did a big party for her 40th and that was great. But it's not me. I even hated my own wedding reception. I used to love a good party, but not so much anymore. I know, I'm a party pooper.

I'm thinking a trip. Perhaps Chicago for a weekend, with a side trip back to the town where I was born. (Muscatine, IA, if you care. Small town near the Quad Cities.) But if I go "home," I'll probably be expected to stop and see the relatives (in Atalissa, West Liberty, Muscatine, Iowa City, and Coralville - bet you've only heard of one those before today) and that I don't care for so much. All they ever say is how I look EXACTLY like my mother. I HATE hearing that - my nose is totally different; otherwise, okay, I do look at lot like her. But I am taller; she's only 4'11". And her hair was totally gray by my age. I got dad's hair, thank God.

I might also enjoy an amusement park trip. Early September is usually pretty warm yet and the parks are open weekends. If I do this, it would probably be Cedar Point. Six Flags in Gurnee, IL is not as far, but it's not near as cool either. I'm a roller coaster fiend. I'll skip those things that just drop straight down, though. Never liked those, even before that poor girl got her feet lopped off.

If I do take a trip, I need to figure out if I go alone or bring Spousehole. Probably bring him. I can sell it as a celebration of both our b-days, since we didn't do a whole lot for his 40th in March. Prying the cash from his cold, miserly fingers may be difficult, but I think I can do it.

I am open to suggestions for celebrating my 40th. Email me or leave a comment with your ideas for a relatively low cost (no flying anywhere) celebration. And don't say "divorce your husband and buy a sporty car." I can't afford a new car right now!


Just kicking back at the park in my ancient, but oh-so-comfortable sandals. Aaahhh.
(They're NAOTs, for those who've asked. 12 year old Israeli sandals.)

Why do we get half-nekkid? Want to join the fun? See Os at HNT_1

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Personality Test Results

They say I should be a lawyer. Great. The one profession I've tried and hated. Read on:

Your Score: Prick- ENTP

53% Extraversion, 60% Intuition, 56% Thinking, 33% Judging

People love to hate you, because you love to argue. The strange thing is you probably took that as a compliment. Why, I bet you've already got a witty comeback all lined up ready to throw right back at me.

What you don't realise is that your inane obsession with debating pisses everyone off. Whatever happened to us all trying to get along? I mean, you're so annoying people disagree with you for the damn sake of it! NOBODY cares about your abundant opinions. Trust me.

Believe it or not, but there's more to life than your expansive knowledge and sharp repertoire. When was the last time you showered? Brushed your teeth?

While you're up in Nevernever land, getting excited over future possibilities and your crazy theories, WE have to put up with your awful stench. I can smell you from here.

Your personality is ideal for that of a future lawyer and because everyone already hates you, you have nothing to lose.


If you want to learn more about your personality type in a slightly less negative way, check out this.


The other personality types are as follows...

Loner - Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
Pushover - Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Criminal - Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving
Borefest - Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging
Almost Perfect - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
Freak - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
Loser - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving
Crackpot - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
Clown - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
Sap - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Commander - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving
Do Gooder - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging
Scumbag - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
Busybody - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
Dictator - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

Link: The Brutally Honest Personality Test written by UltimateMaster on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Update re: Girl

Girl's initial blood tests indicate that she is likely fighting a virus of some type. The doctor suspects mono, so we went back in for more blood tests. They needed two vials! The phlebotomist wasn't sure such a little critter could spare that much, having had that same amount taken out just last night. Girl only weighs 21 lbs, 8 oz. She's a dinky 2.5 yr old.

They drew the blood, but it didn't go smoothly. Despite two of us holding and one poking, Girl got a hand loose and pulled the needle out of her arm! No one thought to release the tourniquet, so the blood just flowed and flowed. It was a mess. Then they did the other arm and we kept her still. She was hysterical, as you might imagine.

Now she's napping. Her temp is 102 degrees (F). Poor kid. We were going up to the cottage this weekend to hang out with my BIL, his wife, and 2 yr old daughter. I don't think Girl and I will be going now. Niece was extremely premature (25 weeks - her twin didn't survive) and her parents are super concerned about her being exposed to stuff (rightly so). Don't want to give her mono, or whatever this turns out to be.

My Husband Does Have Redeeming Qualities

Yesterday Girl had to go to the doctor on a last-minute basis at 5:30 in the afternoon. Fever of 103 (this has been going on, off and on, for 10 freaking days), with no other symptoms. When husband arrived home to an empty house with dinner started and abandoned, he figured out where we were. He came straight to the doctor's office to (a) find out what was wrong with our baby and (b) stay with Boy in the waiting room. You see, Boy HATES the doctor's office. He was hysterical about just being in the waiting room. We have seriously discussed sedating him for doctor appointments, just like he gets sedated to see the dentist. It's part of his autism; these things just totally freak him out.

When Husband arrived, I was never so happy to see anyone. That he performed the mental calculations to figure out where we were (I didn't leave a note) and came to help meant a lot to me. He was patient and kind through an interminable wait as they tried to catheterize my darling Girl. (Didn't work. Poor kid. And poor me, as I had to help hold her down - she may never forgive me.) He was good with going to the hospital to have blood drawn and try the catheter AGAIN (didn't work). He offered to buy dinner for us all at the hospital and didn't complain about the money. It was 7:45 by the time we got the blood drawn and were able to eat something in the cafeteria. Then he even took us all out for ice cream to try to compensate for our misery. (And we still don't have that damn urine sample from Girl.)

I've said so much bad crap about my husband lately, I figure it's time I told you some good things about him. Here's more:

He's a brilliant programmer. His code is elegant and streamlined. Commercial programs today are so bloated and over-coded because programmers are lazy. They don't take the time to streamline and pare down their code to make things smaller and faster. You'd think they were paid per line of code or something. We'd have more room on our hard drives for mp3s, jpgs, and mpegs, if everyone's code was as elegant as his.

He volunteers his time and talents in the community. He is active in our church in youth programs and anti-poverty programs. He raises funds for several good causes through physical endeavors and other activities.

He makes creative and lovely stained glass windows (maybe all the lead cam has gotten to his head . . .). He can be very funny when he is relaxed and happy (and properly medicated). When he cares for someone, he will go all out. He is a great friend (often putting friends ahead of family ~sorry, had to get that snark out). He helps the neighbors and others when they need to move heavy stuff, get locked out of their homes, or have a car that won't start (not that he's any real help on that last one). He's trusting and gives people the benefit of the doubt (unless they are married or related to him). He doesn't lie well. He knows his snoring is really, really bad and has tried to do something about it.

He adores the children, even if he has to be reminded to demonstrate it to them. He is a good sailor. He can disassemble his motorcycle and re-assemble it in one afternoon and I would not hesitate to ride on it afterwards.

He believes that I have it in me to be a better person, he just doesn't know the right way to encourage that. He got us new mountain bikes this week, after I mentioned ONCE that I'd really like a new bike. New helmets too. Pretty cool. He figured out how to do most tasks regarding my mp3 player with linux, even though the manufacturer says it won't work with linux, and patiently explained them to me. He deleted my favorite game and seemed to actually feel bad about it (didn't realize I played it that often).

Before we were even married, he learned I had lied to him about something and he forgave me and still married me. This lie comes up again when we fight, but he's still here. He may throw it in my face, but he hasn't left me (yet).

Finally, he has a great looking ass. Seriously, it's near perfect, naked or in (be still my beating heart) Levi's. This is not just my opinion. Women I've asked who don't even like him agree that it is a damn fine ass. Every gay man I've ever asked agrees too.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

TMI Tuesday!!

It's TMI Tuesday! Click the "I kiss and tell" icon to come play with us!!

1. Who was your childhood hero?

Perry Mason. Seriously. I was a weird kid. And Nancy Drew. I wanted to be Nancy Drew, then go to law school and be Perry Mason.

In real life, my Dad, who is still my hero.

2. Have you ever had sex with someone who has a myspace page?

Not at that time; they may have one now. (I've been with one person for 10 years; myspace didn't exist before then. Oh wait, I guess it's now 2 people within the last 10 years, but I don't think the second has a myspace page either)

3. What fantasies have you openly told your partner about?

I have told my husband about several threesome fantasies, MFM and FFM. And my very detailed Wes Bentley fantasies. (He was in American Beauty and, more recently, Ghost Rider. Yes, I liked Ghost Rider. You got a problem with that?)

4. Have you ever said you love someone but didn't mean it?

Yes (she said, eyes downcast in shame). I was young and stupid and said it after he said it, although I didn't mean it.

5. Have you ever woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you?

No, I usually had at least some clue.

Bonus (as in optional): Do you remember a time when you were having sex that you smile or even laugh about now? Do tell....

When we had been married about 8 months, my husband and I had spent a long weekend at my parents' house. There was never really any privacy there, so we were anxious to get busy when we got home. Undressing as we went up the stairs, kissing hungrily, hands everywhere - you get the idea. The sex was athletic, acrobatic, and, ultimately, dangerous. I moved forward as he moved in to kiss me and WHAM! My forehead, his nose. Blood everywhere, nose crooked. We ended up spending the next few hours in the emergency room. It was broken, but good. Every nurse, doctor, or aide started off by asking, "How did this happen?" By the end of the night we thought it was pretty funny. He still likes to tell people how I broke his nose. Including my parents and our pastors. (I've told this story before, in case you think it sounds familiar.)

On another note, Semi-Celibate Man posted his 7 random things as per my tag! Go show him some love so he doesn't disappear from the blogosphere altogether!

Monday, July 9, 2007

My BFF: I may disappoint her, but she's always got my back

My best friend is the only person in my real life who knows that I have been cheating on my husband. And she mostly only knows what she's read here, since we try to talk around it, not about it. I know that she's not happy with my choice, although she understands how I ended up making that choice. She hates Spousehole and almost always has. True of many people in my life. She would rather see me leave him than stay with him and cheat, although she understands why I stay.

I think what bothers her most is how I ended up cheating. A lot of the time, adultery arises from a friendship (workplace/online/common interest) that ends up becoming something more. People say "I didn't mean for it to happen, it just happened." My situation is different. I didn't "fall into" cheating on my husband. I actively pursued finding someone with whom to cheat. I weeded through a ton of possibilities and chose someone who was looking for the same thing: a sex partner, not a girlfriend/boyfriend; someone who doesn't want to change their marital/family situation, who just wants someone to fill a void in their life; and, importantly (for me), someone whose initial contact with me was not crude and included a face picture. Basically, he's a very nice guy who just isn't getting his needs met at home. Neither of us wants to screw up our families, so discretion is of the utmost importance. We each have a vested interest in keeping things on the down low. That's why I don't talk about him in any detail - I don't want to mess up his life any more than he wants to mess up mine. We have some chemistry, which is necessary, but not so much that we're going to do something stupid like get emotionally involved. One complicated emotional relationship is enough for me, thank you.

This won't do any long-term damage to my relationship with my best friend (bff). We've been friends for almost 29 years - since middle school. We have our ups and downs, but always have each other's back. We've gone as a long as a couple years without talking, but always end up back with each other. I've stood by her through her parents' divorce, her drug use, triple-digit casual sex partners, alcoholism, two failed unplanned pregnancies and resultant infertility, boat ownership, marriage to a great guy with a bad track record at marriage, and more. She's stood by me through depression, crazy risk-taking behaviors, acting out after being raped, holier-than-thou-bullshit for a period, drinking too much for several years, career regrets, marrying Spousehole (who she hates), having a special-needs child and a little hellion, and much, much more. We disagree on religion, politics, NASCAR, sex (I like it; she could live without it- much to her husband's dismay) and a lot of other things, but have a bond that transcends such things. A little adultery won't change that. I love you Chickie. Always have, always will. Best Friends Forever.

update: Still ring-free, more than 2 weeks now. We went up north Saturday to retrieve the kiddos from Grandma's and I thought he might want to wear them for his parents, but no mention from him. Then Sunday we were greeters at church and he still didn't bring up the rings. One person asked me about mine. She said "Does your ring not fit since you've lost weight?" Spousehole says, "You've lost weight? I just thought your clothes had stretched." She shook her head and gave him the "what a doofus" look.

We were snippy and bitchy with each other all weekend. He annoyed the hell out of me and I irked him to no end. Apparently, I can do nothing right as a parent and he is the most perfect parent to ever have walked the Earth. I couldn't clean the house properly to save my life, but he knows exactly how it should be done (so f'ing do it butthead!). He rearranged the furniture in Girl's room without discussing it with me and I HATE it. It has no flow. I'm no design diva or anything, but it's not functional the way he's put it. I'll change it to something more functional over time - a piece or two a week. He'll never even notice.


A police officer in my city was killed in the line of duty this weekend, responding to a domestic violence call. The estranged husband was waiting in the wife's garage and shot the young officer. The officer, only 29, leaves behind a three-year-old child and his parents. Having worked in federal and local law enforcement circles myself, I have the utmost respect for the dangerous, but necessary, profession of law enforcement. They have all our backs. Our entire community mourns this fine young officer. If you're the praying type, please pray to your God/Goddess/Gods for him and his family.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Okay Kids, Let's Play Nice

My last post was not intended to set off any kind of debate. It merely was intended to reflect my own internal debate on whether my husband truly has no clue, senses what is happening and chooses to stick his head in the sand, or senses what is happening and just doesn't give a damn. ZigZagMan made a comment regarding the comments, however, that I feel I must address. He said:

All I can say is this whole debate makes me very sad. I'm not berated you or him Bunny Lass......thats your business, but to see cheerleaders is disturbing...........:)

To see cheerleaders disturbs me as well. I am in no way proud of what I have done (but will likely continue doing). While I don't exactly feel guilty, I have lost some self-respect. Adultery is something I have always abhorred and still do. I know it's wrong. So when people cheer me on, I feel, for lack of a better word, icky. To me it's like those people who encourage the guy on the ledge to jump - creepy and wrong.

I've been "called out" by a few people too and I greatly appreciate it. Any tendency to masochism aside, I need to be reminded that the path I've chosen is the wrong one. I'm still enjoying it too much to stop, but I truly appreciate being reminded that it's stupid, selfish, and goes against my own beliefs. The Christian Bible tells us to speak the truth in love. When my friends, online and real-world, do so, it is a good thing.

If you want to be happy that I'm "getting some," great, but let's not be too effusive about something that is still, at its core, wrong.

Friday, July 6, 2007

How Can He Not Tell?

I got home about half an hour ago. Husband was sitting on the porch reading a sailing book (he can't get enough of his @#^$# catamaran. I like boating; sailing is too much like work). He hugged and kissed me hello.

How can he not tell that I'm coming home from being fucked silly by another man? How can he kiss me and not realize that my mouth was just recently filled with another man's cum? How can he not tell just by looking at me that I let another man do things to me tonight that have never1 been done before? How can he see how relaxed I am and not recognize it as post-coital tranquility?

Or does he sense all these things and just not care?

1 Given my history, it's amazing that such a thing exists! Before you ask - no, I've not altered my position as set forth here. Yet.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Men's Celebrity Crushes

This article by David Zinczenko, from Men's Health, purports to reveal what a man's celebrity crush reveals about him. It's somewhat interesting. I believe this describes my husband:

If he fantasizes about...Halle Berry, Scarlett Johansson
It may mean...
That he has darn good taste. Physically, they represent classic feminine beauty-their curves, their skin, their heart-stopping faces. That may mean he has very high standards - and seeks relationship perfection.

So how did he end up married to me? He does have high standards and seeks relationship perfection. Too bad he'll never get that perfection from me! I may have some curves, but mostly in the wrong places! My skin? I still have acne - at 39! (I actually had better skin as a teen). And I'm sure Spousehole would say that my face is heart-stopping - from fright! The only thing I have in common with Halle Berry is diabetes; the only thing I have in common with Scarlett is, well, we're both female, I guess. Of course, he also likes the young 'uns:

If he fantasizes about...The young, troubled beauties (Paris, Lindsay, Britney)
It may mean...
He's attracted to risk-takers-and women who don't care what other women may think about them. That, and perhaps the boy has got more loose screws than a hardware store.

Loose screws - tee hee. That's him too! Now if only he fantasized about Angelina Jolie just like I do . . .

Happy HNT! Holiday Edition

Happy HNT - Holiday Edition!! The top picture is my little Girl (29 mo.) doing her best white trash pose for the holiday - diaper, t-shirt, and no pants! The bottom two are my boys, Boy (6) and my nephew, Bam-Bam (7), at the air show. Getting some sun and watching airplanes - nothing better to my boys!
You'll notice that the boys' hats coordinate with their outfits. I'm nothing if not a bit anal about dressing the boys. Myself, not so much.

Why do we get half-nekkid? Want to join the fun? See Os at

Re: the Standoff - still not wearing our rings, but not fighting much either. Maybe it's the rings that have been our problem all along. Hmmm

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Happy 4th of July!!!

Happy 4th of July to my fellow Americans! Today we celebrate the execution of the Declaration of Independence, one of our most sacred secular documents, and the fight for freedom that it symbolizes. Enjoy your freedoms, while we still have them, and have a great day with your family/friends/whoever . If you're a fireworks freak, LET'S BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!!

Geek trivia: Both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson died on July 4, 1826, the 50th Anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

TMI Tuesday!!

It's TMI Tuesday! Click the "I kiss and tell" icon to come play with us!!

1. Describe your first kiss.

His name was Patrick and it was the second grade. He actually slipped me tongue - I was absolutely horrified and thought I would never, ever do that again! The next time I was 14 and very, very drunk. His name was Rob, he was 17, and I barely remember it. How sad is that? First SOBER kiss as a teenager I was still 14 and had been "going with" Tim for almost a full week. A simple kiss turned into an all-out make-out session and I haven't slowed down since!
*Wouldn't Patrick be surprised to see what I'm willing to allow in my mouth now!

2. Should a person's pubic hair be trimmed, shaved, or just grown out as the jungle God intended it to be?
Depends on the person. For myself trimmed or shaved (or waxed). Not so fond of the jungle look for myself. On others, it really depends. Excessively hairy folks should probably do a little thinning, at least. No one wants hair in their teeth!

3. What's the best super-hero comic book movie ever made?
The one where Batman and Robin give in to their passion in the Bat Cave, while Superman, Catwoman, and WonderWoman have a three-way on top of the Batmobile and Jimmy Olsen takes pictures. What do you mean that one only happens in my head? Oh, um, sorry.
Guess I would have to go with Spiderman 2. That was a good flick. But then, so was Tim Burton's Batman. And Batman Returns (ooh, I love me some Christian Bale). Hard to pick. Ah, I'll just go with the one in my head - it turns out different every time!

4. Coke or Pepsi?
Coke, duh. Diet, please, since I'm diabetic. My absolute favorite: Caffeine-Free Diet Coke. I go through so much of this stuff that my husband has considered installing a soda fountain in our house. Right this moment, however, I'm drinking a Vanilla Coke Zero - not bad. (Coke, the Breakfast of Champions!)

5. Have you ever been caught masturbating?
Guilty!! Several times in fact. When you do it as often as I have since age 12, you're bound to be caught! I've stopped being embarrassed and now just say "Do you mind? Busy here."

6. Which way do you lean your head when going for a kiss?
Right, unless my partner goes the other way first.

7. Jockstraps, sexy or no?
Not so much, unless the guy has an fabulous "package" and a great ass. Sadly, few qualify.

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever used the excuse, "Oh, I was so drunk that night, I don't remember a THING!"
Definitely!! Beer goggles can be the best excuse ever for denying making out - or worse - with someone you would otherwise never be with. Or to deny just making a general ass of yourself. It's been a long time since I used it, though. I think the last time was to deny that I made out hot and heavy with a girl in a bar in Saugatuck, Michigan (Saugatuck is P-town for the midwest). I was really drunk. But I remember it all . . . or most of it, at least.

I'm a Cristina Yang?? I don't even watch Grey's Anatomy, but I know enough to be a little miffed. I put away my Alpha tendencies years ago! And the Scooby test says I'm a Daphne??!? WTF???!?!?! I am TOTALLY a Velma. Who writes these tests?

Monday, July 2, 2007

Just funny

7-11 has a sense of humor??!?!? They've changed over some of their stores to Kwik-E-Marts - you know, where Apu works on the Simpsons? Funny.

My sister-in-law sent me these in an email:


She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up &down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this: yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day . . . 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men . . .. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" (Story of my life!)

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ........"HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ."He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.